Rey Dameron & Margo Hanson (PGH), with cameo from Natasha Romanoff
NYC Day 1 | Butler Hall | PG
Rey finds Margo after the reset and they talk about her ghost
loops.
⚠Talks of death, grief, abandonment, murder
She woke with a whimper.
Memory of searing, unyielding pain was just at the forefront of her senses and the whimper escaped from the back of her throat. The memory was present, her very first waking one, but the pain did not accompany it. She turned, pressing her fingers to the patch of skin where the wound ought to have manifested. Instead, she found smooth skin that was untouched by any blade or harm. Exhaling slowly, aware of snuffling sounds at her bedside and excited whirls of beeps, she turned to lay outstretched on her back and stare up at the ceiling.
This was the reset.
She listened to the sounds around her and didn't hear any immediate explosions or screams coming from the window. If there was disaster waiting for them with the reset? It wasn't immediately apparent. And because no other memories came to mind? Rey knew there was no doubt as to what had happened. It wasn't long before she was shifting from the bed and moving to leave the room all together. A hand skated over top of Pilot's head while she vacated the room and the same was done to BB-8 as he spun up by her side. "I'll be back," she whispered to the droid, giving him the smallest smile.
She was going to need to give him dedicated time this week. She could sense it.
Coming out of the room, she made her way down the hall with her head down and hands slipped into the pockets of her jacket.
Margo had found herself more than a few times at the spot Loki told her that Rey had died. The time loop of memories — some familiar, some not — cycled over and over. They said that people came back at the reset, so Margo had spent her time doing things. Trapping ghosts in containers, putting those containers in a safe place, working with Alice on layers of protection — anything not to think about the loss.
In the future, Margo would tell Fen that she couldn't grieve because if she did, she'd never stop. She'd be useless. This Margo was the same, despite having never lived that life. She ran the clock down until the reset, but she hadn't really realized that falling asleep didn't mean you could wake up in the immediate aftermath. Especially if you had used an Ambien to fall asleep prior to arrival, which meant every reset, she had a good night's sleep.
It was nearly 9am before she woke up.
As soon as she'd gathered herself to leave, she found Natasha Romanoff in the hallway. They recognized one another, but not in the way either of them wanted. Margo knew her from the Bureau, the person everyone turned to for what to do whenever they went on cruises. Natasha knew Margo as someone who had shagged about half the campus — no shaming intended — and was friends with Eliot. Natasha liked Eliot, even if his alcoholic habits rivaled Tony's early ones.
They gave the usual pleasantries as they passed one another.
Rey was on autopilot. Margo had been on the actual campus for only a week, and it'd been less than that that Rey had known the room she occupied, so it was on feeling that Rey was navigating the halls. She had a vague sense of which direction the room was but there was no guarantee that was truly where Margo was. It was late enough in the morning now that the other woman could have sought out other places or people.
When she turned the corner, her eyes lifted with expectation that she'd find Margo. She'd not necessarily figured out what she'd say or what she'd ask. That wasn't important. What was important? Making sure Margo was alright and seeking the general comfort that was her company. Rey was content to just be in her presence with silence around them. But what she hadn't expected and what she hadn't truly processed?
Natasha.
There was Margo, easily found and a sight that Rey was glad to see, but not far away from her was Natasha.
Rey's footsteps came to a halt and she stood still with her eyes fixed ahead upon them both.
Margo rushed forward, because Margo never did anything half assed, even in front of others. She didn't even care if she was embarrassing Rey by inspecting every inch of her that had been injured. The wound was gone, like it had never happened. That was something that not even Fillory magic would do where she was from.
What the fuck was this place?
Did this mean they'd never get old?
Margo noticed Rey's look at Natasha, but didn't really understand what was going on. Natasha, however, caught the subtle look of accusation in Rey's eyes. She'd known the woman had died the week before, ostensibly by her own lightsaber, but she realized now that was wrong. It might have been Rey's lightsaber, but it was Taskmaster. The version of Natasha that had plagued the campus before.
Natasha pursed her lips, shoved her hands in her pockets, and turned the other direction.
Margo frowned. "The fuck was that about?"
Rey did not mind the public display of concern. In normal circumstances, her cheeks may have flushed and she'd have tried to reassure the woman that she was fine. Instead, eyes remained momentarily on Natasha as her own thoughts tried to process what she still did not have a complete wrap around. Logic reassured Rey that Natasha truly would not have actively attempted to harm Rey. She knew this. She knew it had to be of some other reason and cause that the hand that dealt the killing blow to her, however many days before, simply had the same face as the woman Rey trusted inherently.
And yet, Rey could not help but to place a protective hand on the crook of Margo's elbow as she was fussed over.
The moment passed and Natash was retreating. Rey frowned in turn and her attention came back to Margo. "I'm not certain." She could make an assumption but her priority was not Natasha Romanoff at the moment. It was Margo and Rey pivoted her body to look the other woman in the eyes. Her proper hand came up to press to Margo's cheek, eyes searching, looking for any physical damage on the other woman now.
The question of 'are you alright' wanted to be summoned but Rey felt a tremor run through her body at the unpleasant realization that the need to ask this question was because Rey had no way of knowing. She did not know what had happened after her own blade pressed through her. She swallowed. "You weren't hurt, were you?" She whispered, cybernetic hand moving to rest atop of Margo's hip.
Margo was still going over scenarios in her head of what the resets actually meant. Did it mean they could get utterly and completely blitzed out of their minds and not suffer the come-down if you timed it properly? Cause damn, Margo might try the body weight in coke challenge again.
But no.
That wasn't what this was about.
"Physically? No."
Emotionally? Margo had been a wreck who had thrown herself into capturing or killing as many of those fuckers as she could. All of them had been for various friends, but most of all Rey. There'd been a few times she tried to ask Rey's ghost to tell her what was going on, but it was pointless. It just kept going through the same series of memories. They went faster the more Margo tried to interact, but by the seventh day, she simply watched.
"You were time-looping."
Rey's shoulders sagged with Margo's words. The meaning wasn't lost on her. Part of her felt a need to apologize but she withheld the desire. Speculation on 'what if' was going to do neither of them good, now was it? Instead, her fingers tightened against her hip and her frown deepened but she gave another subtle nod.
But her next statement gave Rey pause and her brows came together in confusion.
"I was what?"
"You became a ghost."
Margo hooked her arm through Rey's and began to walk her toward the stairs. She wanted to find out what new changes had happened to the campus and to get some damn food. If they were lucky, there'd be some place with booze outside the campus. She'd gone through her rum fairly quickly.
After this, she'd need to check on Eliot, Quentin, Alice, Julia, and the others, but for now, they'd understand. And if they didn't, she'd just point to the crew who didn't bother to tell them that Kady was unpossessed while the rest of them were running around trying to figure shit out.
"You were in a time loop. Reliving events over and over."
Margo paused.
"A lot of loneliness, Rey."
It was automatic to lean in against Margo once the arms were hooked but her steps didn't come as easily. She hesitated for a moment before mentally forcing herself to take the step forward and keep in line with the other woman. The confusion had melted away to a look of sadness. Becoming a ghost in this dimension had many different connotations than it did in her own and those connotations weren't lost on Rey. Knowing Margo had clearly found her and seen her in that way? It made her want to stop the woman and wrap her arms around her again. Instead, she brought her free hand up to rest against Margo's arm as they walked. "I'm sorry you came across me."
A time loop.
It was not something Rey had seen before but the definition was in the name itself. Margo's words helped.
Her gaze went back to the woman and the sadness was still etched on her face but a new sense of worry was clouding her features. The solitude she'd experienced had been clear and evident for audiences to view with popcorn for as long as she could remember until Derleth. It being unknown here had been its own sense of wrong. She drew in a breath, "Was there anything you hadn't known?"
She shared a lot with her lover. But a lifetime, with additional years of dimension hopping, was impossible to completely cover. And she knew in her heart that specific details of her life in her prior Galaxy, the ones that hadn't been easily accessible on a film reel, had been glossed over with Margo; but never in extreme detail.
"Don't be sorry. I went looking in the hopes you'd ghosted out. Some people did, so I was kind of hoping you'd be there. I didn't just didn't expect to find all those — "
Margo hooked her fingers through Rey's mechanical hand and squeezed. She wasn't the best to give advice on being lonely or sadness, because her suggestions were always: get wasted to forget about it. Or just fucking deal with it then and there. Sometimes it was just bottle it up until you exploded on everyone around, and that was never a good idea.
Well, maybe a few times.
"I saw Chicago. The Falcon's cockpit."
"Why..." escaped from Rey before she had a chance to think better of it but the question was cut off. It wasn't a fair question to bring forward and while she couldn't say for certain why Margo would have sought her out, she did know if the tables were turned? And she knew it was possible to see Margo? She'd have done the same. Her gaze lowered and fixed down on their entangled hands.
The admission that came next made Rey's stomach give a turn and she responded by squeezing her hand back. Her mouth felt dry.
Periods of Chicago had been pleasant but on the whole? It was a nightmare that Rey pushed from her mind as best as she could and there was an immense amount of shame felt when she remembered how isolating it had been. She'd been desperate to be sent back and self care hadn't been a concept she understood well enough at the time. And it wasn't in her nature to seek help. The concept hadn't even been one she knew of, really, until she'd been in the company of the displaced of Texas.
She lifted her eyes again to look at Margo with the slightest edge of uncertainty. Whenever she'd tried to express how bad Chicago was, she felt as though she couldn't put it into words. so many of the disappearances over the years in Texas had made her feel a concern that she could be right back to those moments. Entirely alone.
It was what made Derleth so terrifying in those initial weeks. Swallowing, she nodded an understanding but all she was able to actually say was, "Oh."
"You're not alone anymore, Rey"
Margo stopped and for a brief moment, her expression was soft and gentle. It was something most people rarely got to witness, let alone experience. And lovers often got the brunt of Margo's expectations because they were so high. Rey's past was her own and there wasn't anything Margo could do about that. Despite appearances, it wasn't until Eliot that Margo had felt any kind of real kinship with another person. She felt like the lone sane voice among so many idiotic voices.
She cupped the side of Rey's face with both of her hands and kissed her, her thumbs brushing over Rey's cheek bones. "As long as I can fucking do something about it, I will make sure you're not alone again. And I'm so pissed at myself that I wasn't there to try and protect you. No ghost fucks with my space nun."
Similar words had been spoken once to her. In another lifetime and another galaxy, with rain pounding down on a roof that did not belong to her, when she had been desperate for a connection and uncertain how to process the one the Force was presenting to her. Was it to be the common thread in her life? A need to reassurance that those who did come into it were not going to leave as so regularly occurred?
The words that ought to have followed, a reassurance of knowing this to be true, were at the forefront of her mind but she found herself unable to follow through in saying as much. She and Margo had glossed over what Rey had been coping with before she arrived but there were moments she'd withheld. Why make the other woman feel poorly for actions not her own? "I..." escaped before she cut off the attempt because Margo's hands were cupping her face.
She leaned into the kiss and brought her hands up to rest against Margo's. Leaning into the press of her finger tips, Rey nodded her head. "I know," she whispered. She knew Margo wouldn't abandon her willingly.
Giving a shake of her head, Rey sniffled. "She caught me by surprise," she whispered as an admission. "I think she would have for you, too." It wasn't an admission that Rey was glad Margo hadn't been there but it was the truth. Rey wouldn't have wanted Margo to risk meeting the same fate; regardless of the resets. When death was involved, Rey didn't want to ever trust patterns to hold true.
Some day, Margo might get tired of reassuring Rey she wasn't alone, but it wasn't today. And it wouldn't be any time soon. Not after seeing those images. Her heartbreak when she thought she'd blown up a ship with Force lightning. (Which, by the way, what the fuck!) The desolation in the Falcon when she'd willingly isolated herself from people because of loss. The killing blow on Ren, and bringing him back.
The small girl in the desert screaming for her parents to come back.
It wasn't the same as the isolation Margo was forced to go through with her own parents. Her father used to believe she could be anything, and he filled her head with it to the point that believed it too. Too much though, because her father grew increasingly tired of how headstrong, blunt, and smart his daughter was.
You can be smart. Or pretty. Or strong.
Anything more than that, and you're asking for too much.
"She? Did you know her?"
As if concerned they would be overheard, Rey took a quick glance over her shoulder before glancing at the perimeter around them. Certainty for Rey was that though the ghost had been identical to Natasha, leaving no doubt in her mind that she was some version of her, she also knew it couldn't be the Natasha that lived among them. There were subtle differences and, despite the way she'd stilled when she saw the woman earlier, she knew in her heart Natasha wouldn't have actively harmed any of them. Not without just cause and a complete elimination of options.
Her gaze returned to Margo. "Natasha. The ghost looked like Natasha."
Margo frowned, a line creasing in her forehead. Her lips pursed as she thought about the timeline of events. Had it been the ghost of Natasha doing shitty things after death? No, it couldn't have been. Margo distinctly remembered that shit crisp of a god, Loki, went apeshit over her death which had been after Rey's. The Loki that wasn't friends with Rey.
"Romanoff? She died a few days after you. Heard it was pretty fucking brutal too."
Rey's frown deepened and another look was cast back in the direction they'd initially come from, with her thoughts drifting to Natasha's exit and a ping of guilt coming over her. Back in Tumbleweed, and even here, Rey had always respected the woman and viewed her as the utmost authority outside of perhaps Leia. Hearing that the other woman had gone through similar the week prior? It made her stomach turn over how she'd frozen at the sight of her.
She gave a shake of her head, "That's awful. Were many harmed last week?"
"Q and Kady were possessed. They tortured and killed a few people, and now they're guilt ridden over it." Margo neglected to mention — at the moment — that Kady hadn't bothered to have anyone tell the rest of them that she was unpossessed until a few days later. That was worry that could have been directed elsewhere. The waste bothered Margo.
Honestly, Margo didn't have the capacity to remember too much of the horror. She had a limited amount of space in her heart for people, and the only reason she remembered Romanoff was because she'd been an authority figure in Tumbleweed. Were there others? Probably. Likely. But fuck if Margo could be asked to tell you who.
Rey's eyes shut as Margo went into further explanation of all that she had missed and she gave a small shake of her head. "I went looking for Kady," she said quietly. It had been her concern for her roommate that had prompted her to go out in those last moments. Rey had been convinced she would be fine. It had been the wrinkle of Natasha that she hadn't accounted for. Now Rey knew her concern had been warranted but it didn't make her feel any better about the way the week ended up going.
"I hope they are alright," she said gently, thinking of how Quentin in particular could be. She hoped neither were holding themselves too accountable for actions they weren't truly to be blamed for. As she opened her eyes, all that she could think was how it sounded like the week was an absolute shit show.
"Should we go see what's waiting for us this week?"
"I guess we'll see if they are," Margo answered, a little under her breath as she felt like resets were going to be the worst thing. Wondering what new fresh hell was coming. Margo didn't like things she couldn't, at least, prepare somewhat for. The only surprises she liked were the good ones, and even then, she didn't like that moment before the discovery of good or bad.
Quentin was the one Margo was worried about, especially since everyone was keeping his future from him. She advocated for it back in Tumbleweed — not to know the shit if you're not there — but everyone constantly outvoted her. Knowing that Eliot had a monster inside of him at some point, okay, that knowledge could be helpful. Knowing Quentin died?
Margo took Rey's hand, striding toward the stairwell. "Let's go find out what fuckery we're in for."