"I'm trying to, because I might joke about it, but I don't want you to risk your life for me, not really. I'm self-aware enough to know that it might come to that, but I'll do what I can to prevent that," he said. 'I don't want you to get hurt because of me."
Tommy rested both hands on Oliver's arms, not sure if he wanted to push his friend away or pull him closer. Things always got so messed up and confused in his head when he talked to Oliver, saying a lot more than he planned to ever say.
"Yes, you can, Oliver. You shut down to survive and I shut down. It's not that different. You fought, I used drugs. We both isolated ourselves, we both build walls, and we both know how to smile to make people stop asking questions. The right joke, the right touch. God, Oliver, I'm not that different from you. I've ended up in apartments with women I had fucked before, and I couldn't recognize them at all. I recognized their TVs or their CD collection or whatever, but I didn't recognize the women. So yes, if you want to know what it was like for me, it was much like it was for you. Maybe not the circumstances, but the feelings were the same."
He shook his head. "It's not your fault, Oliver. You didn't cause this. It's my fault. I was home, I was alive, I had all the privileges possible, and I couldn't function without you. I couldn't even tell people. Your mother and sister were mourning you. Laurel had lost you and her sister. Who was I to whine?" He looked up at his friend, trying to find something in Oliver's eyes, maybe some sort of understanding when Tommy didn't even understand. "You're the most important person in my life and I will always be here for you. And, if we can't climb that glass wall, then we'll just have to break it down."