Who: Marta Herrera and Rowan Teague When: May 22, 2016 Where: Library and then Marta’s home. Rating: Low
Rowan had Skyped with Abby this morning. He was glad to see that she had gotten home okay and Noreen had taken the tablet and insisted on talking with Rowan. Noreen told Rowan she wished that Rowan had been the one to come home. He promised that he would come home for a visit soon. He had been saving this last term, he could do it before summer term. He would see them soon.
He had been thinking about his siblings, grateful for the long conversation and the chance to talk to all of them but Shea, who hadn’t been home, when he headed towards the library. His hair was down, a touch damp from his shower which is why he didn’t want to pull it back. It fell across his face, almost hiding him like a curtain. It wasn’t a bad thing to hide like that. If only he could hide that collar now.
---
Finals were fast approaching, but that wasn’t what had Marta at the library. She already had an eye out for extra reading materials or articles that could be pulled for the classes she had lined up for the summer term and had requested a few things to be brought in. She’d spent part of the morning and afternoon making notes about this and that reference material before her concentration had derailed into planning her party in the margins of her notebook, and in sporadically checking both her work email and her phone to see if she’d heard back from any of the people she’d sent messages and emails to recently. Nothing.
With a sigh she’d called it quits for the day, loaded up her purse with her things, and headed out the door with vague intentions to go to the gym. She hated the place, honestly, but she had energy she needed to work off and sadly it really was the best way to do it.
Well. Second best way. But the best way wasn’t currently an option she was pursuing.
She’d just exited when she spotted someone else on their way in and she stepped aside to hold the door for them, her gaze turned in the direction of the distant gym. Then it snapped back to the approaching figure, recognizing both his shoulders and hair simultaneously. She kept her palm on the door, holding it open, but sidestepped so that she was directly in his way, her free hand finding her hip. “Leoncito, why are you walking like you’re on your way to your own execution?”
---
Rowan almost didn’t notice, so lost in his thoughts of his siblings and missing his sister. It was silly of him, wasn’t it? He caught himself before he literally walked into the person holding the door. This was someone else he could trust, right? He knew his sister would but the professor had been good to him throughout the term and before. There was no reason not to trust her now. He brushed his hair from his face and tried to smile.
“Sorry,” he said, “It’s been a hard week. How have you been?” It was easier to turn things back to her, wasn’t it? His hand went to his other hand to touch Abby’s ring. It was missing. It wasn’t right to wear anymore. No. He shouldn’t let himself get distracted in those thoughts.
---
Marta reiterated to herself that she shouldn’t have favorite students, but it was pointless. She genuinely liked Rowan and the time they’d spent together had only strengthened that. She wanted the best for him and she was concerned for him and how things were going for him. That concern was written plainly on her expressive face when he admitted that it had been a hard week and she reached out to gently touch his arm. “What’s wrong? Why’s it been hard?”
Then she realized what was nagging at her about his appearance, beyond just his hair being down. Marta reached up to brush his hair back from his face, her cool fingertips gentle against his cheek before dropping down to the collar. “What is that doing on you? Oh, Rowan, what happened?” The petite woman immediately drew him in close, ignoring the height distance by taking advantage of his general willingness to go along with a situation so that she could hold him against her. It was meant to be a comforting hug but unless she were standing on a step stool it was likely more awkward than anything, which she also ignored in favor of rubbing small circles on his back. “Do you have time to talk about it?”
---
The hug, while a bit awkward because of their height difference, was comforting as well. It made him feel less alone. No, he wasn’t alone here. He had his friends. He’d be okay. Even if he felt the hole of his sister’s departure.
Rowan nodded to her last question, “Abby went home. She missed our siblings and this place was too much.” It was better that way for her. It was okay. He’d stay. He’d finish early. Someone was there to watch over the kids, “Sorry. This must seem so small.” Or that was what he kept telling himself. It was no reason to be upset.
--- She knew from their previous talk just how important family was to him, and had extrapolated from that that he probably didn’t have as strong of connections here as he perhaps needed. Friends, yes, but that didn’t compare to family. And hearing that Abby had left, the one family member he had, was not good. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through.
“Of course it isn’t small,” she scolded gently, her arms tightening. “Your family is incredibly important to you. Not having her here as support… I’m so sorry, Rowan.” The bigger concern at least in Marta’s eyes was the lack of a mark on him to provide safety. She knew there weren’t roaming bands of cruel doms just waiting to snap up any available servita but if he’d already had a situation that scared him, that same person could still be around and able to claim him. “Come here. We need to talk about something.” She pulled him back into the library with her, her fingers firmly laced with his, and made a beeline for one of the study rooms. It would provide a modicum of privacy and was the closest place that would, unless they headed all the way back to her place or his dorm, neither of which were options she liked. “Sit.”
Waiting until he obeyed, Marta rested her hands on his shoulders. “You need a mark. I don’t like the idea of you out without one. I’d like to extend mine to you, but only if you don’t have someone else in mind for that already, are willing, and wouldn’t mind the rules that would go along with it.”
---
Rowan followed Marta back into the library. He almost wanted to argue. Who else had siblings here? Not everyone and they were fine. That’s why he came here. Not to be away from his siblings but so he could get the best he could. He kept telling himself that, anyway.
He sat down, looking up at Marta. He didn’t want to be thinking about marks and needing safety though the thought had crossed his mind. It had yesterday too. He told himself he was safe before, for the most part, why wouldn’t he be now?
“What sort of rules?” Rowan asked, knowing it would be stupid to blindly accept a mark. Just because she was nice before, well, he should be okay with her. He doubted that she would change. Right?
---
It made her happy that he was asking, and that he was waiting to see what they were before saying anything right away. Marta sat next to him, shifting her grip so that it was on his hand now, in case he wanted or needed a connection. If not and he pulled away she wouldn’t be offended, but she wanted him to know he could seek one out with her.
“First would be that I insist we continue seeing what you are and aren’t comfortable with and work on that. I know you think it’s something you can just ignore and it will go away, but I still believe that isn’t the case, even if you’d have the safety of my mark on you for most of the year.” She wanted to reassure him as well that she would do her damndest to outbid anyone who tried to get him at an auction, but didn’t want that to be his argument against continuing. “I’d also like it if you stayed with me at my place, both so we can work on this and so you can get out of those dorms. I know what they’re like. This way you’ll hopefully be more comfortable, have more space, and more freedom.”
“I’d like you to stay involved in things. Any clubs that have even a bit of interest for you, going out with friends at every available opportunity -- homework is important of course but having a strong network here is incredibly important now that your family link is gone. Are you involved in anything now? Officially? If not, I’d like there to be one club or group that you regularly attend in some way. I only ask that, if you aren’t coming home that night or will be very late, you give me a heads up. Otherwise you’d have freedom to see who you want. And if you see someone you don’t want to, tell me immediately. I’ll sort them out.”
The rules she thought of for Rowan were, admittedly, very different from what someone else would get if her main intent with them was something sexual. The downside was that the sexual ones were the kind of rules she’d already put thought into, not the protective ones, and she finally shrugged. “Those are the hard and fast rules that I’ll require from the get go. Any others I will negotiate with you, with the expectation that if you don’t like them, you’ll be honest about it.”
---
Rowan listened to the stipulations Marta put out and he would be hard pressed to find a good reason to say no. A part of him wanted to say he would be fine on his own but blind belief of that would foolish. Still he was feeling hesitant about the first thing she listed. Plus possibly moving out of the dorms. He was also a part of some clubs. Like he helped out at the radio station. He knew he needed to speak. He needed to reply or say something. He also knew he didn’t want to say no because Marta had to be a safe place and now he was thinking of what Molly said about catching Riley’s attention. He didn’t want to hide away in his dorm just in case Riley or Andy wanted a second go. He suppressed a shudder as the memory of the night with Andy crossed him.
Rowan nodded and said, “I’m okay with those. I mean, the first one? It makes me a bit nervous. I don’t want to ignore it,” especially in a place like this, “but I don’t want to disappoint either. Disappoint you.” Or, he realised, he didn’t want her to regret claiming him. What if she thought he held more potential or something that he actually did? What if she opted to think about her mark now? That also made him rather nervous.
---
She had a feeling that, out of any of them, the first would be the one he balked at. And she understood why, she really did, but she was also confident that this would be the way to go. Or was that hubris of her own, thinking she could fix everything? That was a thought that needed to be mulled over further in the future, but she could sort that out and the situation at the same time. She hoped.
Still, his admission about one of the reasons it worried him to go along with things surprised her. Marta’s eyebrows rose sharply and she shook her head immediately, refuting the idea. “I would only be disappointed if you didn’t try at all, even in little baby steps, at a slower and more comfortable pace. And then I’d mostly be disappointed in myself for not approaching it right, to make the importance of it more clear.” She squeezed his hand. “I won’t ever ask you to do anything you absolutely don’t want to do. Not with that, not with anything. You know that, right?”
---
Rowan had wondered if he had disappointed her the other week. He had gotten lost in his head and he didn’t really know how to make himself stop doing that. He felt comforted by the squeeze of the hand. He still felt like he hadn’t done well enough. He thought too much. Or maybe it was just the general sadness of losing his sister here which was making him be harder on himself.
“I’ll try,” Rowan said softly, “I do want to get to know myself better. In that regard and not blush so much when I’m in a situation like that,” he paused, “Though I don’t think I did so much when I was with Vanessa but I suppose that is different,” he paused again, having one more question, “What is it in for your? I mean, why do you want to offer me your mark?”
---
Confidence was clearly the first and most important thing to work with him on. Marta enjoyed that particular challenge. She shifted so that both her hands were holding his, a small mischievous smile brightening the frown that had been there before. “Don't change too much, I like the blushing. It's sweet.”
What was in it for her? Marta was quiet for a few moments, trying to decide both how to word this and how honest to be -- with Rowan and with herself. “I like you, Rowan. You're sweet and earnest and smart and I would hate myself if you ended up chewed up and spat out by the bad elements of a place like this.” For the most part she was complicit, she s a merit there. But it could also bring out the worst, people who were only cruel to be cruel. “And for a more selfish answer… I'm lonely. Not for sex or any of that but for someone I can hold, someone I can kiss just to kiss, someone I can hear downstairs in the kitchen while I get ready.” Unspoken was the reality that she didn't trust anyone else enough to fill that for her, and any other servita she picked up would be a purely sexual relationship. Rowan was… different.
---
That comment? Made Rowan blush. He wasn’t exactly sure what was so nice about his blushing but he wouldn’t say anything. He could trust her, right? Again, he knew Abby would tell him to be careful but without her here, he had to make these decisions on his own. He would keep himself safe. He promised her that when she left.
Rowan fell silent. He wasn’t exactly how to reply to Marta’s statement of why she wanted to claim him. He would thank her for the first part. It was really kind of her. The second part, he hoped he could help her not be lonely. He wanted to give her something back and return. He nodded and turned his hand so he could take hers and squeeze it back.
“I hope I will be a good servita for you and that I can be there for you,” Rowan said softly.
---
Marta’s grin after was shameless. She hoped he would get used to that because she was going to tease him quite a bit in the future. None of it was meant to hurt or be cruel, but when his blush was so sweet she couldn’t help herself. She also couldn’t keep from stretching up to brush a soft kiss against his cheek.
She didn’t rush his answer. This was entirely for him to decide, though she of course hoped he said yes. She didn’t think she was a bad dominari, regardless of who she happened to own and what she wanted from them, but she also wasn’t to everyone’s taste. Maybe he did have someone else he hoped would own him. Maybe he’d rather roll the dice than have her. She waited and was rewarded for her patience when he turned his hand in hers and gave them a squeeze. Marta relaxed and rested her head on his shoulder, leaning against his side. “Thank you. I know you will. You don’t have to move in right away, if you don’t want to. Or move everything. But we should probably swing by my place to pick up a mark for you so you can get that collar off. Okay?”
---
He felt a bit bad about accepting Marta’s mark so easily when he hesitated about Sam’s. No, he hadn’t hesitated but he felt overwhelmed by it all yesterday. Yet he wondered if he was being selfish by taking Marta’s mark. She could help him in certain respects that he wanted help in. Plus maybe she could afford to win him during auctions whereas Sam couldn’t. Not that he would fault Sam in that, he never would. That last auction felt easier because he knew he was going to be safe. He was losing himself in his own thoughts. He shouldn’t do that especially when she kissed his cheek.
“What would you prefer?” Rowan asked, “I mean, you are asking me to invade yourself. I don’t want to do anything too soon if you aren’t ready for that.” He wouldn’t want to do anything she was not ready for yet. He paused then nodded to her next question, “Maybe I should ask what your mark actually is?”
---
He had a point, she would be the one bearing a large portion of change in this. It surprised her that she was so willing to do it, and hadn’t even given it a second thought when suggesting it, but it felt just as right now, upon a bit of reflection, as it had when she’d said it. Her next servita -- and she would have another, it was just a matter of finding one that suited her needs -- would not be living with her full time and most certainly wouldn’t be staying in her bed, as she intended for Rowan. She didn’t have any clear answers that would explain it, only a confidence in her decision, and so she shrugged. “We can start with a night here and there and see how it goes, then increase the time or slow it down. And it can all work around your schedule too, if you want to spend the night anywhere else.” She gave him a pointed look at that, but as she was unaware of Sam, or anyone else he might spend time with, it was purely speculative in her mind. She liked the thought of him having someone like that in his life, but assumed that was a ways out.
She kissed his cheek again and stood, then drew him up after her. “C’mon, leoncito.” She grinned and flapped her hand. “It’s a symbol, more than anything. I have it in a couple of different forms so you can pick what you’d prefer, a ring or it on one of those leather and cloth cuffs that have been around for a while, or something else customized for you. I have those already, and one that can be worn on a necklace, but if you want something custom-made you’ll need one of those in the meantime until it comes in. But that won’t be a problem.” She opened the door to the study room and nudged him back out in the library.
---
Rowan nodded, wondering if she was not regretting to offer him a room. Or maybe she was just concerned with his comfort. That was comforting. It just showed that he was safe, right? This wasn’t a bad decision. He smiled softly. Whatever she wanted, he could work with. Even if it was a night a week and he didn’t really know for what purpose but that was okay.
He took her hand and followed her out of the library. He paused when she said leather and cloth cuffs. Like one of those leather bands? They looked cool but he had also seen them being cuffs as in weird cuffs with links and he didn’t know how to read into that.
“Do you have a preference to what mark you’d like me to have?” Rowan asked. A ring felt less obvious but he didn’t really think he had an opinion.
---
Once out of the library Marta tucked her hand into the crook of his arm, her pace nonchalant and casual. She wasn’t in a huge rush although she was keeping in mind that he was probably headed to the library with a purpose and might still need to head there after they took care of the preliminaries. She looked up at him, shading her eyes for a moment as she studied his face. He was thankfully looking pretty calm about this entire thing, and less gloomy than he had been when she’d first started talking to him, which was good. She knew the loss of his sister on campus would take time to get used to but if she could keep him distracted for at least an hour or two, then she’d happily do so.
“I think a cuff could work with your general look, but I remember you were wearing a ring before and it worked well for you, too. We can always play with both, try one and then the other, see what looks best overall?”
The closer they got to her place the more she debated adding a few other caveats to this arrangement. Once they turned down the road to faculty housing she couldn’t hold it in anymore and gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “There’s another non-negotiable rule. You’re going back to visit your family during breaks from classes. I’m covering the cost, you don’t need to worry about it, but you’re going. I heard your voice before, how much it bothered you to be apart from them for so long. We’ll get the tickets for the break before summer classes tonight, so you can make plans with them ahead of time.”
---
Rowan was okay with his library plans being delayed or even to another day. Nothing was urgent and he knew he would probably just hide out there. He had spent the night before hiding at Sam’s. Why wouldn’t he have spent today hiding in the library? This felt a bit better. He wasn’t going to be alone and maybe he should expect any additional time with Marta. She was a professor. She was busy. He didn’t need babysitting. He was the babysitter. He just needed to man up.
“That sounds fair,” Rowan said, “I didn’t realise that dominari had so many different options. I figured they just picked one thing and that was their thing.” That was a conversation he was going to have with Abby before. Now it felt like there was no point in bringing it up. She probably wanted to just forget all about New Haven.
He paused and looked to Marta when she added another rule. He forced himself to keep walking with her, “I can’t ask for you to do that. I know travel is expensive,” which is why he didn’t go before. He couldn’t ask her to do that and he couldn’t repay her. He could but during each break? It wasn’t possible.
---
Was there an element of babysitting him in this? Absolutely. Rowan was alone now and Marta didn’t want him to dwell on that. She might not be able to preoccupy him indefinitely but she could at least help, take an hour here and there to distract him. She’d be happy to do it, too, since she was honest about wanting to claim him. It wouldn’t be just in name, she didn’t know how to operate like that.
“Honestly it might not be 100% in the official rules about marks, but it’s what I wanted and what I’m choosing to do. I know my old dominari did something similar, personalizing the setting of his mark for his servita.” Marta shrugged, not really concerned with the nitty gritty. Her symbol would be the same regardless of what it was attached to, after all.
She shook her head the moment he started speaking, her expression steely. “You aren’t asking me. I’m insisting. I can afford it, Rowan, quite easily in fact. And that means that it’s going to happen if I have to walk you onto that plane myself. Understand?” For all intents and purposes Marta was sweet and considerate around Rowan. But in this she was as unyielding with him as she would be in matters for other people. There was no negotiating. “Now. Come on inside,” she coaxed, unlocking and opening the door for him. “Would you like something to drink? I thought we could clear up some dresser space now while we’re here, and give you the full lay of the land since we only saw a part of the house the other day.”
---
Rowan nodded as she explained her thoughts behind the marks. He supposed that made sense, to make the mark fitting the both of them. Then again he could tell there were dominari’s who didn’t care. He was lucky in this regard. He would be okay now. He would make Abby, and all his siblings, proud. He would do them all well.
“Thank you, Professor,” Rowan said, pausing and taking her hand in his, “I don’t know how I can repay you for that. I really missed not going last term and,” he smiled softly, “Thank you so much. Really.”
Rowan followed Marta inside the house and when she said about giving him full lay of the land, it dawned on him that she really wanted him to live here. He would be out of his dorm. He knew that from what she said before but it felt daunting now. But in the best possible way. He had to stop himself from saying he never had his own bedroom before.
It took him a moment to reply and he nodded, “Water is good. I remember where the kitchen is. I can get that. Can I get you anything?” Another small smile crossed his face. This was going to be good. He could feel it.
---
If he noticed, she would blame it on bad lighting or too much sun, but his gratitude made her blush, the wash of pink easily visible on her pale cheeks. She flapped her free hand at him while also giving the hand he held a squeeze. “Shush with that. Repay me by trying. And more of those kisses of yours. Don’t worry about anything else. And no more of that professor business, lord.”
She smiled and shook her head, watching him become more relaxed as the reality of things started to settle in. “I’m fine. Thank you, though. I’ll be in the living room once you’ve gotten it, alright? And feel free to give the fridge a quick once over while you’re in there, if you want to take over the kitchen at all we’ll probably need to go grocery shopping for something that isn’t just reheatable.” She paused and pointed at him. “Another addendum, all groceries or similar expenses are considered part of the deal. You want to have fun trying out different things to cook, you get free rein with shopping lists without any guilt. No guilt, you got it?”
---
If he noticed the blush, he didn’t say anything. He wouldn’t point it out. He blushed enough that he knew someone saying anything would be annoying. He smiled softly at Marta and leaned forward and kissed her cheek. That probably wasn’t the kisses that she meant but he didn’t feel bold enough to kiss her properly. Would that be a part of trying? Probably. Maybe next time then.
“I will try, Marta,” Rowan said, “Thank you. Again. I may be thanking you randomly for the next while.” He would text Abby later and give her the good news.
He grabbed himself some water and came back to the living room. He couldn’t help but tease himself and says, “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, I may not be a toaster burner but I’m still lacking in some skills. I suppose I could try to learn some new ones for us? If you are willing to try my attempted cooking?” He would try to make himself useful. He wanted to earn his worth.
---
Was it what she meant? Not entirely but she liked it anyway, and mentally readjusted her definition of ‘kiss’ to include it. She gave him a playful nudge toward the kitchen after.
While he got his water she hunted for the remote controls. She didn’t watch much TV on her own, she’d always considered it a social thing and it just wasn’t as much fun solo. Marta had done a very good job of ignoring all of the things she’d used to spend time doing with Mallory in fact and was only now realizing that perhaps she hadn’t moved on quite as much as she’d thought. All it had taken was feeling comfortable enough with someone to invite into her space -- no wonder it had taken a couple of years.
She was staring blankly at the remotes when he returned and visibly shook herself, coming back to the present. She plastered a smile on her face to replace the look of sadness that had been there only for it to soften into something more genuine when he spoke. “I’ll make sure to keep my phone handy to call the fire department, just in case. We could always try to learn together, but that might be risking things too much.”
Marta raised the remotes and waved them, setting them down on the stand by the TV. “I’ve got Netflix and a few other subscription services, you’re welcome to take advantage of them however you’d like. And there’s DVDs in that case there, the top couple of shelves are all English language and the bottom is foreign. Spanish mostly, but there’s a few French language films in there too I think. Let’s head outside first, and then upstairs, yeah?” Unaware that she was doing it, she reached out her hand to him. They were only going a couple dozen yards, it wasn’t far, but she liked feeling his hand in hers.
---
Rowan didn’t know what to say. Marta was really welcoming him in and he felt like he was giving so little in return. That didn’t seem right but if he offered anything, he felt like she would ask him to just try. He would already do that.
“I never cook far from my cell phone, just in case,” Rowan replied, smiling softly. That was true for a couple of reasons. One was here because he didn’t want to miss a call from home but the reason to keep 9-1 on speed dial was never a bad idea either.
“Do you speak French and Spanish?” Rowan asked, curious. He nodded to her offer to go outside and took her hand. He would let her lead the tour. It didn’t make sense to let anyone else do that, it was her house after all.
---
“Smart man. Not that that’s surprising.” She grinned and led him outside. “Spanish and a little French here and there. I was raised bi-lingual. My dad’s from just outside Guadalajara. And the French came because I did a focus on erotic literature in school and there’s a lot in French. You just kinda pick up on some of it by osmosis even if you focus on translations.”
There wasn’t much to say about the space, precisely, so she gestured vaguely toward the two seating areas at opposite ends of the yard. “There’s a fire pit here, I can show you how to light it later. It’s been nice to sit out here and read or grade papers, so I’ve spent a number of nights out here lately. And over here,” she led him to the other end where a small in-ground hot-tub was, “is the space I literally have not used at all. We can figure out how to keep it up and clean if you’d like to use it, but I don’t like water.” Leaving that rather odd statement where it was, she led him back inside and up the stairs, making a beeline for the library. “Other favorite spot. I am always, always looking for more things to add, so any contributions are great.” She was dawdling in showing him the bedrooms, though she didn’t know why. One might make him nervous, and the other would just make everything even more real.
---
Rowan was about to comment that it was cool that she was bi-lingual. He remembered his parents said that Irish children are taught to speak Gaelic as well but that was never a skill that was passed down to him or any of his siblings. Instead his words got caught in his throat when she said erotic. Why would he be tripped up by that? It wasn’t like he didn’t know that Marta was very familiar with that topic. He swallowed hard, willing himself to just be normal for five seconds, “That’s cool that you can speak other languages. That must be a really good skill to have.” Oh, he was falling into the awkward train again, wasn’t he?
Rowan liked the idea of the fire pit and, if she didn’t mind, he could imagine maybe inviting a few of his friends over for a fire. A few drinks (even the non-alcoholic kind) and s’mores? On a warm summer night? That sounded really perfect to him.
“You don’t like water?” Rowan repeated. He wondered if that meant she just didn’t know how to swim but one didn’t really need to swim in a hot tub.
He followed her to the library and he couldn’t hide the smile that crossed his face, “I may have some contributions. My desk always has a pile of to-be-read books that I never really get through because I’m always adding to them.” He could get very lost in this room.
---
Marta caught his nervousness immediately and sent a sidelong glance at him before reaching out and touching a spot near his collarbone. "That is where I will bite first. You've been warned." She smirked and shrugged. "It can be, especially with how common Spanish is becoming. I can also speak Diné Bizaad, the Navajo language, but that doesn't do me much good off the rez." Her smile softened and she gave him a small nudge. "I can teach you a bit of Spanish. You've already learned leoncito, yeah?"
As far as she was concerned he could take over the backyard all he wanted with friends, as long as she wasn't already intending to use it. That thought led her to wonder if she might want to get a calendar set up on the fridge so they could keep track of things -- days he had tests so she'd know not to take up too much of his time, trips, nights when she might prefer to be alone or have someone else over for less wholesome visits...
"I hate it," she agreed with a shudder, then expounded. "I never learned how to swim, but I also just... hate the feeling of water againts my body. Showers are fine because it's a smaller amount and it isn't clinging to me, but I hate baths and hot tubs. I one hundred percent do not get the appeal." It was a borderline phobia, actually, but she wasn't going to get into that.
She beamed at him, happy that he enjoyed the library so much. “We can rearrange things a bit so you can have your own shelves then. I want this to be a place that's very welcoming to you. A hideaway if you need one, and a safe space overall."
---
Rowan swallowed when she touched his collarbone. He tried to picture her biting him, what it would feel like. That alone made him nervous and he licked his lips, trying to calm his breathing. He turned his focus away from the lingering touch and what she was saying.
“Lion,” Rowan said. Or was it little lion? Wouldn’t that be a lion cub? “I would love to learn some if you don’t mind and if you have the time.” She would be teaching him a bit. Was she sure she wanted to take him on? He suddenly felt like a lot of work. He o Rowan nodded as she explained his dislike of water. He didn’t really understand it but he wouldn’t judge her or anything. He wouldn’t push her to learn to swim or anything but if she wanted to learn, he wondered if she would let him teach her. He also wondered if he should be saying these things out loud. Or would that be being pushy? He squeezed her hand lightly instead.
Once in the library, Rowan glanced to Marta and said, “This place is already very welcoming to me. I mean, it’s a room of books,” he smiled softly. He hesitated and then said, “If I can say so, I think this place will already be a safe place. I mean, I feel safe with you now.” Even though he was pretty sure Abby would think him crazy but she wasn’t here anymore, was she?
---
Sometimes she wished she could just tap on his head and have it open up to let her see what he was thinking. He would look so serious and thoughtful sometimes and it was an absolute mystery to her what path his thoughts were taking. She only knew it usually meant he was overthinking and though she'd warned him that she'd bite him, she was going to bide her time. She did tap him on that spot again to point out she'd noticed he was overthinking, though.
"I'm glad, Rowan. I really, really am. I want you to feel safe around me, and in my space. I don't want you to feel like you don't belong here or anything like that. And yes, you can say so. Always feel free to speak your mind if you want. I'm not going to be upset or scold you for doing so. This," she gestured between the two of them, "is not intended to be that formal. And I swear to God if you ever call me ma'am I am going to... set the toaster on fire. Or something else drastic."
She paused in front of the door to the spare room and met his eyes. "Before we go in, I want to make it clear that I'm going to make it more comfortable for you. So far I've had this set up as a... play space, I guess you could say, for some of the things I'm into sexually, in the event I found a servita who was also interested. I also generally like the look of some of them. But if they make you uncomfortable and keep this from being a space you'd want to stay in on occasion then they can be put into drawers, the cases can be closed in. Just let me know." With that warning and some solid eye contact to be sure he understood, Marta opened the door and turned on the light.
The room wasn't overly large but the space was used as effectively as possible. There was a murphy bed, currently folded up against the wall and framed with cases of artistically displayed restraints and two bodymodels wrapped in shibari-style patterns with drawers underneath them. The closet had been completely gutted so that the space now contained a confessional purchased from a church that was closing. A St. Andrews cross was attached to one wall with more cases evenly distributed, the contents again displayed as if they were pieces of art or a collection rather than instruments of BDSM. A third corner had a spanking bench bolted to the floor, and a bank of built-ins contained the remainder of her toys, these hidden away. Marta crossed her arm over her stomach, palm cupping her other elbow so that she could tap her mouth thoughtfully. "I suppose we can get a curtain hide that wall," she pointed to the cross, "and a room divider to hide the bench. And I can change out the glass on the cases."
She tried to look casual, but she was watching him closely, feeling strangely anxious. It was not a room for the uninitiated, and she was worried it would be too overwhelming. "I won't use any of this on you, Rowan. This is only for people who want it. But I do want you to feel comfortable using the bed if you’d like. It will be yours and yours alone.."
---
Rowan felt his cheeks warm when she tapped his collarbone again. He wanted to rub his cheeks, willing the warm away but instead he just followed Marta into the room. He heard her talk but he was taking in the room. He didn’t know what to say first. He didn’t know what to feel first. He knew his cheeks would be permanently red as he looked around. His gaze lingered on the ropes, wondering what they would feel like. He was pretty sure he just went redder at that thought. What would it feel like to feel everything in this room? Not all at once. Wait, why was he explaining himself in his own head? Still the question was there.
She was talking about hiding the things in the room and he wanted to go in there and explore it more. Did she eventually want to bring him into this room to play with her on these things? Then she spoke again and he wondered if that meant she didn’t want to use this on him. He needed to speak. He said he felt safe with her. He should show that, right?
Rowan shook his hair into his face, almost hiding behind it. He may feel safe with her but it didn’t mean what he wanted to say would be any easier. He took a deep breath and said quickly, “If… If you don’t see me as someone… who may want to… this, I get it. I mean,” Just say it already! “This… I… I wouldn’t mind… to know some of this.” That wasn’t coherent, was it? He looked down, wishing he was a bit better with words.
---
He hid behind his hair and Marta ignored it. She wasn't going to take away his coping mechanisms, such as this one was, especially if it let him be candid with her. She was still surprised at his answer, though she supposed she shouldn't have been. She knew so little of what he was or wasn't into and needed to stop thinking of him as both inexperienced and totally vanilla. It wasn't fair to him and it would only hinder her in what she was trying to do for and with him.
She looked over the room with fresh eyes, trying to imagine how he was seeing things. She'd thought she'd caught him lingering on the bondage display cases but didn't want to assume. "I shouldn't assume. I was, and it isn't fair to you," she said, voicing her thoughts. "If you're interested in any of it, we should explore that, absolutely. See if the interest is just theoretical or if it's genuine. But I also don't want to overwhelm you." She tapped her lips again, thoughtfully. "I'm going to propose something, and you're welcome to argue it or tweak it if you think you can handle something that moves faster, or if you want something slower.
"I'd ideally like to focus on getting us comfortable with each other, first and foremost. That means the occasional night sharing a bed, having you help me dress, and easing into physical things. More of what we did the other day, and then building up to more. I want you to let me know when you're ready for more on that. And, as we do that, I want you to also spend some time in here, either on nights when you're staying over or just swinging by randomly when you have free time. Check everything out. Become familiar with it, so that it isn't as strange. And then we can start introducing some of it to you." Her hand was light on his shoulder, gentle. "I would love to bring you in here with intent to play. It would give me a lot of joy and pleasure to do so. I just didn't want to scare you."
---
“No, I know why you would assume why. I mean, I have no experience with this,” Rowan’s gaze went back to the ropes, again wearing what it would be like. He wondered if it would be like when Andy restrained him against the table and had left him. No, he was pretty sure that would be different. With Andy, she had left him wanting and sensitive. He didn’t know her. He didn’t know what she would do when she came or when she would. He supposed Marta could leave him in those artistic ropes but an unknown period of time but he doubted she would do it so he would be painfully sensitive. Or at least not be cruel like Andy was. He brushed his hair from his face, trying not to lose himself in that thought. He didn’t want the experience with Andy to taint what Marta could show him. He took his gaze away from the ropes and looked at Marta, listening to what she proposed. If he thought about it too much, it seemed like a big deal; sleeping in the same bed for example. He paused.
“Helping you get dressed?” Rowan repeated, not following that train of thought. He could understand the rest but that one seemed misplaced.
He thought about saying that she doesn’t scare him but he wondered if that was too much. Not that he didn’t want to give that to her but he had already said he felt safe. If he said it too much, would he be tempting fate?
---
"A lot of people might have experience with handcuffs or loosely tied scarves, or a quick smack on the ass during sex, but most probably don't focus on really playing with bondage, or making impact play the focus not just a little something extra. And that's fine, that makes a lot of people really happy." The hand on his shoulder shifted and settled on his opposite hip, her arm going around him companionably. "This is all of that, just... more advanced. And taking the part of the focal point, usually. Intercourse doesn't even have to play a part at all in this if people don't want it to."
She looked up at him with his question and smiled, shrugging. "Mostly it will help you get more comfortable with me, physically. And I'll enjoy it. It's hard for me to explain or put into words but there's a touch of power in it, having someone doing a task you're perfectly capable of, and it would make me feel powerful and wanted to have someone attending to even little things like zipping up my dress, attaching my stockings to my garter belt, putting my jewelry on for me. And then undressing at the end of the day has a general, mildly erotic thrill to it, even if we just end up going to sleep afterward. I think that would be one of the few things I would expect you to do while here with me. Cooking is a bonus, and more to help us both get more comfortable in the kitchen. I already have someone helping with cleaning. That's most of the bases covered."
Marta gave him a gentle squeeze. "Ready to see our room?" This one was going to be his, ostensibly, but hers would now always be both of theirs in her mind.
---
“Vanessa was never really into that,” Rowan said softly, not quite looking at Marta as he spoke but looking around the room again. He knew she wanted to build up a relationship between them before they did anything in here but he was curious now. He pushed that away. There was a chance that if they jumped in, he would just get overwhelmed and not be into it. Marta knew what she was doing, “Any of that. My only experience is…” he trailed off for a moment then peeked at Marta, “I know with you, it will be different.” He leaned against her, putting his arm around her as she did to him. It will be safer.
In truth, Rowan didn’t really get it. He didn’t understand the power in dressing her, in assisting her with that but he would do it. He realised this was his first time having a dominari who really wanted something from him, more than just babysitting their kid or to clean their house once in a while. This was different. He didn’t want to disappoint her.
“Okay,” Rowan said, again telling himself that he should probably should say more. He didn’t know what to say. Maybe once they were in the moment, once they were there, he would understand this more. He nodded again when she said about seeing their room. That was big too, “Let’s go.”
---
“Most people aren’t. I’ll try to ease you into it all, we’ll discuss safewords and all of that later so you’ll always have ultimate control of what we do and how far we go. I will still push you if I think we’ve hit on something that you like but are holding back on, but it will still be under your control ultimately.”
Marta gave Rowan a squeeze meant to both comfort and also encourage. She felt he was capable of a lot more than he might have let himself do, and was hoping to be there when he grew and opened up more. She guided him back out of the room and turned off the light, but didn’t close the door. If he wanted to come back in before leaving for the night, he was welcome to.
She hesitated in front of that door as well, but for an entirely different reason. She turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed in warning, though she was obviously trying to hide a smile. “One thing -- you cannot, and I mean cannot -- tease me about this room. It might be a little dark or a little weird but it makes me happy, and that’s that. Always remember, it could be worse, I could be sleeping in a glorified coffin,” she added, pre-emptively trying to get around some of the teasing she heard based around the black walls or style of bed she preferred. She opened the door and waved him in first, turning on the light as they entered.
Not that it could light up much. All that black soaked up the light, with it only reflected on the silver and occasional mirrored elements. While he looked around, Marta crossed to the dresser and started moving things so he would have at least two drawers. Most of her things were in the walk in closet, anyway.
---
Safewords. Ultimate control. Push. Rowan was repeating everything in his head. He was in control and he was not. He wondered for a moment what it would be like to give up ultimate control to her but he knew in that very moment he was nowhere close to being okay with that. He smiled when she squeezed him. She would take care of him. He would learn something new, maybe about himself or maybe just to survive this school, and it would be good. Still for a moment he wondered for as long as Marta was here, did he knew to learn to survive? He was in safe hands. Perhaps so but he wanted to know.
He followed her to their bedroom and he glanced to her. Her warning was a bit weird? Why would he laugh at her. Why would she be sleeping in a glorified coffin? He entered the room, taking in the darkness. The bed was something to behold. Yet it looked comfortable enough to run and jump into. While the room was dark, it wasn’t uncomfortably so. He turned to Marta and said, very seriously, “I can’t think of a reason to mock you. It looks very you.”
---
There were other elements of the space that were clear markers of her comfort with morbid subjects: animal skulls, some decorated and others merely bleached, symbols here and there associated with religion and spirituality. They, combined with the dark scheme and that bed, had made her a bit too aware of the potential for being teased. Marta blamed being one of the few goths on the Rez, and in the parts of Lake Chapala that she’d grown up in. It was hard not to have knee jerk reactions.
Rowan’s reaction was much better than she’d ever have expected and she immediately stopped what she was doing to give him a quick kiss of gratitude. “Thank you, leoncito. Go ahead and explore, check out the bed, all that. Do you have a preference which side you sleep on?” She finished rearranging things and ended up able to give him a full half of the dresser, and was quite pleased with herself. She glanced at the knick knacks on top of it, making sure the picture of Mallory was still there but turned down, and then crossed over to the bed, perching on the edge of it while she watched him. This room was not a space just anyone would be invited into, even if she had lovers over, but it was surprisingly easy to think of Rowan sharing it with her. It left her smiling and she rested her temple against the poster of the bed. “I have a request for you. Unrelated to this, but related to our new arrangement.”
---
Rowan hesitated then walked over to the bed to try it. He just went to the left side of the bed, without even thinking about. He sat down on the mattress and smiled softly. The mattress was so much softer than the one he had in the dorm. It was softer than the one he had at home. Without thinking about what it would look like, he drew his feet up and laid back on the bed. He could definitely fall asleep here if he wasn’t careful. He looked up at the canopy - was that what it was called? - of the bed and saw a mirror. That was a bit unusual, wasn’t it? He didn’t think anyone would want to see themselves first thing in the morning.
“Why is there a mirror up there?” Rowan asked. He looked over to her, finding her on the edge of the bed now. He smiled softly and sat up. He probably shouldn’t keep laying down, even if it was extremely comfortable.
“What is it?” Rowan asked, tucking his hair behind his ears.
---
There were some things that Marta spared no expense on and her own comfort was at the top of the list. The bed was far too big for just her, soft as a cloud, and with just the right thread count where the bedding would be soft but not thin or made out of cheap fibers to amplify the number. Rowan's face as he laid down was exactly the face she always made and that widened her smile. That, in turn, became a laugh and she turned to put her back against the poster, bringing her legs up on the bed with her. "So I can watch my partner from another angle during sex. Or watch myself. I'm vain." She left it at that, so as not to embarrass him.
Marta drew her legs up toward her chest, perching her chin on her knees. "I'm hosting a party for some of the other professors, to get to know them better. I've invited them to bring their servita to help serve, or provide entertainment, though really I'm sure it'll devolve into a bit of a contest about who's servita is better in some way or another." This didn't seem to phase her at all, though it also wasn't her main intent. She knew it would help to break the ice, to have something else to focus on. "I'd like it if you were there to help with small things, like taking people's coats and then attending me personally during dinner and after, during drinks. You won't be part of any performances, you won't be able to be touched or approached by anyone else, but I do want you to see that part of my world. To witness it, and to use this as a chance for us to spend more time together outside of the things we do in private."
---
Rowan knew his face went red when she answered him. So she could watch her partner during sex? He wanted to look up at the mirror but he knew how that would look and it wasn’t like there would be any answers up there. Not that he knew the questions that he would possibly ask. He forced himself to not look up. He forced himself to focus on what Marta was saying next because that must be easier to respond to, right? Of course.
At first Rowan wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t sure what he could say. As her servita, he was obligated to say yes. She was offering him so much that it should have been no surprise that she would want him at her party to help with things there. Yet when she said entertainment and devolve into a contest, he tried to hide his worry. What if she wanted him to compete? He had no idea if he could be a better servita. What if he wasn’t good enough and that proved it?
He nodded. He knew she said he wouldn’t be touched or approached by anyone else but the worry of what if he wasn’t good enough lingered. He didn’t like that thought. Could he prove to her that he was worthy before hand? Could he figure out a way?
He nodded again, his hair falling across his face, “Of course. Anything you would like me to do, I’ll do it.”
---
She almost wished that he’d look up, just because she was curious if he’d be interested in that aspect. The mirror would be hard to cover up while they were together, beginning his lessons, and would also be part of them in a way -- keeping him present, focused on what they were doing, unable to flee too far into his own mind. But if they really bothered him, she’d have to find some way to work around them, she supposed. Only time would tell.
She knew it was a lot to toss at him but she really would do her best to make it clear who was and wasn’t available to be touched. It remained to be seen exactly how well that would go, of course, but she was already prepared to enforce it by whatever means were necessary, and despite her size Marta was quite forceful when she wanted to be. She hoped Rowan wouldn’t have to see that particular side of her just yet.
“Don’t tell me that,” she quipped, trying to lighten the mood. “I’ll abuse it horribly.” She uncurled and crawled over to him, her fingers gentle as they brushed the hair from his face. “It’s going to be on the 3rd. Come over after your last class and we’ll get ready. I think I have some things that will fit you, or can be tailored in time.” Her hand dropped to his arm and she gave him a gentle nudge. “How are you doing? Horribly overwhelmed, mildly traumatized, or still with me? If you need some time to process everything, it’s yours, but I was hoping you’d stay a bit longer.” She wanted him to stay here in bed with her, actually. Not doing anything, or pushing any more boundaries, but just relaxing, holding each other. Building the foundation of their comfort together.
---
Rowan leaned into her touch. He couldn’t deny that he was nervous about the party. He wondered what Abby would say then wondered if they would return to keeping secrets again. She never told him who her benefactor. He didn’t want to get lost in his thoughts right now. It would be rude for one and later would be the time for overthinking everything.
He smiled softly and said, “If I thought you would, I don’t think you would have given me a choice to take your mark.” And then he may have run to Sam, asking for protection. He didn’t think he would need to do that.
“May I ask what you were thinking? For clothing, I mean?” Rowan asked. By the way she spoke, he didn’t think she would ask him to be naked but he was pretty sure if she did ask that of him? He’d be red for most of the night.
“I’m okay,” Rowan said. Was that honest? Yes. It was a bit overwhelming and, yes, he would need some time to settle it all in his head but he’d get it. He would settle it. He smiled and said, “I can stay. Remember? Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.”
---
“Your mark! God, I can’t believe I almost forgot.” Marta was on her feet in seconds, bustling over to the vanity she sat at to get ready in the mornings. She opened the topmost drawer and got the key for his school collar as well as one of the larger rings, then rejoined him on the bed, settling right next to him so she could help remove the collar. “Try the ring on. We can get it resized if need be, and you can wear it on a simple chain around your neck until it gets fixed.”
The collar was tossed with mixed feelings to the foot of the bed. She’d have it sent back to the administration office later. She loosely wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her temple on his shoulder. “A vest, ideally PVC or rubber that’ll be nice and fitted. Regular slacks but ones that will also be fitted and tailored to you. We should have plenty of time for that, I can send in your measurements and some close to your size and get that taken care of.” She nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder and looked up at him, her smile not quite hidden. “And I have an idea for a rope design that would look very nice on your upper body, if that’s okay.” She had a feeling it would be. She’d seen his lingering looks at the figures.
A moment later though and she was groaning playfully, pushing away from him. “You say that and I think very lewd things. Stop teasing me, my poor old heart can’t take it.” She did glance toward the clock though. It was a little late, wasn’t it? She nudged him with her knee and smiled. “Let’s order in and see if we can’t find something to zone out to on TV or Netflix. I will probably start sneaking kisses, so don’t choose anything you actually want to watch.”