Forgetting Who: Billy, Teddy, affects mucho others When: November 13, 2012 Where: New York, Kaplan residence What: Magic rears its head at the wrong time when emotions run high. Rating: PG
Completed in Gdoc.
All he had done was pointed out the coincidence of how they met--twice. Once at the library, then Kate had stumbled onto Billy and they had met as starting capes. It wasn’t an unfathomable coincidence. Right? But then Teddy had said that perhaps they were just fated. And Billy hadn’t been so sure.
And now this.
Teddy stood outside Billy’s bedroom, listening to his boyfriend’s family clearing away dinner downstairs. Billy’s mom had actually seemed relieved to see him and had herded the two younger boys away, letting Teddy know Billy was upstairs so he could talk to him. So, it was likely Billy was being avoidant of everyone.
Which wasn’t good. He knocked quietly.
==
Billy had a tendency to fixate. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to separate fact from fiction, silly feelings from the real world, but things like magic and wishes and the fact that his had a tendency to come true... Well, it had brought something to his attention--something he couldn’t ignore. When Teddy spoke of fate or coincidence, Billy couldn’t help but think that there was more to their meeting than just a sheer “coincidence”.
What if Billy had made it happen? That was his thing, right? Wanting something so bad, wishing for it so hard, that eventually... It just happened. From the moment he laid eyes on Teddy, he had one thought: I wish he was mine. He had been sweet and funny and kind and they clicked. How could he not have wanted it? That night he met Teddy he could’ve sworn he’d said it. “I want him to like me.” So, was any of this real?
The question plagued him and the more he thought about it the more guilty he felt. How could he even face Teddy with knowledge that their relationship wasn’t genuine? How could he keep going knowing that Teddy’s feelings for him might not be real? Some people might be content with that idea. A kind of “whatever way it started, it doesn’t matter, we’re still together!” approach to this wasn’t Billy, he wanted Teddy to really feel something for him--genuinely. What’s love if it isn’t real?
When he heard the knock, he frowned and answered the door. He stood there, for a moment, frozen when he saw Teddy standing there. “What’re you doing here?” he asked. Probably not the best way to greet your boyfriend.
==
“Oh, I don’t know. I came to see my boyfriend.” He raised a blond brow. “You know, handsome Jewish senior who has been avoiding me for two weeks?” He sighed, dropping the sarcasm. “We gotta talk.”
He planted his foot in the door, just as an assurance that it wouldn’t be shut in his face. Teddy’s blue eyes fixed on the mage, his own face edged with weariness. Billy’s withdrawal was tearing him up inwardly, and it was obvious in his gaze.
==
“You should go home,” he replied, “and finish your homework.” He probably had homework, right? Billy just didn’t have it in him right now to talk to him about it and he couldn’t bear to look at him. However, Teddy’s planted foot was a clear sign that he was not going anywhere, so he just sighed and shook his head then relented, backing away from the door to allow Teddy entrance.
Billy sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t really feel like talking,” he replied. He really, really didn’t. He was in a place where talking wasn’t going to help. This? Wasn’t going to be fixed by talking about it.
==
That had hurt, being told he should go home. He had looked down, but then back up with the tell-tale stubborn pinch in his brow. It was a relief that Billy decided to allow him in. He didn’t like being pushy. Didn’t like making Billy uncomfortable, but he’d decided that morning in class that something had to give. The silence was terrible.
He supposed something like this had to come up eventually. No relationship was entirely perfect, and it was their first relationship with anyone. So of course there would be hang-ups, right? They just had to... get past it somehow.
And he realized he didn’t have a clue how to do that as he looked down at Billy sitting on the bed. He opened his mouth, and nothing useful came to mind. So instead he made an empty sighing sound, let his backpack fall as he locked the door and went to sit by him.
The silence stretched between them. He tried to bridge it at last by awkwardly reaching for Billy’s hand. “I’ve never said the L word to you.” It was rushed, though quiet. “You know? It was just an understood thing between us. Just something we knew was there. So even if I wanted to say it, I...and now...” He gave a helpless gesture. “I don’t know what I can do to convince you that it’s good enough, that there’s no reason it shouldn’t be.”
==
“But it’s not real, is it?” he asked glancing at him. “How can that be real? How can it be okay if I made this happen just because I wanted it?” His brow furrowed as he lifted his hand to touch his face gently, but it fell away and he looked away because he couldn’t bear to look at him. “I don’t know if I can accept that,” he said, “you feeling the L word just because I wished it to happen.”
He hugged himself and got back to his feet, creating a divide between them. “You shouldn’t be okay with it either,” he replied. “Remember the bad witches in the story who make people fall in love with them?” He glanced at the ceiling, knocking his head back against the wall. “This is one of those stories and I don’t want it to be our story.” He glanced at him. “Our story should be better than that.”
==
His hand stretched out after him when he left, but fruitlessly, gaze dropping to the floor as he leaned forward, forearms against his knees. “There’s no proof that is what’s going on, though. Why can’t it just be? I don’t understand why you think it’s the worst thing.”
Teddy’s eyes looked up at him. “I mean, this has been the best thing to ever happen to me. It’s not as though I haddn’t wished for something like this.” He stood up, hand spreading, trying to find words. “And I’m not okay with just stopping and trying to will my feelings away. That’s not how it works in normal relationships. But that seems to be what you’re trying to do, just pulling away like you are.”
==
“It’s not a relationship if I made this happen,” he shouted angrily, “it’s indentured servitude.” His brow furrowed. “Don’t you get that? I want someone to fall in love with me,” he said, “not wish that they do it and have it happen because I made it. How is that real? How is that okay to you?”
Billy tried to search Teddy’s eyes to fathom how the idea did not bother him. “Yeah, you might think it’s fine right now--but if it is true, if I wish this into existence, then you wouldn’t care either way,” he said, “because you’re supposed to fall in...” He shook his head. “And I just.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “This shouldn’t feel like I did something wrong.” He opened his eyes again. “And that’s how I feel.”
==
“Do you... do you think that you have to spell someone in order for them to like you? Jeezus, Billy!” He took a step back, as though he wanted to pace, but then just turned right back to him, coming in close. He seemed like he wanted to take him by the arms or hug him, but his fingers flexed and he kept them moving as though they could help them talk. At times, Teddy didn’t trust his strength, and especially not now when he was trying to keep a semblance of calm when he felt anything but.
“I like you for you. Yes, you’re a witch! You can do some really cool stuff. I entirely admire that and it’s part of who you are, but you’re also just likeable. I mean, you think I don’t wake up daily and find it incredible that you like me? I just... want to be with you. I enjoy being around you. I have reasons to love who you are. Don’t think I have to be duped by a spell for that!”
==
“Except we don’t know that for sure, do we?” he replied. “How can there be fate when I can change it by wanting it?” Teddy really didn’t get it, did he? “How can we know for sure that all those things you like about me is because you really do like me or because I somehow did something to make you think that’s what you like about me?” He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
“You should go,” he said. “I just.” He sighed. “I just need to be alone.”
==
Teddy stared at him. It was a disbelieving look, a hurt look, and finally, stubborn worked its way in the midst of those swimming emotions. The determination cleared his gaze finally.
“And how many days do you intend to keep doing this? Or will it be forever? How long do you have to be alone before you realize you’re wasting this?”
He knew his visit was getting near a close, but he was hoping to leave some knell of sense to ring about Billy’s ears, hoped to snap him out of it. It wasn’t that he thought the fears were illegitimate. He knew it was a possibility. He also knew it was just as Billy said--if it was the case, of course he wouldn’t care because fate was twisted so he didn’t.
The shapeshifter was also aware that he’d never been happier until this last summer. Billy had seemed so also. People didn’t get a chance often to spend time just happily in the thrill of loving another person.
And he was selfishly not wanting that to stop. The thought of being alone again, just...
“How long?” he demanded.
==
“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “I just.” He shook his head. “I just need time.” He couldn’t bear to look at him, so instead he just went to his computer chair and starting working on his homework. He didn’t know what else to say or what else to do. He just knew that having Teddy here wouldn’t make things easier. As much as he wanted for Teddy to hold him and tell him everything was okay, he just couldn’t accept it knowing that it might not be genuine.
He closed his eyes and glanced at Teddy. “I know I’m being crazy,” he replied carefully, “just give me time to really figure things out, okay?”
==
“Crazy is putting it mild.” He folded his arms, leaning on the door frame and jutting his jaw.
But Billy started to pick at school work. The stubbornness melted from Teddy’s face, watching him.
He really has no idea...
Billy was a beautiful person. Teddy analyzed what he knew about him, watching his angular fingers move over the keyboard. No, he was certain no enchantment would cover up if Billy behaved in a terrible way, and Teddy had a keen knowledge of faces. Unless there was an illusion mixed up in all of this, Billy had very alluring features. A straight face, a good jaw line, intelligent eyes, gawd, that smile...! And he was witty, smart, humorous, and wanted to help people.
Now, he realized, he would never be able to convince Billy of any of it. At this point, anything Teddy said or did was suspect. Billy would never feel really loved by him until he figured this out. Worse, Teddy had no idea how to fix it.
So after a few long moments of watching him, the shapeshifter defeatedly picked up his backpack. He leaned over him, kissing the top of his head and breathed in the scent of his hair. The blond didn’t move for a few seconds, then finally murmured. “I’ll meet you after school, okay? Or... swing by if I don’t see you, or...” He straightened, realizing it was all useless currently. “Have... have a good night.”
He unlocked the door and silently helped himself out.
==
Closing his eyes, Billy took a deep breath. Hours later, he was in the middle of his bedroom floor, his body encircled by some kind of dust, and a heavy book in his lap. Nothing worked. All these books he’d bought, all the research he done, and nothing was working. Or maybe he wasn’t working. With each passing moment, his heart seemed heavier. All he wanted was to take it back -- whatever spell he’d cast to just end.
With a heavy sigh, he shook his head and glanced at the ceiling. When he looked back down, all he could see was the picture he’d taken of Teddy and himself and his stomach seemed to twist into knots once more. What kind of terrible person was he? To force someone to fall in love with him? He glanced at the picture of his friends next to their picture and he wondered what they would think if they knew he’d cast a spell on Teddy. Would they even want to be his friends?
For one, terrible minute, he just wanted to forget. He wanted all of them to forget.
“I just want to forget.”
A small tear trickled down his cheek. When he opened eyes, they glowed blue a surge of blue energy rippled through his room. The next thing Billy knew he was laying on the floor, surrounded by textbooks and really hungry. When he got to his feet, he tried to remember what he was doing. No longer were there any pictures of Teddy and his friends. His room was just like it had been before -- not that he’d have known it would’ve been any different.
He frowned. “I’m hungry.” He rubbed his eyes like he’d been asleep for days. “Mom! Are there any left overs?”
==
((ooc: Major spell backfire! Those that were friends and knew Billy, unless immune to the spell, have mysteriously forgotten him. The spell wrecked physical havoc as well, changing emails, photos, texts, phone numbers, you name it. Billy has been essentially erased. He still goes to school, still knows his family, and those who do naturally pass him in the hall, etc. know him as well as any other kid they pass, but they don’t remember having a close friendship with him. Any questions, feel free to message/email Nando or Chan.))