"Worth whatever I want to be, huh? Just like that?"
Why was he always taken by surprise when Travis kissed him? Despite the arrogance he wore like a mantle, TJ was always surprised when Travis kissed him like he meant it, like it was real and not part of the roles they played. More appearances and masks...at least until they slipped. And then they found moments like this when Travis' lips found his and TJ kissed back because he was unable not to. Breathing a quiet echo of Travis sigh, he smirked. "Oh, we're still plenty different, Mr. Let's Use the Piano as a Gun Cabinet. Just maybe not as much as I thought beneath those masks."
He pressed a finger to Travis' lips. "Yes, I did have to get it. I can't trust masks and appearances. But, I want to trust you. I...do trust you because of the things you let me see behind the masks. I don't know about Kindred spirits or anyone else. I'll worry about them when we go back." The idea of letting more people see what he'd let Travis see wasn't something he could really see himself doing. He didn't really care about what most of them thought of him. It was his parents' opinions that mattered, Nana and Doug, Travis. Fuck, better if he didn't think of that right now. "You're not disposable and people will worry if something happens to you. Not me, of course," he teased, uncomfortable with where this was going when they both knew the teasing was a lie. The fact he worried was why he was going with Travis to the club every night to make sure he was okay. "Arrogant and self-centered and all that. But, someone will worry."
Snorting TJ shook his head, the hand on his chest drawing his gaze back to Travis' eyes. "I never said it was bad. I said I couldn't handle it combined with an open relationship." He turned to his side, hands coming up to frame Travis' face. "I'm not good at protecting people. I've never had to do it and I don't know the best ways to do it. But, that's what I'm trying to do, okay? A jealous boyfriend in an open relationship with me is a disaster waiting to happen. There's too big a chance I'll push your buttons to make you jealous because the more you're jealous, the more wanted I feel. And the more I push, the further I'm likely to push. For God only knows what reason, I really don't want to hurt you, Travis. And I could, so easily, that way. I know you're trying to make things easier on me, but it shouldn't be done in ways that will fuck you up. What kind of friendship is this if it only protects me and you get screwed over? How is that any different from the definitions I already know and understand?"
Closing his eyes, he brushed his lips against Travis. "I'm not uncomfortable with how things are no," he said, opening his eyes again. "Far from it. I'm trying to do the unselfish thing, to have your back the way you have mine. That doesn't mean I don't like this."