Who: Deadpool and Harley Quinn NPC: Arkham Staff, Weasel When: Sunday, Oct 7th, 2012 Where: Arkham Asylum, Gotham City, NJ What: Having finally tracked down his old PSN buddy, Wade brings her a gift! Rating: PG-ish
"Arkham Asylum. Home to hundreds of the world's craziest characters. And yet I can't get an invite to save my life." Deadpool muttered to himself as he gazed up at the Asylum in the distance. So focused on his task, the maniac merc failed to hear the correction from his best bud that you don't get invited to asylums, but rather committed. "And let's not forget it is the resting place of Mutton-Chop Arkham himself. Fun fact about ol' Mutton-Chop, otherwise known as the scurviest pirate this side of the mason dixon line, he fancied himself a sommelier. Though I'm not sure why someone would want to be an expert on crayon colors. How are the specs coming on the building's lay out Weeze?"
"Hold on a second, Wade." Came Weasel's reply after a burst of static. Wade could just make out the furious taping of keys in the background. "I'm looking, I'm looking.. Seems like they've updated this place with a bunch of new security upgrades in the last couple of years."
"Well obviously! They had to update it for the expansion and the DLC episodes. You're really letting me down Otacon." Deadpool muttered to himself as he crawled along his belly toward the highly secured compound. The place was no doubt crawling with attack marmosets and sniper sloths. "There's gotta be a walk through somewhere on line.. Just look up the video game walkthrough. I swear to god IGN better not let me down again." There was a pause and then something occurred to Wade. "Oooooooh! I wonder if I can use the Konami Code! Up, Up, Down--"
"Damnit, Wade. Not that again!" Weasel muttered from his chair halfway across the country. "The last time you did that you thought you were a squirrel version of yourself."
"Just a squirrel looking for a nut." Wade replied with a snicker. His stealthy approach had carried him all the way to the wall of the Asylum. "Alright little buddy, I'm switching radio silence. I don't want to tip them off that I'm here."
"Maybe," A voice drawled from a spot just above Deadpool's position, "You should have thought of that before you came tear-assing down the street in that smoking jalopy you call a car." A pair of guards stood above the masked man who was laying prone on the ground.
"Why sir, I resent that remark. My Dead-Mobile is clearly of the rust-bucket variety! A jalopy is capable of breaking with out resorting to the Flintstone's method." And with that quip delivered he slithered back and turned his body. "Heh! Heh! Show me your moves!" The merc segued into a break-dance move that swept the guard's legs from under them. "You will be missed Captain Commando!" The men hit the pavement with a thud and Wade was quick to stun them with a zap from the taser.
"That takes care of that!" But just before he walked off into the sunset, Wade grabbed one of the guard's hands and placed it on the ass of the other. "Hehhehe! Scan-da-lous! Work place romances are doomed to fail though."
Wade was able to shimmy ("shimmy. Ah! Shimmy shimmy!") up the wall and hurled himself to the ground with only two pops of shattered bones. "Hurts so good!" A quick hop, skip, and a jump later "I just hate that expression. It was more of a baker's dozen worth of hops." Write your own thread starter then. Deadpool reached the first check point and keyed the device attached to his wrist. An image flickered to life around him and gave him the guise of a generic security guard. The name tag read Leroy Jenkins.
The mercenary slipped inside the compound and double tapped the blue tooth in his ear. "Talk to me buuuuuddy!" Wade made a left and trotted down the hallways per Weasel's instructions. It didn't take long for Wade to find himself outside of a high security cell. Glancing up and down the hallway he slid a parcel in through the food slot and dashed off down the hall.
"Is the wifi up and running?" Deadpool stated as he slapped a name plate on the door to a broom closet. With one more glance up and down the hall he slipped inside.
"It is. But really, why don't you just break her out? This seems like a lot of work for--"
"Uh-uh-uh! I don't tell you how to stroke it to Dollhouse and you don't tell me how to woo the crazy bitches." Deadpool turned his Nintendo DS on and opened up picto-chat, his wifi connecting to the Asylum's signal.
"Actually you do give me tips on that. Just last week--"
"Yeah but that is because you were holding your wrist all wrong. At least I'm not like Agent X. That guy would have shown you how to do it with a hands on approach. I just made you practice on those cocktail weenies. Now shush! I'mma get my mack on!"