Who: Natasha Romanoff russianspy When: Tuesday, June 16, approximately 8:45am Where: The island, outside Test City What: Internal musings, exploring Rating: PG Warnings: She’s vague about her time in the Red Room, is sort of closing herself off emotionally. Idk. Status: Narrative | Closed | Complete
~*~
As soon as the alert went out about their new surroundings, Natasha swapped her casual clothes for more jungle friendly attire - cargo pants, a sports bra, two tanks layered over each other, and combat boots - before arming and heading down to the lobby. She snagged two tokens and made her way to the gate, where she slipped easily into the jungle. The dinosaurs were dangerous predators, but that was home in a lot of ways. It hadn’t been more than a handful of years since she joined SHIELD, or more accurately, joined Barton and Coulson, where she discovered that she could actually trust the people fighting beside her. The Red Room hadn’t provided luxuries such as trust and friendship. It had bred distrust and manipulation into her from such a young age that it was sometimes easier to pretend that she’d been part of SHIELD, part of the Avengers, than to believe she’d escaped the Red Room.
The jungle, filled with prehistoric predators, was more familiar to her than Test City, and she stole quietly through the new environment, leaving the smallest trace behind. This was what she needed. This was familiar in a way that could ground her to the here and now, instead of wondering about the what if’s and where’s and why’s and how’s. There were people that she knew inside the dome of protection the City offered, but Natasha needed out. If she were honest with herself - and she tried to be - she’d needed out since Clint had started acting odd. He’d suddenly had no recollection of being in Test City before, had avoided her attempts at communication, and just seemed off. She’d come to the conclusion that he simply wasn’t her Clint, the one that she knew better than she knew herself, but some other version of him, with his face and voice and mannerisms, but none of the history. Once she’d decided that was the case, she kept an eye on him from afar. When he disappeared, Natasha couldn’t deny the relief she felt.
Non-Barton being around had stuck her in a sort of limbo, and she hated that it was the case. It was laughable to think that a man could hold that much sway over her, and that in and of itself was a wake up call for Natasha. She’d been living in a fantasy, thinking she and Clint could settle into something approaching normal in Test City. If she was going to continue looking out for her friends and making the right allies, Nat knew she needed to let go of the hope she had that she and Clint could have anything more than what they’d managed to carve out for themselves in the real world. Test City was just that, a test. She needed to remind herself of that, to keep the chances of survival high for her and her friends.
Natasha made a circuit around the island, avoiding confrontation with any dinosaurs she came across. She paused only once, lingering in a control center just long enough to attract the attention of something. Nat booked it out of there and continued on her trail, returning to Test City long after dark. She was exhausted, but it was a good kind of ache. The day had given her focus and put her back on track. She wouldn’t be a liability to her team over something as childish as love. If Clint did return, and he was her Clint, she’d deal with it. Until then, she wasn’t going to worry about it, or about anyone else who might show up. It was the present company that needed minding, not the possibility of future guests.