Her memories of the night at Lucifer's crypt were...hazy to say the least. She supposed that might have been her mind trying to block out the last moments of her life, but she'd known something was happening. She just hadn't realized what it could have been. His words seemed carefully chosen. He'd said he'd almost killed Dean. She'd heard the commotion going on inside. He didn't mean he'd almost gotten Dean killed. He'd been doing the actual work. Castiel attacking Dean was not something would have...or maybe could have expected. The confession didn't exactly bother her. She was a demon after all, and with Dean being so low on her list of favorite people, it's not like she felt very sympathetic. Still...she knew what he meant to Castiel, and the idea that anything could push the angel to hurt him was a shocking one, to say the least. Had the angel tablet really been that important to him that he would lash out like that? If she'd been in the room at the time, what might have happened to her? He might have a soft spot where she was concerned, but she knew she'd never rank as highly as the Winchesters in his regard. Any way she looked at it, that night would have been her last. Staying outside, she'd died for him. Going inside, she'd have died because of him. She remembered the first time he'd tried to smite her, before pushing her into the fire. Did he know she'd thought he was going to kiss her? Did he know she'd been watching him and wondering ever since?
It also explained a great deal about why he was allowing her to stay so close. If he and the boys were that much on the outs, then she really was all he had. The realization was not a comforting one. If he'd had other options, would he have even let her in the door?
"What made you stop?" she asked, a bit subdued. "Why didn't you kill him, if that's what you trying to do." She was honestly curious. Curious enough to hesitate before she tried to run again. Run from him...from their fucked up relationship...from everything.