Re: Derek/John
John tensed momentarily at the sudden motion and grab for his wrist, but relaxed into the hug, though he was still surprised. "I said I wasn't going to make you hug me," he teased as Derek pulled back. What his uncle was saying was even more surprising, simply for the fact John still harbored doubts and worries that he wasn't going to be good enough for his uncle and the war when they got home. "There's flashbacks and then there's flashbacks, Derek. I have moments when I remember Sarkisian's breath on my hands...and then it stopping. Or, I'll be up in the air and something reflects reminding me of the men at the base, waiting for them to enter the houses before telling Morgan to blow them up. But, it's moments, flashes. Other than last summer when we all had hallucinations or whatever they were, I've never been back in those moments so vividly or for so long.
"Maybe it is normal for you, but it's not good for you. You weren't even sure which John you were talking to when I found you. How long were you stuck in your head, Derek? If that had been Robert's house, or Marty's, you'd be dead because there would have been more than one person with Travis' instincts instead of a doctor and two men who are still trying to figure out how to talk to people without trust funds."
John shook his head. "It matters to me. You told me not to fix her again, which means he did, didn't he? He knew who you were to him and he put you through that for whatever game he was playing with the enemy. Then he sent her to me, probably knowing how I'd react to her, and gave her instructions to take me to you. And you still trusted him, wanted me to be him. I don't...I don't understand how you could do that, how he could do that to you. I know you wish I could have been him, but I don't want to be him, Derek. I don't ever want to be the man who can do that to the people I love.
"And I don't want you living through Hell here, when you don't have to. It's not being prepared or going soft to let yourself heal from the things you've been through. not forget, but heal, become stronger. I know I'm supposed to be the kid, but you're as responsible as Mom for turning me into someone who sees himself as the head of the family and no one hurts my family, including my family."