"He couldn't," Marty agreed. "It's my life and I've lived it the way I've wanted to this whole time - even after my dad told me he hated me even after he moved out of the state." It wasn't really important, his family issues were another matter entirely and not what he wanted to talk about today. "I like being a cop, I like my job and the people I get to help, and just everything about it - and I've known from the start that it's a dangerous job." But there's something about knowledge of a fact and the reality of a fact that is completely different.
He gave her a wry grin when she asked about Michael, "No I'm not gay," He nodded, and this was what he'd hoped to avoid when he'd first told her that, but he didn't think there was anything he could do about it now. "I'm bisexual, I'm not really picky about who I'm with at least when it comes to their gender." He shrugged thinking of Jess now. "It's not something I'm very good at I'm coming to see. I have all these rules, and things that I try to live by, and I might manage to do it most of the time, but I have my instances. There was Michael first, and then Jess - she was my handler on a case I was working back in LA. We didn't call it a relationship, because of my rules. But I was there with her whenever I could be, she was my safe place when I was able to take a break from the undercover work I was doing." He sighed. "She was killed." And it wasn't because of him, but that didn't make the pain of it any less real. "She was killed and I nearly killed a man over her. It didn't matter that I wouldn't call it a relationship, she was important."
He sighed, pulling his thoughts together again, trying to have all of the things that were going around in his head come to some kind of sensical conclusion, but without much luck. "No, that's not really what I'm trying to say. I like kissing you, that wasn't a lie or anything. What I'm trying to say is ... is that I like spending time with you, even if that's just talking, or watching a movie together, or if it's making out or any of the things we've done. I like you, Savannah. And I've been trying to tell myself that doesn't matter, that we're just friends and that's all I need it to be, but it's not fair to you. Because I'm being a complete shit here, whether you've realized it or not." He looked up at her face, and wished she wasn't quite so sweet, it made all of this that much more difficult for him. "I've been letting you be my safe place, you're the person I feel the most comfortable with right now, you're the one who helps me forget about all the other things I'm dealing with and I've been taking that from you without really giving anything back to you and it's not fair of me to do that to you." Even if Savannah was okay with the way things were now, he didn't think she would be forever.
"I'm not saying let's jump into a relationship, or anything, because I don't know that I can give you the things you want, I mean ... marriage and kids and all of that, but I just realized that if something happened to you, if I couldn't protect you - it doesn't matter whether I can call it a relationship or not, I can't have that happen."