InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Bartenders do it till you barf"

eric_beal (eric_beal) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2012-02-15 16:42:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2012 02, character: nell jones, character: troy bolton, dead: eric beale

RP: Eric and Nell
Who:Eric and Nell
Where:The farm
When:February 15, after PFT
Summary: Nell checks on Eric after his disappearing act from the party

When Eric woke up that morning he wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over his head and go back to sleep. Coming home from the party, he'd tried in vain to sleep, tossing and turning while his mind worked overtime until finally he fallen into a restless sleep that left him feeling as if he'd not slept at all.

After all his attempts to surprise Nell for Valentines, he'd really thought they were getting somewhere. Even now, when he went over their lunch together in his head again and again he couldn't see where he'd misinterpreted her. But even after all that, she'd not thought twice about kissing Troy a few hours later. The image was forever etched in his mind, and he felt as if someone had pulled the rug out from under his feet.

Yesterday afternoon he'd been sure Nell felt the same way that he did, but now he couldn't see how she could.

Forcing himself to get out of bed, he got dressed and headed for training. As tired as he was, training helped him get out some of the pent up frustration. Still he tried not looking in Nell and Troy's direction too much.

Once training was over, he started to head back home to shower and change when he noticed Nell approach him. At first he hesitated, but almost immediately stopped and waited for her. "Hey," he said as she came up to him, waiting for her to continue. He himself was at a loss of what to say right now.

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nell_jones
2012-02-15 04:41 pm UTC (link)

The night before had been fun. Nell enjoyed spending time with her small little group of friends when she could, especially when they could just enjoy themselves and relax without having to worry about...well, without having to worry. Losing a little sleep to party once in a blue moon was a good tradeoff.

But, come morning, she was thinking about Eric again and wondering what had happened to him the night before. He'd just...left, which didn't seem like him. And, they hadn't really had much time to hang out. She'd hoped he'd join in the game with them. She wanted to share the fun times with him. But, he'd disappeared without even saying good-bye, which was a little annoying along with worrying.

So, when he showed up at PFT, apparently whole and intact, she did breathe a little sigh of relief. But, he kept avoiding her glances and smiles, which turned into frowns the longer they were ignored. Tired of guessing what was going on with him, she caught up to him after PFT before they could all break for work and training and the requirements of the day.

"Hey," she replied, watching him curiously, the hug she'd intended in greeting stopped before it happened once she caught the way he was looking at her. "You okay? You left early last night. You weren't sick, were you? Ash gave your apologies, but she didn't seem to think there was much to worry about by her attitude. So, what's up?"

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eric_beal
2012-02-15 05:00 pm UTC (link)

Eric shook his head when she asked if he was sick, because he might have felt it, but that wasn't really what she'd asked. He couldn't say that he was okay though, because really he wasn't. He was as far from okay as he could think to be, right now.

"No I'm not sick, and I just. I just couldn't stay any longer," he said, then sighed because it wasn't fair not to tell her the truth.

He looked at her, and it was so hard not to want it, to not go back to where they'd left it the day before. Before the party. When he felt that things would work out between them and it was okay to kiss her and hold her. Instead he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around them. He didn't want to have this conversation where anyone could see or hear.

"Could we?" he indicated the houses. "Go somewhere where we can talk in private?" An empty house would do, or either of theirs if Ash or Troy was already out. He wondered how much Ash hadn't seen or how much she'd not said, but that was rather irrelevant at the moment.

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nell_jones
2012-02-15 05:20 pm UTC (link)

Now Nell was confused and concerned. He might say he wasn't sick, but he also was lousy at hiding what he felt and he was clearly upset. Nell couldn't actually recall ever seeing him with his hands in his pockets like that when he wasn't doing his smug little 'best hacker ever' stance. Biting her lower lip, she nodded.

"Of course. You want to go to my place? It's closest." And if Troy was there or came home, they could always go into her room. She knew he wouldn't interrupt them.

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eric_beal
2012-02-15 05:39 pm UTC (link)

Eric hesitated for a moment, because he really didn't want to run into Troy, but then nodded. "Sure, that's okay," he said starting to walk in that direction.

He didn't say much more until they were in the house, partly because he wasn't quite sure what to say. He wanted to talk to her, but he didn't know how. Running his hand through his hair he tried, desperately, to figure out how to start, but he was crap at talking about these kinds of things.

Getting inside, he looked around and listened, relieved when the house seemed to be empty. He wasn't sure he could have dealt with Troy right now.

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	nell_jones 2012-02-15 05:50 pm UTC (link)
	Frowning, Nell let him into the house and closed the door behind them. The longer he stood there without saying anything, the more worried she grew. What on earth was wrong that he was having this much trouble talking to her? "Eric? What is it? What did you want to talk about? You're not dying are you?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eric_beal
2012-02-15 06:14 pm UTC (link)

"No, no, I'm just crap at knowing what to say," he said, since they both knew it was true there was no point in denying it. He looked at her, and man he wanted this to be different, he wanted it to be like yesterday had been, before the party. Standing close to her, he couldn't help but to reach up and brush her cheek, though he stopped and pulled his hand back.

"I left the party yesterday because I didn't want to spoil your evening, or Alexis' for that matter and my mood-. You deserve to have fun, but I just couldn't stay and watch you make out with Troy." He shrugged, looking down at his shoes. "I mean I obviously read too much into what happened between you and me at lunch. I know nothing was settled, but I still thought- It doesn't matter, I was wrong and yeah- that was why I left."

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nell_jones
2012-02-15 07:12 pm UTC (link)

Nell listened in silence, absorbing what he was saying, even though some things didn't seem to make any sense at all. Even the abortive almost touch to her cheek made her sigh. Just once she wished they could be on even footing for confidence and daring. She missed the Eric that used to compete with her.

"I wasn't making out with Troy. We were playing around and he kissed me, after he kissed Alexis and before kissing Sean. Now, the kissing he did with Sean during the game after you left, that was making out. The kiss he gave me was just a light, friendly thing. Because that's what we are. Friends. It wasn't anything like the way I kissed you yesterday and it didn't mean anything, unless you believe the four of us are suddenly going to embark on a polyamorous affair."

Looking up at him, she shook her head. "What did you think, Eric? Obviously you thought something and whatever it was it's got you tied up like this. It matters. What did you read into yesterday? What was that for you? Because honestly, I have no idea what's going on in your head about any of this. So, explain it to me, Eric. What do you want? What are you expecting from any of this?"

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eric_beal
2012-02-15 09:09 pm UTC (link)

"A light friendly thing?" Eric asked in disbelief because how could she not see that it would hurt him to see Troy having his tongue in her mouth, for whatever short period of time? "Nell, that's- Okay, but imagine that it was me and Ash?" he asked. "If I put frosting on her cheek and licked it off and then kissed her just like that, wouldn't it bother you at all?"

"I thought that, no I hoped, that come today we'd be a couple, or become a couple. I-" He hesitated, but he was already saying too much he might as well go ahead and make a complete fool of himself. "Is it really that hard to figure out? I'm in love with you, Nell, and yesterday I thought it was mutual."

He sighed, running a hand through is hair. "Look, I know I have no right to have an opinion on what you do or with whom and why. If you want to kiss Troy - for whatever reason - that's what you should do. I want you to do whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you smile. That doesn't mean that I want to watch it happen, or that I don't wish that you didn't want it in the first place. Because the only one I want to kiss, friendly or otherwise, is you."

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nell_jones
2012-02-15 10:03 pm UTC (link)

"In love?" Nell squeaked, staring as he managed to do something few had: render her speechless.

It was like trying to start the car on Christmas morning at her parents' house. Took forever to get going and warmed up, then her brother would hit the gas and vrooooom seventy miles an hour down the road. Holy cow. He thought he was in love with her?!?

"No, Eric. It wouldn't bother me. If it were done just like that, as meaningless teasing amoung friends and roommates with absolutely no interest in each other beyond that? Would I want to be the one doing that? Sure. I'm not lying about being attracted to you. But, I'd probably laugh along with you both and enjoy the game. If you'd stuck around to play the game, similar situations were bound to happen and it wouldn't have bothered me because it was a game."

Wringing her hands she moved around him and started to pace the living room, talking as she went with everything coming out in a giant stream of words because she couldn't believe this was happening. "A couple? Eric, we haven't even had a single date yet. Two kisses and a necklace do not a relationship make." She didn't want to be mean; she didn't want to hurt him. But, she couldn't lie to him, either. And, really, she couldn't believe the leap he was making.

"To be honest, until ten seconds ago, I was still trying to figure out if you're really interested in dating or if you're just holding on to something comfortable after everything that's happened, all the people that have been lost. Hetty. Kensi. And, I'm still not sure that's not what this is, that what you think is love isn't really just fear of losing another friend. You've been jealous of Troy since he arrived, even when there were no kisses involved. It wasn't even when I nearly died that you made any attempt to acknowledge your feelings. It was when Kensi died. And then you kissed me and forgot about it for three weeks. Situation normal. Nothing changed. You give me a necklace and kiss me again. Then you invite me to be your date at a party forbidding dates -- do you have any idea what that sounds like to a girl? -- and follow up with you'll settle for lunch or something on the weekend when you kick your roommate out of the house. And, now, you're upset because someone else was affectionate in the slightest way and suddenly declaring you're in love with me. What am I supposed to believe?"

She stopped, turned to look at him and knew what she was going to say wasn't what he wanted to hear. But, what else could he expect? "I've had a crush on you since the day we met. I enjoy our friendship; there's clear physical chemistry; and, I do care about you. But, it's a crush, Eric. I'm not in love with you. Not yet. For all that we talk and hang out, we still hardly know each other. We talk computers, gaming, work. Nothing about what makes us tick, who we are, what we dream. Yes, I'd like to date, see if that changes. Maybe see if this crush grows into love. But, it's not there just yet and it takes time."

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eric_beal
2012-02-16 05:50 pm UTC (link)

He wasn't surprised by her reaction. A bit disappointed, well a lot disappointed, but not surprised. He knew Nell would never intentionally hurt him, so of course she wouldn't be bothered. He had hoped, that maybe she'd just not thought about it like that, but still he wasn't surprised.

He had the urge to physically stop her from pacing, forcing her to look at him when she spoke, but he didn't, giving her the space she seemed to need. He wished he'd been better at this, that he'd known how to handle these situations, but this wasn't tech stuff, and he was crap when dealing with emotions and women. At least when it was women he cared about. Maybe if he hadn't been - But none of that mattered now.

When she stopped, he let her finish before he spoke but when he did, he walked up to her and took her hand in his. It was strange, because what she said hurt, but he was still calmer than usual, maybe because for once he was sure of what he wanted to say. "I get that it takes time, I get that there are steps to this, and that there are no guarantees that this would work out. That doesn't mean that I didn't hope that it would become a real relationship. I know that's what I hoped for, but also why I was so unsure, because what if it didn't? Then what would happen to our friendship?"

"I'm sorry that I wasn't clearer. I'm sorry that I made you doubt me or if I insulted you or made you feel less than special. But I never doubted what I felt - just what you felt. I wanted to talk to you so many times, but I always hesitated and chickened out because I wasn't sure of your response. Perhaps with good reason."

It would be so easy, so tempting, to just ignore it all, to pretend that it was okay, to date and hope that she'd fall in love with him. To ignore the parts of him that was hurt by the fact that she didn't feel the same way that he did. He reached up, and this time he didn't hesitate as he pushed her hair away from her face, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"I want to date you too, Nell, I really really do, and I want to say that I could live with you not being where I am right now..." he paused, knowing he'd hate the next words that came out of his mouth. "...but I'm not sure I can. Not when you seem so... afraid of what I might feel. I'm not the best when it comes to this stuff, but you've pulled back every time I've tried."

"If I could believe that you would get there, if I believed you wanted to get there - then sure. I just don't believe it's what you want. I wish I did, but I just don't."

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nell_jones
2012-02-16 06:52 pm UTC (link)

"I have not pulled back any time you've tried." Nell stared at him, incredulous. Pulling her hand away, she stepped back. "I have reciprocated every time you've taken the smallest initiative, trying to encourage you to take more. But, you...you're trying to pull us out of the wading pool and canon ball into the deep end, while getting upset I'd like to learn how to swim first."

Shaking her head, she back further away, put more space between them. It was becoming clearer by the minute she'd been holding on to an image of him, a hope, that was no longer there. The Eric she'd developed this crush on didn't exist in this world and it didn't look like she'd ever get him back.

"I'm sorry, Eric." Reaching up, she unclasped the necklace he'd given her. She hadn't taken it off since the day before. Now, she held it back out to him. "I think you're right. This isn't going to work. Not because my feelings aren't as strong as yours. But, because you say you understand there are no guarantees and, yet, you can't do this without them. I'm telling you there could still be a relationship in the future. But, we're not there yet. I can't promise I'll ever love you the way you say you love me. And, even though I'm also not saying it'll never be possible, you can't accept anything less.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or lead you on. But, maybe it's me who has been holding on to something comfortable and not you. When we first met, I thought I'd finally found someone who would meet me as an equal, who wouldn't be intimidated. You challenged me. You weren't afraid to compete with me, or go along with a crazy idea. And, maybe things would have been different if we hadn't been sucked into this world, if OSP hadn't been reorganized and we'd had more time to work together as partners. I don't know. What I do know is that it didn't seem like we really know each other at all. If we did, if you knew me at all, you wouldn't be delivering passive aggressive ultimatums like this.

"But, you don't know me. Your eyes glaze over when I start talking about U.S. politics. And you probably have no idea my intelligence specialty is South America. Or that I speak several languages. Or that I've known Nate Getz, who used to work in your office, most of my life. Or that I can't carry a tune to save my life, but I still sing in the shower. Or that I love getting flowers. Or that I hate driving fast or being in a car with someone who's driving fast. Or that I learned to bake because my mom didn't think being a modern, working woman needed to necessarily exclude more traditional homemaking skills. Or that my eldest brother taught me how to work on electrical wiring when I was thirteen because I couldn't get into shop class and advanced algebra at the same time.

"You don't know any of that because we never talk about us. I'm realizing that I don't know you, either. And, since you can't date me without some sort of guarantee I could fall in love with you, that takes casual off the menu and doesn't allow us to get to know each other that way. So, it's probably better we don't date at all and work at being friends who actually know each other first."

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eric_beal
2012-02-16 08:18 pm UTC (link)

"Maybe you don't see it, but you have. I asked you go on stage with me, I think that maybe there is some meaning in the way you dance, in the songs we've picked, but then you go on stage with Troy too and I'm not sure if I'm just imagining things of if it's just a coincidence. You lean on me in the car on the way here, and I'm hoping that it's for more reasons than you being uncomfortable, but then we get here and I don't see you for days and not because I didn't try to visit you. I kiss you and you kiss back, but then nothing more happens and maybe you were not the only one who was unsure because of the situation when it happened?"

He paused a bit, then said softer. "I kiss you again, and the same night you kiss someone else. Not as much, not the same way, but right in front of me so I can't possibly miss it. Maybe it's nothing, maybe I'm just imagining things, seeing what's not there. But I'm not trying to be passive aggressive or give you ultimatums. There was no ultimatum and I wasn't asking you for guarantees. What I'm asking is that you think about what you want."

"And maybe I'm not into politics the way you are, and maybe I don't know those things but there are other things I do know. I know the way your face lights up when you talk of politics and while I don't get it, I still like listening to you. I know you like eating ice cream in the snow because then you get to really warm up when you come inside. I know you're conflicted about your powers, because you're worried of what they can turn into at the same time as you think they're pretty cool. I know you idolized your oldest brother as a kid and that his enlistment after September Eleven was what made you decide on doing something in politics and government and that before that you wanted to become a journalist."

"So yeah, there is a lot of things I don't know about you, but I remember what you tell me, and I want to know more about you. Even if we're never anything but friends." He looked at the necklace, but didn't move to take it.

"Please, keep it. Even if you don't wear it, I still want you to have it. I bought it because I thought you'd like it, because it's the kind of thing I've seen you wear before."

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nell_jones
2012-02-16 08:53 pm UTC (link)

The more he talked, the less Nell wanted to continue this discussion because it only made her want to hit him. Hard. Repeatedly. "Well, I'm sorry for needing to rest and recover from my life-threatening injuries. I'm sorry three days of almost no sleep in the car meant I needed more time trying to sleep on the floor as a result."

Stepping closer, she resisted the urge to hit him and instead took his hand and put the necklace into it. "No, Eric. You bought this for a girlfriend that doesn't exist. That much is clear from everything you're saying. All of those things? The things you see as 'pulling back'? They're not pulling back. They're behaving as if there's a possibility of casual, non-exclusive, dating. But, you want to go steady straight off the bat and so there's no point in arguing any of it with you, now. Telling me you don't know if you can date me because I can't guarantee to fall in love with you? That's a thinly veiled ultimatum, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. And, I don't need to think about what I want. That's the problem. I know what I want. I told you yesterday what I wanted from you. I've told you this morning what I wanted from you. And now, I just want you to go because it's clear what we want are two different things."

Moving away again, she sighed. "I do like being your friend, Eric. And, maybe in a few days, when this isn't so fresh, we can try being that again. Friends."

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eric_beal
2012-02-16 09:09 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah," Eric answered, reluctantly taking the necklace. "I hope we can." And maybe this was for the best, maybe he was just an idiot who just threw away what could have been great. Right now he didn't know which one, but he did hope they could be friends again.

Right now he wished he'd stayed in bed, but that was too late, and all he could do right now was go home, take a quick shower, and go to work.

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t_bolton
2012-02-17 02:17 am UTC (link)

Troy had watched Nell and Eric go to the house and had stayed clear, but if they kept talking, he'd have to go inside and shower. Instead, he saw Eric leave and he went in.

Stepping inside was enough to tell him what was going on. Nell was pacing and muttering and there was no laptop or work involved, because the latter would actually have been normal. "That well? Do you want to talk about it? Or I can pretend that you can't take care of yourself and beat him up for you. You can still maintain the high ground and have the satisfaction of knowing he got hurt," he said, chuckling, although they both knew that he was joking. He wasn't interested in beating up anyone for any reason.

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nell_jones
2012-02-17 03:48 am UTC (link)

"Oo, I wish I was the kind of girl who'd let you," Nell declared. Once Eric had gone, she'd really started to get angry. How dare he try to make this into something that was her fault for getting injured?! Would he have rathered she let let Troy die? Wait, with his insane issues there, he just might.

"Apparently, last night makes me a horrible person." She was slamming around in the kitchen, deciding to get breakfast ready while she had all this pent up frustration. At least they'd be able to take it to work with them. "Agreeing to date makes me property, did you know that? I didn't. I thought it meant we'd see if we liked each other enough to want to have a relationship later. But, apparently it means I shouldn't flirt and have fun with friends.

"And to top it all off? This is my fault because I never gave him the idea I was in love with him and wasn't up to a lot of visitors while I was healing broken ribs and recovering from nearly bleeding out! Because I gave the impression of being interested but not in love, it's too confusing and we can't date because he doesn't know that I'll fall in love with him. And, why are boys such idiots?!" Stopping short, she growled. "Present company excepted."

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t_bolton
2012-02-17 03:55 am UTC (link)

"Except that he has superstrength or some crap like that and I refuse to ruin my hands or face. I can shoot him if you want," he said, keeping a straight face. "I can always say I misfired. They'd believe me."

Troy nodded. "Of course I know that. You're horrible, because you keep say no to that orgy I keep mentioning. Now if you, Sean and Alexis would finally accept that I'm right and that's the only way- Oh, wait, you means because you didn't act like the little wife? Yep, sorry, I didn't know that," he said, moving carefully closer, because he knew how lethal she could be.

"You've known for a while that he's an idiot, though." Troy cupped her face and kissed her nose. "He thinks he's in love, which makes him act like he's ten. He'll either get over it or won't, and when he does, if you still want to give him a shot, then you do, and if you don't, you still have us. The four of us stick together no matter what happens. Now stop beating up our kitchen. We both need showers, we can have breakfast, and then we can sit and watch some stupid movie you want. I'll find a reason why I'm late. With any luck, they'll send Sean to see what's going on and we'll come up with an excuse. What do you say?"

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nell_jones
2012-02-17 06:44 am UTC (link)

"No, let's not ruin that pretty face of yours." Nell couldn't help laughing. She threw a dish towel at him as she shook her head. "You just can't take the fact we don't want you for your body but for your ability to open jam jars," she teased, handing him one she was fighting with and didn't feel like exercising her power to loosen when she was this keyed up. The very unladylike snort came unbidden at the idea of acting like the little wife.

"See that," she asked, after he kissed her nose. Leaning up she bussed his cheek before he could straighten up fully. "That right there is why he can't believe we have a future of any kind. Friends aren't affectionate. I obviously can't be interested in him because I didn't smack you for kissing me last night." She growled again. "He infuriates me." But, Troy was right. Eric would get over it or he wouldn't. They would find a way to be friends again, or they wouldn't. And in the meantime, there was work and their little group of friends. "Showers, breakfast, rain check on the movie. I'm not letting him turn me into a wilting lily that can't get the job done because of a guy. I'm also not letting him think I'm going to try to avoid seeing him when he works in the room right next door, basically."

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t_bolton
2012-02-17 03:31 pm UTC (link)

"Dude, what's wrong with you? Everyone should want me for my body. You can be the brain of the operation, you and Alexis. Sean and I will just stand there and look smoking hot," he answered as he opened the jar for her and handed it back.

"You're right. Friends can't. We'll just have to be friends with benefits and prove him right," he said, winking at her. "I still say that my orgy idea is the best. Then we're not a couple and he can't be jealous." He kissed her forehead. "Yes, Ma'am, shower, breakfast. I'll see you in ten."

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