Who: Deadpool versus.... THE BIRDS OF PREY! (OT Black Canary, Huntress, Oracle[?]) When: 11/13 Where: Gotham City, NJ What: The Showdown of the Century! What what?! Deadpool does something nice and it comes back to bite him in the ass! Rating: High!
"Caffeine. Caffeeeeeeeeeine." The mindless zombie gurgled as it bumped face first into the convenient store front doors. Over and over again he walked into the glass separating him from the creamy center of the store until finally the owner burst into action. The doors opened with a jingle as they swung outward.
"Can I help you sir?" The owner inquired, his expression wary. It was Gotham after all and one couldn't be too careful.
"Oh! Thank Pesci! There is something wrong with your door opener." The "zombie" instantly snapped back to reality and slipped inside between the Slavic man's rotund belly and the edge of the other glass door. "Wakka wakka!" He chirped up as he honked the owner's nose in passing. "I'd get that looked at, Bee-Tee-Dubs." Wade added with a thumb jerk toward the man's stomach. "Might be cancerous or even libertarian."
As the interior of the store and its processed wonders came into view his lip wibbled. "My god... It's glorious. Like looking at Magnum.. or maybe Blue Steel. Damnit, fight its allure Wilson! The mission! Hey Marco, from Tropojë. Where do you keep your flavor blasted sugar bombs?!" Even as he demanded information from the owner Wade Wilson was already perusing the aisle of the convenience store plucking items off the shelf. He was a merc on a mission for his best bud and secret girlfriend. A girlfriend who was so secret that not even she knew it yet. Their's was a romance for the ages. "For reals. Teachers will educate yungin's on that shit in english lit."
"Aisle three." The owner grumbled in that heavy accent of his before taking his spot behind the register. He eyed the man moving about his store with that same wariness. Clearly this man was on something.
"Oh-Muh-Fer-Gawd!" The man exclaimed and rushed to the line of coolers at the back of the store where the liquor was kept. "Libations! Oooooohhhh man.. If they have 4Crazy I may have to blow the immigrant. Snap dragon!" Wade heaved a sigh. "They're all out. Hmmm... Oh well, they have the next best thing." And with that he grabbed a sixer of Redbull and a few Colt .45's.
While the customer prematurely...celebrated in the back of the store the door rang once again. A duo dressed in more layers than was necessary and ski masked dashed in through the doors. They scanned the store and leveled a pair of guns at the owner. "Hands up tubby!" They demanded, oblivious to the fact they missed the man bowing down to the wall of alcoholic goodness in the back.
While the duo shouted their demands Wade sorted through the bottles of malt liquor. The entire altercation was almost over by the time he trekked back up through the store. "Whoa.. This is Nuckin Futz!" He exclaimed drawing the attention of the two men. "Nobody told me there was a line! Well don't expect me to stand here waiting like some sort of second class citizen buddy. I got here first. I licked the counter. I get to check out before you guys shoot him, alright? Stick up artists today.." He muttered and started stacking stuff up on the counter. "Hasn't someone come along and given this city a better class of criminal, yet?" The thugs were shouting something but Wade was too busy listening to himself to actually process what things they were shouting.
"Well normally I don't like doing this but you guys are standing between me and my liquor soooo why the fuck not?" And with that Wade's hand shot out, knocking the gun away. The pistol barked as the criminal pulled the trigger in surprise. The register sparked as the bullet tore a whole clean through it. Deadpool didn't give the other man time to act though, he spun on a dime and planted a foot along side the shorter man's jaw. The power of the kick knocked Robber A-- "I wanna call him Numero Uno!" The power of the kick knocked Numero Uno into the counter and he staggered from the blow. Before Numero Dos could bri-- "Nuh-uh! That one will be Captain Von Lichtenstein." Before Captain Von Lichtenstein could bring the pistol to bear on the merc once more, Wade ducked under the shot and shoulder checked him into the display of candy bars.
"Now now there hombre, let me show you how to sex a chicken. Wait.. did I say that out loud? It seems my pipe dream is bleeding over into my real life." Wade jumped and planted his foot firmly in the Captain's face and sent him flying back through the glass portion of the door. As Numero Uno regained his footing Wade produced an HK45 from under the handsome form courtesy of his image inducer and discharged a few rounds into the man. "Wait.. is killing still in the Superman Handbook? Wait, what am I saying! Zach Snyder is directing the new one. Of course it's copacetic."
"Hey wait a second Captain!" Deadpool called after the other robber. "You forgot your consolation prize!" And he dashed out into the night air to play Ed McMahon with a semi-automatic check.