Who: Marta Herrera and Rowan Teague When: September 15, 2016 Where: Marta’s Rating: Low
Being home was bittersweet. She missed the solitude at Yelapa, the way it had felt like she and Rowan were the only two people left in the world. She missed how relaxed things had been with no real itinerary or expectations, and just wandering, showing him her home and rediscovering parts she’d loved but had forgotten. But there were things about this home she’d missed, too. Waking up in their shared bed was still just a bit nicer than waking up in a shared hotel bed, for whatever reason, and she lazily stretched as she woke up fully from her nap, careful not to bump Rowan as he read next to her.
The jet lag had mostly faded but she wanted to take advantage of what time they still had to be lazy like this. She finished stretching and cuddled close to him, nuzzling against his neck insistently until he was forced to put the book down to give her attention. There’d been something on her mind for a while now, but being in Mexico as lovers instead of a Dominari and her servita or a Professor and her student had been the push she needed to bring it up.
Once his attention was on her and the book was safely on the nightstand, Marta shifted until she was straddling him, smiling down at him. “There’s something I’ve been thinking about, and I want to see how you feel about it. But,” she emphasized, giving him a gentle prod in the middle of his chest, “I don’t want an answer yet. Okay? I want you to think about it.”
---
Mexico had been amazing. Rowan actually had a bit of a tan and that felt unreal. The whole summer break felt unreal. Being with Marta felt unreal and now that they were back home, Rowan knew Mexico wasn’t some dream. Or if it was, this was just a dream continued. It was like after Abby left, he had been knocked out and was living in some sort of dream world. It was wonderful.
Today they were relaxing and with school a few days away, Rowan was starting his reading already. Maybe he was working ahead but he liked his classes, especially the English class dealing with fiction books. His attention didn’t stay long as Marta snuggled up to him. He shut his book and set it aside. He smiled softly as she straddled him. When she spoke, he had to admit he was a bit nervous but he trusted her. He trusted her with every bit of him so whatever she was thinking about, he was sure it was good for both of them.
“Okay,” Rowan said softly, “What is it?”
---
Seeing Rowan in her home (literally, in the case of her grandmother's place) had made Marta face a lot of rather alarming things about herself, namely how she felt about him. She'd recognized for a while now that he wasn't just any servita to her, not by a long shot. Anyone else she had in that capacity would be treated to a dramatically different experience. She'd known that, but she hadn't really understood it until then.
She smiled down at him when he focused on her. She knew he was likely jumping to worst case scenarios, or at least giving them a passing thought, but also knew he trusted her. And that meant a lot. It also distracted her and she leaned down to give him a kiss, then made herself sit back up before she got too distracted. She tucked her hair behind her ears and toyed with the hem of the shirt she wore, which had at one point been one of his before she'd not-so-slyly stolen it. "A lot of the things we do... you like them, right? When I call you mine, or ask you to wear the ropes or the collar?" It wasn't hypothetical, she'd always been keen on clarifying his consent and his enjoyment. "Would you-- be willing to do that more? All the time?"
She bit her bottom lip and jumped right in. It was rare for her to be nervous about something, but she was about this. "A Mistress/slave relationship, specifically. Something that'd go beyond what the school says, or requires. Something that's just ours, no matter where we are? I have books, and there's sites you can go to, to learn more about it and be sure you know what all it means, but... I care about you a lot, Rowan. And I'd really enjoy taking that step with you, if it was something you'd be interested in. But you have to be sure."
---
Rowan liked that she stole his shirt. He liked that she wore his shirt. She looked good like that. He also wondered if he shouldn’t be thinking like that. He didn’t know why. He returned the kiss and tried not to frown when she moved back. She clearly wanted to talk and kissing, even with her playing with that hem, would be distracting. He brushed his own hair from his face, glancing at his wrist for a second to see if he had an elastic to pull his hair back.
He looked back at Marta when she began to speak. He nodded when she asked if he liked the things they did. He knew she knew that he liked them. Confusingly sometimes that he did when they did what they did. He never thought of himself being one to like it but trying it out, he did, a lot. He tried not to figure out why, maybe a bit nervous to know the reason. He pushed his thoughts away as she kept speaking.
As she did, Rowan wanted to jump and say yes. To be hers, to be hers like that no matter where? To be hers completely like that? His heart wanted that. He wanted that but her warning gave him pause. He knew he couldn’t just jump into this.
“How would things be?” Rowan asked, tucking his hair back again, “How would things be different? What do you see changing?”
---
Wearing his shirt was another little thing that tied them together and she loved that. She'd even worn it a time or two when out running errands, which was perhaps more telling than anything else -- she always wanted a connection to him even in those moments they were doing their own things. She knew that he was still struggling to come to terms with the things he liked, and some of the things they did together. That he worried about why he liked it, or that he questioned some of it. She tried to help, but they hadn't really delved too much into it yet, and she knew that needed to change if they were going to do this, just so he was more at ease mentally to pair with the emotional and physical side.
She couldn't resist giving him another quick kiss when he asked questions, dug deeper. She was happy that he did, and didn't get lost in the immediacy of it. She pulled back again though, and continued to refrain from touching him, even though it was difficult. She didn't want to distract either of them from the conversation (which was another reason she was dressed, truth be told).
"Much of what we currently do will stay the same, which is what led me to wanting to ask you this. I'd want you to continue waking me up in the mornings and continue light housekeeping, making the bed and tidying up our spaces, doing laundry, things like that. And you will continue to help me dress every day. When you are home, unless we would previously discussed otherwise, I would want you to be nude, wearing your collar and leash. Many days I would allow you to wear ropes, which I would expect you to wear all day -- likewise with the cages I would often put you in, or expect you to put onto yourself. You would do your homework before dinner whenever possible, as I would want to devote the time after dinner to training and play. That would be flexible of course if tests or the like came up -- school comes first. But the intention would be that we would work regularly on introducing you to more things, or getting you more comfortable with what we were already doing." She took a deep breath. "There will be times where I will want to push at some of your limits of what you're comfortable with. That could be something like wearing the ropes over your clothes, or your collar and leash -- while dressed -- out around campus. This would be for us, but it would be something I would be proud to show others, too."
---
Rowan listened to what Marta said and he had a lot of thoughts but he kept quiet as she spoke. He loved the sound of wearing his collar and the leash, though being nude all the time sounded weird. He wasn’t used to that. That was the point, wasn’t it? It wasn’t about his being comfortable being naked but to be available to her. He would be hers, completely and that made him feel very warm and happy inside. He wanted to be hers. He wanted that very much. He also wondered how much could he focus on school if he was collared and leashed or if she had him ropes. That one day had been so hard to focus, feeling the ropes against him. He could see himself, trying to study, hard and wanting just because of the situation. Or would he get used to it and it wouldn’t affect him as much? That almost felt disappointing. He didn’t want how he felt with Marta to become mundane. He didn’t want any of this to become mundane.
He wondered was training was. What did she want to train him to do? What did she want to change about him? Was there something annoying about him now? He also hesitated about showing others. It was one thing to be available to Marta, he trusted her completely. Yet others? Others were a question mark. If she had another party like before, would she be showing him off there more? He bit his lip, trying to sort out these thoughts and not sure where to start to ask questions. He knew he should ask questions but where?
“Okay,” he said softly, wondering she was going to say more or if he could figure out how to ask those questions circling his head.
---
Marta was getting better at reading Rowan, but sometimes he was still difficult. She studied his face, knowing that there were probably a lot of thoughts going through his mind, and wishing he'd say them without needing to be nudged. But she also understood why he didn't. She'd often wondered if the noise of so many kids had meant he was quiet just to keep from adding to the cacophony, and that was what had led to this, but had never gotten around to asking.
His response earned him a wry smile and Marta leaned back down, this time cuddling up against his chest with her head tucked under his chin. "If you have questions, you should ask. That way we can make sure we create something that makes us both happy, if you do say yes. And if you ever want to stop, or end it, we can immediately." She stroked his arm with her palm and then tucked it around herself. "Or if you don't feel as comfortable asking me right now, face to face, you can write down your questions and concerns, or we can try something else where you feel more comfortable..."
---
Rowan put his arms around Marta when she curled up against him. He smiled as she began to stroke his arm. He felt very comfortable with her like this. He felt very safe with her like this. He bit his lip then nodded and said, “I have questions,” he paused. When didn’t he have questions?
“What do you mean by training? What more do you see we doing?” He wasn’t opposed to expanding their play but he was still curious, “What do you mean showing others? In what way? Are things going to change a lot?” His voice cracked at that. He didn’t want things to change a lot. He didn’t mind more play but he didn’t want to lose the relationship they had. Or would things get better? Would they feel closer? He tilted his head against her, wanting to feel closer to her.
---
They were good questions. She thought them over for a few moments, only to hear his voice crack. Marta immediately tightened the grip she had on him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his neck comfortingly. "No, love, they aren't. I don't want them to. I like things as they are. I just want to see if we can deepen that. Take what we're already doing to the next step."
She sighed thoughtfully. "Training would be more of what we've already done, testing to see what else you like, how long you can go before it's too much, how long you can last without the ring. Things like that." She smiled against him and kissed his neck again. "Most submissives would need training on how to give in and yield, but you're already so perfect with that for me. As to showing others, if you wore the collar, it would be visible. It wouldn't be as discreet as the ring, on campus or off. I'm content if you only want to wear it here, but even then, it would be visible." Her voice got quieter. "I don't want to change anything. Not in that way. I love what we have too much, and care about you too much to risk losing you. Which is why I mean it, if you don't want to take that step, or want to negotiate how we do it? We can, and there's nothing wrong with that."
---
Rowan nodded as she spoke. He didn’t mind wearing the collar off campus. Maybe it would be problematic if he was going home, he didn’t want to explain it to his sister but the rest? He didn’t really feel like he needed to hide it from anyone. He wouldn’t want to hide that he belonged to Marta and he would wear it gladly. He was comforted by her kisses and he breathed out slowly.
“I want this,” Rowan said softly, “I want to be yours,” I want to make you happy, “I… I am concerned, I guess, that I will disappoint you,” Or lose you somehow, “if I do not do well enough.” He wondered if he made sense by saying that. Or if he just sounded weird. He glanced down, not sure if he was making sense outside his own head or not.
---
Concessions would, of course, be made for his family. She didn’t want to cause any problems with him. And, truth be told, even if it was closer to a standard mistress/submissive relationship than what was done on campus, Marta knew she wouldn’t go that far into it. She still wanted him to be comfortable first and foremost.
Marta drew back enough to meet his eyes and search his face. She shook her head, kissing his jaw, then chin, then lips. “You won’t. Even if this doesn’t end up working out that way, you won’t disappoint me. We’ll just keep trying until we find something we do like.” She was quiet for a moment, then tucked her head in against his shoulder and neck again. “I was hoping to find something that would work even after you graduate, if you even wanted to keep something like this going. I know I shouldn’t assume, but…” To admit or not? Marta nuzzled in closer. “I really care about you, Ro. I don’t want this -- these little moments -- to end yet.” It was premature, he wasn’t graduating any time soon, but it was on her mind more and more.
---
Rowan closed his eyes as he felt her kisses. He kissed her back. He needed to hear those words, that he wouldn’t disappoint her but her next statement still worried him. He wanted to make sure he could make her happy. But her saying that they would keep working at something until they found something that made them both happy? He would focus on that.
It was the next statement that came from her that made him smile and blush. He leaned forward and kissed her gently and said, “If you still want me after graduation, I want to be yours. If you still want me then,” he was repeating himself, he knew that, “I don’t want this to end either. I,” he hesitated, “You’re really important to me.” He put his arms around her and held her close, squeezing his eyes shut as he hugged her.
---
Marta knew that some things would work and some wouldn’t. That was just the nature of it. What might seem like a good idea from the start might not work out in action, and she tried to keep that in mind with this. Because while she would be the dominant in this relationship, the leader, it was still a mutual compromise. Both had to be evenly involved, or she wouldn’t be on board with it.
She returned his kiss and smiled, snuggling in against him. She was quiet for a few moments, reflecting on things she didn’t usually let herself reflect on. “A few years ago, a long-term relationship I was in ended. I fell back into old habits and thought that was that. Relationships aren’t usually something I want or seek out so I assumed that would be the one I’d get into. But now… I don’t want this to end any time soon. I enjoy what we have too much, and I care about you too much. You’re important to me too, Ro, more than I could possibly express. You’ve done so much…” She trailed off, hugging him in return, her face buried against his neck.
---
Rowan didn’t let go of her. He never would. He stroked his fingers against her as she began to speak. He let his hand slid up and stroke her hair. Did that mean she thought of this as a relationship? Or was she still meaning a d/s relationship? Rowan knew he had feelings for her. He had for a while. He wasn’t sure when they started but he couldn’t deny them when he had gotten very jealous with her attention of Oscar. He just didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to make this weird. He didn’t want to lose her. This? This conversation, what she was proposing, it felt so big for Rowan and he was so glad.
“I haven’t done anything,” Rowan said softly, “but you are very important to me, Marta. I… I want to make you happy. You have made me happy and I feel safe with you.” He didn’t just mean within the confines of the school either. He felt safe emotionally with her. He smiled softly and said, “I’m not going anywhere.” I’m yours.
---
Marta smiled. "You may not think you have, but that doesn't change how I feel." What did she want from this, from them? She knew she wanted him, and she wanted more of this. She wanted to have a stronger relationship with him, both emotionally and in a D/s sense. That was the core of it all. And she was more than happy to compromise as needed to get there.
She pushed up again so that she could see his face, studying it. She leaned in, soft kisses trailing up to his lips from his jaw. "We'll try this, then? And see how it goes?" Her teeth nipped at his bottom lip. "I can't promise this won't make me even more obnoxious and impossible to deal with, knowing that you're willing to take this step." She was imagining both love-making on tender nights and others where she made him beg after being teased for hours during their play. The combination was intoxicating and she kissed him. "I'm not going anywhere either, querido. Not without you."