Connor Parish (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} fromthedark) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} newdublinrp, |
He managed to tuck himself back away and close up his pants, shaking his head. Merr got up from his desk over to the small table holding a variety of alcohol. He filled his glass and took a long sip. {You can’t fix me you know.}
“I would never try to fix you.” she said as she had the driver take her to Merrs office. “We're unfixable” she told him as she rested in the back of the car.
It was less than thirty minutes as she was at his office door knocking.”Merr”
“You should go home Zel.” He called, as he moved over to his desk and tapped the door controls and unlocked them. Merrit took a drink from his glass and placed it down.
Once the door opened and Zel walks in she looked over at Merr. “You know you don't mean that.” she said walking towards him. The door shutting behind her. “Lock the door, Merr.” she said as she took the drink and took her own sip.
Her hand touching the side of his face. “Talk to me.”
He tapped the door control again, it didn’t lock anyone in, just out. Merr sighed at her touch. “I’ve got a lot of work to do.” He said softly, it was true. But there was nothing critical, he’d already gotten that stuff done. “You should to back to your family.” He tried not to sound bitter. He was happy for her, really. She was creating something neither of them thought they’d get.
“Hey. You're my family. First and foremost.” she said cupping his face. “It's us till the end. Remember.” she said forcing his focus on her.”Talk to me. I know you're pissed, angry. Talk to me.” she knew he felt that way, because she felt it.
“Not angry… frustrated maybe.” Merrit, grimaced slightly. “Stuck in a cycle, no way out.” He places his hand on hers and lowered it. Cases for criminals- those he supported and others that were scum. Drowning in drink to try to numb the way he hated himself and his life. Dealing with his father on a daily basis. Feeling Zel get high. Feeling her fuck her boyfriend. Feeling when she’s happy.
Merr grabbed his glass and finished what was left. He moved back over to the table for a refill. He wasn’t looking to kill himself again, but things were a bit too lucid still. At least his hard on was starting to fade.
Zel narrowed her eyes and came to follow Merr for the moment, grabbing his arm and turning him to face her. “Merritt. Stop that.” She said pulling him into her as she held him close to her frame. “You know I love you. But you also told me to go to Jason, and I also told you If you were open for it I would be with both of you, its part of our agreement.”
“I want you to feel when I’m in a good mood, because neither of us have had that. I like to tease you, because I want you to want me as much as I want you. And for you to just get angry and take me. Fuck me. Love me.” She said forcing him to look at her.
“I did.” He was jealous. Not of Jason, but of her. “We did.” She got to go home though. To people who cared about her and actually loved her. He went home to an empty apartment and bottle of whatever was closest. He didn’t want to destroy what Zel had found, but he couldn’t help how envious it made him.
Merrit looked at her, shame in his eyes. “You know sex is easier for you than me.” He told her. They both had issues with it, but she’d taken control while he’d retreated.
“Merr… stop it, I can feel you being jealous.” She said as she took the man into her arms. “You know I’d do anything for you. Anything.” She said as she came to cup his face. Leaning upward as she came to press her lips against his as she gave him a soft kiss. Once pulled away she brushed her fingers through his hair. “Don’t shut me out. Please.”
“Do you know how fucked up it is that the only way I get hard like a normal person is when you’re really turned on or-“ He couldn’t finish the thought, but she knew. “Otherwise…” Well, she knew. He took her hand and moved it to what was still stiff. “This is all you. Because of your feelings… not mine.” He didn’t blame her for it. His issues with sex were because of one person.