"From you?" Rogue watched Logan as he went to the window, trying to recall everything she could. "I couldn't tell ya about the healin'. Nobody really got close enough to do me any damage." There was a note of pride in the statement, her small smile looking somewhat self-satisfied. But as quick as it was there, it was gone. The arrogance was gone in a blink. "I can do other stuff, though." At least, she was told she could. Emma Frost had been witness to half of what she could do. And though Rogue didn't really know the woman, it was easy to tell she had been telling the truth about what she'd seen. "Make doors into portals...wicked strength, even stronger than you. An' lots of memories."
She hadn't expected a lot from Logan, really, and took his silence for what it was worth. What he did with what she offered was his own business. It was just something she had to tell him, something he had to know. And it made her feel that much more connected to him. She looked down when he spoke of control and not hating herself. "Sometimes it ain't that easy. Sometimes it ain't just my own hate I gotta struggle with." Her brow wrinkled and Rogue shook her head. "The people that attacked the mansion, the mutant down in New Orleans...Logan, they hated themselves so much that they'd rather die than live as what they are. Not even when I was at my lowest did I feel that way. But I got two of 'em in my head tellin' me that I'm an abomination an' that I have no right to breathe in an' out everyday. An' sometimes they can be real convincin'." She lifted her eyes, not really focusing on anything. "Embracin' what they gave me is like embracin' them, an' I can't do that right now." At least not yet. She wasn't strong enough yet. Quietly, she promised, "But I'll get there."
Her attention turned at the sound of his claws, watching the shining metal as he moved. "You said it hurt every time." It had been one of the most poignant moments in her life and not something she was likely to ever forget. When he came close to her, she stayed perfectly still, looking up into his face. His words were heard, but she didn't really absorb them. How could his claws not define him? How could her ability not define her? The confusion became evident on her face. "How can they not be who we are? Who doesn't look at you an' think, oh that's the guy with the claws? Who doesn't look at me and remind themselves not to touch me? These things define us whether we want them to or not. Maybe not to ourselves, but to everyone else around us. An' as much as I wish I didn't care, I do. I really do."
With a sigh, she relaxed enough to take another sip of her tea. "I keep goin' from bein' completely afraid of myself to this weird sense of empowerment an' entitlement. Like I got all these extra things an' I should be doin' somethin with 'em." There was such a jumble of emotions and thought patterns, to call her mercurial would have been kind. "Sometimes I feel like I should be out there provin' to everyone how much better I am, we are as mutants, than everyone else."
For a moment she went silent, looking at nothing on the floor again. And this time when she looked at Logan, there was an odd glint to her eyes. Her smile at his comment hid something darker as well. "You do make me happy, Logan." She didn't look away for a few seconds, and when she did it was only to drink her tea. His comment about Remy and guys in general made her shrug. For a little while she'd been able to imagine herself getting married, even having a family. Now she couldn't tell if she was glad it hadn't happened, or deeply regretful. "Find me a guy that doesn't need physical contact to be happy an' I'll marry him tomorrow." She was only half joking, but her returning smile was thankful. "I get what you're sayin' though. An' thanks. That means a lot."
Forget about Remy. She had no problem forgetting, it was the remembering she was struggling with. Still, she laughed quietly as the proposition. "Someday I'm gonna find a way to return the favor of your always comin' to my rescue. It just don't seem right, this bein so one way an' all."