Arthur LeGuin | Athyr Liung (thedragonking) wrote in newbritain, @ 2011-05-06 23:37:00 |
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Current mood: | determined |
now learn from your mother
They've been sleeping together for a while -- probably not exclusively, Athyr figures, though he doesn't like to think about that; the idea of another man with his hands on Gwen makes him feel queasy in a way he doesn't understand. He hasn't been with many women since Anna. To be honest, he's been half-afraid, even if it is statistically unlikely that he'd end up sleeping with another long-lost half-sister -- but he can't shake that feeling that when he finds someone he wants to love Merdhin's going to take her away from him again, hit him with some out-of-the-blue bullet that makes him lose her, or talk him into selling her to a political rival without evening arguing, like the ignorant little coward he was then--
It makes him sick to think about Anna, so he doesn't.
But Gwen he can't get out of his head, and every time she's on base in Camallate she spends the nights with him, even when they aren't fooling around. He's used to waking up to find she's come in sometime in the early morning and settled into his bed, and to burying his face in her short blonde hair, his arm around her waist. It's a good feeling. It's -- gorram it, it's a feeling he doesn't want to give up, he wants it to be every day, he wants it to be a sure thing.
He's getting dressed slowly this morning, throwing glances over his shoulder to her lying in the bed, stripped of all her guns and leather and just as strong and beautiful for that. It smarts. It smarts that between Merdhin and the way she reacted last time he doesn't have the guts to ask her.
Athyr swears and starts to button up his doublet. He'll put in an order for dinner with her, just the two of them, no work to-night. Get Cai to clear his schedule. Dammit. To-night. It's time to stop letting the past hobble him like a dog-bit horse. He isn't going to lose her the way he lost Anna, and no matter what Merdhin says he'll go through with it.
It's not as though he makes many decisions any more for things he wants. He deserves the chance for Gwen.