Travis Marks (travis_marks) wrote in omega_reality, @ 2013-04-26 21:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | *complete, 2013 04, character: thomas hammond, character: travis marks |
RP: Travis/TJ
Who: Travis, TJ
Where: Their Room
When: Friday, April 26, 2013
Summary: Travis wants to try something new
Travis had been thinking about this for a while, before the earthquake, not sure if he should bring it up yet or not, never really finding the right moment, because they were always rushing and tired, and then the earthquake came, and TJ was injured, and Travis was more worried about his health than sex.
In fact, he was worried about a lot more than sex. Savannah was a lovely girl and her acceptance of TJ and Doug would make their lives easier in the long run, but she was also a tornado, moving through with speed and strength, leaving people to catch up with her, and Travis didn't want TJ caught in that tornado, but the more he watched, the more he realized that TJ was a lot more settled than either one of them thought, which was why he decided that it was finally time.
He waited until they got in bed. There were no clothes. Security was good and well, but he'd live with one less set of clothes and grab the backpack if something happened, instead of being fully dressed in bed. Travis drew random patterns on TJ's chest, kissing him randomly, before staring at him. "I want to try something. I don't want you to think this is some prize or reward, because it's not, but it's something that I've been thinking about for a while."
Travis could drown in TJ's eyes, so light and expressive and for a moment he forgot what he wanted to say, before smiling. "I want you to fuck me. We've done plenty and hell, I didn't know I'd enjoy sucking you off so much. I know you don't suck, and that's fine, because you know, but I don't, and I want to try. If you're okay with it, and if you're not, it's fine, too."
TJ blinked for a moment, the lazy path of Travis' fingers and kisses had lulled him into what he'd started thinking of as the hedonistic headspace where it was just feeling, light pleasant sensation. The bruises from the fall were still clear, though lightened to that weird purplish blue-green that preceded sickly yellow. But, they no longer hurt to touch and TJ liked just feeling Travis' hands on him. Still, it took a moment for Travis' words to click.
When they did, TJ pushed himself up onto his elbows. Cupping the back of Travis' neck with one hand, he drew him close for a long kiss. "First things first," he said, lips still brushing Travis'. "Just like you don't want me to be anyone's trophy, this is never a prize or a reward. There's no quid pro quo between us, Travis. No positive reinforcement with bribes of sex. That's what I had at home with married politicians and hookers and I'm never going to use you that way. Ever."
Pulling back a little, he let his hand smooth over Travis' shoulder. TJ's tongue flicked out to lick his lips before he spoke. "I...don't, actually. Know, I mean. I've never done it. I made the decision not to without ever trying it." And he hadn't thought about it since. But, now that Travis brought it up, TJ might think about it. The reasons he refused didn't apply with Travis. There was no power game being played here. None of that pertained to Travis' request, though, and TJ leaned in to kiss him softly again. "I'm very okay with fucking you, however. If you want to try, I'd very much like to be the man to show you. But, this isn't something you should feel you have to do. I'm perfectly happy bottoming for as long as we're together. I like it. No prizes or expectations here."
Travis tried not to laugh. "I'm sorry, but didn't I start this with 'it's not a prize or a reward'? Because I'm pretty sure I did, and it wasn't some sort of reverse psychology." He put an arm around TJ's waist, holding him close. "I told you. I've been thinking about it for a while, before you got hurt, but by the time the day was over we were always so damn tired, and it was never the right moment to talk about it, and then you got hurt, and I wasn't going to say anything while you were in pain."
He traced TJ's lips, still damp with saliva. "I'm not asking you to try anything you don't want to do. Again, not a quid pro quo. I don't know why you won't, but those are your reasons, babe, and if you ever want to try, then good and if you don't, that's good too." He smiled brightly. "I can live without having my cock sucked if I get to fuck you on a regular basis." He stretched up and pressed his lips against TJ's, before leaning back against his pillow. "I want to try because it's you, TJ. I want to know what it feels like to have you inside me. I might not like it, it might not happen again, but I won't know until we do it."
For as long as we're together.
Travis knew what TJ meant with that, but it bothered him. It sounded almost like they had an expiration date looming, something that TJ hadn't wanted. He told himself to get over it, because he was getting absurd. Talk of forever made him itch; term limits made him itch. He was channeling Wes. That was it. He was going to blame his partner for making him neurotic about this.
"We can worry about next time another day," he finally said. "You'll just have to suck it up and do all the work tonight," he teased with a shit faced grin.
TJ rolled his eyes and flicked Travis' shoulder with his fingers. "I know you did and it sounded like you expected me to think it was, so you were heading the thought off at the start. I'm just making it clear that will never be a consideration. Although," he drawled softly as Travis pulled him closer, "you totally should have said something while I was healing. The anticipation would have been an excellent distraction."
Smiling, he shook his head. "I know you're not asking. I just...I'm just clarifying, I guess." The smile turned into a grin. "But, you're perfectly welcome to fuck me as often as you like. In fact, I might even insist on regular and consistent fucking."
But, hearing Travis say he wanted to know what it felt like to have TJ inside him, not just to get fucked, but because it was TJ...that caused something to twist in TJ's 'gut' and rob him of thought for a moment. No one had ever wanted TJ the way Travis did. No one had ever- Sure, TJ had topped before...when he paid for it. And he didn't mind. He really didn't. He was probably more pushy bottom than aggressive top anyway and the way Travis made love to him just... But, no one had ever wanted TJ that way. Wanted to use him, sure. Wanted him?
Of course, before TJ could say anything about that, Travis was being Travis and TJ was laughing, reaching over to get their lube from the nightstand to toss on the bed so he wouldn't have to worry about it in the heat of the moment. Rolling on top of Travis, he slid his legs down to rest between Travis' instead of straddling him like TJ normally would. He held himself up on both hands. "God, how will I survive? You know what passive participant I usually am when it comes to sex."
A fact he 'proved' by leaning down to capture Travis' lips in a fierce kiss into which he fed all the emotion he hadn't been able to say.
Travis chuckled. "I guess you can read me well, because that's exactly what I was doing, even if it seems like it was completely unnecessary." Not that he wouldn't err on the side of caution in the future as well. TJ's emotional and physical well being was the only thing that made him stop and think before acting. "I also know you well enough to know that you'd have tried something stupid if I told you before you were healed."
He laughed. "Trust me; you don't have to insist. I like fucking you too much to need pushing." Not that TJ wouldn't push anyway. It was what he did, and Travis enjoyed that as well, just like now, when they were kissing like their lives depended on it, like it had been months, maybe years, and not just weeks that they hadn't fucked properly, not that the injuries had stopped them from getting off. Hands and mouths were perfectly good substitutes.
Why was he thinking of the past anyway? He groaned into the kiss, pulling TJ closer until there was no space between them. Passive was not something that either of them did very well, and he did laugh against TJ's lips. "This is going to test my patience more than anything else, won't it?"
"You'd better believe it," TJ promised, rocking his hips against Travis'. "For at least as long as my own patience lasts." He smiled as he tugged on Travis' lip with his teeth before kissing him again. It was probably true that he'd have done something stupid, like pushing too much, if he'd known Travis wanted this while his shoulder was still healing. While he'd always been an eager participant -- often the instigator -- in sex, he'd never felt so almost starved for a single person before Travis. Instead of getting bored being with the same person for months, he continually wanted more, again, one more touch.
TJ was glad of the fact there were no clothes between them. He'd even forgone the underwear that was his usual concession to security when getting ready for bed. It meant that when he took Travis' hand and guided it down to his own erection, there was nothing in the way between his cock and Travis' fingers. "Just the thought of you wanting me inside you does this," he murmured, nipping along Travis' jaw, then down the side of his neck. Letting go of Travis' hand, TJ gently wrapped his fingers in the leather cords of the necklace he'd given Travis for Christmas. "I want to take my time and tease, make you squirm. I want to show you how good it feels when you're inside me, fucking me, claiming me as yours again and again. Want to show you you're mine and no one else's."
If he might only get one chance at this, TJ was going to make the most of it and take care of what was his the way Travis always took care of him.
"Your patience is very limited," Travis pointed out and for once he was perfectly all right with that.
He closed his fingers around TJ's cock, stroking him with slow slides of his hand. "You don't have to fuck me to show me all of that," he said in a low voice, filled with emotions. "You do it everyday, babe, and it has nothing to do with sex."
His free hand moved up TJ's arm and shoulder. "I want you so much. It doesn't matter how, but tonight, show me everything. Everything you want."
It was TJ's turn to groan, unable to help himself from pushing into Travis' hand. "I'm going to spoil you," he whispered, echoing the words Travis had spoken to him while introducing him to the pleasures of slow morning sex. Shifting his weight, he kissed his way down Travis' chest, hot suckling kisses interspersed with sharp nips of teeth. His hands wandered over Travis' skin, teasing and stroking, exploring every inch he could reach.
"Can't ever seem to get enough of you." The words were spoken quietly against Travis' skin, barely a breath of sound, before TJ flicked his tongue over one nipple. He rolled the other between his fingers, as he licked and sucked and lightly bit down on the first.
Travis closed his eyes and smiled. "I've never been spoiled before." He wasn't one to cry over his past, but the admission wasn't about self-pity. It was about another first between them, another weakness willingly shared.
He kept playing with TJ's hair while relaxing under TJ's touch. His skin tingled at the contact, nerve ending coming alive. His cock hardened, but he made no move to take control of the situation and this was probably the hardest part for him.
"It's how I feel about you. Jesus... TJ, you are a fucking tease, aren't you?" He definitely wasn't used to this. He did the teasing, he took his time. If he'd been all about the foreplay with women, he'd turned it into an art form with TJ, wanting to show him just how special he was. Having the tables reverse was disconcerting, pushing the flight or fight instinct, but he knew that he needed this, needed to work through it, to show himself that he could trust TJ this much.
TJ looked up at Travis through his lashes, smirking against his chest as he slowly shook his head, the motion causing his lips to rub against Travis' nipple. "Nuh-uh." Retracing the path his lips had taken the first time, he kissed his way back up to Travis' mouth. This kiss was far less restrained than his attention to Travis' chest had been. "Man's only a tease if he doesn't let you come." TJ slid his cock alongside Travis'. "And I definitely want to see you come."
After kissing Travis once more, he returned to covering Travis' chest in kisses and tiny bites. Moving further down, he ran his tongue lightly along the lines of muscle. His hands moved even lower, smoothing over Travis' thighs, kneading and caressing. He'd never thought about doing this, never thought Travis would want it. But, now that there was a chance, he was totally focused on seeing that Travis enjoyed it.
Which wasn't easy with his own low reserves of patience. It wasn't long before he slipped one finger down to brush lightly over Travis' entrance, circling and, well, teasing a bit, letting Travis see how it felt.
There was a sharp intake at the jolt of pleasure spreading from his chest, but there was no time for more, because they were kissing again. Travis liked kissing, but it wasn't long enough, not with TJ moving away again. "Man's a tease if he takes too long," he said, chuckling. "You tell me plenty of times."
Definitely a tease!
Travis grabbed TJ's ass and pushed him closer, enjoying the friction. He might actually enjoy this, even if TJ was a tease. Or maybe not. He sighed as TJ moved down again, but he wasn't truly upset. In fact, he was looking down, smiling. "You are a tease, but that's okay, since I like you this way."
He wasn't sure what he was expecting. Tension, hesitation, worry, but instead, he was completely relaxed, playing with TJ's hair, touching soft skin that hid solid muscles. He never stopped watching TJ, because he remembered what his lover told him about his eyes and how expressive they could be. Travis didn't want TJ to have any doubts. He bent one leg, giving TJ's even more access. "Any time you're ready," he said with a grin.
TJ laughed. "So, you like me taking my time and teasing?" he asked, using the change in position as an excuse to run his hand over the back of Travis' thigh. Smirking slightly, he leaned over to nip lightly at the bend in Travis' knee. But, once he started, he couldn't help himself. He continued up the back of Travis' thigh, slowly nipping and kissing his way along. Sliding a hand underneath Travis' other leg, he gently pushed it up to give himself room to repeat the same process.
"Or does 'any time you're ready' mean you want to speed things along," he breathed, lips hovering just below Travis' balls. His tongue swirled over them for a moment before he moved lower, tracing the same lazy path with his tongue his finger had taken before, circling Travis' entrance before dipping briefly inside.
He was suddenly impressed, not so much by TJ's sexual skills, since Travis already knew about those, but by TJ's ability to talk throughout sex while being fucked or rimmed or sucked, or everything else Travis had tried. "I like you trying to take time." The lack of patience was just a very good trait that Travis liked very much. At least right now.
Travis had spent so much time learning what TJ liked, the way he felt, the way he reacted, that it'd never even occurred to him how things would feel in reverse. He didn't have to guess now. He was feeling it. "'m an idiot. Should have done this before." Words might not come easy, but his hands kept moving over TJ's skin, touching with care and love. "I like you no matter what," he said, softly.
With this, TJ took his time, alternating between quick flicks of his tongue and tiny nips with his teeth. He kept his hands on Travis as much as possible, touching and squeezing, running over his thighs and up to grip his hips, or around beneath his ass to lift him closer to TJ's mouth. At first, he merely teased around the edges of that puckered opening, only occasionally dipping inside.
Then, slowly he slid his tongue inside with more frequency, delving deeper and deeper.
Jesus fucking Christ! That was not something that women did, especially not women in one night stands, and fuck, that felt so strange and good, really good, as the noises he was making clearly showed. "TJ...." He wasn't sure what he wanted to say at this point. Too many conflicting ideas. Too many desires. Too much of everything, and yet not enough.
Hs legs fell open as he pushed against TJ's tongue, searching for what he needed. "God... this is... feels so good, babe. I can't believe how good... no one has ever," he panted, words making little sense, but TJ would understand. Maybe. Probably. It wasn't that important anyway.
TJ groaned softly, the sounds Travis was making going straight to his cock as he tried to keep his focus on pleasuring his lover, fucking him open with tongue. It was...different, being the one to give pleasure this way. Intoxicating. Watching Travis relax fully, listening to his voice go rough with need... TJ shuddered just hearing it. So many things he wanted to say, so much unexpected emotion, it seemed to be in every stroke of his tongue and press of his fingers into sweat dampening flesh.
The motion of his hands was growing almost restless with desire, want crawling over his skin. Continuing to taste his lover in the most intimate way he could imagine, TJ slid one finger in alongside his tongue, varying the sensation and stretching Travis a little more.
Despite all the sensations, he couldn't help the laughter that escaped him, filled with desire as he looked down at his lover. "So this is how to shut you up in bed." Possibly not the thing to say, but this had been the first and only time that he hadn't listened to endless strings of words. In a way, he missed it.
He pulled TJ's arm, because no matter how much he was enjoying this, he wasn't very good at staying still. Or lying still as the case might be. "Come up here, and kiss me. You can go back to this." It was that or flipping them over and fucking TJ, and then he'd prove that he was even more impatient than TJ. He wasn't ready for that just yet.
TJ didn't comply immediately, taking a moment to thrust his tongue in as far as it would go, withdrawing slowly. As he had before, he traced a path from Travis' navel up his chest with lips and teeth and tongue. His body settled over Travis' as he reached his destination. "I was kissing you," he teased, voice gone rough and husky. "And there are other ways to shut me up."
Leaning down, he demonstrated how effectively kissing could be one of those ways. Not that much of anything could stop the small moans the or the breathless whimpers the friction between their bodies caused.
His arms were around TJ the moment he was within reach while he hooked one leg over TJ's. It was physically impossible to get closer, but he tried as they kissed, trying to steal TJ's breath just like his lover had done moments ago.
When he pulled back, he covered TJ's cheek with a hand. It was a gentle touch that contrasted their kissing. "I...." How was he going to explain what was going through his head? He kept so many walls, but tried with TJ, had tried at the start, because he wanted to help, and now he tried, because TJ deserved to know. "I'm not good at letting people take care of me. You... Fuck, even before we were together, you helped. I trust you."
Love...love was a big one, something they both had withheld from others for a long time until they met each other. But, trust? Trust was bigger than love and TJ knew it, gave it out in the tiniest increments he could manage himself. Travis' trust was a rare commodity he wasn't likely to be careless with any time soon.
He covered the hand on his cheek with one of his own, lacing their fingers together and, then, turning to place a kiss in the palm. "Never wanted to help anyone the way I do you," he said, smiling softly before kissing Travis' wrist. "I'm not especially good at taking care of people, either. We can learn that part -- me taking care of you and you letting me -- together." He sucked lightly at the pulse point in Travis' wrist. "What do you think?"
"I think..." He sighed happily. "I think you're underestimating yourself once again. I don't know about other people, but you're pretty good at taking care of me, when I need it, but yeah." He nodded, eyes still on his lover. "We can do that; we can do it together." He knew there'd be bumps in the road, but then anything real never went smoothly. Getting over the bumps in one piece showed if the relationship was solid or not.
Travis stretched up and kissed TJ, still grinning, and there seemed to be a lot of that going on. "You're never going to be able to tell me how you're helpless from now on. I knew I should have used sex to get you to admit, even if indirectly, that you can take care of yourself and me." And of course, there'd be moments when those bumps would hit TJ's self-esteem, but Travis would be there to make sure that there'd be limited damage, nothing that TJ wouldn't be able to deal with. "Of course, I'm starting to think that you don't really want to fuck me. I'm getting old here."
TJ snorted, then leaned down to kiss Travis thoroughly. "I admitted to no such thing...okay...maybe a little bit when it comes to you. But, you're a special case."
But, this was the part he liked best about being with Travis. They could be serious and honest, teasing and joking, and mix it all with sex or talking. They weren't hiding who they were or hiding from other people. To say it was 'easy' would be a gross misinterpretation. They'd had to work to allow themselves to open up to each other. But, TJ was rather pleased with the results so far.
"And I think," TJ teased, "the real problem here is that the 'old man' is getting senile, forgetting he was the one who told me to stop so he could get all sentimental and adorable." Laughing, he shook his head and threw in another kiss for good measure. Then, he reached to the side to find where he'd tossed the lube. With that in hand, he settled his body back on top of Travis'. He might have made sure to slide their cocks together as he went, teasing them both before shifting his weight to one side in anticipation of things to come.
"Want to make yourself useful?" he asked with a smirk, handing Travis the lube and then holding out his hand for Travis to pour some onto his fingers.
Travis chuckled. "You can't take it back. Or you can try, but I'm not letting you." Now, he sounded downright thirteen, but he didn't care, not when TJ was joking and laughing.
He pinched TJ's ass. "I might be old, but I'm not senile and I'm most certainly not adorable. I don't do adorable. I do breathtakingly handsome, incredibly charming, dangerously attractive. See how many adverbs and adjectives I can use that are all appropriate. Adorable is not one of them," he said, and this time, he slapped TJ's ass to score his point. "And if you don't stop teasing, because I know you're totally doing that on purpose, I'm going to spank you." Okay, so maybe he wasn't so good with roles and expectations, but then neither of them had many expectations other than having a good time.
"Sure, put me to work," he said with a sigh, before pouring the lube on TJ's fingers, but instead of putting it away, he poured some on his hand and stroke TJ's cock. "What? You didn't mean that? This thing is a little confusing. You know, since I'm old and I don't understand things properly, you'll have to explain."
"Adorably sexy," TJ suggested, not quite catching the breathy moan the sting left behind from Travis' hand on his ass brought out. The pinch had been fine, but followed by that smack...well, the first time they fucked they'd joked about kinks and TJ did have quite a few they hadn't yet gotten around to trying out together. That included those cuffs he was eager to try for the first time himself. "And this isn't supposed to be about me, so you shouldn't make promises that tempt me to misbehave," he told his lover with a smirk.
He sucked in a breath with the first stroke of Travis' hand along his cock, hips pushing into that hand almost automatically. "Mm, not exactly what I meant, but don't stop." Reaching between them, he pushed two fingers slowly into his lover's body. He didn't want to hurt Travis, though he knew his own judgement was a little skewed because of his own preference for taking things a little on the rough side. So, he went slow. But, neither one of them had any great stores of patience. "I'm better at demonstrating than explaining."
"Someone has been holding back," he teased as he rubbed TJ's ass with the flat of his hand while he kept stroking him, but it couldn't last, not if they were ever going to get to the fucking, and Travis was not in the mood to wait. Spanking was mentally put on things they needed to try and soon if that was the reaction he was getting.
Planning for the future stopped when he felt TJ's fingers press inside him. He loved and trusted TJ, but decades of conditioning didn't change in the blink of an eye, and he tensed for the briefest moment, before letting out a deep breath. TJ didn't stop, but didn't go any faster, showing a patience that Travis didn't think he had.
Grabbing the back of TJ's neck, he pulled his lover closer so they could kiss as he was being slowly stretched, and as he got used to this new sensation, spikes of pleasure replaced the weirdness. Two fingers became three, but there was no tension this time as he pressed down on TJ's fingers. "Think you'll do any demonstration any time soon?" he asked between harsh breaths.
If it hadn't been for that moment of tension, TJ might have pushed. Pushing was what he did, after all. But, this was Travis; TJ wanted him to enjoy what they did, to be comfortable. And that was the only reason he could think of for where the patience came from as his fingers moved inside Travis, stretching and stroking. The kissing was where the impatience showed, the eagerness of his tongue pushing into Travis' mouth, the breathless nonsense he spoke as he nipped lightly along Travis' jaw before returning returning for more hungry kisses.
"Which one of us is the pushy one in this relationship?" he asked with a rough laugh, curling his fingers to press lightly into Travis' prostate, then dragging them out slowly. Not that he minded. Pushing meant things were okay without getting into a sappy sort of reassuring conversation.
Reaching for the lube, he poured a tiny bit more out, coating his cock with it carefully, just in case. He was possibly being overly cautious, but he remembered his first time bottoming as a teenager with another teenager who had all the finesse of a tornado. And, it had been a few years since he topped. If Travis enjoyed it and later decided he enjoyed it a little more on the rough side like TJ, then that would be fine. But tonight was about pure pleasure.
After positioning himself, TJ leaned over for another kiss as he entered his lover with a slow attentiveness he couldn't ever remember possessing with anyone before now.
Travis laughed "Oh babe, you haven't seen a fraction of what I can do." TJ thought he was pushy, but Travis had made pushing buttons an art form, because unlike TJ, he did it to annoy. He studied he people and knew what would trigger a response. It wasn't some act of rebellion or boredom, but payback, or sometimes just to make a point. Poor Wes had taken the brunt of it in the past few years, but the entire unit had suffered at times. It was only with TJ that he'd found a way to reign that in and give him the time and space to adjust.
And adjust he had. Travis was staring at TJ, watching his every move, but mostly, he was mesmerized by the look on his face, the hint of worry, the gentleness. Seven months. They had made it together. God, he still couldn't believe that he'd been helping TJ for eight months. Clean seven. Together? Who the fuck knew. He couldn't really pinpoint which one had been the moment. The unconscious decision had been made long before they reached some kind of verbal agreement. Regardless of the time, TJ had changed, or maybe he was finally the person he was supposed to be all along.
Words wouldn't explain all that was going on in his head, instead he returned the kiss eagerly as he wrapped one leg around TJ's leg. This was supposed to be the hard part, except it wasn't hard at all. It felt natural and intense at the same time. TJ was inside him, filling him and there was nothing but want. Despite everything, his concern was still TJ. "You're not hurting me. God, you're so not hurting me. Feel so fucking good, TJ. You feel good."
The response Travis received was a low groan, almost a growl, as the change in position opened him up just a little more and TJ could slide deeper into tight, clenching heat. "Fuck, you're amazing."
Staying still wasn't really something TJ normally. He was better without the drugs perpetually in his system. But, he'd always been fidgety. It was part of the draw of being restrained during sex, maybe, giving up that need to be doing something along with giving over total control. But, he was even worse about it with sex. That whole 'stay still and let them adjust' trope in sex stories was something he never got. The friction of movement was what gave so much pleasure.
TJ's version of letting his partner adjust to the feeling of having TJ inside him was to rotate his hips gently, creating short, shallow movements that kept that light friction going. "Still good?" Peppering Travis with kisses along his jaw, along his neck, across his shoulder, TJ's usual steady stream of words became promises as he slowly lengthened his strokes, deepened each thrust. "Want to make you feel so much better than 'good'. Gonna show you how good you make me feel, all the things I love. Fuck, Travis. Can't get past you wanting this, wanting me inside you, a part of you. Gonna give you everything."
He didn't think he'd ever smiled so much during sex. "It's better than good," he answered, moaning. "Not sure why I'm amazing. Can explain later." He did not need explanations right now; he needed TJ to move and fuck him, because he was going to explode if TJ didn't do something and NOW.
He returned the kisses blindly, not caring where his lips landed. "Love you. Only reason I need to want you. Never have to be surprised about that." He reached for TJ, touching his face, shoulders, arms. "You mean so much to me. This... this is just us. Stop being surprised and fuck me."
Despite his words, TJ didn't need much urging. Though he started slow and shallow, with each push of his hips he moved more surely, a little more forcefully. Smirking, he leaned down to kiss Travis again, his tongue pushing between his lips, moving in sync with the rhythm of his body rocking into Travis'. It ended the talking, but it was one of TJ's favorite feelings, tongue and cock possessing him simultaneously, and he wanted to share that feeling with Travis.
This was more than good. It was perfect and he wanted more, harder, now. Nothing was enough, but he didn't ask with words, but let his body say everything he was feeling. He sucked on TJ's tongue while he grabbed him, held him, touched him, never enough, hands constantly moving. He pushed back, meeting the thrust, showing how much he wanted this, how much he wanted TJ. The rhythmic slid provided sinful friction against his cock, and when he thought it couldn't get better, TJ shifted the angle and he felt on fire.
Why hadn't he done this before?
He froze for an instant, because that was not something that he'd felt before, and then moved again, trying to find that perfect spot, and it didn't happen with every stroke, not with the frenzied way they were moving, but it happened often enough that he stopped doing much of anything, unable to think, unable to do anything other than breathe, and even that was a hard feat, and yet he still kept moving, pressing down on TJ's cock, searching for that spark that send him on fire again, bringing closer to the edge.
There was no way TJ could continue to be overly cautious when Travis responded like that, moved with him in ways that robbed TJ of the ability to think beyond yes and more and need. It was always this way with Travis. Desire surpassed want, leaving only an urgent need to be closer and closer.
Finesse was gone.
Control? Practically nonexistent.
Nothing existed but a near desperate meeting of two bodies seeking the ultimate high. TJ lost the rhythm of their kisses as he sought the angle that would deliver that gut-punching jolt of pleasure for his lover. Travis was so hot around him, his body gripped TJ so tightly, took TJ's cock further and further until he was bottoming out with a groan on each thrust. Shifting his weight to his left arm, he slipped his right hand between them to wrap around Travis' cock, stroking in counterpoint to their fucking.
"Feels...so good," he breathed brokenly against Travis' lips. "Could stay...forever...like this." And part of him could, part of him never wanted this feeling to end. The other part wouldn't rest until he'd given Travis all the same pleasure he gave to TJ. He kissed Travis again. "But...wanna see you come...come for me, Travis?...wanna see...give you everything...love you so much."
Forever was not going to happen. If they were lucky, they were going to have a few more second. Definitely not forever. "Dreamer," he panted out, smiling, but then TJ knew that considering that his next statement showed that he knew this was going to end sooner rather than later.
Travis couldn't wait, not when TJ was asking.
He took TJ's hand and brought it to his cock. One stroke was all it took, before the burning sensation that had been building radiated through him. "TJ..." It was almost a sob as he came, shaking, feeling his entire world had exploded around him, and leaving him feeling boneless and happy.
TJ had to kiss Travis one more time; he couldn't not when Travis was breaking apart in his arms, saying his name like it was some kind of prayer. And TJ fucked him through the orgasm, whimpering as he fought to hold on just long enough to draw out Travis' pleasure even a moment or two longer. But, the still unfamiliar urge to put someone else's pleasure ahead of his own, combined with the rhythmic clenching of Travis' body around his cock, wouldn't let him hold on much more than that.
The tension coiling tightly through every part of him broke all at once, something that might have been true ecstasy slamming through him as he came. All strength left the arm still holding him up and he half-lay/half-collapsed on top of Travis, breathless and trembling. Yet, even in his usual post-sex-happy-floating-daze, he couldn't get enough, brushing light, almost nothing, kisses over whatever skin was nearest his lips.
How long he stayed like that, he had no idea. And he didn't even move when he finally whispered, "You okay?"
Travis' hold was a lot looser than normal, his entire body too relaxed for any type of tension right now, but he still had his arms around TJ, while he kissed his lover anywhere he could reach without moving. The question made him stopped and he nodded. "Yeah. God yeah, I'm more than okay. You? Wait? Are we getting adorable and sentimental now? You should explain in advance so I can prepare myself," he joked.
He rolled them to their side and stared at TJ. "I love you. I love sex with you. Anything we do is great. I'm not good with staying still, but the rest was better than good, babe, and it's not an one-shot thing either, unless you have objections to fucking me," he said, sounding amused at the idea. "Although now that I think about this, this could be incentive for you to behave tomorrow. I know how much you love Disneyland."
Travis laced his leg with TJ's, pulling closer. "Or this could be just two people who love each other, like to feel good, like to make the other feel good. How does that sound?"
TJ rolled his eyes, hitting ineffectually at Travis' shoulder because his limbs were too pleasantly warm and heavy to do more than swat lazily at his lover. "No, we are not getting adorable and sentimental. It was a practical question posed to a man who's never done that before and who's likely to be a bit sore in a few hours." He flicked his lover with his fingers. "And no incentives. We said no bribes and rewards not...however long ago that was. My brain is nicely fuzzy right now."
Smiling, he kissed Travis,a gentle brush of lips. "I have no objections to doing this again anytime you want." TJ thought it was amusing that the man who had introduced him to slow morning sex and who liked to take his time driving TJ mad with lust wasn't good at staying still himself. But, there was something else, more important he wanted to say. "Just two people who love each other, like to feel good, and like to make the other feel good sounds pretty good." His voice dropped to almost a whisper, afraid of the reaction he might receive, possibly spoiling the evening. But, TJ had given it some thought the last couple weeks and now seemed like a good time, not that his judgment was particularly great. "Sounds pretty good in any dimension, too. If that's something you'd be okay with..."
Travis was not going to argue about being sore later. It would happen or not, but the rest- "As long as you don't object." It was much easier to answer that part, while he still thought about the implication of everything else TJ had said.
They had started this as a cover. Travis had always waited for the day TJ would get bored. He'd thought that being sober would lead to that, but instead the opposite was happening, and now, seven months later, TJ was implying that this was really without an expiration date.
Logically, he knew that he was being stupid. He loved TJ. He wanted this, and yet a small part of him was ready to run. Fuck that, it was a very big part and he couldn't breathe. This must be what it felt like when you were hyperventilating. He sat up and tried to take deep breaths.
"Travis?" TJ sat up as well, one hand going to Travis' back, unsure what the reaction meant and wishing he hadn't said a word. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Just breathe. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it. You don't have to think about it."
Travis shook his head, not sure that he you could speak yet, but grabbed TJ's hand. "Panic attack... haven't had one of those in a while." A long, long while, before he learned that moving around was a given and that shrinks looked at you weird if you had them, long before he'd learned to copy the right pictures to be the happy, well balanced child that could be placed with any family.
He finally raised his head and stared at TJ. "I'm the one who should apologize." He leaned against TJ. "Part of me has always thought that when you were clean long enough, you'd leave. You're so out of my league, TJ," he said, with a mirthless laugh. "You're the former first son, soon to be first son again. But you are sober and... you're not leaving, I know that, and I know that there are no guarantees in life. Fuck, that's one lesson I learned when i was still a kid. It sounded too much like forever and that scares the shit out of me, not because I don't love you. You gotta believe that." His breathing had returned to normal and since he had no reason to use TJ as support, Travis straightened up. "What exactly are you saying?"
TJ hadn't minded having Travis lean against him, but he felt a little lost when he pulled away. Sighing, he dropped his hand so he could shift around to face Travis. "I don't believe in faerietales and forever, remember?" He smiled a little before shaking his head. "I'm not saying anything more or less than that I've made my choice. I can give you the practical reasons. How my family can't go home and we can't stay here. But, I...don't want to be without you.
"Maybe two or three dimensions later things might change. You might finally realize you're too good for me and deserve better. I don't know. But, if we stay here...if we stay here, then it's over as soon as that machine works and we don't have a chance to see if it could be forever if we want that. And if that happens...if that happens, my family won't be complete ever again because you're part of it, now, Travis. Maybe that will make you panic more, but it's the simple truth. I even said as much to Doug...who laughed, by the way, and informed me I was the last one to figure that out."
Reaching out he cupped Travis' cheek. "I love you, Travis, and I don't want to give you up. I'm a little selfish that way."
Travis looked at TJ for a moment. He pulled away, rubbing his face, while he laughed, and he knew that there was still a slight hint of panic in his laughter. "Fuck... I'm so fucked up." He took his hands away and turned toward TJ again.
"The possibility of splitting up should not make me feel better, you get that right?" He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to say things in a way that he wouldn't hurt TJ. "I don't want to give you up, either, TJ, and Doug isn't that wrong. He's important to me, because he's your twin. I'm not as close to your parents or your grandmother, but they are your family and I respect that, which is why I don't want to rush into anything. You have to take them into consideration as well. Having said that, I want you with me."
He leaned down and took TJ with him. He closed his arms around TJ for a moment, staring at the ceiling. "I... I don't think... I wouldn't mind forever, but the thought... I can't even say it without feeling like I can't breathe. I'm sorry. You deserve more than this, better. I just.. I really want you with me. The rings, sometime at the safehouse, when there are no covers, I look at them and I start hyperventilating, but part of me knows that they aren't that bad, life with you is... is good, better than anything before. I let myself think what it would be like if they were real, not often, not for long, because then I'm twitching again, but for a few moments, I can see that forever, TJ, and that, the fact that you've gotten so deep under my skin, that's even scarier than the rings."
TJ lay beside Travis quietly, running his hand soothingly over his chest. His own breath caught as Travis talked of the rings. That was...a detail TJ never let himself think about. He didn't do any thinking about the things that terrified him in all of this, pushing them aside so he could have the courage to stay and make this work. That Travis pictured them together like that, even for a few moments... "We're mutually fucked up. It's probably why we work. We know the other's fears and insecurities, even if for different reasons.
"I'm scared, too, Travis. Terrified that you really will figure out how much I don't deserve you, that you'll get yourself killed helping someone, that somehow I'm going to lose you. I worked really hard to keep from getting attached to anyone, letting anyone in. I tried like hell not to let you in at the beginning because the thought of opening myself up to that kind of loss again...only I was incredibly wrong because losing you would be so much worse than anything I've lost before. I've spent months fighting against letting Savannah assimilate me into her family. But, you? You're family and you're...home. Despite how fucked up our world is, how screwed up our heads might be, when I'm with you, things make sense."
Pressing a kiss to Travis' shoulder, he sighed. "I don't need promises of forever to stay with you, Travis. I'm still taking it day-to-day myself. But I...I'm starting to be able to see a future and not having you in it has become more terrifying than living long enough to have a future."
"Mutually fucked up. I'm sure a few of those shrinks we saw would love to analyze this." Not that Travis would let them see any of the insecurities, but that was something else entirely.
He turned to his side and put his arm around TJ. "The job is what it is, but I can promise you that I'll never think that you don't deserve me, because there's no deserving, there's no prize. We just ... we click." He smiled a little. "I'd be a little upset if Savannah were family and not me, although you were very friendly at the christening. You didn't even insult her when she handed you the baby, even if it was for a few moments... for pictures... for the baby album." He had to bit his lip to stop from laughing. Also it was so much easier to think about Savannah and her family than what they were discussing even if it was for a few instants.
"I... I'm not ready to promise you forever. Maybe one day, but... it's not day-to-day either." He licked his lips that were dry from all the hard breathing. "It's more...sometime in a nebulous future. It's celebrating your one year chip. It's being with you for your next birthday. I can see all of that, TJ. If you're sure, if your family is sure, then I want you in this or any dimension we might go."