WHO: Alexander Wolfe & Summer Grayson WHAT: Feelings are absolutely terrifying WHEN: 17th November, 08h20 WHERE: Apartment 1A, 10th Year Building RATING: High STATUS: Complete (via gdocs)
you always said we'd meet again you always said you'd be here you touch the deepest part of me the places i could not save
”See you in five.”
Xander wasn’t certain how many times he let himself read that text. Those four words that seemed so embarrassingly simple to a neutral observer, but felt like they carried the weight of the whole world to Xander. The majority of the weekend had been exactly the same. Every single hour had crawled by at a painstakingly slow pace while he had gone over every single word that his lips had uttered to Nik when they - or rather, he - had drank their weight and then some in vodka. The note that his friend had left him had done such wonders for his memory and it hadn’t taken him long to remember every single moment of the long and detailed conversation that had taken place on Friday night. He remembered every single emotion that he’d felt; devastation, fear, nervousness….hope.
It had taken a lot of soul searching - and even more restless sleep - but the events of the weekend had strangely helped. There was nothing quite like an utterly horrifying, realistic dream to shock one’s system into realising exactly what one wanted despite all of the lingering doubts and fears. Xander might have retreated into solitude for the weekend - with the excuse that he was recovering from the combination of a wicked hangover and the contaminated water - but he had made up his mind. He had gone through his normal morning routine of showering, lightly shaving and brushing his teeth at a much slower rate than normal. Xander had even combed his hair back, like he had done in Paris and at the Halloween party, but it didn’t take long for stray strands to fall in his face as he paced up and down in his towel. Eventually, he’d known that he couldn’t put it off and he had texted Summer, while he got dressed slowly; a pair of black briefs, a pair of black jeans, and a light gray long-sleeved shirt with a v-neck. He hadn’t even been sure if Summer would talk to him, considering how distant he’d been for the last couple of weeks, but she had responded as quickly as ever.
That was five minutes ago and Xander had returned to pacing up and down the length of his room, running his fingers through his hair over and over in an attempt to calm the nerves he was feeling. The breathing exercises that he had weren’t helping much either but something had to help. And then he heard the knock on the door. He stopped pacing abruptly, taking a few deep and slow breaths to calm his racing heart. The walk from his bedroom to the front door was one of the longest of his life and he paused for a moment before he pulled the door open, his bright blue eyes instantly coming to rest on Summer. “Hey,” he said, just managing to make a smile lift the corner of his lips. “Come on in.”
There was no turning back now.
--
It hadn’t taken more than that please to get her to drop thoughts about going to train that morning. Maybe she’d go later in the afternoon instead, but putting it off for a few hours wasn’t going to kill her. Things had been strained between her and Xander for the last few weeks. If she was honest, she had been making herself scarce. Ever since Halloween things had been...different. Every time she saw a suggestive comment it made jealousy rear its ugly head. She had spent a lot of the last few weeks with her thoughts and a few bottles of vodka. She’d done some things she wasn’t proud of, and some things she wished she could take back, and no matter how much it hurt just to look at him...when he asked her to come talk, she couldn’t say no.
Her dark jeans were low on her hips, and of the two layered tanks that she wore, the top one depicted a city scene. Her hair was in soft, full waves around her shoulders, barely damp from her shower at a ridiculously early hour of the morning just because she hadn’t been able to sleep. It had barely taken her any time at all to get there, but she paused outside his door momentarily. Lifting her hand, she knew that she just needed to bite the bullet and knock. He knew that she was coming, so she let her hand fall against the door. It took him a moment to open up, and she tried desperately to ignore the ache in her chest that was somewhere in the region of her heart.
Normally, she might have thrown her arms around him in a hug, abandoning care. She would have hugged him close, breathed in deep, and known that things were right. Instead, she returned his smile, but hers was a ghost of the real thing, not reaching her eyes, “Hey.” Even though everything looked exactly the same as it had the last time she’d been there, it felt so different. She put her bag down by the couch in the same spot where she’d taken off her high heels a few weeks ago, “So...you said it’s important. What’s up?” She tried to keep her voice even, but it was slightly strained with all the things she wanted to say beneath the surface, but couldn’t.
It was harder every day to pretend. She wondered if it might have been about the contaminated water that a lot of people had gotten into over the weekend. That was a good possibility. Their conversation about it had been tense and short. She’d wanted nothing more than to come over and just sit with him, but he’d insisted that he was just going to sleep so she’d stayed away, worrying the day away while being unable to do anything about it. It was frustrating, saying that they were fine when they so obviously weren’t. She would have just barged through his front door before...and now she didn’t know that she would be welcome.
--
The atmosphere between them was thick with tension and he was surprised that he had never noticed it before, irritated that he had been so blind and not seen it earlier. He inwardly acknowledged that it was likely to do with the denial he had been fiercely clinging to, but he did so begrudgingly. He silently took a few steps back to allow Summer into the apartment, then closed the door behind her and he took a moment to close his eyes afterwards, as if desperately begging his courage to stick with him and not desert him now. He watched the way she put her bag down on the couch, listened to the even tone of her voice, and he managed a complete smile this time. He planned to continue talking right there in the lounge - once the both of them were comfortable on the couch, of course - but then he remembered something and paused.
“Not here,” he said quietly, tilting his head in the direction of James’s room. His friend was likely still in the room, taking advantage of the extra hours provided by the week off to sleep in. He walked with her into his bedroom, lagging a step or two behind her, and shut the door behind them with a slow inhale. “Can sit if you want,” he offered, nodding at his bed which had clean sheets on it and had been freshly made earlier. He carefully pulled out the chair from in front of his desk and placed it a short distance from the bed, sitting down on it; usually he would sit on it backwards like he did when working through his homework, but this wasn’t a casual situation. Xander leant forward in the chair, his elbows resting on his thighs while his fingers tangled together in front of him, and he didn’t even take notice of the hair that had fallen in his face.
“I can’t do this,” he said finally, after what seemed like minutes of uncomfortable silence between them. “I thought that I’d be able to, that I’d be able to keep going on like nothing has changed, but I can’t. I wanted to do it, for you and for our friendship, but I can’t.” His teeth dragged harshly across the width of his his lower lip, as if he was gathering up whatever courage he could to keep going. “You mean too much to me. I care for you, so much more than a friend should. I care for you so much that it actually hurts me physically when you are not around.” He tried to force his gaze upward, to look at her, but it remained firmly stuck on his hands; he was terrified of her reactions - of her reply - to the point that he couldn’t even use a simple set of three words to explain. “And I understand if you don’t feel the same way. Really, I do. But I can’t go on without saying something. I need to be honest with you. I can’t continue pretending.”
--
At first, when he indicated he wanted to go back to his room, Summer was hesitant. It didn’t matter to her that James was there. It was unlikely that anything Xander was going to say to her would need to be that private. Still, she nodded and muttered a word of agreement. Her legs felt like they were weighed down with lead as she forced herself to walk back to his room. She didn’t look to the spots where they’d stood before when she tried to kiss him, as though turning her back to that part of the room would effectively put it in the past where it belonged. He offered for her to sit on the bed, and she very nearly asked him if she could take the chair instead, but that’s where he seemed to be settling and it was the only one so she bit the inside of her cheek and slipped back onto the mattress. She didn’t make herself comfortable, sitting on the edge with her feet dangling towards the floor instead.
She watched him for those long few moments that he was quiet, unable to fathom what he might want to discuss with her. They’d been avoiding an actual conversation - and one another - for a while now. Sure, they still saw one another almost every day, but their conversations were short and they didn’t seek one another out in the evening hours like she was used to. It had been a revelation of just how much time she really spent with the man across from her, and his absence in her life was glaringly obvious. I can’t do this. When those words passed his lips, she felt like she’d been hit - hard. She couldn’t breathe, hanging her head a little as her fingers curled into her palms and she convinced herself that screaming wasn’t going to do any good. He couldn’t keep going on like they were. She’d officially ruined everything, and the feeling that closed in on her rapidly reminded her far too much of when she’d found out that he missing. It was fear and pain - a devastating cocktail of emotions that she had to swallow down like a shot, and it was burning her. Tears that had rapidly formed in her eyes slipped silently down her cheeks and they were still stubbornly falling when he continued.
Summer’s gaze snapped up from her knees when started talking about much he cared about her. More than a friend should. Enough that it hurt. She wanted to believe those words so much. If that was true then why hadn’t he said something two weeks ago? He would never be cruel enough to her that this was a game, so what was she supposed to say to all of that? It stunned her to the point that it took a few moments for her to find her voice. Emotions were difficult to navigate now, having rapidly gone from pure devastation to something more like hope. She took a shaky breath, “Pretending hasn’t been going so well.” Her voice was a little broken with those words. Her emotions were raw and had her wound as tight as a bow. She was afraid of reading too much into those words. They might have seemed clear to some, but Summer had assumed too much before and it had led her here so she needed clarity, “I get why you told me no...that night. Because I was drunk, but the next morning you didn’t…we just buried it. Again!” A small sound of frustration passed her lips, and she had to pause a few moments before she could continue, “I don’t know what to think any more this has got me so turned around and twisted up. So tell me. Please, I am...fucking begging you, Xander. Just tell me what you want. Because I know what I want. I’ve known since Paris, but as much as I’d like to, I can’t read your mind and I can’t just assume the wrong thing again.”
--
Silence followed his words. What was she thinking? How was she reacting? Those questions flashed through his mind like images, making him inhale slowly and curl his fingers around themselves a bit tighter. It was getting a little harder to breathe, what with the way that his heart was crashing against his ribs with every single beat. And when Summer spoke, Xander picked up the change in her voice and all that worry in the pit of his stomach intensified. It curled its tendrils around every single organ in his body and latched on tight, making it feel like every part of him was being crushed slowly in complete and utter panic. He had to get a grip on himself, he thought. He had to. “I didn’t want you to do something you might regret,” he said, the expression on his face slightly pained. “But I had to hope, somehow, that it wasn’t just because of the alcohol. So that was why I told you. That, if you still felt the same in the morning when you were sober…. if you still wanted me, then you just had to tell me.”
“And then you didn’t remember.” He managed a weak, shaky exhale. “It was like I’d never said those words at all. So when you asked if we were okay, I had to say yes. I had to. I didn’t want to lose you completely.” He closed his eyes briefly, taking a few moments to force down the emotions that were welling up and trying to break free. And when she asked what he wanted, Xander wasn’t certain that he’d heard her correctly. Why would she care what he wanted? She mentioned Paris and that caused a burst of fear to resonate through his body, to the point that his fingers ran through his hair painstakingly slowly in an effort to stop his hands from beginning to shake. He opened his eyes very slowly and forced them upward, to rest on her face, and there was no way that he could have missed the wet streaks across her cheeks.
Seeing that almost made his courage tuck tail and run. He imagined that she was preparing what she wanted to say once he admitted what he wanted, that she was going to tell him that she didn’t feel the same and that she only wanted to be friends, that his admittance had ruined their long friendship to the point beyond repair. He couldn’t back down now, though. He had to answer her. His striking blue eyes caught her gaze and he took the plunge. “I want you.”
--
As he explained, she tried desperately to wrack her brain for those details, but they were too fuzzy, too far gone. And yet...there was a vague recollection fight its way to the surface beyond the haze of her emotions. It hit her with all the force of an oncoming train. It wasn’t a dream, she thought, horrified that she had discredited the truth as some impossible figment of her imagination upon waking that morning two weeks ago. It made everything that had happened since then seem so much worse. If she’d just believed then none of that pain ever would have come to pass. They were sitting there with only a short distance between them, but it had felt like they were miles apart until that point. Now she could see more clearly that it had been an illusion...miscommunications that were leading to the senseless destruction of everything that they both held dear.
Seeing him like this was strange for her. He was always so confident, but as he sat there in his desk chair, it looked as though he was just waiting for Summer to cut him out of her life entirely. When he looked up, her tears had stopped and were drying on her cheeks. She felt suddenly filled with determination, ready to take a leap that she knew there would be no coming back from. It was now or never, and she was afraid, but if she fell at least she wasn’t falling alone. Those three words that he spoke, confirming what he hadn’t ever said before, were what she latched onto like a guiding light in the middle of a blinding storm.
She pushed herself off of the bed, taking the few steps over to where he was sitting and dropped to her knees right in front of him, “You want me?” she said softly, reaching out to take his hands into hers. She was trembling a little, nervous and hopeful all at once, but if there was a possibility that this could work she was going to be all in, “Then have me.” She wet her lips, heart flying, “Consider this me remembering, because I didn’t before...not really. I just...I thought it was too good to be true. I’m awake and sober, and I want you too.”
--
That period of silence felt like the longest of his entire life. Those three words that had fallen from his lips were impossible to take back now, and he wasn’t sure that he would take them back even if he wanted to. All he could hear was the panicked beating on his heart, crashing over and over into his ribs with unrelenting force, while he stared at Summer. His mind sobbed and begged desperately for her to say something, anything, just so that he would know his fate. The earth-breaking reality that all of his emotions hinged on that exact moment was almost overwhelming and he nearly dropped his gaze back to his tangled, inwardly shaking hands. Anything for a single moment of relief, his mind begged.
But he didn’t.
Watching her stand up and walk over to him, it was almost like slow motion and Xander found it quite impossible to breathe, to the point that he actually held his breath from the overwhelming panic that was spreading through his body. What if she said no? It would be over, forever. Their friendship would be destroyed. But as her hands took hold of his, Xander could feel how she was trembling and his gaze remained fixed on her, unable to look anywhere else even if his life depended on it. And when those three words fell from her lips, it was like time paused for a split second….then air was rushing into his lungs and he gasped, letting go of her hands and moving to cup her face even though his hands were visibly shaking now, and he pressed his forehead against hers while he felt all of the panic in his body start to unwind rapidly.
“Summer,” he exhaled, and his fingers tangled in her hair at the nape of her neck gently. “I never thought….” His eyes closed tightly for a moment, as if he had to convince himself that this was actually real, and his teeth dug into his bottom lip roughly. “This isn’t just about sex. I want you. All of you. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. And I know I’m not a good person, but I will try bloody hard to be good enough for you.” The final word had barely escaped into the air between them before he pressed his lips against hers, letting all of his emotions and feelings flood into the simple act. He needed to know that this was real. And that Summer wasn’t going anywhere.
--
Nothing existed beyond that room for her in that moment. Everything that she wanted and needed was right there in front of her, and he was moving close, tangling his fingers in her hair. Her name had never sounded better than it did on his lips. She had leaned in a little, that trailed off statement of his making her all too aware of the fissures in her heart that didn’t need to be there, “I know.” Her words were soft, but the thing was that she did understand, even if he didn’t finish his statement. Neither of them thought in the beginning they’d end up here, or that it was possible they’d feel the same, “I didn’t either.”
Her breath caught a little at his reassurance that it wasn’t just about sex. That, as much as she didn’t want it to be, was a legitimate concern. The thing was that Xander was very handsome and he was never wanting for a willing partner. People seemed to be willing to throw themselves at him at a moments notice. But he didn’t just want that from her...he wanted more. And that was all she could really ask of him. She was all prepared to reassure him that she thought he was good enough, but the words never passed her lips because he’d leaned in to kiss her. Words mattered little then.
Summer returned the kiss without any reservations. It probably edged a little on the side of needy, but she’d been waiting quite a while for this. She was unsatisfied with feeling so far away, and pushed herself up without totally breaking the kiss, just enough that she could slip herself into his lap. She faced him, straddling his lap as her hands roamed up his chest. Her touch passed over his neck, sliding her fingers into his hair and gripping tight. She felt more than a little breathless, but one more concern floated into her mind unbidden, and she pulled back just a little, gasping in a breath, “Wait,” she whispered, trying to make her mind work, “There can’t be anyone else, Xan. I would kill them, okay? Like...blind rage jealousy, crime of passion murder them.” She brushed her lips to his again in a quick kiss because she couldn’t help herself, “Is that...I mean, I know how you feel about commitment...”
--
The soft words that Summer replied with - how she finished his statement - caused a small but happy laugh to fall from Xander’s lips. Never had he imagined at any point over the weekend, where he had spent an agonising amount of hours deciding on what to do, that this might be the outcome of their conversation and his chest heaved in protest for a few moments from the sheer amount of air that he’d pulled into his lungs. Yet nothing else mattered when he finally pressed his lips to hers, again….after so long, not even air itself. It didn’t matter whatsoever that he was kissing Summer as if his entire life depended on it, only that she was returning the kiss with equal abandon.
He adjusted quickly when she moved, shifting from leaning down to sitting back in the chair, and his right hand untangled from her hair to wrap around her back instead as she straddled his lap. A small shiver rushed through him when her hands briefly touched his neck, but he gripped her back tighter and let out a low, fierce growl when her fingers tangled into his hair tightly. He felt like he was going to start drowning in all the sensations and emotions….and then Summer pulled away a little, causing him to lean forward in an attempt to prevent the kiss from ending, and a soft whine fell from his lips when she whispered. He didn’t want to wait, he wanted to keep kissing her. But he attempted to drag his mind out of the haze it had settled in.
A smile lit up his face when he heard what she said and he accepted the quick kiss when she offered it, his arm around her back desperately wanting to pull her closer to him, but understood that this topic was important to her. “There won’t be anybody else, spitfire,” he whispered, with his lips hovering a centimetre from hers, and his eyes looked up at hers. “I want only you. I said I would try bloody hard, and I will. As for my commitment issues, we can take it one day at a time. Sound good?” He waited only long enough to let her reply with a few words before he closed the gap between them again, his lips finding hers. The kiss was his simple way of showing her everything without using words and he alternated between soft pecks and heavy lip-locks against her lips, teasing her by running his teeth or licking a quick stripe along her lower lip. His hand moved from her back, sliding under her tank tops instead so that he could hold her closer and feel her soft, bare skin.
--
The little sounds that he made, especially that soft whine when she pulled way, were hard to ignore long enough for her to voice the last thing that could hold her back. She’d grown up in a community where unfaithfulness ran rampant and no one talked about it, but Summer knew herself. She’d never been alright with that idea. Xander didn’t really do relationships, and she knew that. Maybe it was what had held her back more than anything else, but his smile reassured her and she was immediately soothed by his reassurance that there wouldn’t be anyone else. She played with his hair a little while he spoke, her worries easing away. She trusted him not to lie to her, and his plan was a good one. Day by day was fine in her book, “Yeah. It sounds perfect,” she agreed.
There was no rest for her racing heart. His kisses were dizzying, and Summer was helpless to resist. Every brush of his lips, stroke of his tongue to her lip, or the gentle tug of his teeth made her come a little more undone, soft moans pulled from her as every tease caused her body to demand more. The idle thought that this was much more important than training flitted through her jumbled thoughts. She pulled herself close, pressed in despite the layers that separated them. Summer wasn’t sure how far this should go, but she didn’t want it to stop. Not now.
She shivered when his hand found its way under her tops, rough fingers burning a hot trail against her skin. The last time she’d taken her shirt off in front of him he’d closed his eyes and refused to look, but this time was different. This time he touched first and his lips were driving her crazy with want. Her hand gripped his shoulder a little as she pulled away slightly, catching his lower lip between her teeth with a gentle pull, smiling with a devious edge when she let go. Summer was a little nervous still, but she reached down and gathered the hems of those layered tanks, pulling them up over her head. It messed up her hair a little, golden tendrils falling around her shoulders. She dropped her shirts, thankful that she had the good sense to never leave her house in undergarments she wouldn’t want anyone to see. The hot pink bra that she had on was new and did great things for her confidence. A light flush was rising to her skin from a combination of nervousness and arousal that she couldn’t deny.
--
It was impossible to resist Summer. Each soft moan that escaped her full lips was like a drug to him, her breath ghosting across his own lips as she exhaled each sound into the almost non-existent space between them. He felt the way that she pulled herself closer to him and that only made him wrap his left arm around her back too, pressing her tightly against his chest, while his right hand picked up the gentle shiver that fluttered through her body when his fingers touched her back. He smiled against her lips at the reactions but when she pulled away slightly, he stuck his lower lip out more as she pulled on it with her teeth, pouting about being denied from continuing to kiss her. After five years of being best friends in a platonic sense, Xander wasn’t too proud to admit that he was craving the intimate contact that only she could provide.
His breath caught in his throat, though, as she reached down and slowly pulled her tank tops up her torso, and his hands gently fell until they were resting at the small of her back. Feeling nervous now for an entirely different reason, Xander fussed at his lower lip with his teeth as more and more skin was revealed with each passing second, and he couldn’t help but feel a passing hope that she had no plans today because he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to let her out of his sight for at least twenty four hours. If not more. As her tank tops fell to the floor, a naughty grin lit up Xander’s face and he leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers. “Tease,” he whispered, and his hands slowly brushed up her back until they were resting over the clasp of her bra. He didn’t undo it, though; he wanted to take this as slow as possible.
His lips started to explore, trailing a slow path down her neck, while he placed kisses against every inch of skin that he could see and feel. His lips brushed soft kisses across her collarbone, along her right shoulder and between the three parallel straps of her bra, while his warm breath left goosebumps in its wake. The corners of his lips curled upward in a grin, his hands caressing her back softly, before he left a long - and definitely teasing - kiss between her breasts. His eyes flicked up to look at her face, that grin still floating around on his lips, and his hands paused over the clasp of her bra again. “May I?” he asked, his voice rougher than before; he didn’t normally ask, but this was Summer and she was special. This moment was special.
--
It was instant relief when he leaned back in and gave her a kiss, even though it was a short one. He accused her of being a tease, and she smiled slowly, “Guilty.” It was hard to breathe normally even though he wasn’t kissing her. Just sitting there in that way, his hands trailing up her back, was enough to make her warm all over. He leaned back in, but instead of kissing her lips, he paid diligent attention to her neck. She tipped back her head a little muttering praises under her breath as his lips explored her freckled skin. Each brush of his lips was a seduction that she was too weak to resist, and as he kissed, she shuddered softly from the pleasure. One of her hands rested against his shoulder, tightening whenever he found a particularly sensitive spot, and when he kissed between those straps that covered her breasts, she tangled her fingers into his hair again as if encouraging to keep him close.
His kiss between her breasts made her arch her back towards him, her breath catching in her chest. She had to bite down on her lower lip to keep a curse from finding its way into the air. He looked up at her then, and she had to admit inwardly that she was a little surprised that he asked permission. She wouldn’t have said no if he hadn’t, but the respect spoke volumes and she knew it. She thanked him with a teasing kiss that lasted a few moments, but her eyes were bright when she barely moved away, enough that her lips still brushed his with her words, “You may.” She knew she didn’t really have any reason to be embarrassed. She had plenty to work with, but she hoped that he would be satisfied with what she had to offer. In Paris he’d seen her in just her undergarments, but this would be the first time he actually saw her totally topless since he hadn’t looked at Halloween. It would definitely be the first time he was allowed to touch. Summer would let him unclasp the bra, and when that was done, she had no intention of hiding herself from him.
--
Every single time Summer reacted to something that he did, it only encouraged him more. Her soft mutterings, the firm grip of her hand on his shoulder, and especially the way she tangled her fingers into his hair were driving him wild. Each time her hand tightened on his shoulder, he took careful note of the sensitive spot on her body, certain that he would return to lavish attention on it in the not too distant future. A brief moment passed where Xander wondered if Summer would laugh at him because he asked for permission, but she just offered up a brief kiss that he accepted readily, teasing her by swiping his tongue along her lower lip. As soon as she spoke, Xander’s hands deftly unclasped her bra and pulled it away from her back gently, his fingers running under the straps while his hands made their way up her back and over her shoulders; he raised his eyebrows at her with a cheeky light in his eyes before he lightly tugged forward, sliding the bra off her shoulders and down her arms, then dropped it in the direction of her tank tops that were already on the floor.
His lips found hers again, soft kisses turning into needy ones, and his hands glided up her bare sides with the lightest of touches. He let his teeth tease at her lower lip again while his hands carefully circled around her breasts before he covered them completely, his thumbs brushing slowly over the more sensitive parts of her skin, the wish - no, the need - to drag more noises from those beautiful lips the most important thing on his mind. His lips soon began to pay attention to her neck again, letting his hands drive her wild, and he gently grazed his teeth over her skin softly followed by his tongue. But then he heard a noise through the bedroom door and, loathe as he was to pause, his head lifted from her neck and glanced in the direction of the door. “I don’t think I locked it,” he whispered, his hands still continuing their soft ministrations on her breasts.
The wish to remain sitting there was intense but, as much as he wanted to make Summer beg for more, his wish to be interrupted was definitely in the negative zone. There was only one thing to be done and he did it. His hands reluctantly left her breasts and moved down to cup her ass, holding her hips firmly against his. With a quick peck against her lips, almost as an apology in case she was startled, Xander stood up suddenly while still holding her against him, and cleared the distance to the bedroom door in four steps. Not wanting to disrupt their fun, however, Xander pressed Summer up against the door firmly, his body flush against hers and his lips finding hers again. His right hand went in search of the lock, a daunting task when he wasn’t actually looking, but he did enjoy a challenge.
--
It took only a few moments for the fabric to leave her body, and only another second for his lips to capture hers once more. Her breaths came in soft pants in between kisses, and she took a double-intake of breath when his hands reached her breasts. Her whimper against his lips was followed by a soft plea when he brushed his thumbs over her, coaxing her rosy nipples into hard peaks. She ached all over, her whole body demanding more all at once as he kissed along her neck once more. His touch caused her to push herself closer, a soft, needy, “Oh my god,” passing her lips on a moan as his teeth nipped at her skin. That action caused her to tighten her thighs against his hips, but only a moment later there was a sound and it distracted him. Her head was swimming with desire, too unfocused to care about whether or not anyone might walk in on them. For all she cared, if Xander just kept on they could give someone else one hell of a show. He said something to her about locking it, but she was too dazed to really pick up on the words.
His hands shifted down her body, and she made a soft noise of protest until he rested his hands on her ass, and she was fully intent on her plan to fit her hips even better against his, but he was pressing a quick kiss to her lips and getting up from the chair. At least he wasn’t asking her to get off of him, because she didn’t know that she could stand up right then even if he wanted her to. She quickly slid her arms around his neck to help balance and kept her thighs wrapped around his hips. A hum of approval found its way into the air when he pressed her to his bedroom door. That she could deal with. She held him close, kissing him with an edge that left no question that he was driving her mad.
The pressure of his body leaning hers into the door and the grip of her thighs helped keep her up. The door was cool against her back, a sharp contrast to the heat of her skin. She felt like her temperature had gone up by a hundred degrees, even if that was a ridiculous thought. He was locking the door, but she reached down and tugged his shirt up a little from around his waist just so she could slide her palms against his skin. It was wholly unfair, after all, that she was half naked and he wasn’t.
--
That hum of approval from Summer reached his ears and a breathless laugh escaped his lips, her reaction and the rough kiss that followed only encouraging him further. Xander could tell that he was driving her quite mad - a fact that he loved. His hips were pressed roughly against hers, the grip of her thighs keeping him still, and the lack of friction was driving him to distraction. His right hand was in the process of finding the lock for the door but he felt her hands mess with the hem of his shirt, her palms sliding against his hot skin, and he paused in his goal of locking the door. He moved his hands to the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head quickly, his hair becoming more messy, before he pressed his body against hers again. Now it was skin on skin, and the heat of his own rivalled hers.
After a few more moments, Xander managed to lock the bedroom door - finally - and all of his attention returned to Summer in an instant. His arms wrapped around her back tightly and he stepped away from the bedroom door, holding her up entirely with his arms; he knew exactly where he was headed. The bed had been freshly made that morning but it didn’t matter now. Separating her legs from his hips, Xander let her gently fall right into the centre of the bed but didn’t join her immediately, standing at the end of the bed and just letting his gaze slowly roam over every inch of her. She was breathtaking and he felt like the world’s biggest idiot for taking so long to realise it.
Later on....
The thought of moving was not an overly welcome one at that moment but Xander moved his hands away from her hips, his left hand finding her right hand to tangle their fingers together, and he slowly lifted his head so that his vivid blue eyes could gaze at her face, his right hand coming up and tucking a few strands of damp blonde hair behind her ear. “That….was….spectacular,” he managed to say, taking slow breaths in between each word.
Every single muscle in his body felt like it had just run the most pleasurable of marathons and he carefully eased his weight off Summer’s body. Moving down the bed briefly, since he didn’t want to be away from her for long, Xander grabbed a trailing corner of his bedsheet and yanked it towards him; he draped it over their lower halves, mostly to give them additional warmth as their bodies cooled down after their exertions. He crawled up the bed again to be beside her, his arms sneaking under her back so that he could pull her close to him, and he gently rubbed his nose against hers in an almost dorky act of affection before brushing his lips against hers softly. “I hope you don’t have any other plans today,” he teased breathlessly, a grin on his lips.
--
The weight of his body was a welcome blanket of heat on top of her. He didn’t let himself completely rest on her, but it she didn’t mind. Summer relaxed her tight grip in his hair to slip to the back of his neck. He found her hand with his own, though, and tangled their fingers, a gesture that was more than welcome. She felt totally spent, but when he moved she lifted her heavy lids and grinned brilliantly at him as he tucked back her hair. She doubted that he’d do that with anyone else and it was a sweet reminder that this was different, not just sex, but something much more than that. His words were reassuring, and she felt a bit proud to get such praise. “That... hardly begins...to cover it,” she gave a winded giggle that faded into a very satisfied sigh.
He eased away from her and she instantly missed his warmth. She’d never felt so connected to someone as she had when he was so close to her that they became one, and she wasn’t ready to let that feeling fade. For a moment she wondered what he was going to do next, but she was pleasantly surprised when he pulled the sheet up around their hips and joined her again, gathering her close with his arms. Summer snuggled in as close as she could get, idly tracing her fingers against the defined muscle of his bicep. He brushed his nose against hers playfully, and she grinned against his lips as he kissed her. Summer had entirely forgotten that she even had a loose plan for her afternoon until he mentioned it, but that did not make her any more inclined to go, “Oh, I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay right here. I’m pretty sure we have a few more rounds in us,” she baited, hoping that he would agree.
Summer leaned back in and kissed him purely because she wanted to and she could. That wasn’t something she had been able to say when she woke up that morning. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why they hadn’t done this sooner because that had been the best sex she’d ever had. It actually meant something, and she knew it. As she pulled back, an errant thought crossed her mind and she remarked, “Well, I guess now some of the rumours about us are actually true.” Summer tucked herself even closer to him, feeling a little cool now that they weren’t in the midst of a particularly pleasant workout.
--
“Oh? How would you describe it, then?” he inquired, a breathless and shaky laugh escaping his mouth when he heard her little winded giggle followed by a very satisfied sigh. Xander felt like he was on the greatest high of his life but that little sigh made it that much better. Gathering her close with his arms and holding her against him was something that he’d never imagined that he would ever do, not even in his wildest dreams, and feeling her snuggle as close to him as possible made his emotions soar out of control. His body was still tingling pleasantly after their intense coupling and every touch of Summer’s soft fingers against his skin just served to remind him of how amazing it had been, in every way possible. He felt the grin her lips formed when he kissed her, and that made a grin of his own form while they were lip-locked in a gentle kiss.
The grin on his lips remained after her reply, and his hands gently caressed every part of Summer’s naked back that he could reach without upsetting their comfortable situation of being tangled up together. “Good. I wasn’t planning on letting you go. I want you all to myself for the next twenty four hours, at least,” he replied, a chuckle escaping his lips at her baiting comment. “A few? I fully intend to ravish you over, and over….” His voice got slightly husky, a naughty glint in his eyes. “And over, and over, and over….until the only thing you can do is moan my name, spitfire.” He leaned in again and returned her soft kiss, the action sending enjoyable little shivers through his body.
As she tucked herself closer to him, Xander just wrapped his arms around her more. He wanted to feel every part of her body against his, a small part of his mind still trying to believe that this wasn’t a dream and that he and Summer were actually something more. They would always be best friends, yes; Xander would never give up that position she’d held for so many years to someone else, but now it was also something more. It was something that made his heart beat completely out of control and made him want to walk around with a blissful smile on his face. A soft laugh escaped his mouth at her remark and he kissed the tip of her nose. “Speaking of the rumours, would it be alright with you if we kept this….kept us....as our little secret for a while?” he asked, a thrilling shudder going through his body as he used the word us. It didn’t just feel special. It felt right.
--
When he asked how she would describe it, she gave a little hum and dipped her head to brush her lips against his throat, “I don’t think there are appropriate words.” Of the million plus words in the English language, she couldn’t think of any that would appropriately describe how fantastic the sex had been or how she was feeling now. She didn’t care about the world beyond this room. It could fade away for all she cared because being right there with Xander was all that she needed. This had to last, she thought. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if something set them off course. Now that they knew what they were missing, they could never go back. That would have made her a little nervous except for the way that he held her so close even now, his hands brushing a warm trail over her delicate skin. Summer was one who liked this kind of closeness in the aftermath, and she hadn’t been sure if he would or not.
She arched a blonde brow at him when he said that he wasn’t planning on letting her go for twenty-four hours, though she had an impish smile picking up the corners of her lips, “I like the sound of that.” On a normal day she would be skipping her sister’s class, so she was incredibly thankful that they had the whole week off. They would have as much time as they could possibly steal together, and with Raz gone on vacation, they would have privacy for the week as well. He continued, reassuring her that he fully intended to have her again and again. Just the words sent a shiver down her spine in anticipation. She wanted exactly what he was offering. She smiled cheekily, a veritable purr passing her lips as she fixed her sea-green eyes on him, “Well, I think I’ve proved that I am very good at moaning your name so that shouldn’t be a problem.”
There was no getting close enough for her right then. He kept her warm and content, reassured that this wasn’t just some fleeting whim that they were both going to regret in a few hours. He kissed her nose and she smiled goofily, amused by how cute he was being. Xander was a man who was as fierce as they came under normal circumstances, but he was being gentle with her. He was being sweet. For a moment, the part of his words that she focused on was that he called the two of them us, which maybe shouldn’t have been so shocking. They’d always been Summer and Xander, since that first day that they met, but this went well beyond that. It was a different kind of union and it was really the first time that it had been acknowledged.
What he had asked was important, though, and she thought she knew why without even asking. Xander had been adamantly against commitment in the past, and that was still a concern. It would take adjustment, day by day like they’d agreed just a short while ago. She delicately trailed her hand up his arm, across his shoulder, and along his collarbone, but she looked up to meet his bright blue gaze, “Yeah. We don’t have to tell anyone just yet. I mean, James and Raz might figure it out for obvious reasons, but we can keep it behind closed doors for now if that makes it easier. It’d give us some time...to just figure it out. Without my family and everyone else trying to get a say. I did mean what I said before about jealous rage, though. So...you know, maybe just do what you’ve gotta do to get people to back off?”
--
The soft brush of her lips against his throat sent a small shiver through his body, and a chuckle escaped his lips while his head tilted back a little further to give her more access to his neck. “Fair enough,” he murmured quietly, a grin teasing at the corner of his lips. It made him feel bloody incredible that she didn’t have words to describe what had happened between them, even if he didn’t really have truly fitting words for it either. The way she arched her eyebrow at him had another chuckle falling from his slightly bruised lips, all of their kissing being the culprit for that one but it was not even a small price to pay if it meant he could continue to kiss Summer. “I thought you might,” he retorted lightly, but that purr that passed Summer’s lips had his eyes darkening with lust again, and his teeth tugged at his lower lip. He rested his forehead against hers then, his breath warm against her lips. “Should we see if you can scream it then? I’d like to see if that’s possible.”
He briefly tightened his arms around Summer, squeezing her to him gently after seeing the way she smiled goofily at his actions. It was impossible to get enough of her, even just laying together like this, facing each other with their heads resting against his pillows. He wanted to mold her body to his until they fit perfectly together, until there was not even the barest hint of space between their bodies. He lay there and enjoyed the feeling of her hand trailing up his arm, across his shoulder, and along his collarbone lightly, while his eyes watched her face the entire time. A smile crept onto his lips when she agreed to his request and he nodded his head slightly against the bed. “James is bound to figure it out, or I should hope he is at least. I’ve never ever used my room for sexual endeavours before and I know that he was here earlier. He probably got quite the earful.” Xander didn’t look the tiniest bit bothered by that thought, however.
“Time,” he echoed quietly, trailing his fingers up her spine gently. “I know what I want, I just need to give my mind the time it needs to adjust. Without everybody else getting in the way.” That made him think about Summer’s father briefly, knowing that the man might go bonkers about this new development in Xander and Summer’s relationship, mainly that it was now exactly that. A romantic and committed relationship. That made Xander a little giddy with excitement but he managed to keep it to himself, since Summer was still talking. “I know. I hardly think it will be a problem for now, what with you skilfully keeping my attention so occupied.” A grin crossed his lips at that. “But I will do what’s necessary when it becomes an issue. I promise.” He didn’t bother to say if, because he knew that it would happen eventually. He’d slept with a lot of men and women on the island over the last ten years, and had a steady supply of acquaintances or friends with benefits that kept coming back because - let’s face it - he was bloody irresistible.
But now that he was with Summer - the mere thought of that again giving him such a thrill - and he had no qualms about breaking off his arrangements with every other person. He would have to decide on how to go about it, but it was something that he and Summer could decide on together, depending on the individual person if necessary. That train of thought caused Xander to think of someone so very important. “There is one person that is the sole exception to our decision. One person that we need to tell about us.”
--
It was unfair how devastatingly handsome he was, she thought. Of course, she’d felt the same before any of this had come to fruition. Even just as his friend she hadn’t been blind to his good looks. She’d simply become adept at ignoring it to the best of her ability. Now, however, as he looked at her with those covetous eyes, his lip a cushion for his teeth, she just wanted to kiss him. He pressed his forehead to hers while she unsuccessfully tried to ignore the impact of his enticing words which made wicked thoughts of ways he could get her to scream filter unbidden into her thoughts. “If you want me to scream your name, you’re going to have to work for it,” she warned him, leaning in to brush her lips teasingly against his.
When he revealed that he never brought other people back to his room she was a little surprised, but she didn’t know why. Xander slept around, yes, but he wasn’t really a person that usually liked others in his personal space. Maybe it had something to do with giving someone the wrong idea about them being welcome in his everyday life. She still took some amount of satisfaction from knowing that she was the only one who’d been with him here. She couldn’t really say the same about her own room, but she didn’t parade different people through there day after day either, “I guess we can ask James and Raz not to tell either. Surely they’ll respect that.” She was almost positive that Raz would stay quiet at any rate. She was good like that.
His fingers tracing up her spine made goosebumps rise on her skin, a small shudder going through her. She understood his reasoning for wanting things to be quiet at first. It was going to be a big – though enjoyable, if this was any indication – change for the both of them. Summer didn’t have many people she would need to cut loose, and it would be easy for her to do so. They expected nothing from her so she wouldn’t need to do so immediately. There was no reason to make people suspect things prematurely. There was no question, however, that eventually someone would proposition Xander. It would probably be sooner rather than later. He eased any worries she might have had when he promised he would do what he needed when the time came. Xander didn’t promise things lightly, not to her. His quip about her skill had her laughing softly, adding with a bit of amusement, “Tomorrow, when we’re not in our own little bubble, then. That’s when you can start breaking hearts.”
His statement about there being one person that they needed to tell got her attention, her brows drawing a little as she thought about who it might be. She didn’t figure it would be her father or her sister, and few others made sense, “Alright. I’ll bite. Who is this one almighty being that we need to proclaim ourselves to? No one’s standing out that I know of.” She knew he had several close friends that she didn’t know very well and it could be one of them, “Why is this person so important?” They must be pretty damn special for Xander to want to tell them above all other people, so she was genuinely curious.
--
The warning that came from Summer’s lips wasn’t a negative one and it made a grin light up his face, a soft laugh escaping from his mouth as he returned the teasing brush of her lips against his. Xander was not one to back down from such an obvious challenge as that, and his talent for making people beg and scream was nothing to scoff at. He rested his head back against the pillows, the grin across his face making his eyes dance with mischief. “Oh I’ll put in the work, spitfire. I always do,” he answered with a chuckle, meaning every word that he said. The noises she had made earlier drove him to distraction, knowing that they had been solely for him, and he would do almost anything to hear those beautiful and unique sounds fall from her lips again.
His shoulders rolled back slowly in a shrug, not disagreeing with Summer’s statement, but his mind still dwelt on it briefly. It wasn’t likely that James would gossip about the newest development in Xander’s life, what with the other tenth year having just recently started his own relationship, but there was still some residual doubt in the back of Xander’s mind. There always would be when it came to his friends and trust. Xander was loathe to trust people, believing that it would either end in bitter disappointment or devastating regret, and so held himself at an arm’s length from almost everybody around him. When it came to Summer, though, Xander trusted her without reservation and that was what caused him to nod his head slightly against the pillow, putting his hope in her trust of Raz. “I can’t see why they wouldn’t,” he remarked idly, even while his mind conjured up all sorts of contrary images that he just pushed away. “James will undoubtedly be occupied with his own relationship as is.”
The small shudder that travelled through Summer’s body wasn’t missed by Xander, his fingers still lightly tracing up and down her spine. Getting a reaction like that from such a small action made him feel quite smug, but now was not the time to start being a smart-arse. Her comment had a small whine escaping his lips, though, and he stuck his lower lip out a little. “I like our special, little bubble,” he lamented, but there was a cheeky glint in his bright blue eyes. “Breaking hearts will make me feel better, though.” The way in which Summer’s brows drew together didn’t make Xander react and he just lay there calmly while he watched her silently attempt to figure it out. A small grin crossed his lips when she questioned the identity of the person and he waited until she had finished speaking before he properly indulged her curiosity. “Nik. He’s been trying to make me see sense since Paris. And we drank vodka on Friday - a lot of vodka, actually - where he convinced me to stop being a complete idiot and to voice my feelings for you.” A smile played across his lips then, thinking about how Nik was right - the punk - and Xander would be thankful for the rest of his life, even if it was in silence. “I only regret that it took me until today to say anything. I spent most of the weekend recovering.” His smile became rather sheepish then, a bashful chuckle escaping.
--
Summer didn’t make it a priority to trust those that came into her life. Living in a family that dealt on the other side of the law from the time that she was born had made he naturally suspicious of most people and their motives. She trusted her family implicitly, and Xander was the only other person that she had managed to put unerring faith in. Even Raz and Dom who were arguably two of her closest friends were kept somewhat at a safe distance. For those that she didn’t know as well, like Xander’s room-mate, she expected the worst until proven otherwise. Of course she put on her sunshine smile and pretended that things were fine, but she was always watching for someone to mess up. She just hoped that he wasn’t inclined to gossip to his new girlfriend or any of the other crowd that he ran around with.
Xander whined a little, pouting about not wanting to end their time together, but she grinned at him, reaching to clasp his forearm in her hand, dragging his touch across her side so that she could put her hand over his, guiding his palm to her breast. Just a little reminder to him that even if they couldn’t stay there for forever, he had special privileges now. Her lips parted slightly on a small intake of breath, “We still have the whole day, remember?” She tormented herself a little with that action, but she’d never been afraid of a little masochism.
She fell silent for a long moment when he revealed who they needed to tell and the reasons why. She knew who he was, of course. Xander trained with him and he was a TA at the school, one of Xander’s long-time friends. They’d seen one another at the medical centre several times recently when Xander was there, both of them there for support, “Sounds like we owe him a lot then. I probably would have broken down eventually and said something because what was going on...it was driving me crazy. I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel it...and I couldn’t take it much longer. But I’m glad that he did that...I’m really glad that you decided to tell me.” She smiled, a light flush in her cheeks, “We’ll tell Nik, then. But everyone else can wait unless it becomes necessary.”
--
Xander couldn’t decide if he was amused or going to sulk when he saw the grin that graced Summer’s lips but he was pleasantly surprised when she dragged his arm away from her back, across her side, to rest against her breast. The fact that her hand was over his registered, but the fact that his hand was over her breast again registered more, especially the way that Summer’s lips parted slightly from the mere touch. “The whole week,” he mused, a ponderous expression on his face that clashed with the grin that was playing across his lips. “If you wanted me to feel you up, you should have just asked.” He let his thumb brush lightly over the most sensitive part of her breast with a slightly raised eyebrow, and he had no intention of stopping - just to see how long she could survive with that single, torturous caress - while they continued to talk about non-sexual things.
A long moment of silence fell between them but it wasn’t the slightest bit awkward for Xander. He let his eyes drift shut briefly, part of his mind still coming to terms with believing that Summer was naked in his bed and they were actually together in a romantic sense, and he opened his eyes slowly as if his mind was fully expecting Summer to have vanished in a puff of smoke. But she was still there and he let a grin light up his face. “I’m really glad that I decided to tell you too,” he admitted, seeing that soft flush of colour in her freckled cheeks. He nodded briefly at her agreement of telling Nik but keeping everybody else in the dark - being completely fine with that choice - then glanced down at his hand that was still on her breast, almost nonchalantly, while he thought about an idea that had slowly crept up in his mind over the last couple of seconds.
His eyes returned to her face, his grin mellowing out into a smile. “I know what’s just happened makes it glaringly obvious but I’d really like to do this properly. Not half-assed. So….” He tucked his head against Summer’s, letting their noses brush slightly but keeping a minuscule distance between their lips. “Summer Grayson, would you be my girlfriend?”
--
When he teased her that she should have just said if she wanted him to feel her up, she barely resisted rolling her eyes at him, a saucy grin pulling up her lips instead. “Actions speak louder than words,” she countered, moving her hand off of his and back to his side. When he brushed his thumb across that most sensitive part of her breast her body reacted instantly to his touch, and she wet her lips, managing to contain a small sound. His teasing made her feel rebellious and she wanted him to have to try harder for the satisfaction of those little sounds that she’d given so willingly into just a short while before.
It was hard for her to think of that time that they’d missed out on. Maybe if they’d just talked about that kiss the morning after their night out in Paris things would have worked out before the whole Halloween fiasco. Then again, if they’d been together like this before he’d been taken on the mission, it would have made it even worse than it already was, and she knew that. She could admit to herself that what had happened on Halloween was largely her fault. She had been the one to drunkenly proposition him and then she’d chosen to accept it the next morning when he’d told her it was alright even though it wasn’t. There was really no use dwelling on it, not now that things looked like they were finally working out. There was no delayed remorse now that they’d been together. If anything, it just felt like things were finally right. Maybe they should have waited for this, but both of them were physical people, and she knew him so much better than she knew anyone else she’d ever been with.
When he tucked his head close, saying that he wanted to do things properly, she was pretty certain what he was going to ask before he said it. When he spoke her name and the five words that followed, she smiled. Summer never would have imagined she would hear him say that phrase before that morning. She knew the weight of it. This way there was no questioning, no blurred lines, no uncertainty about labels or boundaries. It resolved all confusion and put them on solid ground, a place she hadn’t felt under her feet since early October. It took only a moment for her to reply, “Yes, Alexander Wolfe. I will be your girlfriend.” It went without saying that he would be her boyfriend in return, and that sent a thrill up her spine. She closed that small gap between them and kissed his lips to seal the decision.