Re: Brian/John (side of Robert)
"You think I'm afraid to care? I wish that were possible. When Justin was hit, I spent the night at the hospital not knowing if he'd live or die. We spend the next few days wondering. I felt nothing. I was completely numb, and let me tell you, it was the best feeling in the world." Mike had hugged him once, but there hadn't been any of the pain he could feel now. He was utterly numb.
"Nothing I've done helped. Not even a bit. Sex, drugs, alcohol, nothing made me numb. Nothing. I don't know how to stop ..." He pulled his hand away and ran his fingers through his hair. "I need a drink."
It wasn't just his mind that needed that drink. His body needed it too after sixteen long days of living of liquid courage. He could feel the involuntary movements of his eyelids, the gentle tremor in his hands. It wasn't bad, nothing like what his father had gone through at times, but it was still there. It was strange, because he'd always had a good tolerance. Then again, sixteen days were a lot of bottles of beer, whiskey, vodka, and whatever else he got his hands on.
"Do you know the worse part? I couldn't even take E. E would have made me happy, but I didn't want to be happy. I didn't want to associate that buzz with your death," he admitted. "So alcohol it was. The one thing I said I'd never do, turn into my father." He closed his hands into tight to stop the tremor before opening them again. "Is there a place I can sleep tonight? Not there, not with people. I can't deal... not sober."