InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I've always wanted a peg leg."

Derek Morgan (derek__morgan) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2011-09-23 20:33:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2011 09, character: derek morgan, character: g callen

RP: Derek and G
Who: Derek and G
Where: Derek's
When: September 23, 2011
Summary: There's more discussions to be had

Derek opened the door after making sure that it was Callen. His suit had been replaced by jeans and a shirt, while he walked barefoot through the apartment. "Come in. I'm making us dinner," he said as he went into the kitchen. "Emily went to Savannah's and tea turned into dinner and after dinner and I'm sure she'll run away if Savannah suggests a sleepover. Garcia is geeking out with someone or other at the center. Reid is out with Alexis." The last one was something that was bothering him, and probably not for the reasons Reid would have liked. He was worried about what was happening there. "And I feel like a father."

He looked back at G, smiling. "Anyway, I figured you're not having a lot of food around Sam, so we can eat and talk at the same. I'm making salmon in the oven with green beans and tomatoes. I hope it's okay," he said as he dished the salmon. "Grab the white wine from the fridge instead of standing there," he teased, winking at G. "When it gets colder, you'll have to try my Irish stew, and no, I'm not joking. My mom is Irish American, biggest set of red hair you'll ever see."

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g_callen
2011-09-24 01:32 am UTC (link)

"Feeling domestic tonight?" G teased, doing that little half-smirk 'thing' of his. "You know, if you wanted to go out on a date, all you had to do was ask." Laughing, G went to get the wine with a shake of his head. "Trained or not, your friend's probably met her match with Savannah. You know how she is with new people. You'll have to call Prentiss and give her an excuse to leave." Not that G really thought the woman would have any problems extricating herself when it was time. It hadn't taken even five minutes talking to her on Monday to figure out she wasn't the meek sort in need of protecting.

"I think it's more I'm not having a lot of food because Sam's not able to make up a plate and stick it in front of me to make me eat it." G had been living off the bars he kept in the office during the day. If Sam knew how much he was forgetting to eat, Sam would find a way to regain corporeal properties just to kick his ass. "I eat with Sean when he's around. But, he's a twenty-something musician. He forgets to eat almost as much as I do." G shrugged. "As long as it's real Irish and not what passes for it here in the States."

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derek__morgan
2011-09-24 01:41 am UTC (link)

Derek laughed. "I always cook, and I'm sure there are safer options for a date. You know the kind that doesn't come with the partner who's a SEAL. I like breathing. That and you're way too high maintenance even for me." He put the plates down. "Emily will be fine and I find that it's easier to let Savannah loose at the beginning. It's so much worse if you postpone the inevitable."

He pushed the plate in Callen's direction. "Like that?" he said as he sat down. "No, it's real stew, with real lamb, done the Irish way." He opened the bottle and poured it into the two glasses he had set there. "Now, sit, eat, drink. It might just be a nicer way to discuss the insanity that goes around, and this way you can also tell Sam that you ate for the day." He stopped just a moment. "How are you coping?" He knew that Sam wouldn't be doing well, but Callen would be feeling this too, whether people noticed or not. "You know that offer is still open, even if you want to come over just for dinner, and just to have somewhere to vent for a few minutes."

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g_callen
2011-09-24 04:25 am UTC (link)

"Smart man," G replied with a chuckle before shooting the other man a surprised look. "High maintenance? Are you saying you're not man enough to keep me in the life to which I have become accustomed? I might have to reassess that good opinion of you I was beginning to build. Something like that," he confirmed with a smirk, suppressing the thought he wished Sam was able to push a simple omelet on him in the mornings.

Taking the glass, G twirled it between his fingers for a moment, then took a sip. Well, he took a taste that barely wet his lips, from habit. Sighing, he shrugged. "I appreciate that. We're dealing. The kids took it better than I thought they would, actually. He's telling John tonight. But, we still need to figure out what to do about classes and work." The idea of letting the rest of the team ogle his partner day in and day out was pushing his own jealous streak, the one he tried to pretend he didn't have. "Just another part of the insanity."

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derek__morgan
2011-09-24 04:35 am UTC (link)

"I can support you all right, but emotionally, you are draining, man, mostly because the other person has to have emotions for two." he wasn't even sure how Callen and Sam dealt with things considering that neither liked to talk about feelings, but that fell under things that he didn't need to know.

"Sean and Jenna are both resilient, and used to not having their father around. As long as he's here, I doubt you can shake them too much," Derek said, before smiling. "You sound different when you talk about your family." There wasn't any doubt that the 'kids' were Callen's family as well, at least in Callen's view.

"I'm not going to push this, and it's still relatively early, maybe you want to take another week, see if he can get this under control, but after that, he needs to come out of the house and deal with the team," Derek said. "It's not just because we have to change everything, which we do. No matter the system, people look at him when it comes to security. We need protocols that don't rely on him. More importantly, Sam lives to serve his country and protect others. When he can't do that, then there's no purpose to his life, and the longer he's out, the worse it gets for him. He needs to know that he's still part of the team and he can contribute to the team."

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g_callen
2011-09-24 05:37 pm UTC (link)

"Now, now. A brilliant profiler like yourself should know the difference between not talking about emotions and not having them in the first place," G chided with a smirk. not that he really understood the need to talk about emotions much. He'd learned to compartmentalize them at an early age, work around them and deal with them during times when it wouldn't get in the way of what actions needed to be taken.

"I don't know. I think the no hugging might get to Sean sooner or later. He's a lot like Savannah when it comes to being easy with affection." He raised an eyebrow as he set his glass back down. "Do I? I'll have to work on that." G was only partially joking. It wouldn't do to give too much away with just the tone of his voice.

He couldn't help staring at Morgan, wondering if he really though G needed to be told any of that regarding Sam, or if he was just talking to make sure G understood Morgan saw it, too. "I'm not pushing him one way or another. From what little we've seen of these powers, even the physical ones can react to our mental state. Mine showed up because I was feeling desperate to just get out and get away. Sam has always relied on his body, what he could make it do. And a lot of that is also tied up in his ability to exert control over it through what his mind tells him he can do. Mind over matter, never give up, all the rigorous mental training that accompanies the physical SEAL training. He needs to be doing something with the team, but when he's ready. He's helping me, which is a start. As he's ready, we'll find ways to bring him into the team more. I don't want to push him too much or too little, not when he's even more stubborn than I am and we don't know exactly how his power works yet. For all we know, this is a direct reaction to the fact he's been so against getting a power in the first place. Making him more uncomfortable with it, with it's impact on his beliefs and morality, could just make it worse." Even G couldn't keep the worry out of his tone by the end of that statement.

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derek__morgan
2011-09-24 06:40 pm UTC (link)

"A brilliant profiler like myself knows that emoting takes out as much if not more than feeling those emotion. There's a reason why people that have emotional problem feel physically tired," he answered. "Speaking to you is the equivalent of an hour at the gym, and that's when we're just covering work," he said, laughing. "That does not meant that it's better not to emote, because I know you'll go there. Bottling things up doesn't really help."

He put the fork down and smirked. "I guess it falls onto you to hug him and often. It's as close as he can get to hugging his dad." It was a good suggestion that would help both Sean and Callen, but Derek really wanted to be around if and when that happened. "It's not just the tone of voice, but the choice of words as well. I doubt random people would notice, but a profiler, or someone that spends a lot of time with you would notice." He took a sip of the wine, thinking about what he had just said. "You know, you have a way of surrounding yourself with emotionally intuitive people. Hetty, Savannah, now Sean, me. Are we your sounding board? If you can fool us, then you're fine?" he teased.

"Some powers reacts to mental state; I just got migraines." Of course, he was also more balanced than just about everyone around, and considering that he had his demons, that really didn't bode well for this group. "More stubborn than you are? Is that humanly possible?" He nodded, though he could see that Callen was concerned about this. "All right, no pushing, but if you want me to talk to him, if you think that will help, you let me know."

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g_callen
2011-09-25 09:45 pm UTC (link)

"See, I'm just making sure you stay in shape, keep on your toes." G chuckled, ignoring the issue of how he dealt with emotion. Or, didn't deal until he had to do so. He talked when he had to, but he was selective in who he told what.

Snorting, G shook his head. "You want me to give him a heart attack? His dad will make him start checking me for drugs." Maybe he was getting off his game. The last eleven months have been a study in how to put G out of his element and hope he didn't drown. Too much time around people. They learned to pick up on things. Still, he smirked at Morgan's teasing. "Or, maybe, it's just laziness. I don't have to talk about it if it's already been intuited."

"And because some do, we can't rule out the possibility." Laughing, G's smirk deepened. "Oh, yes. It's not only humanely possible, it's personified in one Sam Hanna. Don't let his zen attitude fool you. The man is stubborn as a mule. He'd have to be in order to put up with me as a partner for almost five years." G was starting to hate these powers as much as Sam did. They were more complications than assets. "I'll let you know." He didn't know if it would help, doubted Sam would be willing to talk to Morgan. But, G wasn't going to turn down any possible help outright. Not where Sam's well being was concerned. "So, your mom taught you to cook? This isn't bad."

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derek__morgan
2011-09-25 10:35 pm UTC (link)

"In that case, I should thank you. I wouldn't want to lose my skills," he answered, laughing. "God, this is so ridiculous. We're joking and laughing, and if you'd told me when we first met, I'd have declared you mentally insane. Not that you would have."

Derek chuckled. "You two are impossible. You can tell him that I recommended it as therapy. He can come and ask me." He considered the possibility and then shrugged. "Probably a combination of things, but it works, although you might have been pushing with Savannah. She's not a profiler, doesn't have the theoretical knowledge and sometimes she doesn't have the language to describe what people feel, but she always knows. She's got a knack with emotions. She'd make a great profiler, because she can always empathize. I guess it's not really surprising considering that she can't see the darkness most of the times."

Changing the subject again, he nodded. "You consider the possibility and I'll hope." The idea that Sam was even more stubborn than G was surprising even if thinking back there was plenty of evidence of that. Sam just hid better. "Irish mother, two older sisters, and no dad. We spent a lot of time around the kitchen, and before college she made sure that I could survive by myself. Got a crash course in cooking, laundry, ironing. I never had to do any of that before. I mean I liked to play around with them in the kitchen, but I didn't have to. Mom and sisters always took care of me."

He put his fork down and stared at Callen. "So, this email we got. What do you want to do with Specter? The man is depressed, but also delusional, and I mean that in the clinical sense of the word. Delusion of reference is the most obvious. That's when a person believes that any remark or decision or event, no matter how insignificant is personal. It's almost like persecutory delusions, but more general. Basically, everything we do and say is to screw with him. Every decision we take is meant to ruin his life and 'suck the fun out of it'. Until he can mentally cope, I don't know that we can let him go out without eyes on him, certification or not."

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g_callen
2011-09-26 04:24 am UTC (link)

"Yes, you probably should." Morgan wasn't entirely wrong. Six months ago G would have called anyone who said they'd be getting on in the future crazy. "Haven't you figured out, yet? Insanity is part of my charm."

G snorted. "Be careful what you wish for, I just might tell him that." He shook his head as talk veered toward Savannah, though. "She wouldn't be able to do what you do, see the things you do on a daily basis. Eventually, it would break her because she can't sustain the necessary walls that keep people in our line of work from getting too emotionally involved. And don't tell me you don't have walls. You wouldn't be sane if you didn't have something between you and the horrors you see every day."

There was that word again, the one G couldn't accept: hope. He didn't mind the subject change at all. "Sounds like you were all very close." Must have been nice. "I don't remember how old I was when I learned, was at one of the earlier places I stayed."

Sighing, G put his own utensils down and folded his hands in the air over his plate. "You mean other than punch his lights out for his attitude?" It was an idle threat, but to say G was pissed at the treatment Savannah had received would be like saying Donald Trump had a little bit of pocket change. His greater concern was the chances of Specter turning into another Abby, digging in his heels to the point...well, he wasn't going to think about that in too much detail right now. "So, how do we help him mentally cope?"

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derek__morgan
2011-09-26 12:21 pm UTC (link)

"You need to tone it down, because we're getting enough insanity without your help, and I'm reluctant to say that we've seen the worse, because you know we'd get someone even more insane," he said, laughing.

Derek understood what he was saying about Savannah, but he wasn't sure if he agreed. "Profilers don't have walls, not when we work. We empathize; it's the cornerstone of what we do, and we can't do that what we do otherwise. It's also why so many apply for the BAU, but then we have the highest turn around rate, second only to child abduction. You still have those walls, but you consciously lower them day after day, forty-eight weeks a year, and then you need those four weeks to feel human again. It's why we do all the talking we do. The team is our support system, our built-in psychiatrist. It's how we stay sane. It's also the hardest part for new agents. I mean to get into the BAU, they have to be supervisory agents, so these aren't new people, they have seen plenty and have learned to cope and then we tell them to push aside those coping mechanism and empathize with the killers and the rapists and the pedophiles. Children, that's that one that always gets to me. It's hard to look a man in the eye and tell him that I understand why he'd destroy a child's innocence."

He nodded. "We were. We still are. I try to go back to Chicago as much as I can, which isn't much with my job."

There was a mirroring sigh. "You're not going to like this. I'm not his doctor, but I'm willing to assume that it's a combination of things. He's got to have some narcissistic tendencies. Most powerful people at that level are either narcissists, sociopaths or a combination of the two. They focus their tendencies in the business world so they can become richer, more famous, more important. It works until something happens to the thing that stabilizes their world: the job. Now, normally, even with his psychosis, he wouldn't need any meds to deal. Whatever higher levels of dopamine in the brain they have is counteracted by the thrill of the job. With Specter, that's gone. There might be a pharmacological cure, but more important, it's therapy. The man is obviously able to cope with life without drugs, but he needs to talk. He needs psychotherapy and support therapy, but it's hard to help a man who doesn't want to be helped, and we don't have the means to force him to do it."

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g_callen
2011-09-26 04:49 pm UTC (link)

"Take away my one pleasure in life, why don't you?" G laughed. "It's too bad you didn't know me six years ago. I'd have had so much fun pushing your buttons."

Raising an eyebrow, he regarded the other man thoughtfully for a moment. But, then he shook his head. "Not the same kind of walls, I think. You have to empathize; I get that. And maybe you have to lower your walls a bit. But, you have to have some sort of defenses up to keep from losing it at some of those crime scenes. No matter how much you can make yourself empathize with some of those bastards, you're still basically a good person in ways they aren't any longer. You can't look at scenes from a war zone in the middle of suburbia without some distance. It's not exactly the same thing, but it's similar to what operatives have to do while undercover sometimes, especially the cases where, in order to keep your cover and get the evidence you need to nail the fucker to a wall, you have to watch innocents be killed and keep telling yourself about all the lives you'll be saving in the end, even if you never really believe the totals will balance out. There's still a layer between you and the work, however thin it wears because of how deep you have to get into their mindsets. Savannah doesn't have that." Even if she had tried to build it by seeing Burke's body, G knew she didn't have that defense against the horrors the world had to show her and he valiantly wished she would never have to deal with it.

"You know, I remember a time when it didn't feel unusual to be someone who could live by the 'suck it up and move on' philosophy," G said ruefully once Morgan had finished his unofficial diagnosis of Specter. Intellectually, he knew all the reasons why people couldn't accept things or deal with things. But, at the deepest levels, it just seemed so much logical not to waste time whining and deal with shit. Not that emotions were really logical. "If we don't find a way to get him talking, what are the chances he snaps out of this on his own? And, if not, what's our best chance at getting him to talk?"

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derek__morgan
2011-09-26 07:23 pm UTC (link)

"Six years ago, I wouldn't be so calm an those buttons might have resulted in a lot more physical confrontations," he said chuckling. "But we all have to grow up, no matter how boring and hard it gets."

Derek thought about it and then nodded. "I suppose you are right. We have different walls, but they aren't the same ones as undercover agents. Those are ... a one way ticket to fuck up," he said, laughing. "I don't think we could compartmentalize that much and do our job, but yes, Savannah doesn't even have those. Then again, most people don't at the start; you develop them or you quit. Maybe one day, she'll want to try a career in law enforcement. God knows how long we'll be here."

He chuckled. "Never really worked in the BAU; we talk." Not that he hadn't wished that he could just tell people to suck it up once or twice. "Unless he finds someone to talk to or takes meds, I would say highly unlikely. We have too many rules, a rigid structure and he's one of the most unimportant people, if you use his reference system. He'll never be on top of the food chain, no matter how much he tries and that makes him not want to try even more. One suggestion would be to reach him through Ross. Otherwise, we should talk to your brother and Renko. They can give us an insight on who can talk to him and how to best approach him."

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g_callen
2011-09-26 09:25 pm UTC (link)

"In other words, you'd have been more fun," G teased. "I think I need to hear more about this younger Derek Morgan some day. Figure out what happened." Although, in reality, it was a good thing Morgan was as patient as he was or they'd never have found a working relationship.

Chuckling, he could only nod his agreement. "We use a whole different skill set. And, it depends on the time of op, too. Even among undercover agents, most don't have that ability to compartmentalize. The deeper the cover, the longer the assignment, the more you need that separate space in your head, the place that can't be touched by the things you see, the things you have to do, the sins you commit in the name of the greater good. It's why you find the 'legends' are guys like me more often than not. I learned that compartmentalization along with my multiplication tables." And Savannah would never have that, for which G was grateful. She might one day learn to use the masks, or at least understand them. But, he would do anything to protect her from having to shut away the open heart that made her who she was. "I doubt she will. If she did want it, I think we'd all be in trouble," he said with a soft laugh. "But, it's not who she is. She wouldn't ever be happy in the field."

G smirked. "And there are reasons my time in the Bureau was spent in Counterterrorism." How far had they come in the last six months that G was actually listening to the psychology and considering it worth a shot? "Let's talk to Rob and Renko first. Get a look at how he's handling not having Ross right there. While I wouldn't advocate cutting him off from the one familiar person he has here, I can't help wondering if it'd be better to look at options that integrate him more with the others somehow."

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derek__morgan
2011-09-26 09:53 pm UTC (link)

"Or a more reckless agent who doesn't wait for his team, is too emotional, doesn't trust enough and keeps secrets," he said, chuckling. "My boss would go on at lengths about all my negative traits and then you could explain to him why they were actually a positive thing. I guess Hotch happened."

"The legends are just the cover stories. The people like you are the ones most likely to go crazy because they have too many legends in their heads," Derek answered, with a snort. "Or the ones with the highest alcoholism rate, or the highest suicide rate. It's funny, if you look at the numbers, it's a lot higher now that it was during the cold war. I wonder if it's because of the moral code of the time, or because things were simpler. We knew who the bad guys where. Now, it's terrorists, but that could be anyone, and we use more covers to fight terrorism and burn more people in the meantime." He smiled thinking of Savannah again. "Maybe, but the longer we're here, the less likely is that she can go back to what she wanted. It's impossible to be this trained and then be a housewife, no matter what she says now. You might have to look into something like the Secret Service for her. She'd be good."

He raised an eyebrow. "Because you wanted people from the BAU to evaluate you?" he asked, jokingly. "Makes sense. They are our best options. I'd say let's give him a few days so this blows over and then we talk to him. I'll even feed you before we speak with them," he said, chuckling. "Only one crises for the day. We're doing pretty good." If things could stay like this.

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