Re: Derek/John
"Then why the fuck would he let it happen? Why not solve the problem before letting them kill us like cockroaches?" The idea that he knew and hadn't done anything about it made him even angrier. "I like the idea that he didn't know better than the alternative."
Derek shook his head, violently. John didn't get it. He didn't see. "I was that man long before we met, John. Remember that little girl? Seven year old or so? I would have killed us if it had given us what we needed. I was already turning into him. It started with Kyle, it kept getting worse, and then Judgment Day, and then I understood him. I finally got it. The only difference between us is that I still have a few people that I would protect no matter what. I have you and Kyle, but anyone else is ... not as important." Even is other self wasn't as important as long as he could spare Kyle and John. "I know myself and I know who he had become and I don't want you to become either of us, and that's why I'm not protection John Connor or myself, but I'm protecting you."
He returned tot he bed and sat next to John. "I love you, more than you can imagine, John. You and Kyle are the only good thing I've ever had in my life, and I've failed him twice already. It doesn't matter what happens to me as long as you are all right." Whenever the memories of his capture surfaces, he couldn't help but think how much worse it had been for Kyle. So young, so unprepared, held for so long. That was more likely to break him than his ow past, and he pushed down the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him, because that was worse than the flashbacks. "I'm going to see him if it's what they want, what you want." He just wouldn't tell him the truth or ... anything of importance because talking didn't change anything. His past would still be there, the machines would still be running around and the war would still be going. "But I don't need you there. Different wars, remember? There's no need for anyone else to know about us. Nell is already one too many, and I'm sorry about that. She shouldn't know. Mike should definitely not know."