Who: Karen Page karenp & Matt Murdock daredevil What: Unwinding after work When: Tuesday, April 20th, early evening Where: Test City Courthouse -> Copperstone Apartments Rating: Audience Discretion Advised Warnings: Spoilers for all of Netflix's Daredevil (2015). Guilt, Catholicism, Matt’s freaky truth powers, Karen’s ability to sidestep it. Status: Closed/Completed GDoc
~*~
Karen was starting to settle into life in Test City, slowly but surely. She was starting to warm up to her Super, even after their rocky first meeting. Charles seemed nice, if a bit isolated in a lot of ways, but he also seemed strong enough to adapt to what this place threw at him. Plus, he had that whole telepathy thing going for him, and that was probably something of an advantage for him. Her biggest concern was Matt, and how he was adjusting to life in Test City. They found a rhythm for themselves, working at the Courthouse. Being a paralegal wasn’t all that different from what she’d been doing at Nelson and Murdock, but she felt Foggy’s absence pretty keenly. At least they had a steady stream of cases to keep them occupied.
“The lines are starting to blur together, which is a sign that it’s time to go,” Karen decided, closing the legal book with a soft thump. Laws weren’t all that different in Test City, but it was important to make sure, just in case. “Come on, I think we can call it a day for now.” Even though Matt couldn’t see, she looked to him to verify that they could, in fact, wrap up for the day. Wanting to give him a little extra incentive, Karen added, “You know, I got put in that nicer apartment complex, Copperstone? I could make dinner, or we can get some Chinese on the way.”
It was starting to wear on her, not being able to sleep or really feel safe, even when there was no trace of Fisk or his known associates that could hurt her. In a perfect world, Karen might consider herself safe in Test City, but no world was perfect. She still woke up in the middle of the night, a scream caught in her throat where Fisk’s meaty hands had wrapped around it in her nightmare. She still dreamed of waking up, covered in Dan’s blood with no memory of what happened. Karen was grateful that she was alone, so she wouldn’t have to explain it, but it felt lonely. Spending most of her day with Matt helped. He was just calm and it radiated out, soothing her fears.
“What do you say?”
~*~
"I say if you make dinner? It's a date. Unless you agree to let me make dinner next time and then it's a trade. Chinese? Definitely neutral territory. See, it's times like these I need Foggy around to explain Guy Code. Don't girls have that, too? Ladies' Code?"
Matt was half-joking, but only half. Karen was a person who intrigued him. She had a fascinating way of phrasing things which allowed her to always be telling the truth, yet no one always told the truth. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. Karen had to have secrets he hadn't uncovered as of yet which was why she'd been acting strangely after Fisk's arrest.
She wasn't only concerned with Fisk or all the things which had happened in the last months. Karen was a strong woman. It wasn't like her to make herself a neurotic mess because of someone being arrested. Karen was more likely than not hiding something behind her very, very closed doors.
He'd never met a more guarded woman. It was fascinating and infuriating at the same time.
Grinning, Matt got up from his desk to pocket his phone and gather his cane, "I'm ready for whichever you choose though I will say we might break Foggy's heart if we start swapping cooking nights. Are you prepared for such a tragic thing? He's the guy who breaks hearts, not the guy who gets his heart broken."
Foggy really was good at breaking hearts which was astonishing to others. He wasn't traditionally handsome. Foggy was charming enough to make up for what he lacked in classic good-looks. Karen would likely be very surprised to know how many women he had recycled throughout the years. The number was very high. Shockingly high. It made Matt's numbers look paltry in comparison.
Not that he was confessing that any time soon.
Come to that, he wasn't giving her Foggy's numbers or his numbers. The number game fell under The Guy Code. Matt didn't pay much attention to it ordinarily, but with a situation where either or both of them could potentially find something more than friendship with their female friend and coworker? It was time to put The Guy Code into full effect. He wasn't willing to admit he thought she was---well, Karen was a woman worth admiring.
~*~
Karen couldn’t help but chuckle at Matt’s conundrum for himself. “How about I cook this time and we’ll worry about next time when it happens?” she countered, shaking her head at him. “Us ladies keep our codes to ourselves, you know. Unlike the Bro Code, which just about everyone knows, these days,” she teased warmly. Matt had a way of making her feel entirely comfortable in her own skin, which was quite the feat given recent events. It was part of why she didn’t quite want to leave him at Hope Springs again; she needed a break from the stress and worry that came with being alone.
She gathered up her things and met him by the door, smiling fondly at the memories of Foggy that Elena had coaxed between them. “I do miss him. I hope he’s having luck with Marci. That was something I hadn’t seen coming, especially after the dressing down he gave her when we first started on Elena’s case.” Karen had really viewed Foggy differently after that, appreciating him more after that moment. That was probably why she hadn’t minded so much that Elena was always trying to set them up or suggest that they should be together.
They walked out of the courthouse together easily enough, and Karen waved to a few people she recognized. For the most part, she kept to herself and kept her head down, not wanting to draw too much attention to herself just in case Fisk and his lackeys were around. “How’re you liking it here so far? Seems like there’s a good number of people who’ve been brought here, just like us. I don’t think there’s much rhyme or reason to any of it, though.” There was a part of her that wished Daredevil would show up, but that was someone’s alter ego. It wouldn’t do her much good unless Daredevil needed showing up, and if that happened, that meant there were some bad people around. Possibly even Fisk. She’d take no Daredevil and no Fisk over having them both, even though the masked man did make her feel safe.
~*~
"Foggy has a tendency to surprise people. He's got a list. I tell him it's proof there are good people in the world, people who aren't superficial to the highest degree, people who can recognize a good man by more than his A-list status. Marci? She was a good person. Once upon a time."
Life had a way of bringing out the bad in people as much as the good. Matt knew he'd become a darker person than his father would have been proud to call his son. It worried him some nights to think what he'd said in front of Claire was true: did he like beating on people? Was violence something bred into him the way so many claimed in Hell's Kitchen? It was hard to judge when he'd no basis for comparison.
Foggy was his best friend and he certainly didn't come from a violent crowd.
Karen was a bright light in the darkness for him. Her positivity shone in her voice; he felt better sometimes from only hearing her say 'Good Morning!' to him. Silly really, considering she had no idea what he got up to in his off hours and she had a personal---interest in his other slice of life. Matt had a feeling she'd surprise him if he told her he was the masked man on television. It was unlikely she'd react the way Foggy had.
Of course, he wouldn't have betrayed years of friendship with her the way he had with Foggy either.
"I have found people are never to be underestimated here, the same as at home. They're definitely unique. Some come from wholly different universes, some have powers I can't even describe, some smell---well, some are different in a way I can't name. It's unique. It makes me feel a little more humble which is likely a good thing with the way my life has been going recently. I have a feeling a good dose of humility will go a long way for me."
Hubris was the downfall of most men. Pride was what had allowed him to find Fisk as much as cunning. The man had grown predictable. His humility had come in the form of the woman -Vanessa- who he'd been willing to sacrifice everything for and had lost everything for in the end. She had gotten away, but Fisk?
Fisk had wound up in over his head.
Matt tried not to think about how he kept people at bay. It made him feel strangely sick to think he was less human than a monster such as Fisk because he couldn't form the same types of attachments. Fisk had been willing to give up everything for the woman he loved. Matt had broken his best friend's heart and he was lying to the woman he was joking with now.
Who was really the villain of the two of them?
~*~
Everyone starts off as a good person, but life sets people on a path that has many obstacles, and it’s something that could either turn out good or bad. Karen was pretty sure her path was laid out straight to Hell, given everything she was responsible for. Thinking about Foggy and what he’d been through, about Marci and their relationship, made her all the more happy that he was back home and only she and Matt had found themselves in Test City.
“You two both surprised the hell out of me.” Despite everything, all the doubt and guilt swirling around her, Karen reached out to take Matt’s free hand. He didn’t need her to guide him, but the contact was for her. “As fucked up as everything’s gotten, I wouldn’t change digging into Union Allied.” She chuckled, almost self-deprecatingly. “That’s something I’m going to have to live with, guilt for my part in Daniel’s death and the fact that I’m glad it led me to you guys.” She had a lot of blood on her hands, and it seemed like she was only adding to it, these days. Working with Matt and Foggy, trying to bring down Fisk, it was all her attempt to balance out all the bad that had come at her hands.
Matt had his pride, but she thought he’d earned it after everything he’d done, everything he’d faced in life and come out stronger for it. Karen always kept herself guarded, the majority of herself hidden away from the few friends she allowed herself. Her life, her past choices, they weren’t something she was proud of. Hell, even trying to do better by taking down Union Allied and Fisk had it’s issues, it’s moral compromises. Blood would always be on her hands, staining her soul. It was a shame she didn’t believe that confessing her sins would allow her to atone for them.
“The world is full of gods and monsters now,” she murmured, holding his hand tighter. “Nevermind all the humans that are just bad.” Karen sighed softly. What was the world coming to? “I want Test City to be different, to be safer, but I don’t know if I could even trust that it is.” Charles had told her to consider telling Matt the truth, but she didn’t think she could risk it. Especially now, considering he was her lifeline in this unfamiliar place.
~*~
Gods and monsters, Matt considered idly what Karen meant by that. Where did he fall on the spectrum? It felt more and more as if he were becoming a monster rather than any kind of god. He didn't even know he wanted to be either on the list. Matt only wanted to go to bed at night, fall asleep, thinking he was the kind of man who made his father proud. If he could know that with any certainty? Matt would sleep comfortably every night.
He doubted Karen could understand the way he felt in that regard. Her parents were surely proud of her. How could she be anything less than the light of their lives? She brought a light to their life at Nelson & Murdock Matt didn't think they would have survived without. It was her attention to detail which helped them in their day-to-day lives at the firm. Her presence made them more than two friends playing at being business partners; she made them a business.
"I don't think I'm happy being either of those," he decided, squeezing Karen's hand, "I believe in God. I was raised Catholic. I don't want to take His place. I know I'm far from worthy. I don't want to be a monster either. I want to be a man my father would have been proud to call his son. That's all I really want. I lost sight of that somewhere along the way, but hopefully? I'll get back on the right path soon."
Matt was going to fight like Hell to become more than the Devil of Hell's Kitchen. He was going to do all he could to prove he hadn't sacrificed his entire youth on years of training for no reason. It was worth it. It had to all be worth it in the end, otherwise? What was he supposed to do? It wasn't as if he could get any of it back.
"I'm working on my issues. Slowly but surely. What about you? Any goals for your near future?"
~*~
Karen smiled warmly, suppressing a bit of a chuckle. “You could never be a monster, Matt.” The world had grown to include aliens and gods, super soldiers and rage monsters. The Battle of New York had left a lot of damage for civilians to pick up, and while Karen didn’t necessarily mind, it was still a mess. Hell’s Kitchen wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, especially with the likes of Fisk around to aid in the corruption of city officials.
“I think your father would be proud of you. You stuck to your guns and found the legal way to take Fisk down. That’s a huge accomplishment, Matt. Saved my life too, don’t forget.” Karen was so impressed by how hard he’d fought to find a legal way to bring Fisk down. She’d been more about focusing on the investigative side, connecting the dots and taking it all public in the hopes that it might mean something. In the end, Matt had been right all along.
She considered his question seriously, allowing the comfortable silence to fall over them for part of their journey. “I think...I think I’d just like to be happy, you know? I want to put the past behind me and move on with my life. I want to honor Ben’s life, Elena’s and Daniel’s. I want to make something positive after all the bad that’s been coming.” Maybe it was an unreasonable goal, but she could try. Karen owed it to the people who had suffered for her mistakes and actions.
~*~
"We have that in common," Matt remarked idly, "Wanting to honor those who we've lost before their time. I do what I can for my father's memory. I'm alone without him. Foggy and you? You're as close as I've got to family. I do what I can to make my life matter so the people who loved me before they died didn't love someone unworthy of their caring. Even if they can't see me wherever they are? I feel as if I still owe it to them."
Matt couldn't remember a time when he hadn't wanted to do right by his old man. Jack had been the kind of man anyone would have been proud to call their father if they had taken enough time to look behind all the losses in the ring to see the man who kept standing no matter how hard the beatings came. It was the least he could do for that man's memory to try to be a good person. Honorable. Matt couldn't always make the right choices, but he could try to make the decent choices.
It was enough.
"Thanks for being here with me, Karen. Even if you didn't have a choice in the matter. It means a lot to me. More than you know, in fact."
He could have told her about how long it'd been since he'd let someone hold his hand while he walked. It was a nice segue into talking about how -as a blind person- his orientation could be sent spiraling off-center with the simplest of touches which was why all physical contact with him should be instigated by him, but Matt didn't want to lecture Karen. He wanted her to know she mattered to him.
Besides.
She had incredibly soft hands.
Matt smiled as they walked along, hand-in-hand, the way normal people would. For a moment, they could pretend they were happy people. Normal people. It might not be something either of them deserved due to one mistake or another they'd made in their pasts, but it could be a moment they could savor all the same which was what Matt intended to do.