Who: Axle and Kevin What: Trying to avoid temptation When: October 10th, late evening. Where: Living room of House Seven Rating | Status: Low, change as necessary | Incomplete add upon completed section.
Axe had been through alot in the past few years, and even more so in past few days. He was dealing with what he had seen and done in the Maze in order to get out of it. Some of the things were easier to cope with than others. Probably among the most daunting was the concept of being thrown in there in the first place. The why seemed to linger in his brain. Why him? It wasn’t like he was the smartest person on the Island, or in his family for that matter if you really wanted to get down to brass tacks. True, he wasn’t a dumb jock by any means. Axe had always gotten decent marks in school, more than enough to do more than the bare minimum to keep his spot on the school’s team. It was just that he wasn’t wasn’t a genius by any stretch of the imagination He was strong, for sure. And he had an eye for details and patterns, as well as quick, making his athleticism proving more than useful in the maze. And so had his ability to work with people. That probably more than anything was his biggest strength over those few days.
But the one thing he was having more trouble than not getting over was this seemingly undying need to start drinking again. He tried to focus on other things to get out of it, but it just seemed to be there in the back of his mind urging him to just give in. Take the easy way out for a little while, he had earned it after all of that bullshit. That it really wasn’t going to be that bad. A few drinks wouldn’t mean that he was going to be totally off the wagon after all. What harm could it really do? Except that he knew exactly what harm it would do. Axle knew that he would have a harder time getting through all of this with the feeling of letting himself, and everyone else, down because he started to drink again. Because Axle didn’t just drink lightly, no. He drank until he passed out. The feeling of waking up the next morning not remembering what he’d said, done, did, or even where he was still made him feel a little sick to his stomach, even all these years later.
And yet, here he was sitting quietly at his house in the abandoned living room having a staring contest with a bottle of whiskey. Axe was bent over slightly, his elbows resting on the tops of his legs, his hands up to his face in little fists. He didn’t need this. He knew that. He should just chuck it out into the sea. He even envisioned himself doing that a few times in his head...and yet, he hadn’t moved in an hour. He should probably message Hyde or Posey at this point and ask for help. He hadn’t a problem asking for it in the more recent past. And yet, he still remained seated and unwilling to make any more at all. That is other than to let out a low sigh and rub his face, push his baseball cap off of his head, bend his head scratch at the short hair on his head, and then put the cap back. He was so lost in this debate in his head he failed to realize that he wasn’t actually alone any more. Something that probably showed how off he really was at this point, since his awareness was usually really spot on.
****
He had not been alone for a while. Normally, Kevin was a loud and intrusive person when he came home from a night out with Carver, even when not a drink had been consumed other than delicious water. This was one of those nights. They had gone out with Clover and Anthony for some giggles when he had come home to find his Down Under roommate contemplating a full, unopened bottle of whiskey. He was not one to bother someone when they were in this mindset, especially after the whole ordeal inside the maze, but there was something about it that made Kevin pause and watch instead of heading to his room. He leaned against the wall and watched everything Axe did in the darkness. This wasn’t just someone who needed a drink, it was a battle. He could read that well enough to know when someone was struggling. His movements and constant adjusting. His fidgeting. It was heartbreaking, really. But he watched and kept his distance. The man was weighing if he could really help. If he was even in the position to help. Whatever was plaguing his mind was obviously enough to cause distress. And really? It took a lot for Kevin to even care about himself lately. He had found himself in such a slump that nothing really seemed to matter. He knew it was a self-pity thing, but he had been stuck. And with his brother now playing quidditch as well, it was not helping.
But after a few more minutes of watching the staring contest, he walked further into the room and eyed the silhouette. A minute later, Kevin finally cleared his throat, but didn’t move or go to turn on the lights or light the fire. Instead, he let what little illumination peaking through the windows light the room. No need to make him feel uncomfortable and vulnerable while being visible. Instead, he crossed his arms and looked in the direction he sat. “You gonna have that or stare at it.” His statement was not so much a question, but a comment. It was a direct line to what he had been watching. “‘cause if it’s the later, mate, you either hate whiskey or need it chucked on you.”
****
The sound of Kevin clearing his throat was enough to startle Axe a little bit, but at the same time, not scare him enough to where it was going to jump him out of his current mindset. Axe felt more than a little embarrassed that he’d been caught in this debate. Why he hadn’t been doing this in his own room, he wasn’t quite sure. It was pretty obvious that he wasn’t thinking clearly. In any regards. In all actuality, being caught and being this embarrassed didn’t help sway the decision one way or another. It both made him want to toss the bottle over to Kevin and call it a surprise gift, and make him want to crack it open and down the whole thing as fast as he could to escape the feeling of being caught as well. He should have been stronger than this. But right now, he just felt so...helpless and indecisive. Something that Axe was really not used to feeling. At least not something he had been used to feeling in a long time. No, this feeling was like meeting up with an old friend only to realize a few moments in that this was a mistake, but you couldn’t find a polite way to excuse yourself and end the outing early. Axe lifted up his head and looked over at Kevin, trying to put on a somewhat normal face, but even Axe knew then that it wasn’t coming anywhere close to his usual self. It was this moment that he wasn’t sure if he should crack a joke, and move on and continue this debate in his room. Or just tell Kevin that he was struggling with this, even if it might be obvious that there was some sort of struggling going on.
One of the reasons he’d decided to move to the B&I league, though it was far from the top of the long list, was because no one knew about his past. Or, rather, very few people. The Meadows knew, but they’d been friends to him and his family for years. Kade even helped direct them to the clinic that Axe had gotten help at. He’d told his girlfriend about it, because there was no way that he could keep something like this from her. But other than that, there was a freedom in leaving it all behind him. Except for right now, when his demons decided to crawl back out of the deep recesses of his head. “I don’t know.” he finally responded after a long pause to the first part of Kevin’s statement, eyes returning to stare at the bottle for a moment. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to his knees and stayed there for a moment. “Haven’t had any in almost eight years.” he said, slightly muffled against his jeans. It wasn’t a full on admission that he had problems, without going into too much detail, but it was at least a little bit of insight of why he was sitting here in almost the dark, having a staring contest with an amber temptress.
*****
When he spoke, Kevin exhaled slowly out of his nose before walking into the room further. He wasn’t going to assume anything, but he had a feeling that it was a problem. It wasn’t just him not wanting to drink or stay healthy. Eight years is a long time to not have alcohol. And the way he was staring made Kevin almost sure he was right. All the same, the man was not about to assume anything without being told outright. So he walked to the seat across from Axe with the bottle in between them and leaned forward. His hair fell into his eyes, which he combed over to one side and rested his chin on his hands. He thought about what to even say next. He was not friends with Axe, though they got along. They were roommates, but he didn’t know much else. They never hung out or talked much more than in the passing. He really had no right to say anything about his life or his choices. At the same time, he was not about to leave someone alone with a temptation. And he was not about to remove a choice without getting the okay for it. For someone who was in Slytherin, he had a high level of caring for others. He was not the most Slytherin of his friends (also not the least as Carver was pretty much his life partner). And in this moment, it was obvious. He was worried about a man he knew nothing about because he knew the struggle was there. And he wanted to help.
“That’s a long time,” Kevin replied finally in a careful tone. His eyes did not leave Axe as he reached forward for the bottle. He looked it over for a moment. “Single-Malt Whiskey,” he read, as if Axe was not aware of what he had purchased. He looked at the bottle, as if it was the first he ever held, but refused to open it. He took it out of Axe’s reach, but would give it back if asked for it. And after he knew he meant it. Instead he tossed it from one hand to the other before laying it on his lap so the cap was all that was in sight. “So why now.” It wasn’t a question; there was no attempt to make it sound like it. He was not going to judge anything that came out of the other man. Everyone had their flaws, even supermodel-looking Aussies with rockstar brothers.
*****
Another longer pause came from Axe as if he was really taking the time, or just needing to take that time, to form his words. What he was going to say. He normally wasn’t so guarded about himself. Anything anyone wanted to know about him was usually just fine. He was an open book. To everything but this chapter. He didn’t completely ignore it. It wasn’t like that. No, overtime, Axe had learned to live with all of it. He’d learned how to be around his friends, his teammates, his family if they wanted to have a few drinks. He was able to function around it and just not let it bother him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been tempted over the last eight years, because he had. But, he’d always found either an easy way out of the situation, or he had Hyde with him and that had kept him grounded. But this...this was another matter it seemed like. Axe had never been through anything like this before and it had tested him in ways he didn’t know he could be tested. If it hadn’t been for the fog, maybe he could have handled it all a little bit better. He was lucky in the partner that he had something he’d voiced often enough, but at the same time he had also had taken on this responsibility to himself to make sure that he kept pushing, and doing everything he could to make sure that he was carrying his weight and a little more when the time called for it. “I’ve been so good.” he said against his jeans again before sitting up slightly after another moment so he could look at Kevin. “...I just grabbed the first thing I saw.” he admitted feeling a slight chill go down his spine. He’d been so freaked out about buying it, that he’d just grabbed the first thing he saw, paid and bolted back to the house. It made him feel disgusting, like he’d stolen it, despite the fact that he had actually paid for it in full. Actually, to tell the truth, he couldn’t remember if he’d even stayed long enough to get his change or not.
Axe watched Kevin move the bottle around and part of him wanted to lash out, grab it, hold it close so that it wouldn’t fall on the ground and shatter spreading the liquid. It would be easy if that happened. The decision would be made for him, because there was no way in hell that even he would be trying to lap up the liquid from the floor. That was just disgusting. People’s feet had been there. Axe had a thing with feet, they grossed him out. Anyway. Kevin’s statement made him baulk a little bit. His mouth opened and then shut again slightly as he thought about how to answer that. Truth was, he wasn’t sure. Sort of. He knew why. He knew the reasons and the feelings behind it, but he wasn’t sure how to express all of that. He was quiet for a long time before finally looking over at Kevin looking exhausted. He’d sort of slept after getting out, mostly just as a result of pain medication being administered while they patched him up from his injuries. But it hadn’t been a really restful sleep. Not the kind that he really needed at any rate. “Because it’s the only thing that will drown my thoughts out.” Axe finally responded. It seemed like the simplest and the easiest way to explain everything at once. Then again, he knew that his head was such a mess right now, that he didn’t know if that made any sense or not what so ever.