Amadeus Lazarus (sanguinemagic) wrote in nybynightic, @ 2021-01-29 05:07:00 |
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—He pressed his forehead to Jiang’s. “Together.”—
So many promises and now every one of them lay broken and shattered around him. He wasn’t even sure if the biggest promise he had broken had been never to leave Ariel but rather the one he had broken to himself. The one where he had said he'd never make his lover's choice for them ever again. This time he felt he was justified in doing so. Hadn’t that been how he had felt the last time too before he had realized just how wrong he had been?
This time though he felt it would be more selfish to not walk away. Not when Ariel just kept losing more and more humanity because of him. As much as his lover had pretended to deal with it, it was clear it terrified the younger kindred. And he should because how much later until it was gone at this rate? Another year? Another month? Another week? Amadeus couldn't keep asking him to do it. Especially not after the explosion.
Not after it hadn’t been Ariel he had thought of while the world burned around him.
No, his thoughts had been for another. The one who he had walked away from thinking he was saving him. The one who Amadeus had nursed regret and love for all these years until he had finally closed himself off so he couldn't feel. Until he finally figured he'd never feel or love again.
Amadeus didn't doubt that he loved Ariel but now all those promises, everything he did for him, the elder had to wonder if it was some twisted way of trying to make amends. It had just been to the wrong person. As if somehow if he did right by Ariel it would have made up for the sins of the past.
He looked down at the jade pendant that lay in his hand.
—”I notice all the pretty ones.”—
No, in those moments he had not wondered what Ariel would do without him. Or the fact that he may never see Ariel again. Instead, he had wondered if Ling would now be outliving him or if he was about to join him in final death. The regret of never knowing had been crushing. Regret that he had never been able to find the courage to find out what had happened after he had left. If Ling was still alive after these centuries.
Now he knew and Amadeus stared down at the paper in his hand.
—”“Do you know what a kingmaker is?”—
There was no telling if they'd win this war. No telling if he'd meet his final death soon. Did he really want to die having been a coward?
Did he really want to die without hearing his voice one more time?
And so Amadeus dialed. If he had a need to breathe he would have been holding his breath as it rang. And rang. It rang until it finally went to voice-mail. Just hearing that voice as a recording hit Amadeus hard and his knees gave out making him have to sit down.
For a moment he couldn't speak. He couldn’t find the words. Once he did manage to find his tongue it all came tumbling out. "It's poetic I guess that I should want to hear your voice, to assure myself that you really are still alive, and get your voicemail instead."
"Selfish of me I know to have needed such a thing now when it's unclear if I'll be meeting my final death soon. Especially when I'm supposed to have already met it. But I did almost meet it once not too long ago and the only one I could think of was you."
Amadeus paused. What would he do if the call was being screened and all of a sudden he picked up? Would he be able to continue on or would he become tongue-tied once more.
For a moment he was afraid he would.
For a moment he wished he would.
"Of course you above everyone knows just how selfish a creature I can be so I'm sure none of this comes as a surprise to you. Just—"
Another pause before he continued. He couldn’t bring himself to apologize over voice-mail. That would just cheapen it.
"Goodbye, Ling."
Amadeus disconnected the call. It wasn’t until he did that he realized his hands were shaking. He stared at them, his hand tightening around the burner phone before it finally crushed in his hand. Then the paper with the number on it went up in a small flame and the Tremere just sat and watched the ashes fall to the floor.
Much like his heart.
—“Because a Kingmaker will always choose the weaker man. The weaker the man, the easier he is to control.” Ling lifted his hand, traced a finger down the side of Jiang’s handsome face. “And you’re no weakling, are you?”—
There was still work to be done. The power and things he had always thought he had wanted were right in front of him. There for the taking if they could win this. Cold comfort for a broken heart that should have just stayed cold and dead.