What a loaded question. It was enough to stop Steve in his tracks, to make him really think about just what he wanted. Answering with his gut response would've been a lie to both of them - 'my best friend back'. hat Bucky was long gone, and so was the ninety pound asthmatic Bucky Barnes had called friend. Steve honestly hadn't been able to really live without Bucky's familiar face and comforting presence at his back. It was an irrefutable fact that he would not have made it as long as he had without Bucky watching over him, having his back in all the ways that mattered. There had been countless fights Bucky'd finished for him, months where Bucky worked twice as long and hard as he should've to make sure the heat was on and Steve had a thick sweater to keep warm in. Every single date he'd ever been on had been because of Bucky. After his ma died, all he had was Bucky.
Whoever they were now, Steve still needed that connection and there wasn't anyone in the world that could take Bucky's place by his side. Peggy might've been the only one to come close, but things hadn't worked out and he'd more than made his peace with that.
Steve couldn't stop the expression of horror on his face as Bucky suggested he wanted to even the score. That wasn't even on the list of things he wanted, and it would never be. His expression turned sad, pained even, because even the thought of losing Bucky again had a tendency to send Steve into a depressed spiral that was hard to claw out of. He tried to be good, tried to follow his code, but Bucky was and would always be his breaking point.
"I don't want to hurt you. I can't. I think I proved that much," Steve replied, striving to keep his tone neutral even though just being able to see Bucky and talk to him meant the world. He kept the distance between them, figuring it was safer, that it was what his friend wanted.
"It was my fault, Buck. I should've gone back for you after the train. Zola gave up Schmidt, though, and he was gonna bomb New York and a buncha other cities. I crashed the plane into the Arctic to keep everyone safe and by the time I woke up...well. It'd been seventy years and just about everyone we knew was dead." Steve rubbed at the back of his neck nervously.
"I'm sorry HYDRA got you, and I'm sorry it took me so damn long to see they'd done a number on SHIELD." He sighed, bone tired from all the running, stress, and anxiety. "I want to help you deal with whatever you're going through. You've always had my back. I never woulda made it to this if it weren't for Bucky Barnes. I know they messed with your head, but you remember me. Doesn't that count for something?" He was earnest now, figuring his point was irrefutable. He even managed a bit of a smile.