InsaneJournal

Who: Zel and Merritt
When: Wed night
Where: Merritt’s place
What: Zel appears after her night with Jason
Why: Merritt isn’t in a good place
Status: Complete
Ratings: MA.
Triggers: Drinking, Suicide, and Possible death



Zel wasn’t sure when was the last time she had the overwhelming feeling, that feeling like something was terribly wrong and something was going to happen. She couldn’t shake the feeling off her all day, No matter how many vials of Warp and Score she took. If anything the drugs just made her more in tune to those emotions. It became so overwhelming she had to call it a night. Once in her apartment though, it just felt like it was worse, as she came to stumble about until she finally crashed onto her mattress. Emerald eyes coming closed for the moment.

Though, when she opened them, Zel found herself not in her apartment anymore. A slight shake of her head was created as she slowly came to a stand. Red hair would be brushed from her face as bare feet stepped along the flooring until she came to a stop at two large wooden doors. It looked like some type of office. A deep exhale escaped full lips. Zel, knew what this was, knew where she was. It had just been months since she was here. As those doors pushed open, Zel came to step inside. Still in her regular clothes.

“...Merr….” Is all she called out as she stepped a bit further into that office. She wasn’t sure what was going on, but the way she felt wasn’t great, as her arms came to wrap around herself for the moment. “Merritt?” She called out again until she came to a slow stop when she saw the outline of a man at their desk.

--

A bottle of Scotch sat on his desk, already half empty as he watched the video of his client’s verdict on a loop. ‘Not Guilty on all accounts.’ Another window on the large computer screen had unread emails, all of the congratulations. Merrit toasted the screen. “Here’s to another win.” He said, his voice already slurring a bit as he knocked back was was his glass and picked up the bottle. With a wave of his hand, the video moved to the large screen and the emails started to open one by one, most were audio or video but those that weren’t the Irish female voice that was his computer read the contents for him. Pouring another glass he laughed as he heard congratulations after congratulations.

Merrit bowed to the room and noticed Zel as he looked back up. “Oh, Zee… of course you’re here too.” He tipped his glass at her. “Can’t have a celebration without my oldest friend. You hear them?” Merr gestured to the screen on the wall. “I did well today. Real good.”

--

Zel couldn’t help but tilt her head. Steps leading her closer towards that mess of a man, of course, her own steps weren’t sturdy as she came to stop every few steps to control her balance. But as she listened to the emails and recordings all congratulate him, she let emerald eyes look towards him.

“..Then why do you feel like shit.” She said replied as she came to stop a few feet away from him. The two of them had grown up together… Which was sad in a sense since the other didn’t really exist (or so they assume the other doesn’t exist). A shake of her head as she still felt those effects from her own drugs in her system. She needed to sober up. Somehow. Because two fuck ups weren’t good.

Her hand ran through that red hair, as it went from red to her natural blonde shade. She came to stare at him for the moment. “He was a fucking monster and you knew it.” She snapped slightly. It was hard to control the emotions she felt since it was what he was feeling. Thinking. Even drunk she knew how he felt. Because she felt it. Bare feet brought her to step closer but not to close.

“...I’m not one to judge, I’m a fuck up myself. But you’re…” It was hard to explain. They were both fucked up. “Stop. Just stop... I don’t like seeing you like this, I have enough shit in my life, I’m not supposed to see you like this. You’re not supposed to be like this.”

--

Great, even his imaginary friend was judging him. “I’m the man who gets a child molester off,” Merr said, finishing and pouring himself another drink. “I’m the monster who convinced an entire jury that a seven-year-old was manipulated by his parents to lie so they could get money out of my rich client.” Seven, a year younger than he had been when he’d gotten the first late night visit from his father. “I’m a fucking winner.” Merrit fell back onto the couch and downed another glass. Maybe one more and his conscious would shut up.

He didn’t even realize that tears were falling from his blue eyes, he didn’t feel like he was crying but the emotions were thick. Then he heard a familiar voice- well they were all familiar, but this one sent a chill down his spine. Merrit Jr., his father, “Son, I wanted to send you congratulations on the big win. The other senior partners weren’t sure you had it in you, but I went to bat for them and you proved me right. You made me proud today, you’re ruthless in court. Winning at any cost. I love it. Just like you’re old man.”

As the man’s congratulatory speech his hit ears he forewent the glass and just put the bottle to his lips and took a long drink. “Tchoo my ole man!” He toasted the screen, then Zee. “Shee? Dahs proud of me! Just like him!”

--

Zel was going to argue. But even she froze when she heard that voice. She hadn’t heard it in years. And really, this was all his fault. “I fucking hate him.” Is all she said as she looked at the screens. “I’m going to kill him.. Watch. Everything that’s happened is because of him.” Zel hated that man. As she came to ball her fist she was about to hit at his computer screen.

Her hand stopped when she felt that tear hit her cheek. Her hands coming over her face as she felt those tears down her face as she looked back to Merritt. Already she unplugged as steps brought her towards him. “..Merr...Merr you’re nothing like him.” Already she came down to her knees. She couldn’t really touch him, so she sat back on her heel across from him. Tears coming down emerald eyes as she watched him.

“Merr...Please...I don’t like feeling like this. Let’s stop. Stop.” Her voice was cracked as she held back that urge to cry out. She reached out to him, nearly touched him before pulling back.

--

“Join in.” He said, “Can’t shtop. Shtopping ish for losh- losher- loshersh- shhhh…” Merrit laughed and held out the glass to her. “I’m a winner. Winner, winner, chshken dinner.” He leaned in as if sharing a secret. “I shtop it hurtsh.” He whispered. “Sho join in.” He released the glass as if she’d be able to take it from him. “Fuck… frrgot you can’t hold shtruff.” Merr shrugged and took another drink from the bottle and laid back on the couch.

The bottle was almost empty and was not the first thing he’d had to drink that night. Prior to his sullen celebration alone, he’d been at a bar celebrating with colleagues. Anyone and everyone were buying him drinks, all celebrating his win. “I’m a winner baby… sho why don you kill me?” He started to sing the classic rock song ‘loser’ by Beck, changing the lyrics and was very off key… or at least that one line… on repeat… until he stopped.

It wasn't sleeping, it was a blackout. And as he lay there, his breathing slowly became shallow as the alcohol poisoning set in.

--

She wanted to slap him. Sure they were fucked up. Beyond fucked up. But it’s how she made him right? Because no actual person could have gone through all the shit he went through.. Right? Exactly, but even this was too much for her to deal with. Especially right now when her own life was shit. All she could do was just listen to him as she hung her head,
He was off key. So off key. And then he wasn’t. “Merr...Merritt.” Already she came to a quick stand as she moved closer to him. He was breathing, but barely. And Zel knew what this was. She’d seen it a million times. “Merritt wake up.. Wake up!” She screamed at him and stomped her feet. But nothing. Her hands came through her hair as she gripped tightly. “Fuck! Merritt wakes up!!” She screamed as she came to stand inches from him.

Tears coming down her face at this point.”Merritt...Please...You have to stay with me... I... I can’t do this on my own…” She swallowed down as she watched his chest slow its movement. “Merritt, come on. Stay with me… You’re all I have left..” She was in tears at this point as she licked at her salt flavored lip from tears that streamed down her cheek. Already her hands reached out, but she pulled back again. A deep breath was taken as she brought her hand to touch his chest.

To her surprise, she actually felt his shirt and his heartbeat, followed by that sudden electric shock that surged through them both, as her frame came to fall back onto the floor from the electricity.

--

For a moment he’d felt light as if all the weight of the world had fallen away. He heard a familiar voice yelling at him, but it sounded so far away. He felt at peace for a split second. Just for a second.

Then, it was as if he’d been stuffed into a box. His whole body ached, especially his chest and a familiar feeling washed over him. Turning, he fell off the couch and onto his knees. Vomit found its way out of him and onto the floor. Merr’s head was spinning and he trembled a moment as his stomach turned. “Zelda?” He said, to the room. “Call Victoria. Tell her I need her... “ He hurled a moment and composed himself. “Tell her I won.” pushing off his knees and sitting on the floor with his back to the couch, he saw Zee on the floor in front of him. “Shtill here?” Normally she disappeared once he threw up.

--

She grumbled. “...That….felt great….” She replied as she came to slowly sit up across from him. Her hand coming through her blonde hair once more. “You’re a fucking jerk, for putting us through that…” Is all she said as she came to shake her head once again. One thing was certain, Zel was sober as all hell right now thanks to him and his little stunt.

Emerald eyes came to look at him. “..Are you okay…” She asked as she brought her knees up to her chest and her arms around them, as she hugged herself for the moment. “..I don’t know how much longer I have before I wake up...So tell me, you’re okay… Merry, I need to know you’re okay.” She said pleading slightly. Which was insane since he wasn’t real. But to her he was real.

--
“Victoria ish on her way.” He said softly. “She’ll make it better.” Victoria, his assistant. This hadn’t been the first time he’d been blackout drunk and got sick. She’d bring some clean slate to wash out and detox his system. He’d be better in no time. Thankfully the line of work he was in could pay for the doctors and the cost of the prescription for a drug that was manufactured exactly for someone like him. The wealthy elite. “Will live to shee another day.” His assistant would most likely stay with him over the weekend as well- which she’d only done a handful of times after really bad cases- to make sure he didn’t have anything more to drink.

His eyes drifted in and out of focus as his head throbbed, but tried to remain focused on Zee. “I’m sorry for…” For what? His subconscious creating a crappy backstory for her? He shook his head and closed his eyes a moment. She wasn’t even really there.

--
She listened. Only to shake her head. She watched as he tried to focus but eventually closed his eyes in the end even if for a moment.

She hated the way she always felt when waking up suddenly from those fuck up dreams she would have. Already she coughed to the side as she felt herself throw up on the floor by her bed. Her hand coming to clean off her mouth. “Fucking dreams…” Is all she could muster out before falling back onto her mattress. “...Mer… Fucking crying over someone who isn’t even real…” She said shaking her head as she rolled over to the side and closed her eyes once more.