She works on a bus escorting special needs kids and the driver was supposed to pick her up, but there are different drivers and some pick her up at the end of the road, others pick her up at the door. So this gem happens...
Mum: I've texted Jerry but he hasn't gotten back to me!
Me: So ring him?
Mum: I've tried but it's not working!
Me: Is it a mobile?
Mum: No, it's a wierd number.
Me: Wierd numbers sometimes work. Have you tried?
-she tries-
Mum: It's still not working!
Me: -sighs- Okay, well, does it have an 07 at the front?
Mum: No, it has this wierd number, 447 something! What kind of number is that?!
Me: .....it's the country code Mum...+44 is the UK....
Mum: I don't know, some babies look awfully young when they're born.
RADIO DUDE: Who was the famous scottish poet who did Auld Lang Syne?
MUM: Billy Connelly?
Mum: Oh, I'm going to give you a good shagging!
Me: You're going to do the cat?
Mum: No, pet him!
Me: That's scragging, Mum.
Mum: Hang on and I'll get you the vibrator.
- replying in front of everyone, at the dinner table, when I asked about the dessert which was the icecream Vienetta.
My mum: What is it you're going to see?
Uncle Derek: Fantastic Four
My mum: Like the Enid Blyton books?
Me: No, like the comic.
My mum: Never heard of it.
Me: You know, The Thing, The Invisible Woman, Mr. Fantastic...
Uncle Derek: The fire guy!
Me: Yeah, the Human Torch.
Mum looks at me blankly.
Me: Johnny Storm? Mum, me and Dad had a whole conversation right in front of you when the first one came out. This one is the Rise of the Silver Surfer....which you probably don't know who that is either.
Mum: Oh! This guy on the CB! His handle was the Silver Surfer.
Me: ....no, mum, he's a comic book character.
Mum: Well, who was the bad guy in it?
Me: Dr. Doom
Mum: You mean that guy who talks to animals?
At this point, I had to leave the room, I was laughing too hard.
I went into mums room because I heard Obi crying. Basically, he just wanted attention. So when I'm sitting there, this thing comes on and it looks like Bill Nighy.
Me: Is that Bill Nighy?
Mum: Yeah, that's what they all look like now.
Me: ....but is it Bill Nighy?
Mum: Yes, that's him old!
Finally understanding it.
Me: Mum, I meant is that Bill Nighy the actor, not is that what Bill looks like now.
Mum: ....oh.
Claudie: I'm facepalming myself.
Katy: Oh?
Claudie: I spent a good few minutes trying to figure out why I couldn't do the 's' on the keyboard backwards.
Katy: ....... oh?
Claudie: I'm like...surely I just press it backwards....
Katy: ..... press it backwards?!?!?!
I thought trying to find the delete on my notepad was bad enough.
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