For a moment, the upwelling of hurt and anger at his brother's words took TJ's breath away. He knew he'd always harbored his own resentments about Doug's status as the golden boy, but it had never been directed at Doug, the way Doug's seemed to be toward him. But, as the ringing silence stretched out between them in the wake of Doug's words, TJ took a deep breath and, as he had days before, used his power to force a calm he didn't feel. But, he needed that detachment. He needed to not make this about his emotions when his brother needed him.
And Doug did need him, that much was clear, even if Doug couldn't see it or wouldn't accept that TJ was there for him now.
"That's not true," he said quietly. "You had me. You always had me. I know I fucked up a lot and I can't do anything to fix that. I can't do anything at all but say I'm sorry and try to be better. You are the one I have always tried to do better for, Doug. I wanted to please Mom and Dad. But, I wouldn't change myself for them. I've only ever tried to change myself for you. I've been trying to get clean for you. I've been trying to pull myself together for you. And maybe it is too little, too late. But, it's not for Mom or Dad and it didn't start because I suddenly wanted to be a better person. I'm starting to like myself more as a result, but I did it for you. I did it because you have always been there for me, whether I knew it or appreciated it or not. And, while my intentions have always been to be there for you, I know I haven't always been very good at it. Maybe I've been worse than I thought if that's what you truly think of me."
Standing as well, he took Doug by the arms, not tightly, but enough to truly know TJ was there. "But, you are my brother, my twin, the person I've loved most for pretty much our entire lives. You're irreplaceable, Dougie. I never said I'd choose to leave. I said I have to consider Travis in that decision because I do love him and I can't just abandon him without a thought. But, I can't just abandon you, either, or hurt you just to please myself. I'm not replacing you with Travis. I haven't fallen in love with him just to toss you aside and I'm sorry if that's what you think because nothing could be father from the truth.
"It doesn't matter if you're Chief at State, President of the United States, or just Douglas Hammond. I love you no matter what and I always have. And the reason I keep talking about dreams is because you're too young for your life to be over. You have so much potential and I refuse to believe that this is all there is. What I was arguing at dinner wasn't that we had to leave. That was a side note consideration and a really poor attempt at bringing up the subject of my relationship with Travis to begin with. What I was arguing for was the fact that what we want matters. We, the both of us. What we want matters and what will make us happy, matters. If we're not choosing something that will make us happy, or has the potential to make us happy, we're making the wrong choice. I want you to find happiness again someday, Doug. For your own sake. That's why I can't just stand by and watch you give up on living. You deserve happiness as much or more than I do and I truly believe you can find it again. If I can find happiness after all these years, nothing is impossible."