Clover Quiggley (quiggles) wrote in novsila_rpg, @ 2015-12-30 22:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | clover quiggley, roderick macmillan |
Who: Clover and Rod
What: Revelations.
When: [Backdated] Dec. 26
Where: Rod's place.
Rating: Some language.
Despite everything that was going on, this was probably the best Christmas Clover could remember in a long time. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed spending Christmas with her sister in the past, but it was just this was the first one in a long time where she didn’t have to worry about going to both her parents houses. A decision that she had finally come to, to help someone else out and by way, actually helping herself out as well. So this year she wasn’t splitting time between drinking her weight in alcohol at her mother’s and forcing polite conversation with Stan, her mother’s man, and sobering up at her dad’s. Though, truth be told, things had been getting a lot better with their father. Yeah, maybe it was a bit too late, but at least he was trying and she was starting to see more and more that it was more on her mother than their father. But still. No pressure, no worries other than staying up until the wee hours of the morning wrapping the final presents for everyone. Watching Blaine had been the highlight of the day. She knew it had to have been hard on the little boy, but she’d tried hard to work with Rod to make it an extra special day...for both of them. Thinking maybe that it might push the memory of those drunken late night kisses between herself and Rod the night before out of his head. Clover honestly didn’t think that it would. But she was hoping that maybe it’d at least give them a little time to think on it before they talked about it later. Because drunken kissing didn’t really happen to her, she wasn’t that girl. But there had been something so irresistible about him that night that she couldn’t help herself but go back for another taste after she’d unwrapped an early present from him. She’d stayed the night, crashing on the couch, helped him clean up after everyone had left after dinner that night.
The next day just brought even more fun. Making little pancake people with Blaine in the morning, and just hanging out, putting a few decorations away, playing with some new toys...it was just a really wonderful day. One of the most peaceful she’d had in a long time. But lately, that was just the way it seemed to go. That little boy had a way of calming her down and making her feel really good about herself. She loved Blaine. How could she not? First of all, he was just an amazing kid. And secondly, he belonged to her best friend, so there was love there from the start. And things had been going so much better with Rod as of late. Yes, they still bickered but...they really hadn't had any big blow ups in a long time. Not like they had been before. They were trying for each other, and that alone meant the world to her and probably was part of the reason she was just so relaxed any more. So much so that somehow Clover and Rod had fallen asleep together on the couch. Something Clover hadn’t even noticed until she felt herself get a little cold and reach for the blanket and brought it up to her chin. This was really nice, she couldn’t help but think still half asleep. Rod’s arm was loosely around her and her head had found it’s way to using his chest as a pillow. She could have stayed like this for a very long time because she was happy. She had a sense of peace to her that she’d been missing for a very long time. She tilted her head slightly and looked up at his sleeping face.
And then it slammed into her like a ton of bricks. Oh shit. The one thing that she was terrified of happening happened. It was the reason why she was afraid to get attached to people like this. It was why she had tried to play it off as nothing when Blaine accidentally called her ‘mummy’ a while back. It was why she felt so damn happy in Rod’s arms right now. Why his kiss tasted so good the other night...and the realization made her eyes sting and gave her an overwhelming sense of not knowing what to do. She started to panic the more she thought about it, her breathing started to get a little quicker, and she felt a few hot tears leak out onto her cheeks. No. Quiggly. Stop it. Clover scolded herself. But it was no use, there was no stopping it now.
****
When Clover moved her head go his chest, Rod was mostly asleep and grunted softly to adjust her closer. It have been a wonderful night. Having Clover over for their version of Christmas before Mari took Blaine back. It had been weird not living with the little boy, but it only made him work harder to find his way to working with the lawyer Clover had gotten him (odd birthday gift). He wanted his son back for than anything in his life, because he now saw how much happier he had been just two months before with that little boy there every morning and every evening. It was stressful being home now, but the worst was honestly the fact that Mari wouldn’t give up. And now that the tide was turning and it was starting to look as though he may win, she was suddenly calling upon him more, She wanted to be around him more, and it hurt. But it was also dangerous. He knew why. Because it was always easier to give into her. It would be so much less pain and aggravation to just let her back in. And a number of times throughout November, he did it again. Not all of the times were to the same extent he once had, but a few times he had slipped up. It wasn’t just talking. And every time, he felt dirty and used. Not because of her entirely, but because it was so fresh, That he had tried so hard to make her believe in what they had together. He tried for over a year to make everything work, and not just for Blaine. He truly believed she was the one for him, and years of being with her was not something he wanted to throw away. But that didn’t matter until now. And the only thing he could think of was this was her attempt to not let go of the child, or to make him feel like there was only them, not just him. And it burned. it stung. It was just so easy to give into.
But the last week and a half, he had stayed away. Almost completely excluding when he saw her at the Ministry dropping off Blaine. The boy remembered his time on the island, and his mother continuously told Roderick about the crazy dreams their son was having. He, of course, agreed that it was just an overactive imagination. That was the only way to make himself not seem crazy at this point. They all knew it had happened, but she didn’t. Thank goodness. But the holidays was always a hard time to be a split family. He had Blaine on the 22nd until 24th, but only half the day on Christmas Eve. So he had to have it all earlier than most people did. There was no real “Christmas” anymore for him. The whole family tried to celebrate early for his sake. Because of that, he wanted to have his son there. But what had shocked him was how Clover was there for all of it. Yes, of course his best mate had always been there to help him with things, but this year it was more so than usual. He assumed it was because they had been fighting less, though it was sparking up a little more now that Mari was playing games with his head. And he didn’t mind. She cooked amazingly well and Blaine loved her. There was a number of times by now that he accidentally called her “mummy” and they both skipped over it. But it made him feel weird. Not in a bad way, but in a way that said it was fine. Like that was not the worst thing he could think of her. Or that maybe he even liked it. And that was where it was uncomfortable.
But like this, with his arm around her and her head adjusting onto his chest, he couldn’t find a reason to think about how bad it was to think that way. In the moment, he could keep his eyes closed and convince himself that this was right and she liked it too. She was enjoying it as much as he was. And to simply go back to sleep before he had to wake up and face the world again. And he almost succeeded in that until he felt her body shaking slightly and the telltale shoulders heaving from crying, even if subtly. He spent his life around small children, he could pick up on that in a moment. He was supposed to know when something was wrong, and his mama bear instinct kicked in immediately. the man went from drowsy to wide awake and his eyes flew open. Yep, his shirt was damp. Clover was crying. He ran through so many things in his mind. What could he have possibly done wrong? He had barely done anything out of the norm today! He gave it a moment to see if she was going to slow in her silent tears before realizing this was probably just the beginning. He shifted immediately and put his hand under Clover’s chin to make her look up at him. Her eyes all wet like that made his start to sting and tear up. He hated seeing people cry, and it often made him start as well. “What’s wrong, love?” he asked in a cracked voice, half from the tears and half from just waking up.
***
Of all the things Clover was, good, bad, or otherwise, a crier was not one of them. She honestly couldn’t really remember a time in her life where she was one. Maybe before her sister came along, but even then, she couldn’t remembering a time where she really needed to other than just from falling off of the swings and breaking her arm, or got scared when her parents fought too much. But even then, she was coaxed out of it, still wanting to believe everything was going to be okay. Once her sister came along, she always thought she couldn’t cry. She had to be the strong one, and in her childlike mind at the time, that meant no crying. And it had just taken deep roots in her mind even after she got to Hogwarts. So, if she was crying, it couldn’t have been for anything good. Expect that this time it was. Sort of. Generally, when people figure out that they had somehow fallen in love with their best friend, it didn’t prompt fits of tears and the feeling of panic in their chest. She had always told herself she was better off by herself. She would destroy anyone who got too close to her like this. Marcus had been the worst for her, because it had shaken her confidence so badly in the dating realm. That somehow it had been all her fault, even if she knew differently, it made her feel as if she wasn’t worth anything. Not worth the fight. And yet, here was someone who would fight for her. And often did, even if it was just through their friendship. And lately, something had shifted between them. Even without them really fully realizing what was happening. Or at least in her book. For all she knew Rod already knew. But it was also possible that he didn’t either. And then this was going to further muck things up between them.
What she wouldn’t have given just to stop crying, fall back asleep on his chest, lay in his arms and pretend none of this had happened. Go back a few minutes and enjoy the warmth and that perfect feeling of content, and stay like that for the rest of the night. But her stupid realization had scared her and she didn’t know what to do about it. When he woke up quickly, she knew there was no hiding this. No playing it off as a bad dream, or just glossing it over. No, they had glossed over maybe one too many things lately. And in all honesty, she wasn’t really thinking that straight. She was convinced she was about to ruin everything. Because that’s just what she did. Her and her big mouth just couldn’t very well leave anything alone. Clover had tried so hard to not screw them up, but...here she was.
She felt his warm hands slide under her chin gently and it was a moment before she could raise up her big eyes in order to actually look at him, feeling a deep pang in her chest. She didn’t want him to cry over this either. “Nothing’s really...wrong...per say.” she tried to explain, knowing this was not going to explain this the right way. Not when her head was going in a million different directions. But she had to be honest with him about this. It would go against her nature if she wasn’t. “It’s just...” she lowed her eyes a bit. “I woke up and realized that I was really, really happy and...just...” she tried to explain how she panicked, but the words weren’t coming out right at all right now. She moved the hand that had been laying on his chest up to his cheek and held it there gently. “‘m sorry, ‘m being stupid.” she said in a shaky voice trying to give herself a moment to think. “‘m just not...used to this.” what this was, was really her being so at peace in someone’s arms. Feeling so loved and hoping that the other person was just as happy as she was...but she doubted that it actually came across that way. She doubted herself a lot right now as a matter of fact.
****
Okay…
His half-asleep brain clawed to find anything that really made sense about this. He had always known Clover was crazy, but normally it was not in a way like this. It was crazy in a sense of she did something foolishly awesome, or silly, or mental on the pitch, or daring to prove she could. She was cool crazy. Right now, she was acting crazy-crazy. Not like Mari, at least. but she was sobbing, not just crying, but nothing was wrong. His sleepy eyes blinked at her slowly as he tried to keep up with what he was hearing, but it made no sense. They were cuddling. She had fallen asleep on him a number of times like this. Sometimes drunk, sometimes sober. They used to do this in school when Clover was pretending to be fine. When she got into fights with Marcus and needed someone to calm her down. After any time she had to deal with her mother’s boy toy or whatever. This was normal for them by now. So her saying she was not used to this just confused him ever more. And it was clear as he shook his head slightly in a “what the fuck” way. He ran one of his hands down his face and then shook his hair up in an attempt to get his brain jump-started. “mkuh…. mkuh…” he muttered as he sat up more and turned both himself and her to look at each other. Brain. Function.
“Whattya talking about, Clo? Stop jumping all over the place and get to the start, aye?” His eyes looked her over, worry clear on his face and the tears still welling in his eyes as she continued to cry. He had a hard time holding back his emotions on his own, but the unfortunate part of being empathetic as people claimed he was, meant he tended to get more worked up watching someone else struggling. And when it was his Clo? Even worse. He moved closer to her and took her hands in his. His were rough from use and constant cleaning, and easily twice the span of hers. But his paler skin was covered in ink and he let his long fingers brush the back of hers gently like he did with Blaine when trying to calm him down after nightmares. “We haven’t done a thing different all night, lovely, so what could possibly be worrying your head? You were so calm a tick before we passed out.” Yes, he was oblivious, but not out of trying to be. He genuinely wanted to know what was wrong so he could help her if possible.
----
The sad thing was, Clover knew she was being crazy right now. And it just made her even more frustrated with herself, because she didn’t want to be that girl. She never wanted to be that girl. Those girls drove her mental. And here she was, sobbing like a lunatic. She bent her head down for a moment and rested her forehead against the back of his hands for a moment and drew in a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down so she could make some kind of sense. She squeezed Rod’s hands slightly, as a sign that she was not ignoring this. She would explain what was happening. But Clover just needed to get a fucking grip on herself first. But just feeling his hands over hers, how sweet he was being right now because he cared about her...it wasn’t helping. Well, it was. But it wasn’t at the same time. Yeah, these were the actions of a friend. He’d done this before. There was no way that it was coming from the same spot as her fear and panic right now. This was going to be painful and a part of her wanted to just skip over this moment and get to the part where it wasn’t so awkward and probably painful any more. No idea how long that would take. After a moment, and those bloody tears had stopped somewhat she looked back up at him and opened her mouth to try and explain again. And she just looked over his face. How he was getting emotional, how worried he was. She felt like such an idiot right now. Of all the times to lose it over something and actually show this level of emotion without being promoted or guided into it...it just had to be this. He was going to kill her for this. For making him worry like this. She tried to open up her mouth, but no words came out, so she did the only logical thing she could think of at the moment. She kissed him.
Okay, so maybe not so logical. But, she figured maybe it was a better hint than anything she could possible be giving him right now. Scootching slightly up so she could capture his lips with her own, she held it there for a moment, thinking about the last time they’d kissed. Sure, they’d been slightly intoxicated, but it had been warm and inviting. Why she had gone back for seconds, and now thirds apparently. His lips were a little rough, but she liked that about them. Here eyes were shut, afraid to open them up and see a look of horror on them. She honestly didn’t think that he would...but right now, she was so scared of rejection, anything felt possible. Time didn’t really seem to hold much weight at the moment, so there was no telling for her, exactly how long that had gone on. But eventually, she pulled away slightly, determined not to say she was sorry for that. Because she wasn’t. It was wonderful, and a little something she could hold onto in the pretty sure case that he didn’t return this level of feelings for her. It was a way to guard herself. She knew he cared about her, and loved her in his own way. But, as far as she knew, it was just a friend love. And saying that one word was hard for her. She rarely said it unless it was to her sister. But that was just because of all the shit she’d been through, and it was hard to explain to people. And she didn’t want to explain it most days. So, using her brains she’d come up with other ways and words to get the message across. But right now, she was afraid that there was no clever way around it.
“Rod, I,” she said looking down at his collarbone, seeing his ink peek through his shirt, and a small faint smile came to her lips at just seeing it. She had always liked it, living vicariously through his artwork because there was no way in hell she would get through something like that. “‘m sorry for acting crazy.” she sounded slightly more rational now, like he might actually get an explanation out of her now. She found she was holding onto his hand a little tighter, but only half aware that she was. “But...it just kind of slammed into me and I panicked. I’m not used to having feelings like this for someone. I hide, you know I do. And this...this scares me more than anyone else because you’re my best made, and I don’t know what I’d do if I ran you off too.” which, given some of their fights over the years, sometimes seemed like a very real possibility. At least in the moment. There was a small hope that those level of fights would be over with, if he accepted her feelings. But it was hard to let herself even hope for that. “Because I,” she swallowed hard, still having a hard time looking at him, because she knew that she would see all of that emotion that she really did love about his personality. God he was passionate, and had the biggest heart. And she was afraid of breaking it into a million pieces. “‘minlovewithyou.” she said quietly, feeling like she couldn’t actually breathe right now. She’d said it. She meant it. And her heart was slamming into her chest right now, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
******
Okay. Kissing. Hi. Hello. He was not awake enough for that and his brain immediately moved into a mode she probably was not meaning to push him towards. His muscles tensed as his brain tried to gain control again, even though the sleepy blood system thought its use was best put elsewhere. He kissed back a little harder than he had the night before, half mixed with sleepy arousal and half out of confusion and instinct. It was a brief moment considering, but he was still entranced and while her eyes remained closed for a second as she pulled away, Clover had missed the wavering moment of Rod following them, trying desperately to catch them again before he opened up his eyes and sat up straight. His nostrils flared a moment and his hand moved to look like he was scratching his leg when he was really just adjusting his shorts now that she had caused him to get slightly uncomfortable. But he listened as she spoke. In fact, it was the way she was talking that caused him to pause in his fidgeting and to forget his annoyance with the moment. He didn’t quite get it at first, but the more he looked her in the eyes, the more he was starting to get it.
Normally his best mate was so clean and clear with her descriptions. She could explain something perfectly and easily more often than not, but this felt almost jumpy. Almost confused in delivery, and it made him really uncomfortable. He didn’t like when Clover got unsure. It meant he was about to flare into unneeded amount of defensive hate. But this was about him, and that made it hard to be angry. Why would he run away? She hadn’t pissed him off that much yet. And she had probably pushed more buttons than the whole world had collectively. but then the words sort of fell out of her mouth and Roderick simply stared at her incredulously. Did she just…? His brain was suddenly very awake. He blinked a few times at her. He didn’t mean it. He tried to hold it in, but the first thing that slipped out of his mouth was, “Bloody fucking hell, you are dumb,” before laughing. It wasn’t a mean laugh, in fact it sounded a lot like the laugh he let out whenever Blaine did something so dumb but so cute. It was the laugh he released the first time he walked in on Clo, Blaine, and Posey baking. It was a happy laugh, but bloody hell was she dumb. Oh, she was stupid.
After the short moment he shook his head and grabbed her by the waist before Clover tried to escape and pulled her onto his lap, still smiling. His face buried into her neck and arms wrapped around her tight enough so she couldn’t squirm free. Nope, she was going to be stuck like this for a moment while he understood it. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that yeah? Getting me worked up like you were about to say you were dying.” His lips pressed against her neck for a moment before starting to laugh. Again. “And yeah, this is me running. I’m running so fucking far and hard I found me dumb arse right back on the couch, so shut up.” He knew why Mari hated Clover so much. Hell, maybe he knew why Clover hated Mari so much. Because this suddenly made sense. Everything, the years of being closer to her than her own girlfriend. How he trusted her so much more than that woman. “Quit squirming, I’m hugging you,” he murmured after a moment, bringing his lips back to her neck and jaw line.
*****
She did not like being vulnerable, and she liked it even less showing it. Clover was not a fan of being wrapped up in her own head like that, so much so that she was missing her ability to actually get to the point. What's more when he said she was being dumb, she couldn’t quite tell if he was making fun of her or not. “Don’t you dare call me dumb for this.” she warned him in a hurt and slightly angry tone as she squirmed to get away from him. That hurt to much. Not right now. This was Marcus all over again. In the end, he’d called her stupid to think that it could have ever worked out between them. That same sting was creeping into her right then. Though, this time Rod was at least trying to make her feel better by hugging her. But the angry tears burned in her eyes as she tried to get away still. She never should have said anything. Maybe she was dumb for saying something, but she didn’t need him reminding her of that. She felt dumb enough on her own for this. Maybe not so much dumb, but more defeated. Just, maybe she should just accept that she was better off on her own. It was the best way not to get hurt like this again. And no one would ever make her feel stupid ever again. Ever. It was hard enough just admitting she had feelings, she didn’t need to be called dumb for it. Even if he didn’t sound angry or mean about it. In her brain right now, it just came off as something else entirely and she didn’t need that right now. Clover didn’t know what she had expected. But what she did know, was that she just needed to go now. Go home, lock herself away in her room and cry for a few hours.
“Stop calling me that!” she tried to smack him, her temper letting loose right now. “Do you have any idea how hard that was for me?!” Clover wasn’t shouting by any means, actually, she sounded really defeated right now and was clearly having a hard time processing all of this. She was beyond hurt right now, and she just wanted to leave. But he was hugging her and wouldn’t let her go, as if trying to make fucking amends for all of this. Matter of fact, while she heard Rod speak she didn’t process what he said exactly. Her wall was already starting to build itself back up again. His hugs usually made things better, but right now it just plain stung. Finally, she realized he was just not going to let her go any time soon, and she could feel her body slump a little bit, not fighting him on being held against him right now. She closed her eyes and hated the way that his lips felt along her neck and on her jaw. Clover didn’t want to admit how nice that felt to have that contact, or how badly she wanted it right now. She could just feel herself giving up and just giving into the feeling as she shut her eyes tight and bit down on her lip, refusing to try and look at him right now. Positively hating herself for how badly she wanted this connection to him right now.
At this point, she couldn’t even be sure if him sounding happy was genuine or him just trying to make her feel better. It was getting hard to tell which was was metaphorically up, and how she could get out of this was part of her dignity in tact still. Well, what was left of it at any rate. She was sure that if it had been an entirely bad reaction he wouldn’t be hugging her like this right now, but it only made it more confusing. He wasn’t going to let go of her, so she just adjusted what little she could and put her arms around his neck and buried her face into him, feeling beyond dumb at this point. Why? Why did she have to open her damn mouth? Her mother was right after all, her mouth and lack of control over it would be her eventual undoing. Clover did not want to deal with this right now. She wanted to just get through this, and go home and not deal with it. Right now all she wanted to do was focus on how wonderful it felt to be in his arms right now, and ignore how badly she needed him to tell her that it would be all okay. Even if she knew it would be, because she would make it okay. Eventually. After a few days and a bottle of tequila. But for now, just needed to focus on how warm she felt pressed against him, and how badly she wanted him to not break this contact.
*****
Sometimes the person Rod was could be the bright light in a dark event. This was not that time. Because he was too humored and elated at her comment to really… well… care that she wasn't getting his hint. He wasn't about to dance naked with a sign to say it, but Lord if she hadn't figured it out by now, she was dumb. And an idiot. And he would mock her for it. Until this very moment, he has convinced himself of every reason under the sun that what they had was friendship. That there was no intimacy between them. But that shattered when she said it. There was no need for excuses. The moments and memories flooded him. The fights and burning jealousy, the hatred and anger, the feeling of betrayal for the other simply living a life not with then flooded back. And to him? Oh, it was fucking funny. It was damn funny. And her getting all bent out of shape as she threw her little fit made it a bit funnier. But when she snapped finally, he coughed and stopped laughing… out loud.
Instead he pulled back a bit and tried to gently nudge her from her hiding spot. Then dramatically rolled his eyes before peeling her off of him like a sticker and used both his hands to hold her face in one spot so she had to look at him. No, the laughter didn't leave his features at all, but he was happy. And he was way too entertained. “Oh, piss off, Clo. I know exactly how hard it was for you to say it. Get your knickers untwisted, yeah?” he rolled his eyes and one thumb rubbed her cheek as he let out a small laugh. Again. “And no, I shan't stop calling you that because you are acting like a bloody fucking moron right now. Calm your lovely tits for a second and focus aye?” His dark blue eyes looked into hers for a moment, still glowing but at least he had stopped laughing.
“Process of elimination, yeah? I didn't tell you to piss off. I didn't tell you sorry but no. And I haven't thrown you off the couch. You are fucking brilliant but bloody hell you're blind. Now either get all pissy and fucking ruin the moment. Or shut the fuck up and kiss me and gain before I start giggling out of excitement.”
****
Oh thank god he stopped laughing, was all she could really think of for a split second. She wasn’t an overly romantic sort of girl, despite some of the novels she read from time to time. Outside of a few moments of need now and again, she was relatively low maintenance. Clover looked out for Clover and that’s just the way it had been for a very long time. She didn’t necessarily need people’s approval for the way she lived her life for felt the way she felt. She was notoriously independant like that. But that also didn’t mean that she appreciated being laughed at or being called an idiot either. She had her pride and right now it was hurting. In that moment it didn’t feel like she was throwing a fit, it felt more like her just trying to get a handle on herself so she could deal with all of this. No, she didn’t want to look at him right then, because of how stupid she felt. And she didn’t want to be reminded of how stupid she’d been by looking at his face. Because normally, she was smart in social situations. She could read things and she knew how to deal with things that made it easy for her to figure out how to help, take charge, and be on point with it. It’s what made right now so fucking scary, because she wasn’t in charge and this was with someone she cared about so much. Too much at times it would seem. He was her best mate, and he could calm her down just as much he could set her off. And over the past few months, he’d rarely set her off. And it was usually in moments where outside toxic frustration had leak its way into their lives.
When he had finally managed to move her so that she had no choice but to look at him she had a moment where she couldn’t quite raise her eyes up to him for a moment. But after gathering up what was left of her fight on this she looked up. But as she started to speak, it started to drain out of her again, though she kept looking at him. It was a very odd feeling for her not to want to fight for something she wanted. And truth be told, she knew there was still a spark of wanting to fight when she felt the urge to smack him upside the head for a moment. She let it pass because she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. It was bad enough she had gotten them into this more than awkward situation. She didn’t need to make it worse by smacking him, getting him angry, then she would get angry and then they would probably end up doing something they both would regret and make it even MORE awkward after. Though, at least this time I’d be around for it. she couldn’t help but reason for a brief moment. As always, she was listening to him, taking in what he was saying and she could just feel all of the heat rush to her face, making it a clear sign of how bad she felt for getting so caught up in her own head. Lost in her own emotions that she was usually way too good at controlling and pushing deep down. He had to know how off this was for her. Well, he did since he admitted that he knew how hard this was for her and all. That at least made her feel better. How could he not know though? He’d been one of her few outlets of people that she let into her world, and even fewer who had been around from pretty much the jump. The Saturday afternoons where she’d walk into his dorm room and just curl up beside him because she’d gotten in the middle of her parents owl war, or her just really missing her sister. Not really wanting to talk about it, but knowing that someone was there with her had been enough at times. Even if he’d used her head as a book rest at times as she napped on him, didn’t matter. He was there. He’d always been there. Even if they had said almost unforgivable things to each other, they’d always been there when push came to shove. Sometimes literally, it would seam.
When he finally got to the end she felt herself folding her bottom lip back under her upper teeth for a moment and bit down slightly as her mismatched eyes looked down for a moment as she took it all in. Though, she felt mortified that she had let herself go off the reservation like that, there was a relief rushing through her. Half because there was a way out without actually having to say anything. And partly because of how and what he had said at the end. True, he still hadn’t said it back, but it didn’t really seem to matter in this exact moment. At least to the point where it clearly wasn’t rejection, and he seemed to be happy about all of this. Even if her head was still coming down a bit and still wrapping her head around the fact that someone might be able to love her in that way. She was actually fairly sure that it just wouldn’t happen for her, and she’d been in a decent place with all of that in some regards. Clover looked back up with her big eyes and stared into his for a moment, giving her head a moment to finish catching up before a soft, but excited, smile came to her lips and she moved in quickly to press her lips back against his. She moved her hands to the back of his head as if he keep him close, kissing him harder than she probably had kissed anyone in her life. She was almost afraid to stop, that this would be wrong somehow if she did. So she kissed him hungrily, getting lost in the moment, until she paused ever so slightly so she could catch her breath, but still not moving far from him.
*****
Rod spent a lot of time dealing with overreactions. Of course, this was a lot more manageable than a toddler who was throwing a fit. And a lot less annoying that Mari doing the same. That being said, the man radiated patience and understanding under the glowing enjoyment of what was happening. Not that Clo had been embarrassed by herself. Not that she was realizing she had been an idiot about it all, but that she seemed to be understanding what he was saying. What he had been hinting at while trying to stop his giggle fit. But he looked her over as her eyes refused to find his and waited. He could play this game all night if he had to. This was nothing but worth it in his mind. So he watched. When her eyes finally looked into his, the brightness and shine in the dark blue hues were clear as day. He paused for a moment, his mind reminding the man how much he hated that damn charm she had on her eyes to make them match. It made him irrationally angry that she hid his favourite feature from him. It was ever present in Rod’s mind the first time he noticed it during one of the many mid-Saturday cuddles when her life was in shambles. When he pictures her in his mind, the man saw the mismatched eyes. He liked it, no he loved it. And it never bored him, seeing how she looked so much more… Clover when she was nothing more than herself.
But her kiss gave him pause. The man melted into her, movements much like liquid as he enveloped the small woman with his long arms. A hand in her hair and one to the small of her back. She was dwarfed by her best mate easily, and it made Roderick happy at this moment. She was small and easily pulled into his lap, as if she were designed to perfectly fit here. His long fingers tangled in her locks and his grip tightened around her. No, he had not said it outright to her. For someone who was so involved in a life of directness and explanations, he was never really the one to get the comments out when it came to emotions. He was a man of action and emoting. He showed and let someone feel it, too. He wanted her to not just hear empty words. Not now, anyway. They would come, in the bucket-loads, later on. But right now, words were empty and meaningless. Nothing more that filler in the air and a waste of precious time. How long before they were arguing again? How long before he set her off? How long before she worried about Mari storming over and trying to reclaim him once she found out? It was all a matter of time. And he knew that it would be moments like this that would hopefully make her think twice before worrying about him. About any form of them they could spin this into.
But he took a moment to pause, his lips pressing a series of innocent little kisses on hers. His blood was racing and mind reeling as he fought to forget how very male he had a habit of being. He longed for contact like this. The hormonal rush of teenage habits coming free once more. It was exhilarating to get that sense of lightheadedness from it all. His heart was pounding in his ears, even as he fought to gain control over himself. Each taste of her lips were both torturous and soothing at once. Finally, he opened his mouth a little bit wider than just to go for another kiss. He took a deep, silent breath before his lips mouthed a response to hers. His voice was a whisper through their heavy breathing, but Rod’s eyes went up from their focus on her cheekbones to look into her eyes, hoping they were open. But they were true.
****