Eleanor had given Rey a warning, and then she gave her time to read that reply before heading down the hallway and knocking on Rey's door, bottle in hand. She wasn't actually bothering with glasses. This seemed like a trading swigs from a bottle kinda situation.
"If you don't open the door, I'm just going to stand here, listing off all the guys I dated in high school and college before I realized I could add women to the mix, and then I'll start listing them too," she threatened.
Rey had slipped out of the room twice thus far. First, not long after dawn, for a run that was intended to try to clear her head from a desire for those not present and from her own intrusive thoughts regarding the prior week. She had returned, physically exhausted, to collapse in bed and try to sleep some of the day away. Her next venture out had been to lay in silence on the Green.
Conversation with Ikol prevented silence and solitude but she'd found it a minor comfort to be at his side.
Braving the network, again, from there had been a gamble. And Eleanor's concern was a surprise. Still, Rey had no real desire to delve deeper just yet. The bed felt more comfortable than another conversation.
BB-8, however, did not share her sentiment and rolled over to the door. With his gripper, he pulled it open to allow Eleanor entry, with a shrill of beeps in greeting. Rey turned from her spot on the bed. "Really?" She said in both their direction.
"Thanks little robot dude," Eleanor said, smiling at BB-8. She held a hand out to low five the droid and then turned her attention to her roommate, crossing the room and taking a seat on the edge of the bed, not waiting for an invitation. She did, however, hold out the open bottle.
"Look, Rey," she offered. "I was totally in a 'and they were roommates situation with Yennefer while being so closeted I had no idea that yes, yes we were. And I was calling myself Ellie, which is complete garbage. So you shouldn't feel too bad about any of it."
BB-8 proceeded to roll forward and bop his domed head against Eleanor's fist, before letting himself out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Rey's eyes narrowed in his direction before she sighed heavily and shifted to scoot up the bed with her elbows. Knees came to her chest and she rested her arms against her knee caps.
A brow raised as Eleanor spoke. Despite living on Earth for well over five years now, sometimes the vernacular was still a challenge. What did it matter if Yennefer was Eleanor's roommate? Rey was Eleanor's roommate and was Yennefer so different? Would Eleanor have preferred a man...
... Closeted was a word she was aware of and this made it click. Brows came together. Not wanting to be dismissive, she hesitated for a moment before she spoke, "That's admittedly difficult..." She exhaled, "...and I'm aware of how I shouldn't feel."
But should and shouldn't were useless when it came to how she did feel. There was a shakiness to it that Rey had been resisting through focus on as many other things as she could. It felt too much like skirting against the edge of what she was afraid she could have been. "And, for what it's worth, I was likely dealing with closets." She didn't think her alternate self would have ever allowed her mind to wander to an attraction to those outside of her marriage, so she couldn't say what may have been a truth for her alter ego; but she had suspicions when it came to Eliot's alter ego. "Is Ellie off limits?" A subtle grin began to form and her nose scrunched up. "It is kind of cute, you know."
"Ellie is off limits," Eleanor confirmed. "That's a dog's name, that's why it's cute."
When Rey didn't take the bottle immediately, Eleanor took a sip. "We're going total no class today, roomie. I wasn't gonna try and bring glasses in here and besides, it fits." A week with little agency somehow demanded sharing a bottle rather than pouring alcohol into glasses.
Besides, Eleanor had previously drank straight from the bottle, there was no pretending she hadn't as she offered the liquor again.
"It was probably a human's name first," Rey countered. Despite her mood, the cheek was easy to summon up.
There was a huff of a laugh at Eleanor's statement. "I've been in more instances where we drank from the bottle than from glassware. It's comforting, honestly," she told her before holding her hand out to be passed the bottle.
Once it was handed to her, Rey took a swig. Her eyes shut as she savored the burn and shifted to let the bottle rest between her knees. When she opened her eyes again, she gave the softest smile to Eleanor. "Are you and Yennefer okay?" It was a deflection but Rey chose it regardless.
Eleanor didn't really feel like arguing over the origins of Ellie. She just never wanted the name associated with her again, so she let the topic die off.
"Oh yeah, Yennefer and I are fine. I mean, we weren't ourselves, right? And I hadn't really known her before this scenario paired us up so you know, it's one way to get to each other. I mean, when I was in the fake Good Place they told me that Chidi was my soulmate the moment we met so it's not even the first time I've been through something like this?"
She gave Rey a shrug, and then asked, "But how are you, roomie? Are you okay?"
"It's certainly one way to get to know one another. Or force a conversation to know one another," After all? Eleanor wasn't exactly the trope that Dunwich had thrust upon her for the prior week. But Rey knew if she'd been in Eleanor's shoes, and hadn't known who she was paired against, it would have at least began a conversation of some sort.
She let her thoughts linger on the possibility of soulmates for a moment and her gaze fell down to the bottle. It was a concept that was spoken a lot on Earth and one that reminded her, to some degree, of the Dyad; at least when she stripped it of it's romantic implications. Sighing, she took another swig from the bottle before offering it back to Eleanor.
"I'll be fine."
Eleanor nodded toward the bottle. "Take another drink, then I'm going to stash it away just in case of an emergency." Derleth seemed like the sort of place that required an emergency drink be at the ready.
She shrugged at Rey. "And well, if you want to talk, I'm here." Maybe they hadn't exactly gotten off to the best start, but that was more the monsters that would kill you if you flushed a toilet at fault for that, more than Rey not wanting to die.
It just didn't seem like Rey was in any hurry to talk.
Rey hesitated for a moment with the instruction before she gave a shrug of her shoulders. She wasn't going to argue against the offer. Another swig went down the pipe before she held it out once again more forcefully for Eleanor to take, but there was an appreciative smile on her face as she did so.
"I'll keep it in mind," she assured her.
Hours later, once Eleanor had left the room and Rey had been left alone, the network had proven to be a pain point for Rey. As she'd gone back and forth in responses with Margo, she'd been unable to stop her mind from spiraling further and further out of control regarding the words Rey had not actually addressed. While she'd tried to act as though nothing was wrong, she knew she'd failed at this. Ikol had taken notice and by the time he had? Rey's throat was so tight that sucking in a breath of air had physically hurt in doing so.
And she was more than aware that it had been a loud sound when she did. Frustration mounted in her and not wanting to unjustly lash out in anger at Margo, for doing nothing truly wrong, she'd finally dropped her phone. Determination was inside of her now. She'd get control over herself and once she had? She'd go to Ikol and bask in his company, yet again. Rather foolishly, she climbed out from the bed not long after furiously scrubbing at her eyes with the back of her arm and telling herself she was fine.
As soon as she opened the door and locked eyes on Eleanor? It was clear to likely anyone who saw Rey, as well as Rey herself, that this was not the case. A moment later, her lip sucked in and she just stood in the doorway, shaking but frozen to spot.
Having left Rey to wallow, Eleanor had stashed the bottle as she'd said she would and then gone outside for a walk. There was something about this campus that felt claustrophobic, even when they were free to do what they wanted. So she at least had to escape the confines of the dorms for a while before returning to the room.
Apparently she'd chosen the moment Rey had finally emerged, and she had a congratulatory comment for making it outside of the room half formed when she really took note of Rey. Okay, right. She really had no idea what was going on in her roommate's head but that didn't matter.
Much like she had with Tahani, she hesitated a couple seconds before going in for a hug. This still wasn't the most natural response for her, but something about the other woman had spurred her on, and so that tentative hug became more fierce after only a few seconds.
She still hadn't said a word.
Rey'd discovered, in the years since she'd left Jakku, that she was a person who found comfort in the company of others. Hugs were a language she appreciated and something she cherished. After all? They'd been denied her for a large portion of her life. Despite her and Eleanor still playing the game of getting to know one another, when the embrace was offered, Rey found her arms wrapping around the other woman.
And it pushed away what scraps of resolve she'd managed.
Her face pressed against Eleanor as she sucked in a breath that came out moments later as a sob. "It's...it's like she...she...and I'm not even...a thought...or I'm just a...another...or I don't...matter and and I know...." Her arms tightened against Eleanor.
If Eleanor was meant to follow any of that, she couldn't, not even sure who the she in question was. So she held Rey as she sobbed and sputtered out incoherent ramblings, waiting for her to calm before she attempted to get some solid answers.
Eventually they got to that point and Eleanor said, "I know you finally made it out but do you wanna go back into your room and then tell me who it is that has you so upset? Because I wasn't following any of what you just said."
She offered Rey an apologetic shrug and an actual apology, "Sorry, man. But who is she?"
Rey couldn't remember the last time she'd lost control like this. Tears weren't foreign to her but she had been used to pushing things deep down. She could talk out her emotions, typically, and she'd had plenty to confide in previously. This was not the case anymore. She had so few she felt she could open up to. And confide in? They all were in a universe far away at this point.
When she'd finally composed herself, she pulled back enough to bring the heels of her palms up to her face and wipe at her eyes. She'd barely noticed how BB-8 had rolled over and was tilted towards her with his dome against her leg, a gripper holding onto her jeans to try and console her as well. A simple nod came after she wiped her eyes.
She opened her eyes and looked to Eleanor. She appreciated the apology. "You wouldn't know," she whispered with a hoarse voice. Turning on her heel, she moved towards her room. Once Eleanor, with BB-8 in tow, was inside, she dropped down on the bed and threaded her fingers through her hair. "I...I didn't start in Derleth. I...I've been to two other places before here. And...I made a home." Her gaze dropped to the floor. "People don't remember. The people I love most...don't remember me and...there's nothing I can do about that here. And it's not her fault she doesn't but I don't...I don't know why she'd..." She trailed off from there. She didn't know how to articulate it but she knew she hadn't answered the actual question Eleanor posed. And Rey suddenly felt a ping of guilt. Was Eleanor going to think Rey horrible for her reaction? Was she wrong to be upset? Even if her feelings were not what one might assume?
"Wait, so you're telling me that in addition to whatever world you're from, you've been in two other worlds and then here?" Eleanor said, blinking. That was wild, and she wasn't sure what to do with that. "Or are you counting your home and then somewhere else?" She wasn't sure if that mattered but if it was two other places that was sort of terrifying.
"And you knew some people before?" Again, it was hard to follow, but she was genuinely trying, a reflection of how some of the people she missed had influenced her. "I get the home thing though. When I died, I ended up making some really good friends, even if we were all meant to torture each other instead."
She lifted her gaze to look at Eleanor. There was a reflection of sadness over her features as she nodded her head. "Two others in addition. I was pulled from my world, years ago, and I went to Chicago." She assumed Eleanor knew Chicago. Eleanor looked like she was from Earth and given all the references the other woman had made? It seemed more than likely. "I was there for over a year and then I was pulled into another, separate universe. And...we lived in Texas. That was over three years ago."
A subtle nod of her head. "I know so many of the people who are here Eleanor. But they don't know me," it was spoken so quietly. "You have to make a home. It's how you survive." She rubbed at her face again. "Alice...she and Tony were supposed to have found a way to make it so we would never leave. I was just...hours away. Do you know how often I think now that if I'd just canceled my flights that day and went sooner..." She shifted, pulling her feet up onto the bed and her knees to her chest. Her chin rested on her kneecap.
"Man, that would suck," Eleanor said, not fully comprehending all of what Rey had said, but enough that she could fill in blanks. She took a seat on Rey's bed, close enough to nudge the other woman, and added, "You don't have to tell me who you're so upset about. I mean, I'm totally going to guess and read into everything you do that involves other women, but if you don't want me to know..."
Hey, she was being honest. "But if I had to guess, you were with someone who never went to Texas but came here?"
Yeah. That was weird. There was no way around that but this place was weird and she really couldn't see a reason why it wouldn't be true.
Rey shrugged. Chicago sucked. Texas had regularly but it became home. It became the dream. A place she hoped to see Han and Leia grow in years well past their ability in their galaxy. A place where Ben made better choices and was truly on a path of redemption. A place where she had a family and was loved.
She couldn't help but laugh. For as much as they'd had a rocky start, Rey was not one to forget kindness. She'd appreciate this day long after it passed.
"Sort of." She supposed it depended on what 'with' meant for Eleanor. Quietly, "Margo was my best friend in Texas. She…" Rey's gaze lifted to the ceiling. "...She brought me into her circle and was patient about everything I didn't know. She saved me from myself." Her robotic hand flexed as she remembered being under another instance of control and how Margo had come to stop her from being even more integrated.
"And she loved me." Her voice cracked. "She was…" Everything. Rey let it trail off instead as her human hand came to brush over the metallic one.
"No one remembers me," she repeated after a moment. Margo didn't. "No one." Victor, in this moment, truly did not count. Though he was likely the one who'd be closest to understanding.
Letting out a low whistle at just the idea of suddenly being a stranger to someone who were super close to, Eleanor realized that was going to be her own path before she ended up here, with what Michael had been planning.
"Yeah, that does suck," she confirmed, draping an arm around Rey and pulling her into an awkward side hug that once again, showed how unprepared she really was. Still, she could find enough empathy that even thinking about what Rey must be feeling hurt her, somehow.
"I'm sorry, room… Rey."
If Eleanor was unprepared or uncertain as to how to comfort Rey, it was lost on Rey. She simply leaned in against her and nodded her head in agreement. She'd had this happen to her so many times in the past that she'd once told Leia it was dangerous to get close to anyone. She used to steel herself against the potential of forces out of her control wiping the very memory of her from whomever she cared about.
And Leia had hoped Rey would stop living as though everyone would leave. That she'd allow herself love. She finally did and Margo had been a large part of that. It had never meant to be anything more than physical and actual comfort and yet Rey remembered curling against the other woman with hopeful eyes.
Part of her wondered if she should have known better and guarded herself better. The other part of her knew that was never an option.
She tilted her head up to give Eleanor a small smirk. "Room Rey?" She repeated but this was because it was easier to focus on her amusement on the shifting tides than the heartbreak.
"Look man, I was trying to be more personal and not just call you my roommate like I did when I showed up and you kept glaring at me…" Eleanor teased. She was pretty sure Rey's emotional outburst wasn't settled, but she didn't mind deflections. They were definitely easier to deal with for someone with little real experience of emotional depth.
"And I am totally way over my head here but I'm here. If you need a hug or someone to agree with you that life can suck. Yeah?"
The smirk remained as Eleanor explained her reasoning and logic. "Alright, roomie," she responded back with cheek in her tone. When all was said and done? Rey appreciated this entirely.
She shifted her focus back out to the room ahead of them. Her eyes landed on BB-8, who was watching cautiously with his dome lowered in concern, before she nodded. "I appreciate the hug. And I am sorry for the crying."
Eleanor laughed and shook her head. "Fine," she said, nudging Rey with her elbow. "But don't apologize. I'll take crying over the way you stared me down the first time we met." She was teasing. Mostly.
She leaned in for another hug, still awkward but pushing past that, and then stood. "You know where to find me. And if I'm escaping this dorm, you can still message." She looked at Rey for a moment before turning to BB-8. "And if you don't, maybe robot dude will."