"I don't know anymore, Doug." TJ stopped, but didn't immediately turn around. Keeping his voice low, he shook his head. "I really don't. I sure as hell never thought Mom would be the one telling me to help you remember how to dream, or that I was as good as the rest of you, while you seem to have a lower opinion of me than I even have of myself. I always thought you were there for me, until the last few days when it sounds more like your own way of getting attention the way fucking up was mine. But, I don't know what else to tell you. There certainly doesn't seem to be anything you'll believe. I know I fucked up. A lot. I'm not Mom. I never asked for your perfection. But, well, I'm not Mom. But, I tried to be there for you. I failed frequently, I know that. But, I tried. I'm sorry that was never good enough for you."
Turning, finally, he looked at Doug. "You really don't know what I'm going to do. You can't because I don't know. But, this isn't my choice. Mom wants it to be our choice. She and Dad already decided they'd do what makes us both happy. As far as I know, no one's bothered to ask Nana what she plans to do. But, that was the message I got from Mom last night: it took them thirty years, but they're going to put us and our wants ahead of what they want. If that's really what they end up doing, who knows. But, I actually think she meant it when she said it last night. She wants us to make the decision. You and me, together, deciding what will make us happy. There is no dealing with them and deciding with them. It's just use. You and me.
"I know you're planning ahead for the practical concerns. And, I'm not asking you to apologize for that. But, Doug, in my own way, I am too. I'm planning ahead for all those emotional things you never like to deal with or acknowledge until they've built up inside you to a point where you can't help it anymore. And, maybe that's what's happening now. It's not that I don't love them. It's not that I'm not worrying about them. But, if you want the harsh reality, I love you more and your happiness is what's most important to me. It's not even that I wouldn't sacrifice my happiness for yours. I would. But, even you can't say this will make you happy. All it will do is make you believe you've once again done your duty to them. If you keep on like this, you'll keep doing your duty until there's nothing left of you. And that is what I can't let happen and why I can't let it go. I won't stand by and watch you waste away for the sake of two people who have never put you first in our entire lives. Whether we stay or we go, it won't be because you're still trying to please them. Mom has said it's our turn to put ourselves and our happiness first. She encouraged me to try helping you to find a new dream. For the first time in our lives she's asked something of me that's not only within my power, but something I want to do.
"So, in a way, you've already got your wish. I've already talked to her and this time, I can actually do what she's asked, make this choice in the interests of what will make both of us happiest. So, maybe you're right. You'll do whatever I decide and I've decided we're not giving up on finding something to make you happy." Sighing, he shrugged. "You should start asking for things for you, Doug. You should ask for the things you want. Maybe you'll get them and maybe you won't. But, you definitely won't have anything if you don't try."