He wasn't surprised by her reaction. A bit disappointed, well a lot disappointed, but not surprised. He knew Nell would never intentionally hurt him, so of course she wouldn't be bothered. He had hoped, that maybe she'd just not thought about it like that, but still he wasn't surprised.
He had the urge to physically stop her from pacing, forcing her to look at him when she spoke, but he didn't, giving her the space she seemed to need. He wished he'd been better at this, that he'd known how to handle these situations, but this wasn't tech stuff, and he was crap when dealing with emotions and women. At least when it was women he cared about. Maybe if he hadn't been - But none of that mattered now.
When she stopped, he let her finish before he spoke but when he did, he walked up to her and took her hand in his. It was strange, because what she said hurt, but he was still calmer than usual, maybe because for once he was sure of what he wanted to say. "I get that it takes time, I get that there are steps to this, and that there are no guarantees that this would work out. That doesn't mean that I didn't hope that it would become a real relationship. I know that's what I hoped for, but also why I was so unsure, because what if it didn't? Then what would happen to our friendship?"
"I'm sorry that I wasn't clearer. I'm sorry that I made you doubt me or if I insulted you or made you feel less than special. But I never doubted what I felt - just what you felt. I wanted to talk to you so many times, but I always hesitated and chickened out because I wasn't sure of your response. Perhaps with good reason."
It would be so easy, so tempting, to just ignore it all, to pretend that it was okay, to date and hope that she'd fall in love with him. To ignore the parts of him that was hurt by the fact that she didn't feel the same way that he did. He reached up, and this time he didn't hesitate as he pushed her hair away from her face, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers.
"I want to date you too, Nell, I really really do, and I want to say that I could live with you not being where I am right now..." he paused, knowing he'd hate the next words that came out of his mouth. "...but I'm not sure I can. Not when you seem so... afraid of what I might feel. I'm not the best when it comes to this stuff, but you've pulled back every time I've tried."
"If I could believe that you would get there, if I believed you wanted to get there - then sure. I just don't believe it's what you want. I wish I did, but I just don't."