Re: Derek/John
"There are no good memories left, John," he said, and this time he could feel his eyes sting. "The few things I had, they have been tainted. Jesse, Kyle, Andy. I don't even know if Kyle is still alive after a year. If I let go of that pain, there is nothing else to hold on to, and there are no new ones, not until we go home." He smiled a little. "You sound like Nell, but I'll tell you what I told her. Memories from here would make me weak or resentful, neither good for what we need to do. It's hard to miss something when you have nothing. No friends, no lovers, no ties. Much easier and cleaner this way, because no matter what memories I can make here, they will be just as tainted when we go home." He squeezed John's arm. "I have you. That's all I need."