Rocco Spinnet (dark_horse) wrote in novsila_rpg, @ 2015-02-28 22:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | rocco spinnet, sally-anne perks |
Who: Sally Perks and Rocco Spinnet
What: Dealing with the elephant in the room
When: February 20th, evening.
Where: Sally's Place
Status | Rating: In Progress | Some Language
Sometimes he honestly wondered why he bothered to come back at all. Yes, after everything with Elle it had seemed like a really good idea to come and help with everything. Give Alicia a break from being the overly responsible one, give her a little more support with their other siblings, with Callie, with just everything in general. On top of that he thought maybe, just MAYBE he could work his marriage out, and things might be okay. And recently, it seemed like things were going in the right direction. Then this hit. And in all honesty, it felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. He didn’t know how to feel about any of this, and right now, he still didn’t. Part of him had just stared at the paperwork for a very, very, very long time deciding that yeah, this was a pretty clear sign that she didn’t want to be with him any more. And yet, he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. Granted, it was all in his bag right now, and he was determined to have one answer or another. Because he hated not knowing, and he was through playing the well we-won’t we game. He needed to know so that way if it really was over, he could try again to move on. Because for him, it couldn’t be this half-way stuff any more. He couldn’t live in the gray, and in all honesty, he felt he had every right to feel this way. If they were over, they were over, things would be singed tonight and filed in the morning. If they weren’t, well...frankly he was going to need a little more than just her words. He was going to need to see some actual sort of commitment. Rocco knew that sounded horrible in his head, he just hoped that he would be able to find some way of expressing it that made it sound way less horrible. Since there was still a part of him that was still unbelievably angry. But he could at least manage it at the moment.
Calm. He had to be calm about this. He would just have to be silent and actually remind himself to think before he spoke, and just keep pushing anything that might pick more of a fight down for the moment. This was the one conversation he couldn’t fuck up. He couldn’t. And he wouldn’t. Because if this really wasn’t over, because he did still love her, very much so, he was going to have to prepare himself for the backlash since....he was fairly sure that very few of his friends were actually going to support him through this. Not to mention, he was pretty sure his siblings weren’t going to be so happy about this either. He questioned himself a lot over if it was worth it getting into all of these battles along the way...and yet he kept coming to the same conclusion...yes. Yes she was worth it. Absolutely. Roc would go to battle for her every single time. Which is why he was standing at her front door knocking, accidentally a little too hard by way of nerves, ready to finally figure this out. And for once hoped that the harder road was the road that he’d be on by the end of the night, and not the one that lead him to filing papers in the morning.
**********
Sally was curled up on her couch with Toby’s head in her lap, trying to relax and not think about the mess she’d made of things. Although that was easier said than done. Her mind kept trying to figure out how the same thing could make her happy and sad all at once - she was happy about Chloe but at the same time she was sad because the pregnancy seemed to have put an end to any chance of her and Rocco actually reconciling. When she’d told everyone back in November they’d decided to go ahead with the divorce it had seemed like it was done and then Alicia had been injured and he’d wanted to see her and they’d started talking and spending time together and it looked like they were maybe going to be able to work things out after all. And as much as she hated the fact that it looked like they were back where they’d started with the divorce - she couldn’t blame him for being angry at her. She’d made what was probably the worst decision of their marriage - and that thought brought her back to wondering how she could be so happy about having Chloe in a few months.
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts before they could start going around that circle again and Toby raised his head up to bark. “Shh Toby. It’s alright. It’s probably just Aunt Maria coming around to check on me again,” she told him, rubbing his side to soothe him before getting off the couch, knowing that he was more than likely going to get down and follow her to the door. She shook her head when she heard his nails tapping along the floor behind her and called out before the person could knock again. “Just a minute.” She unlocked the door and pulled it open, bending down to grab Toby’s collar in case he decided to run out into the hall to greet whoever it was and then froze as she looked back up, confusion and surprise both obvious on her face. “Rocco. What are you - Do you want to come in?” she asked, standing up and taking a step back as she noticed one of her neighbors opening their door. Whatever he’d come by to say she didn’t want witnesses to it - this at least could be a private matter she hoped. To some degree.
***
It kind of felt like Roc’s stomach was in his throat by the time he heard Toby barking and waiting for the door to be answered. Part of him just wanted to walk away right now, just give her what she wanted and do what he could to attempt to move on. But he was half frozen, half determined to see this through. This was the only way anything would get resolved. He had to clear his throat a little bit before he responded. “Yeah....that’d be nice.” he said before he stepped in.
“I’m not...I’m not interrupting anything am I?” he said not being able to help the twinge in his stomach when he saw her in her jammies. He liked her pajamas, she always seemed the cutest when she was the most laid back. But...he was trying very hard not get sucked in, just in case this whole thing went south and not the way he would like it too. He had to be guarded right now, he couldn't just...give in to all of his emotions, for better or for worse. He had to be calm right now. Totally calm. He stooped down so that he could give Toby a good petting scratchin the dog’s head and giving him a proper hello, before standing up. “I...uh...I thought we should probably talk.” he started, stating the obvious, but...it was a good of place to start as any.
****
Sally let go of Toby’s collar as she closed the door, swallowing before she turned around to look at him. “You’re not interrupting anything. Toby and I were just curled up on the couch relaxing a bit,” she answered. Well she’d been relaxing. Toby had been doing what he normally did when something was going on - laying with her and giving her what comfort he could. He really was a good dog and she loved him. “That’s probably a good idea,” she couldn’t get her hopes up, couldn’t let herself hope that maybe he was willing to give her another chance despite everything.
“Us talking I mean. Do you want some tea or water or anything?” she was rambling and she knew it but if she stood still for too long she’d want to touch him, to hug him and she couldn’t do that. Not anymore.
***
Roc shook his head that he didn’t want anything and then realized that he should probably say something instead. “No, I’m okay for right now thanks.” He’d like something stronger, but he figured nothing good could come of him drinking right now. Rocco took off his jacket and hung it up and walked into the living room figuring that maybe they should not be standing in the hallway for this, though, he honestly wondered if he should have even bothered with taking off his jacket, other than there was a light dusting of snow on it. There was a reason he hated February, other than he was forced to celebrate his birthday in it. Though, this year he’d been out of his mind on that love potion, so probably the first birthday in a while that he wasn’t either working through it, or being dragged out after working all day on it. Not that he totally minded being dragged out since, it was usually by people with good intentions. But...still. He’d always liked the ones where Sally had been there and they’d been getting along the best. She always made things fun...like the icing on the cake. He tried to shove those memories down as best as he could right now. In the likely case that this was really over. He had to really get himself ready for that possibility. That this might really be over.
“I’m just going to lay it all out here.” he started, figuring there was no point in awkward small talk. He normally was pretty good at it...but this...no tonight. Not about this. He couldn’t quite process it. “I can’t do this in-between bullshit any more.” he said firmly. “And with this...news....” yes, he was passed a lot of the anger stage, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to say it yet. Because he was still hurting for a lot of reasons. “I’m half wondering why I’m even here right now. Other than I’m completely confused. I know that I haven’t always been the best.” And for the love of God people needed to stop telling him otherwise. “And logically, yeah, we were seperated at the time and looking to end things, so that part, I don’t consider it cheating.” Though, he fully knew that a lot of people would. “However....god damnit. God fucking damnit Sally.” He muttered into his hands as he rubbed his face, it didn’t come out terribly angry, just...frustrated at the situation. “Just when I thought things might be getting better.” he tried to explain a little bit. “I’ve got the papers with me.” he said nodding towards his bag. “Either we’re ending this tonight and filing in the morning and we can both move on. Or we’re pitching them in the fire tonight, because I can’t do this ‘we’ll try and work it out’ shit any more. I can’t. I physically cannot take it any more.” he knew this sounded harsh. But it was just to that point where he didn’t have any other way to put it. In or out. Black or white. He knew the world didn’t operate like this, hell, his career depended on it. But this...this was a rare exception. “And I can’t make this decision for the both of us. It’s got to be you. If you’re in, I’m in. If you’re out...I’ll walk. And I need you to be 100% honest with me.” he said. Because in his mind, she was the one carrying another man’s child, so...he couldn’t be the one to make the final decision. He couldn’t be. But he wasn’t sure he could really live with himself if he did. Since he had no idea what was going on right now. And in this moment, he was probably more honest with her than he’d been in a very, very long time. No bullshit. No trying to figure it all out inside his head. It was what it was, all out on the table. If she still wanted him, he was willing to take this on and gladly do so. If not, well, he’d deal with that too. He just needed to know.
*****
That definitely wasn’t what Sally had been expecting to hear him say. Any of it and she stared at him for a moment in shock. There was a part of her that thought him putting the decision on her wasn’t fair but a larger part of her realized that in a way it was fair - she’d made the decision on her own that they should separate in the first place after all. She swallowed as she looked at him, her arms down by her sides as she tried to work up the courage to answer him. She knew what she wanted to say, and maybe it was selfish but he was here and was willing to give them another chance. To give her one and she was going to take him up on it. “In,” she whispered quietly before clearing her throat as she realized he might not have heard her answer.
“I’m in. I don’t want us to be filing those papers.” This level of honesty was something she hadn’t seen from him in a very long time, not that she could really fault him for that since she hadn’t been entirely honest with him at the end of their marriage. And she wanted to give him that same level of honesty in return because when they’d been completely honest with each other - that’s when they’d been their best. “And I want to be honest with you. 100%. Whatever you need to know I’ll tell you,” she told him, looking into his face for the first time since they’d stepped into her living room. “Just ask.” She meant what she was saying. Maybe she hadn’t been as honest with him as she should have been in the recent past but she wanted to fix that now - no matter what he asked, she was going to tell him the truth.
***
It took a few minutes for all of that to really sink in. He actually stood there for a moment, probably visibly processing everything in his head right now. Part of him was still very confused, hurt, and yeah, a little bit angry. However, he felt like this was a step in a direction. He could work with this. And work he would. In truth, Roc had no idea if this was going to even work out or not. They’d tried a few times and failed, but, at least he felt like this time, unlike the others, they were coming at this with laying all the cards out on the table. He figured this would end up being an uphill battle in some external regards, but...he’d figure it out. Now that he had a direction he felt like he could figure everything else out. It’d be a lot, but it would be worth it. Roc was trying to bet on it being worth it. Granted, if he hadn’t thought it was worth it he wouldn’t even be standing here having this conversation to begin with. So, there was that. “Okay, in that case...” he said finally as he dug into his bag, walked over to her fireplace and pitched the papers right into the flames. There. It was done, at last from his end. He watched them burn for a few moments before responding. He couldn’t help it, it kind of felt really good, even if it was a wee bit dramatic.
He turned back to her, unsure of if this was the part where he was supposed to hug her or not. But he decided that standing next to her would be a good start. They still had a lot to talk about, it wasn’t like everything was fixed right that second. But...it was a good start at least. “I guess what I want to know the most was why you wanted to file in the first place.” that whole...conversation was still a bit of a blur to him. Some moments he could recall so vividly, and others...not so much. However, now that they were being honest with each other he figured it’d be a decent place to start at any rate.
*****
Sally couldn’t help the relieved sort of laugh that escaped her when she saw him throw those papers in the fire. It might have been dramatic, okay it was dramatic but it was something that she knew she’d remember seeing, she’d remember him doing. It was more than just words like they’d said in the past about wanting to try and work things out. Her copy of them was in her nightstand drawer and she excused herself for a moment to go get them, not hesitating as she threw them into the fire too. She’d noticed her ring on the top of her nightstand and thought about picking it up, sliding it on but decided not to. They still had a lot to talk about before she’d feel right doing that.
She hadn’t been expecting him to start off with asking her why and she looked at him for a minute before heading over to sit down on the couch, this was going to be a long conversation so they might as well be at least physically comfortable. “Because I realized part of why I said yes when you asked me to marry you was selfish. Or I thought it was. With everything going on I wanted something to focus on, something to distract me from all of it and you proposed and a part of me thought planning the wedding and getting married was a good distraction. I loved you and that was part of why I said yes, I still love you but - that wasn’t the only reason I said yes and when I realized that I thought...I thought you deserved better than that,” she told him, looking him in the eye.
***
Roc didn’t sit down at first, because part of him just couldn’t do it physically yet, since his emotions seemed to be going rather crazy at the moment and surging through his body right now, making him sitting down a little impossible at the moment. Even though he wasn’t sitting he did move closer to the couch and made sure to let her know that he was listening. Really listening this time. He looked right at her, a serious yet not cold, look on his face as he nodded slightly towards the end of her explanation. He paused for a moment before he responded taking it all in for a moment. Part of him was a little upset that she hadn’t really opened up like that before, or at least upset with himself in case she had said something like that because he probably wouldn’t have listened too much.
Roc sighed a little and then sat down next to her, close, but not too close to make anything uncomfortable since everything was just basically starting again and he didn’t want to move too fast considering they were still talking all of this out and all. “I think marriage is a pretty selfish institution in general.” he said with a little bit of a shrug. “I mean, if you think about it really.” he said trying to make it sound like it was a logical response and all. “I think some part of me understand that,” he said thinking about how fucked up that time was around the time they’d gotten married. “but in all honesty, all that matters is that the base of it was that you did-do-love me, that’s all that should really matter, right?” he asked trying to make some sort of sense in this.
*****