Re: Travis/TJ
"Biased does not necessarily mean wrong. And persistence pays off," TJ pointed out. "You also have an obsession with my hair," he teased, ignoring the way the gesture still made his eyes flutter. He had tried really hard not to allow these simple little gestures that were more intimate and dangerous than the sex everyone worried about. But, TJ failed really badly at keeping what he wanted at arm's length.
As proven by the fact they were even here, having this conversation. His hands trailed over the dips and curves of muscle over Travis' back, idle patterns meant more to enjoy touching than hurry things along to their ultimate climax...literally. When TJ had gotten so comfortable talking like this, he wasn't sure. But, these conversations seemed so intrinsic to them, it was getting difficult to imagine not spending his nights in bed talking to Travis...and he was going to conveniently put that thought far into the back of his mind and consider the implications of that. "It's really very easy to not like Disney," he said with a laugh. "There's the annoying music, the ridiculous crowds, too many screeching kids, all those cartoon colors, and the perpetuation of the faerie tales. I don't want faerie tales meant to convince if I just wait for the magic to happen, true love will make everything perfect.
"I prefer reality. It's not perfect and it's filled with imperfect people, myself chiefest among them. But, things are still good. There's still a cop from the wrong side of the tracks to come along and teach a spoiled little rich boy a few things about life. It's why I hated that perfect boyfriend and I'm kind of glad that was the worst undercover job you've ever done. Perfection is just another illusion, one that's too hard to maintain and when you can't anymore, the world crucifies you for it. I like us better than some pair of Princes Charming, even if I totally fit the role," he added with a smirk. "We're flawed and we know it and it...doesn't really matter, not that way. We work around the flaws, or through them, as needed. But, no illusions of perfection or lines between black and white that are always clear and never grey.
"Which is one of the possibilities, by the way. Grey and violet. But, right now I'm leaning more toward pale gold, not yellow but gold...God, you better mean it that you won't laugh. And no teasing." TJ hadn't missed that part of the promise being left out. Wording things to get around commitments was his stock in trade and a family trait, after all. Staring at Travis a moment longer, he took a breath and decided to just go for it. "It's that pale gold you get when light reflects off glass but doesn't quite hit the right angle to refract into the full rainbow. It reminds me of being at the apartment in Pittsburgh, after all the Christmas decorations were up and those mornings it was just us and everything was comfortable and happy. Not perfect, but happy."
TJ wasn't happy, but he knew Travis was right. The man was a cop. Helping people was what he did, why they were even here. TJ just wasn't going to think too much on the possibility and high probability that if one of them was going to get injured helping someone, it was far more likely to be Travis than TJ. Following Travis' gaze to his wrist, TJ smiled softly and then turned his hand to lace their fingers together. He found Travis' other hand and did the same before pulling their joined hands up over his head. Leaning up, he kissed Travis with a tenderness that he'd only really discovered he had since he got involved with Travis. "That was my plan, actually. Six months is...good, but I've done it and fallen right back to the drugs after because it wasn't conscious. I didn't have a reason to try staying clean. Seven months will be...different, better. Maybe you don't want to see it, but it is because of you, Travis. It's because, while it has to be my decision, I can't do it alone. And, yes, my family was there before. But, through all that they did, every day spent at rehab, the counselors and so-called sober partners, not once did anyone say what you have. You said I could, tell me I can...not I should. You were the one who had actual faith in me. It might be my choice, but it's still something you did. You gave me that choice."