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Savannah Monroe ([info]savannah_monroe) wrote in [info]omega_reality,
@ 2013-04-12 12:13:00

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Entry tags:*complete, 2013 04, character: douglas hammond, character: savannah monroe, character: thomas hammond

RP: Savannah, TJ, and Doug
Who: Savannah, TJ, and Doug
Where: TJ's room
When: Friday, April 12, 2013
Summary: Savannah and the kids check on TJ

Savannah had been up pretty early because of the twins. She left Marty in bed, while she took care of them and baked, since she might as well take advantage of the time. When Marty got up, she took a nap before they had lunch together. Sean took the kids after lunch and they were both able to get another hour or so of sleep, but then Marty was needed and she didn't want to leave the kids for too long.

When Marty left to go see Robert to take a trip to the safe house, they walked together. Savannah brought the new stroller, happy that she always thought of things in advance. She hadn't bothered with a registry or a baby shower, because a) G wasn't there and b) she either had something or it wasn't be needed. With all three kids and two dogs in tow, she decided to make a side trip.

She could see the look of surprise on Douglas' face when he opened the door. "Hey, I hope Thomas is up already. We came to see him. Don't worry about the dogs. They don't move away from me." She didn't mention how much they shed and how much sweeping they'd need afterwards, but she didn't think it would matter much. "Do you mind if we come in?"

Doug had opened the door after seeing who it was, but even with visual confirmation that it was Savannah, he stood there, confused by her presence here. He shook his head, and smiled. "Sure, of course, please come in," he said, stepping aside. The stroller barely fit through the door, but she managed. The two dogs followed her. "Is... is there a problem?"

Savannah shook her head. "No. As I said, just making sure that Thomas is all right." She bent down and picked up the bag from the stroller. "I made y'all pecan pie," she said, handing him the tray.

Doug looked at her for another moment, before deciding that it was time to start using his brain. "Sure, follow me." He knocked on TJ's door, although with Travis out, helping with something or other, he knew that it was safe. Still, he waited for TJ's answer before stepping in. "Savannah and the kids came to see how you're feeling," he said, not taking his eyes off from his brother. "And, she brought pecan pie. She made it, because after giving birth, baking is the next thing you do." He turned to Savannah. "You do look great for a new mom."

Savannah spun around, her sun dress showing even more legs when she did so (and it was short to begin with), and then bowed a little. "Thank you," she said with a grin, before focusing on Thomas. She took in the bruises, and almost sighed. "Just a little pain in the shoulder." She walked to the bed, shaking her head, before leaning down and kissing his head. "I'm glad you're all right, and yes, I know, no PDAs. I'm not hugging you."



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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-10 04:42 pm UTC (link)
"Wasn't lying when I said it," TJ retorted, while rolling his eyes, before waving for her to sit down so he wouldn't feel like he was on display -- even if he didn't actually bother pulling the covers up from where they lay draped across his thighs. "Just keep the dogs off the bed." The last thing he wanted was to have to do laundry that afternoon just so he could sleep again.

He'd tried to nap a little more after his conversation with Doug. But, as with when he'd first discovered he could recreate a high with his power, he was used to sleeping wrapped up in Travis and, especially after the events of the previous evening, the empty side of the bed was making him more restless than restful. He'd been thinking about trying to get his laptop out, since he needed to replace the phone he usually preferred to do his websurfing on in bed. But, that required getting out of bed and he didn't feel like doing that.

"And don't look at me like that, Princesss. The bruises are nothing unusual and would have blossomed overnight no matter what unless I'd skipped the seatbelt and gone out the window with my phone. Maura says the shoulder will be fine in a few days and in the meantime I get an excuse to laze about in bed like the hedonist my boyfriend names me, while everyone else does anything that might possibly put any stress on it. So, really? I'm about as good as it gets around here without sex or drugs being involved," he added with a smirk.

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-10 05:06 pm UTC (link)
"No, you weren't. You were minimizing the damage by omitting a few details about your actual injuries," she answered, with a smile. "Now, that I understand completely." That was something that she'd done plenty of times before. She didn't lie, but she wasn't above keeping a few details secret. "The dogs won't jump on the bed They are trained. They won't move from that spot near the stroller anyway with Douglas that close to it."

Douglas snorted. "Of course, even the dogs are trained. Let me put this away and I'll be right back." He left them alone, deciding that he needed a few minutes to figure out if they had stepped into some other new reality, or maybe the Twilight Zone.

Savannah watched him go with a smile, before she kicked off her flats and sat on the bed, lefts folded under her, her knees touching TJ's leg. "Princess? I haven't even annoyed you yet. Is that my new name? Do I get to give you a nickname, too? Sweetie sounds good," she said with a straight face. Or I'll just call you Uncle Thomas from now on." Hugs were out of the question, looking a little too painful, but she was never good with the lack of touching and patted his leg. "The seat belt is the better option; I still don't like seeing the bruises on you." She chuckled. "Travis is full of it. I've seen the way he looks at you. There's no way he's not spoiling you and contributing to that hedonism." She leaned closer. "I'm off for a while; I can keep you company, although I have a feeling that will just get you to return to work sooner."

When Doug returned he almost did a double take, watching this woman sitting so close to TJ. He'd seen women flirt, and she was... seemed to totally do it without having any idea. He was reminded of TJ's words about how naive she was while having three kids. "Should I leave you two alone?" he asked instead, not surprised when she looked at him with a confused expression on her face. "You look very cozy in his bed," he went on to explain.

The frown turned into a smile. "Oh that, he invited me, I got in bed. There's plenty of room for you. I'd love to get a chance to talk to you. I meant to before... well before last night and things kept happening, and you know I've spoken to Maura about the other day, the dinner, but this gives me the chance to apologize to you, both of you, for being caught into something that had nothing to do with you, well it does since you're married to her, even if you weren't then, didn't even know you were together, but that's not the point. There were some problems between us, and we talked, and it still shouldn't have affected the dinner, so I'm sorry for that. I know you like me just as much as Thomas does," she continued, barely taking a breath, "but you're Marty's partner and you four are out there together most of the time, relying on each other, and contrary to what Thomas thinks or wants me to think, it's not about brownie points, but you need to trust each other and I don't want anything I've done to affect that. Y'all are too important, and not because we need more people who can shoot," she said, looking at Thomas. "You're important, because you are, and Marty speaks very highly of you, which ... it means a lot to me that you have his back out there, and I'd return the favor, but since I'm not out there, I'll return the favor here. If y'all need anything, you let me know. I bake more than pecan pie." Or she could smack their parents for them, but she didn't say it aloud.

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-10 06:04 pm UTC (link)
"How do you know you haven't annoyed me, yet?" he asked with a dry chuckle. "You got mind reading skills now, too? But, I was a spoiled hedonist before Travis. He just knows better than to fight it." Of course, he hadn't said the first thing that popped into his head over the injuries: that he wasn't in the hospital like the last two times, so it wasn't that bad. He'd joked about it the night before, but he didn't want to get into his past suicidal thoughts with her.

"Still, I'll refrain from calling you Princess unless you annoy me if we can drop this uncle business. I'm not anyone's uncle until Doug has kids." And speak of the devil, the look on Doug's face when he came back had TJ smothering a laugh. "I told you," he reminded his brother, "no more women for me. Ever. I've seen what comes out and I'm not going in.

"And you," he continued, turning back to Savannah, "seriously need to learn to pace yourself. One of these days you're going to deflate talking like that all the time. Let me translate for Doug: She doesn't 'get' us, so she took things out on us that had nothing to do with us and she's apologizing. And since we have her husband's back in the field, she's offering to have our backs here...with pie...and possibly picking up where she left off with Mom and Dad last night if I'm reading her comment on being important correctly." Raising an eyebrow, he just looked at her for a moment, then smirked. "How'd I do?"

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-10 06:14 pm UTC (link)
"I haven't said anything," she said, laughing. "That's how I know. And, that's another of those truths that aren't the truth. He totally adores you and would spoil you regardless. I have no doubt hat you were an hedonist before. Spoiled?" She shrugged. "I don't think you were, either one of you, not when it comes to the important things. Things like hugs, unconditional love, pie and ice cream in front of the TV, watching football all together using your mom or dad as a pillow. So yes, not spoiled, so Travis should spoil you."

Doug looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Use our parents as pillow is spoiling?" He shook his head. "I don't even want to know where you got that idea."

Savannah laughed. "I can totally tell you. I always used G as a pillow, or my daddy before. It's totally done even if you haven't done it."

"That is more disturbing than TJ dealing with child birth," he answered with a snort.

"I'm pretty sure he'd disagree. I've been told no more women, and I wasn't even offering. I was too busy giving birth," she said, giggling.

She looked at Thomas impressed, and all her good intentions about not hugging him went out the window. She threw her arms around his neck, careful not to put any pressure on his shoulder or chest. It only lasted a few moments before she pulled back. "This is me going very slow, and the fact that you have understood everything proves it. And you should know that you're not getting out of that Uncle so easily. Jamie should get to know his newest uncle. The twins too." The smile faltered when she looked between the two. "I'm not going to get involved with your parents, but they ... ticked me off, trying to get credit for what Thomas did, and your mother-" she shook her head. "'Of course he was'," she mimicked. "I could hear the surprise from a mile away. I... it's not right, but I won't butt in... too much. I will totally tell them what I think if they ask."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-10 07:00 pm UTC (link)
"You explained in enough detail last night understanding the cliffs notes version today isn't difficult." TJ shook his head. Regurgitating what she said was easy enough. It was understanding what she meant by half of it that was the difficult part. He'd gotten a little bit of practice in the last six months talking to Travis. But, if he and Travis spoke different languages, Savannah wasn't even in the same family of them. "I think we need ground rules if this truce between us is going to work. No uncle. I mean it. I'm being nice to you about it today because arguing is more effort than I care to put into anything right now, but I won't answer to it. The kid can use TJ, if you have to have something more personal than Thomas -- although, I'm taking back the offer on Princess if that's the case. But, no uncle. And those are our parents. I might bitch, but that's our family, fucked up as it may be. Got it? There's nothing to worry about getting involved with there. We're big boys and we don't need anyone advocating for us with our parents. How they react, it's just the way it is. It's normal in our world and they have plenty of reason to be surprised. Just let it go."

Adjusting the pillows behind him that had shifted when he had to shift so she could hug him, he rolled his eyes again. "And I think you're forgetting who we are. We can't do all of that stuff all together when Dad's on the wrong coast or Mom's on the wrong continent or one of us," he motioned between himself and Doug, settling into explaining things because he was used to it with Travis and he'd told her he would the night before, "is away at school. Spoiling comes in the form of money and gifts and baling out of trouble the way it should. Using them as pillows the way I would Travis is just...creepy."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-10 07:23 pm UTC (link)
Savannah shook her head. "No, you said TJ is something personal, something only a few people call you. I was teasing you with the 'uncle', not that I wouldn't let me kids call you that if you were comfortable with it, but I was teasing. If you're ever comfortable with me and Marty calling you TJ, then our kids can do it, too, but I'm not rushing you here. You or Douglas."

She sighed. "You know, I wasn't about to run out of here and tell them why you're awesome, but they looked at me like I had grown a second head when I told them Jamie's name. If they ask questions, I will answer." Okay, so she might offer a few comments once in a while, but that was different.

Doug was looking at her. He didn't talk to her often or even rarely, but he'd heard enough to know that she didn't give up so easily. TJ could reason with her, while he could be a politician "You'll make it worse, you know," he said, casually. "They'll know they are being handled, but they won't assume that you're advocating like TJ said. Our parents will think that there's some reason, that you want something, that you're trying to make us like you because you need something."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," she answered. "Why would I be nice to them if I needed something from you? In fact, why being nice to you has anything to do with them in the first place?"

"Because you're talking to them about how good TJ is," Douglas answered.

Savannah looked between the two of them. "So ... of everything I said they got the part that I'm talking to them and not how much Thomas helped me? That makes no sense. I'm sorry but that's... it's..." That was mean and wrong and now she wanted to adopt both of them, and take them home, feed them and totally teach them what being spoiled meant. She got off the bed and hugged Doug, which wasn't easy, because he was taller than Thomas, and unlike Marty didn't know to bend and catch her. "You can't say these things and not expect me to hug you. And you," she said, turning to Thomas, "are just lucky that you're injured."

Doug didn't know how he found himself holding hands with Savannah and following her to bed, but she wasn't letting go unto they were in bed. "You have no concept of personal space, do you?"

Savannah giggled. "I'm pretty sure that Thomas said the same thing. I'm a cheerleader, I lived in Cheertown and when I came here, I managed to use G Callen and Sam Hanna as my personal pillows. Nope, I don't like being alone, and there's nothing creepy about using them as pillow. Money isn't spoiling." She sighed. "I'm not forgetting anything. I just find it... sad. I never talked to Charlotte, that's my sister, after transferring to a new school, but before that we were inseparable, even if I was the rebel of the family, although of course she got pregnant at nineteen, while I married Marty, and why am I telling you all of this? You probably don't care, but no one should be surprised that you were very helpful. I don't know what their reasons, but as Marty pointed out, for all of your complain and arrogance, you've done everything thrown at you, and maybe this is less than what G and Derek would have asked of you, but that's not your doing. That applies to you, too, Douglas. But, okay, no talking to your parents unless they specifically ask, I'm still going to spoil you, because you're not exactly the first men who needed to be spoiled around here. I'm pretty sure it's how I ended up with the family I have."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-10 08:23 pm UTC (link)
"I'm pretty sure I got the same giggle as an answer, too." But still, TJ found himself laughing and it wasn't a nice laugh. "Savannah, I've been fucking up for almost twenty years. That's plenty of reasons to be surprised. And children's deeds reflect on their parents. That's just life. That's why people use 'his parents raised him well' as a compliment or 'what did his parents do wrong with him' as a detraction. One good deed isn't going to counter that kind of history." And TJ couldn't think of when her husband had said anything of the sort regarding their willingness to do what was asked of them. So, he assumed it must have been a comment in private and bit back the automatic sarcasm the idea of people talking about them gave birth too.

"And for Christ's sake don't take that as something else requiring a hug," he added, preempting any further pity on her part. "It's just facts. It's not their fault I was a fucking mess for a large portion of my life, largely by my own doing because of the drugs. Change takes time to accept." Not that he believed they'd ever accept that he was changing, or that he could stay clean and not fuck shit up all the time. But, it sounded good and he wasn't to a point yet where he could let Savannah speak ill of his parents. She was...no longer an enemy. They were his family.

"Money is absolutely spoiling. Money buys all the things that make life comfortable. Good clothes, furniture with style, houses that are actual houses, spa retreats, private jets to extravagant parties where it's nothing but wine and dancing and sex..." TJ sighed wistfully. "That's more my kind of spoiling."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-10 09:00 pm UTC (link)
Savannah looked at him. "Okay, so if you're right about parents and their impact on children, then the fact that you screwed up for twenty years means that they were sucky parents. While the fact that when given the chance to make your own decision and prove what you can do you decided to step up means that you are a good person despite your upbringing. I mean, I'm just going with your theory here, but it sounds to me like an accurate analysis. You know, based on what you just said," she said with a little smile.

"Okay, no hug, I promise, but this isn't pity, Thomas. This is... I'm a mother. I'm young, my kids are all babies still, but I can't imagine not supporting them, no matter what, and yes, I know that my own parents didn't do that, so it's not like I'm criticizing your parents. And contrary to popular belief, I don't think that life is a Disney movie. I don't think you are perfect, I don't think I'm perfect and I don't think my kids will be, but I do believe in supporting good actions, no matter who does them. Questioning a person when he does something good is so... foreign and not because of who you are, but because we're human and we should help each other. So maybe you have screwed up in the past, and far from me to say that you're a good guy, but that doesn't matter, because here, now when it mattered, you were a capable man. You don't have to be friendly, even if that's what I'd like, you don't have to smile or joke or be everyone's friend, against something I'd like to see, but the point is that you need to be none of those things to be a good person. And, you keep talking about drugs, and I'm not saying they aren't a problem, but I've seen Brian deal with them, I've seen Tommy deal with them, but you? You haven't had problems with them since you came back, so you know, maybe they have their reason, but maybe before they get over the past, you need to. You need to stop thinking about what you did in another place at another time, and focus on what you're achieving here, and maybe if you do that, then you can finally accept that everything I said last night was nothing but the simple truth. Hopefully when you see it, then they will see it too," she said, before turning to Douglas. "And you should see it, too. You're his twin. How can you not see it? I don't know what you did at home, but you've both learned so much and you should see it."

"Hey, don't start with me. I didn't say anything." Doug looked at her, before looking at TJ. "She's not completely wrong with this," he said softly. "Not that you'll change their minds, but you should know that you're doing good."

Savannah looked at Thomas with a smirk on her face, before turning on the bed and hugging Douglas again. "Well, you are a smart man."

Douglas groaned and took her hands and pulled them away from his neck. "Space, personal, room, let's try those words together, Savannah."

"Space, personal, room and hugs," she answered with a grin. "Oh wait, I added another word." Still she pulled back. "Okay, question, since space is so important and money is so important, where you happier there or here?"

Doug didn't even have to think about that one. "Yes! But not because of the houses, jets parties or money. I was doing what I wanted, I was going to be president one day." He wasn't even going to touch the subject of Susan. There was no way that she'd understand why his 'mistress' meant more to him than either of his two wives.

"And there's nothing here that's a little better?" Savannah insisted. "You two talk about Thomas' screw ups, but now he's here and he's clean...."

Doug glared at her. It wasn't fair. He missed his job and his aspirations, but she was right about TJ. He'd do anything to live in a world where TJ wouldn't think of killing himself again and this world had done the trick. "You're a bitch, you know that? ... But some things are better," he said with a sigh.

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-10 10:39 pm UTC (link)
"This from the woman who says she's not manipulative," TJ commented drily. "Lay off my brother. And you," he added for Doug's benefit. "One major epiphany a night is really all I can deal with and hold onto with any certainty, okay?"

Sighing, he reached over to get the bottle of water, still half full, that Doug had brought him earlier. All he needed was for Travis to get back in the middle of this conversation and he'd have the whole trifecta of uncomfortable praise he had never learned how to accept. And how fucked up was that when he had craved that kind of praise from his parents for so long? Craved it and been denied it and now it was as difficult to process as everything else.

"Tommy's still in the early stages of getting clean, give him time to really want it. Brian?" TJ snorted. As he went on, he took little sips between sentences. Maura had stressed not letting himself get dehydrated, which would slow down the healing in his shoulder...at least, he thought that's what she'd been saying. Details were a little fuzzy. "Brian's not dealing with drugs, but in them. It goes back to what I said last night, though. Appearances are deceiving and I like my privacy. How many cigarettes did I go through last night? Half a pack? And that was all that was keeping me from getting high as a kite so I could pretend none of it was happening. You haven't seen a lot things. Doesn't mean it's not there or that I'm not having problems. It just means Doug's the one who gets to listen to me put the piano through it's paces trying to work through whatever it is that's causing the craving of the moment. Or, it's Travis who finds me in the shower hiding from a vial of white powder not more than two inches tall. As long as I'm still always thinking about it, I can't hear about how great I'm doing, not yet. In two weeks...two weeks and it'll be an accomplishment, something better than I ever managed to do before. When I'm ready to dump my stash of my own free will and don't have this constant fear that the moment I do will be the moment I need it, then tell me how well I'm doing with the drugs."

He was speaking to both of them, but his eyes were mostly focused on Doug. Doug was the one TJ needed to understand how he felt about things, the one he needed to be okay with the things TJ was trying to do. "Mom and Dad aren't the only ones resistant to change. This whole experiment of getting out on our own, getting clean, it's been about putting myself outside my comfort zone, changing who I am when the mere idea scares the crap out of me. I'm not ready to see myself differently, to get...comfortable with the changes until I'm done, until I feel like it's okay to stop, that the parts of me that have been broken for so long are...not fixed, but mended to be a little stronger. I'm getting there. But, I'm still just at the starting gate. I haven't even really hit my first real setback, yet, to know if the mending will hold. It's just...it's too soon to be patting myself on the back when there's still such a long way to go."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-10 11:17 pm UTC (link)
"I'm not manipulating anyone, Thomas. I might joke and tease, but this is too important to push my way through it," Savannah said.

Doug stared without saying anything bout last night. He wouldn't bring that up in front of Savannah, because it was TJ's secret to divulge or not. "I'm not pushing, either, TJ, but I don't feel bad reminding you a few things once in a while."

Savannah scooted closer and covered TJ's free hand. "We'll help Tommy just like we help Brian when things go badly. Different things, different problems, and I'm not prying here. I know my opinion can't matter to you as much as your brother's or your parents'. It wouldn't be right if it did, but as bystander who doesn't see a lot of things, I can tell you that the things you do to stay clean make you strong. If it were easy for you to stay clean, it wouldn't be an accomplishment. Put it this way. Staying silent for G? Totally not an accomplishment. Staying silent for me? Some kind of life changing experience. I wasn't even talking about drugs per se, though, but the sum of everything you've done. Staying clean, train, learn to shoot, learn how to do undercover, learn how to do plenty of things that you never had to do before." She turned her head to look at Doug for a moment, smiling at him. "No one can tell either of you how to feel about all of this. I try to give people the pep talk, but I know I needed time to and until I was ready to accept this life, nothing felt quite right. I'll still be here to remind you both that you have people willing to help if you need."

She let go of Thomas' hand and moved back, actually putting some room between her and Thomas, so she could look at both of them. "Can I ask you a personal question? I... I look at the way you act with each other, the way you talk to each other, even the way you stand near each other and it has an ... almost an intimacy that I've never seen It's like y'all are perfectly all right with being... one. Is this a twin thing? Where you always like this? I look at my girls, and they've done pretty much everything ahead of schedule, holding their necks up, sitting, walking, but when it comes to talking, nothing, and with the parents they have you know it's not genetic. Maura did the physicals and I'm sure she'd have told me in details if something were wrong, which I appreciate it. Also, they can communicate. They seem to do fine with each other, so is this what I'm looking forward to? This ... union? And if so, what can I do to make sure that they don't become too co-dependent and forget that there are parents and now a brother that are there and love them as much as they love each other? I mean, you obviously have a very special relationship and I'd want my girls to have that if that's what they want, but I don't want them to forget that there are other people just as important, y'know?"

Doug had acquired the ability to listen and ignore people at the same time, something that he did plenty with Savannah, except when she was talking about TJ, but the new line of inquiry surprised him, even more the fact that she was asking them for parenting advice. "We might not like it when people talk about our family, but we're well aware that we're a very fucked up family. I'm not sure you can really use us as a model. You're right, though. what TJ and I have is different than what I've seen with most siblings. We get each other in ways that no one else does which makes it okay for us to talk this freely about our feelings about what we need and want. It even makes it okay to tell him that even though I think he's stronger than he is, it's okay to feel weak, because I'll be here to show him the strengths. I don't know what would have made this bond weaker."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-11 04:16 am UTC (link)
"You totally just manipulated Doug into agreeing some things are better," TJ pointed out with a laugh, this one much lighter than before because he was slightly amused that she really seemed to be unable to see how she did these things. He was tempted to ask why this was all so important, but he was afraid of opening up yet one more deep conversation topic.

Shaking his head, he finished the water and tossed the empty bottle on the bed rather than reach to put it back on the nightstand. "All of those things are connected to the drug use," he explained. "It's been what I've hung everything I do on. Whether or not I'm high determines how willing I am to do any of that. The cravings affect my ability to do it. And conversely, how I deal with things has always been the drugs. I'm not just learning all those things, but also how to deal with life basically. Without the drugs, I'm trying to learn new ways of coping with problems and disappointments and and people and, well, everything." He shrugged one shoulder. "I've always used drugs to avoid dealing with things most people just deal with every day. So, that really is the important thing to get a handle on in all this."

The change of subject was...unexpected and TJ found himself glancing toward her girls as she spoke. "I think you'll find the bond between them will be different, even if just as strong. They'll have different needs because they're identical, for one thing. Doug and I may have struggled with our own identities at different times. But, the issues usually come from outside the bond between the two of us. It was pressure from our family, expectations of the world. But never a need to separate from each other. Identical twins generally will go through at least one period of trying to distance themselves from each other in order to be individuals. At least, that's what I've read." Rubbing the back of his neck, he shrugged again, almost embarrassed. "The first time I went away to boarding school I did some research into the connection between twins because I missed Doug. Anyway, most of the time, even with those times of distance, that bond is still there. It's like you've been with this person -- your sibling, twin, maybe even other half -- your entire life since conception and they're home. Others may come and go, or even stay. There might be someone you love just as much, the way I love Travis. But, no one will ever take the place of that person who has always been part of you, somewhat literally."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-11 03:17 pm UTC (link)
"I did no such thing," she answered. "This isn't manipulation; it's.... Pain is easy to feel; it takes over everything, and when we get like that, we can't see the good things we have. That's when you need others to help you see that pain isn't the only thing in your life. And you two have each other, which is great, but you're both in pain, and Travis can only do so much, because he might smile all the time, but no one is always happy, and if he takes your pain on him,sooner or later, he'll crack too. Your family isn't exactly the most naturally attuned and the people you call friends aren't exactly the most balanced at the moment. I am lucky. I have a large family and we take care of each other. After the first attack, I couldn't function; Marty couldn't get through to me. I couldn't even care that I was pregnant. I was praying for a miscarriage. G was the one who gave me the right nudge, before I started talking to Marty again. In the past two years, we have helped each other through the moments when we couldn't see the light. I'm not saying that this is like my family, but I want to help. It's not manipulation; it's caring, because no one should have to feel like that."

"Did you want to become Mother Theresa when you grew up?" Doug asked.

Savannah laughed. "I was raised Baptist. Mother Theresa was not exactly a model to aspire to. Catholics are all evil, don't you know?" She shook her head. "No, I just like to see people happy. I don't always go the right way, and I admit that I can't understand the importance drugs have for Thomas. My only experience with people who use are Brian and Tommy. One doesn't use and Brian? Well, he uses when he likes, he didn't use for months on end It's very different. I'm trying to understand. Both of you, and Maura, but I admit that I'm being a little selfish because I've never dealt with twins either, and I've already read more than you can imagine on the subject."

"I think you're worrying for nothing," Doug said, looking at the girls who had found their way out of the stroller and onto the floor. "How?"

"Oh they turned into water and got out," Savannah said. She might be talking, but she always kept an eye on them. "So why am I worry for nothing?"

"Twofold. One, as TJ said, a lot of our problems came from the outside. Two...." Doug looked at TJ, and sighed. "You said it yourself. Your children are your priority. I've seen your husband with them and it's the same for him. If you hug me, I will throw you out, but we were never our parents' priority. It was us against the world, fighting our parents, the press, public perception, political games. We needed to be this close or we would have had no one in our lives. Your daughters might have a special bond, but they have a family behind them. Last night, there weren't nannies, but family ready to take them in. They are never going to feel like they are a second best."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-11 06:31 pm UTC (link)
Savannah was forbidden to hug, but TJ had no such boundaries with his brother. While Doug spoke, TJ shifted a little so he could comfortably rest his knee against Doug's leg. "Chances are, they will still feel closer to each other than to anyone else. It's...I don't know. It's just natural. For me, it feels...wrong to think about being without Doug. Maybe a lot of that is because, as Doug said, we were it. Doug was the only person I never doubted would be there if I needed him. Never. I may have abused that...often...but, I always knew that when Mom was too busy and Dad was off fuck knew where and Nana had left sober behind days ago, if I needed him, Doug would be there. When I was outed, he was the one I could tell about the boy and my broken heart, instead of having to apologize for being careless in choosing someone with a big mouth. When I do something stupid, I know he'll tell me I was an idiot and still love me after. Your girls will have that to an extent. But, they'll have a little brother to share in taking care of together. They'll have a mother who will listen when they talk about their feelings and a father who will let them be who they are and not who he wants for them to be."

Huffing quietly, he ran a hand through his hair. "One idiot rehab counselor tried to tell me all my problems with drugs stemmed from separation anxiety at boarding school. That I'd developed an unhealthy reliance on Doug and couldn't form attachments to anyone else as a result. Somehow the fact I was sent to boarding school because I was outed by the first boy I ever fucked and that only my father's name kept my classmates from making their displeasure with my sexuality known openly never registered. Whether or not I was...tainted, an unfit role model for other teens, was an open and national debate. But, it was unhealthy for me not to trust anyone but my twin brother."

TJ sighed and looked at Savannah. "See that's the thing about being a real addict as opposed to just getting high recreationally. It becomes this important because it feels like not having it will make everything worse. I started using because I was fifteen, confused, and alone, because it was what I found to make the pain of all the betrayals disappear. And, well, it helped with that, made me feel good, so it could help with the next problem and the next. It was my unhealthy reliance on the drugs to fix things and an inability to process intense emotions like other people that created the problem, opened the door to the addiction. And, I've gone months without using before, too. Six months, five months, months when I only smoked pot a few times instead of snorting cocaine nightly. But, then something always happens, something that fucks me up emotionally, and I'm reaching for the drugs to make it better, make it easier to deal with the shit storm, because they make it very easy to hide from the things that hurt. Stay high long enough and the things that hurt enough to need it become smaller and smaller, anything that doesn't feel like that high will fit the bill."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-11 07:12 pm UTC (link)
Savannah looked from brother to brother, speechless for once. "Explain to me how I'm supposed to talk about this and not hug you both of you. You sure I can't adopt you? I adopted John as a younger brother. I can totally have two older brothers to go with the two younger ones." And then she could hug them a lot. Not that she was saying that.

Doug looked at TJ and smiled. "I have a brother."

"And you can have another sister," she answered with a grin. "One who bakes a lot, will feed you and possibly hug you on occasion, and will beat up anyone who hurts you."

Doug looked at TJ with a frown. "You never told me about this idiot. Of course we have an unhealthy reliance. We only have each other."

"You only had each other," Savannah put in softly. "There are other people. Travis, Maura, Marty, me. I'm sure there are others. You just got to give us a chance. I believe that you had your reasons for creating this bond and it sounds nice to have someone that close, but it's nice to have other people who will have your back, people you can trust. Maybe that will make this dimension a little less bad, and if you aren't willing to do it for yourselves, maybe you should do it for each other."

She reached over and covered Doug's hand. "Doug, sweetie, you can't be miserable all the time or sooner or later something bad will happen, because you won't care enough to fight. I know that from personal experience and by watching a lot of people go through that. Too many people who didn't feel they fit are dead, and I firmly believe that this detachment is part of it." She turned to TJ. "And you? I'm still trying to figure out this drug addiction." She'd have to do some research that might help with Tommy too. She'd let G and Sean take care of that and it was time to step up. "I'd say that a lot has happened and you volunteered to throw away your pot. I might not get it, but it seems pretty big to me. You are happier than before, aren't you? Then you should make the first step, letting people in so that your brother can find his place here. If you call this manipulation, then I'm perfectly all right with it, because you both love each other so much that I can't even imagine how you'd deal if you lost each other. We are not just here to watch your back out there, but to help all around. No it's not Vance's job, it's not in the introductory speech, but it is part of caring for this team. I just-" She sighed. "I'm sorry if I'm pushing, but too many people have died for the wrong reasons, too many have been hurt, lost. I don't like to see it happen, especially to two -what was it? - freaking handsome guys like you."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-12 02:56 am UTC (link)
TJ laughed. "'Fucking gorgeous'. It was 'fucking gorgeous'."

Shaking his head, he bumped Doug with his knee. "And there was no reason to tell you about the counselor. He was an idiot, one of the guys at the last rehab center two years ago, and at the time I preferred letting him be an idiot than talking about the real reasons I'd been admitted. By the time I was out, plans for the club were underway and it didn't matter," he added with a shrug. "He was an idiot who was likely going home and blogging about whatever we discussed anyway. All in anonymous terms, of course."

Of course.

"I am happy," he told her, though it wasn't exactly what she'd asked. But, Doug would know the difference in what he was saying. It was what TJ had told Travis months ago. He'd never been happy at home, not since he was a kid. "But, the pot? It was and it wasn't a big deal. I can see where you'd think that. But, it's the least likely to be taken of anything in my stash. I kept the E and the cocaine. And, my first thought in problem solving was still drugs. I could have just as easily tossed my cigarettes in that car instead. Same principle But, my first thought was the drugs. My first thought whenever there's a problem is drugs. That's the hardest part to get past."

He chuckled. "And yes, I'd call that manipulation. Well intentioned, maybe, but a little manipulative in the execution. Although, for what feels like the millionth time, I'm letting people in. Just not all at once. I don't need to be buddy-buddy with the whole clan in one big go for either of us to find a place here. I just need to start with the right few people."

Turning to Doug, he pressed his knee tighter against his brother's side. "However, to paraphrase my better half, she's not entirely wrong, you know. You're still part of that dream, Doug. And, because we've previously established that I'm the selfish, spoiled brat in this family," he went on, smirking, "I will totally admit to being manipulative when I say, if not for yourself, do it for me. I won't even ask you to try to be happy, just try not to dismiss the possibility out of hand."

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[info]savannah_monroe
2013-04-12 03:35 am UTC (link)
"Freaking handsome, close enough," she answered, with a satisfied smile, because Thomas was laughing plenty and she didn't think she'd ever seen him laugh before.

It was hard for Doug to miss it, too. TJ didn't let people in, and he barely relaxed, and now he was joking and laughing. Maybe something more had happened the night before or maybe, TJ was just too tired to keep those walls up, which made him worry, but he still smiled. "Of course completely anonymous and giving me work to do to make sure that the press didn't get wind of it. You should have told me. If only to keep an eye on him."

Savannah shook her head. "Goodness, this is- That man was an idiot. You treat it like he had a right to say those things, and you are thinking about politics. Dear Lord... you know, I'm glad that you are here, because that's just toxic. You were treated like things, commodities, not people. That's... that's just wrong."

She nodded at Thomas. "I know you are, and we wouldn't be talking right now if you weren't, drug him with you, and to make it easier, why don't you come over one of these weekends? We'll try dinner again without the arguments, and there's the christening." They'd make it family and partners. Oliver and Tommy could be there too. "We only invite family, but should come, Is that small enough? Because we don't really do smaller, and we're missing four people. Actually..." she frowned, because she didn't like to think about this, but they had to make sure that the children were baptized before they left. "Derek and Emily would be the godparents by proxy. It's possible, I checked, but we need people to stand up for them. You're not Catholic, are you?" They were going to have to make someone pretend to be.

Doug shook his head. "No, no, we aren't."

"Darn, do you know if Maura is?" Another shake of the head had Savannah sigh. "I'll have to ask her, and Brian, he's Catholic. We'll just have to gag him." Savannah looked up when she heard the snort. "Not like that,... I've heard his stories about having sex with a priest enough times that I know better to expect him not to say anything."

"And that's why he's friends with TJ," Doug said with a snort.

Savannah was tempted to say that Brian's definition of friends was even more restrictive than theirs, but she wasn't about to get in the middle of that. "You should come to the christening and make a few friends yourself," she said, before hugging Doug and then turning to hug Thomas as well. "And you can't even throw me out, because I'm leaving you. My awesomeness needs to be spread around, and Thomas needs to rest." She got off the bed and stepped into her flats, before picking up the girls and fastening the belts around them. She raised her dress, just enough to fix her thigh holster after moving around on the bed. She checked the second gun she had strapped in the canopy and the rifle under the backpack in the stroller. Satisfied that everything was in place, she smiled at the two men. "You stay. I'll let myself out. Nova, Harley, let's go."

Doug was usually the gentleman and would have escorted her out, except that he was still sitting there when the door closed. "Did she just flash us to check a gun, before checking the other two guns? And why are you laughing and agreeing with her? I'm perfectly fine being miserable." He knew how insane that sounded, but he didn't like her suggestion one bit. "I'm not going to die just because i don't like it here."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-12 04:08 pm UTC (link)
TJ just sat there, both amused and bemused as Hurricane Savannah swept out of the room, kids and dogs in tow. Fuck, but she was exhausting. Resting his head back against the wall, he closed his eyes. It almost felt like he needed to breathe just listening to her talk.

"After watching her walk around a mountain in what had to be one of her husband's t-shirts and scrap of cloth she probably calls panties, that was fully-clothed," he informed his brother with a snort.

But he opened his eyes again to address the rest of what Doug had said. "I'm laughing because her whole wholesome country girl thing amuses me and it takes far less energy than debating or arguing. After eight hours listening to her talk last night because she 'doesn't like silence', I'm taking the easy road today. And I wasn't entirely lying about 'the right few people'. Like it or not, she and her husband are people with influence here. Now, I happen to honestly respect him because he's doing right by you as a partner as far as I can tell and he's been pretty fair about things working as a unit. But, I also told Travis I'd try to get along with her because the two of them mean something to Travis. I don't really get this idea of treating random people like family. Family is you, Mom and Dad, Nana...

"Travis." TJ bit his lip a moment because this was the first time he'd ever admitted to that thought aloud. And, he probably wouldn't have, even to Doug, if he wasn't too tired to care about holding people at arm's length. "Maura, too, unless you two are planning on dissolving the marriage when we leave this dimension or if we have to take on new covers. The point is, I don't get it but it's important to him. So, I'm going to try.

"I'm only agreeing with her because I want to see you happy, Dougie. That's part of the dream. I'm happy here, strange as that sounds. You were happy at home. And, the truth is, neither of us is truly good if the other is miserable. We can't help it. Maybe we do have an unhealthy reliance on each other, but it is what it is. I'm not looking to change that. I just think that neither of us is ever going to be truly happy as long as we know the other is in pain. We're too much a part of each other for that. I know it's not an overnight thing, and it's easier to say than do. But, that's why I said I'm not asking you to be happy. I'm just asking you to try not ruling it out as a possibility, try to stay open to the idea that something good might come to you, even here."

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[info]doug_hammond
2013-04-12 04:24 pm UTC (link)
"This is the girl who won't say fuck and blushes when you mention sex, and that's if she gets the innuendos in the first place? What's wrong with her?" he asked, shaking his head. "I'd get it if she was a whore, or if she dressed the part of the saint, but she's... insane comes to mind." Usually Doug didn't have strong feelings about Savannah, one way or another, but when she somehow bonded with his brother to push him into doing... he wasn't sure what they were trying to do.

Doug turned around and rested against the pillows. "I know that. Maura knows that. She wanted to try to talk to Savannah and I told her not for my sake." He really didn't care enough. "I'm going to tell you the same thing. If you want to do it for Travis, then fine, but don't do it for me. I'm not playing politics with these people. There's no... challenge or reward." It was boring.

He chuckled. "Travis is family. Gee, I hadn't noticed," he said with a snort. "Mom invited him to dinner. I told you that we'll go where he wants. I'm pretty sure everyone but you knew that he was family already." At least it was family for TJ. "Maura is a friend. I like her, she's smart, but she's not what I want, TJ, so don't start building castles in the clouds now, okay? Besides, I'd like to actually fuck the woman I'm with. So yes, this is an act. There is no marriage to dissolve, because there is no legal marriage. It was a nice show, we got a vacation out of it. Nothing more."

Doug sighed. "Can we stop discussing how nice and peachy things are here? The situation won't change, because you want it, or because she wants it. I've made peace with myself and I'm not miserable, so you're fine. Rehashing it on a daily basis isn't going to make me happy; it's just going to annoy the fuck out of me."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-12 08:50 pm UTC (link)
"Three times in more than three months is not rehashing it on a daily basis," TJ pointed out, rolling his eyes. "And you were the one who said you were just fine being miserable. I was just using your word. Although, insane really is a good word for her. It's been my word of choice since the road fell out from under us. Did I mention the part about wanting to chop up a dead body and carry it around in a backpack? Losing my pot was such a worthwhile sacrifice to skip doing that."

Not that TJ was entirely okay with what he'd done instead. He didn't even have his family's ruthlessness in politics, let alone that sort of thing, no matter how much Savannah said she was proud of him. But, that wasn't something he wanted Doug for when it finally got to him. That was definitely something he needed Travis for. TJ would be just as happy if his brother never had to think about things like that, despite the things he'd probably had to think about as Chief of Staff.

Leaning comfortably shoulder to shoulder with Doug, he shook his head. "But, I'm not doing it for you. I mean, maybe a little for the family in general because we don't have a choice but to rely on these people for some things and it's a hell of a lot easier to play nice when there's no telling what we might need from them. But, beyond that, beyond Mom practically telling me I should, I told Travis I'd try because the two of them in particular are important to him and he's important enough to me, even if the fact I think of him as one of the family scares the living fuck out of me."

And that thought was going aside to that place in his head where all the 'thoughts of futures with Travis' went before it became too much and he did something stupid.

"There are no castles, here, Doug. But, even if she's not what you want for a wife, you smile when you talk to her, more than you have since we got here last summer. She's at least a companion, someone to keep you company. Around here, that's something."

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[info]doug_hammond
2013-04-12 09:06 pm UTC (link)
"Three times in three months is more than enough," he said, because it felt a lot more than that. "But okay, she's insane, I'm not miserable, you're happy, bodies were not chopped up, you still have your stash. We're all good." Or as good as they were going to get at this point.

"Whatever you think important." He settled on a neutral comment, because there was nothing that really made a difference. TJ would do it for whatever reason and Doug wanted little to do with it, despite Savannah's pep talk. "Stop thinking, then. Just have more sex. You'll stop being scared," he said, chuckling.

"Stop, TJ. You are seeing more than there is. She's a smart woman, but no, this isn't the most I've smiled. It's just that you are paying attention now," he said, shaking his head. "I like talking to her just as much as I like talking to Travis. I like to talk to neither of them as much as I liked talking to Rachel, so don't tell me how I feel about things, and stop pushing this theory that she's better than nothing. I settled once. I'm not doing it again, even if it means being alone and miserable. So stop, pushing some theory you have, because you're starting to sound like Savannah."

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[info]hammond_tj
2013-04-12 09:23 pm UTC (link)
TJ blinked, taken aback by Doug's interpretation of his words. "I'm not pushing anything. I just meant that it was good you had someone you consider a friend. But, fine we can stop talking." It didn't mean TJ would stop hoping his brother found something, not even necessarily a person, to make him happy. But, he'd stop talking about it since it seemed to just keep pissing his brother off every time TJ tried.

He leaned over to press a kiss to Doug's temple. "I'm sorry about Rachel. You were right about me being a selfish ass and not seeing it." Turning away, he slowly got out of bed and started toward the door. "I need to shave. Maybe shower."

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