Hayes couldn't help it. He really, really couldn't. But he laughed. He laughed louder than he usually did, and he had to pat a hand on the table. “If it wasn't technically wrong, somebody oughtta hand her a medal.”
He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling he needed to calm himself down a little bit. “Sorry. No, that is funny, but it isn't right. You know, we ought to get her a military surplus kevlar clipboard. Ain't nothing can shatter one of those puppies, I hear.” Hayes nodded vaguely toward the guests. “Even a particularly violent guest. And they weigh a tonne and a half, it might slow her down a little.”