Simon saw the mad flailing of long limbs loom over him like the shadow of an overgrown spider monkey having a seizure just before Pan hit. Literally. He grunted at the sudden weight that almost crushed his sensitives before he even had time to realize someone was touching him. Not just touching him, the man was all over him and... did he really just ruffle his hair? Simon's smile became a bitter grimace as he weakly tried and failed to push Pan off him. His mind began to catalog the sheer amount of mess the man's appearance had wreaked onto his orderly little picnic until the catastrophe alarms went off in his head. The horrid man, clearly not content with groping him, was now in the process of getting his greedy little paws on Simon's foodstuffs. And, who knew where those hands had been? "STOP!" he shrieked, but it was too late. He couldn't possibly touch any of it now. He might have to cut his losses and just wrap everything, including his lunchbox, in the dropcloth and toss the whole deal.
He knew it was ridiculous to think so, since he had never been near enough one to know one way or another, but Simon could swear the man smelled nothing if not like an old, randy goat. Regardless of that fact, Simon's very human body reacted to the warm bottom rubbing against his lap with all the vigor of the young, healthy male who was hopelessly starved for touch that he was. He spouted a magnificently desperate streak of stuttering to go with the impressive chub in his pants.
"Wh-wh-who I mean wh-wha-wh-what are you d-doing for crying outplease don't touch me!" It sounded like a cross between a strangled whine and the long, mournful wail of the Stymphalian bird just before its death. Still, his hips seemed to have other ideas, seeing as they were apparently trying to... get to know Pan's backside a little better at the moment. He felt all the blood leech from his face. If one could literally die from mortification, this was surely it for Simon Concordia.