She glanced wistfully at the door. The sound of the storm raging outside was inviting in its own way. That feeling of being hemmed in by her body reared slightly as the wind howled. The power outside made her feel wild and dangerous. It was a feeling she truly loved, and hadn't been able to indulge in for quite some time.
"Two reasons," she said after a moment. "If it were out there, it might wash away. But," she paused, unsure if he would understand, "sometimes it just feels good to be a part of the chaos. It's not something I really do anymore," she added truthfully. It wasn't exactly a choice she'd made. She'd been on the losing side of a war, and that tended to take the joy out of life. Going into hiding, fighting the good fight...they didn't lend themselves to her sense of self in a lot of ways. She didn't regret her decisions, now that she was sitting there with him. He was the reason she'd finally accepted the side as her own, after all. But she did miss it sometimes. Most times.
At the honesty in his voice, she drew back instinctively. Too close. Whenever he got too close she pulled away and she couldn't seem to stop. She shook her head at her own foolishness and stood. Without asking for his input, she strode over to her television and began digging through her DVDs. Things were easier between the two of them when they didn't talk. They had far too many things to say to each other, and yet they never seemed to use the right words. Steering away from the multitude of horror and pulp films she had, she went for her secret stash. It was something she wouldn't admit to having to anyone but him. She doubted he'd understand the oddness of her having these particular films, and therefore wouldn't devil her about it. She slid Singing in the Rain into the DVD player, hit play and returned to the bed.
"Move over," she ordered, sliding onto the bed next to him. She almost slid her feet under the blanket, but the intimacy of that move seemed a bit too much for her. She leaned against the headboard, curious to see how much contact he would initiate with her. Always pushing, always wanting him to reach out to her. She couldn't explain why she needed that validation so much, and yet, lately, she seemed to live for the moments when he moved towards of her of his own accord.