I must have been going senile. I'll have to ask Bucky.
Didn't even know I had it again. But I guess that's in my future, too. Great. Maybe Bucky knows what I was thinking, I'll ask him later.
I do know a few things. Bailing back to the 50's? Sounds like exactly the kind of thing I'd do. Not because I didn't love you and Bucky enough to stay, but... The idea of me touching that thing again, being dragged through all that shit again knowing I'd made a complete joke of the ideal? Yeah. I would do that in a heartbeat. And clearly no amount of my screaming into the night that I'm done with it is gonna work as long as other people know I'm alive. So, leaving to where I'm already 'dead'? Yeah. I get that.
I should have told you first, though. Was probably worried you'd talk me out of it or something. You probably could have.
That was a shit move. I'm sorry.
As for the shield... I can't imagine putting Cap on anybody's shoulders, least of all somebody I cared about. But if I was old and about to kick it, there's nobody else I'd trust the damn weapon to, with Nat gone. To keep it safe, to let you use it to keep yourself safe, if you wanted or needed to, whatever. Only you could have had it and not gone off the deep end. Bucky would have just snapped it into the ocean or something and then some idiot would find it.
I'm sorry, Sam. Truly. I don't know why I fucked up that badly again.
Strange said I'm gonna be dumped into all that someday, and not remember this. But I'll try, and even if I come to the same conclusion, I'll at least do everything I can to not keep you in the dark about it.