_oliver_queen (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} _oliver_queen) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} omega_reality,@ 2013-05-14 10:58:00 |
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Who: Oliver
When: 5-14-13
Where: In the car
Summary: Oliver contemplates this thing with Tommy.
Since the earthquake, things had been in upheaval with changes in schedules, with new people, with moving, and more changes in schedules again. Oliver's private time with Tommy returned to what it had been, hanging out and making out. It suited Oliver fine. In fact, he was glad they'd been interrupted from having sex that night, though he hated to admit it even to himself, mostly because it was totally fucked up.
Oliver stared out the window as they made the trip back to the trailer park from the safe house. He knew he and Tommy couldn't keep going on like they were forever. It wasn't as if he didn't like Tommy in a more-than-friends way; it had taken him time, since it came about so suddenly, but he'd figured that part out. His reluctance to have sex with Tommy, though, was ridiculous. Why was it such an issue with him?
Oliver took a breath and released it with measured slowness. In everything, breathe, his mentor had taught him. He was also taught to never look to the future, but to remain in the present or he wouldn't survive the day. Laying traps for the next day's meals hadn't meant that he'd catch anything. Looking forward was a deadly. Staying in the moment of necessity was how he lived.
Things hadn't changed when he'd returned to Starling City. He'd lived in the moment, focusing on what he was doing right then, which had been why he'd constantly forget plans or promises he'd made to his family. He'd laid the trap for the police to divorce himself from the Hood, but he hadn't counted on it resulting in anything until the day it had and he'd dealt with it then.
Then he and Tommy had arrived in this dimension, and Oliver had been on a new island, with new dangers, training for survival. Nothing had changed. In fact, if anything, he was like he was back to being on the Lian Yu but with the additional challenge of keeping two people alive day-by-day: himself and Tommy.
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe Oliver subconsiously wanted to keep his focus attuned to survival for the both of them, that having a relationship was detrimental to this. When Savannah had asked him who he saw with him in the future, he couldn't answer her because he didn't look to the future, ever. He still lived in the present, in the moment. He'd seized the day, so to speak, with Tommy because tommorow didn't exist.
Perhaps that was the problem, too. Perhaps the inability to promise a future was hindering him. Perhaps he didn't want to progress because of a need to protect Tommy in some way. Perhaps he wasn't as certain of his feelings as he'd thought. Perhaps he was batshit crazy.
Oliver sighed internally. He was either going to have to get on with it, or tell Tommy that he couldn't get on with it for some undiscernable reason. Neither option pleased him.