Re: Derek/John
"He didn't tell you that," John pointed out. "She did. And she lies, even to me, when 'it's important'. That's the one thing other than Brian I'm grateful for in coming to this world. For the first time in my life I had the time to sit down and really think about the things I had been told. By everyone. Mom, Cameron, you, Uncle Bob, Riley, Jesse, Weaver…everyone. I got to step outside it all and really look at what I was supposed to become, what our world was going to become. Everyone always says I don't know him. But, I wonder if any of you ever did, or if you just thought you did because that's what he let you think. It's funny, because I don't want to become like him. And I don't have to. But, I'm still him. There are still parts of him and me all tied up together because we are both what we have been made by the enemy and by the people we would lead."
Squeezing back, he sighed as he released Derek's hand. "I understand that my war is no longer my war. This isn't a self-pity trip, Derek. This isn't 'woe is me, I'm not special'. This is a twenty-year old man who has been raised not only on tactics and strategy, but on the philosophy and politics of war telling you that the war has been changed to the point where nothing is certain anymore. It's not about who went through J-Day and who didn't. It's about who is there to step up when the people need a leader, someone to give them hope and direction, to get them through this. The first time around, that was Connor and it was well into the war. This time it was you and Martin and it was right at the beginning. You talk of ending the war sooner, but you don't seem to understand that it's been changed dramatically. Even if Kyle were to be taken, if I were to be taken, the escape from Century wouldn't have nearly the same impact as it had before. The very act that created Connor's legend wouldn't mean anything now.
"I'm not saying I can't adapt. I'm saying that I can't plan until I know what I need to adapt to. This isn't about ideals, Derek. It's about practicalities and knowing that we've changed so much already, that the enemy has changed so much already. With each jump on either side, we've changed little things that created drastic changes in the war itself. And, you know what? Maybe all that really changed is that both sides are more prepared at the outset. Maybe we've got the jump on them you think we do. The point is that we, you and I, have no idea what we're going to go back to. So, I can't have plans for what I want to do. I can have ideas. I can consider every possible scenario I can imagine. But, I can't have plans. My dreams aren't about co-existence, but about peace, something I've never had in twenty years. Something I probably will never have, even if the world does, because I'm the kid who was raised by guerrilla leaders and who trained to fight a war from his first breath because, no matter what happened with J-day or the war that followed, the enemy feared him so much it tried to stop his birth. Hell, for that matter, I'm going to always have to live by keeping the secret of who I am and who my family is because we will never be able to guarantee we get all the trip eights who were active before J-Day."