Brian Kinney (b_kinney) wrote in omega_reality, @ 2012-11-04 17:38:00 |
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Entry tags: | *complete, 2012 11, character: brian kinney |
RP: Brian
Who: Brian
Where: His room
When: November 4, 2012
Summary: Brian seeks oblivion
Brian had a tolerance to alcohol and drugs that dated back to two decades ago. It had always been a blessing. Get drunk and high, sleep a few hours and barely show the effect the next day. Hangovers were nothing more than an inconvenience that went away with a glass of water and some tylenols. It was a blessing, except for moments like this.
He had spent the wake drinking and smoking. He had gone home and continued that party alone. He wasn't sure he took care of the house and the lights, and he didn't give a shit. Today was much of the same. There was no work, no reason to get up other than to piss and get some water, and then back to his room with his pot and his alcohol. Nell had insisted on giving him food, but he only ate enough to get her off his back. The less he ate, the less he'd throw up later. And he did, but everyone knew that the only way to cure a hangover was to drink more, and that was exactly what Brian did in the solitude of his room.
Smoke.
Drink.
Cry.
Rinse and Repeat.
John would hate what he was doing, but John wasn't here and Brian couldn't think about him. The moment he did, all of his control was shot to hell and he started to cry. He didn't cry. He didn't love. He didn't do relationships.
There were a lot of 'don't' and he'd broken so many of them for one gorgeous, boring intense boy, who'd taken everything with him. Brian didn't mean just his things. Of course those were gone, because John carried everything with him. Brian had only the bracelet and two suits to remind him by. No, that wasn't what Brian meant. John had taken everything good that Brian had left in him: his will to live, his desire to help. There was nothing left inside him, not even anger, and yet despite the numbness, the tears kept falling down his face.
Brian curled up in bed, hugging John's pillow tight, John's smell still there. The bracelet was safe in Brian's closed fingers. He couldn't feel anything, but the pain was suffocating him.
Brian didn't feel.
The tears didn't stop well into the night.