Pepper laughed faintly. "I might have liked to see you scruffy," she teased, running a finger along his jaw. "But this is nice, too." Relishing the chance to touch it, she pressed her forehead against it, closing her eyes.
His voice was comforting, especially after so long. It wasn't enough information to soothe her need, but knowing that he had succeeded was something. A little of the weight compressing her chest lifted and Pepper took a deeper breath. "I missed you, too," she repeated. "I'm glad you're back, and I..."
She kissed him, soft and warm, lovingly but without letting it linger. Her forehead against his, Pepper told him, "You are the first man who's been patient enough to put up with the insane challenges being with me entails; you have no idea what that means to me. You are smart, brave, handsome, you make me laugh; when I'm with you I feel... calm, and happy. You're a wonderful man."
Pepper forced herself to sit upright and look him in the eye. He deserved that much from her, no matter how sick and guilty she felt. "I don't claim to be perfect, but there are," the tears started again, and she blinked them away with a self-deprecating laugh. "Not many challenges I haven't been able to face, but when you went away, I felt sick. I kept telling myself I could handle it, that it would get better, because this is such a small thing, why couldn't I?
"But then I stayed home from work one day." Her eyes slid away from his, ashamed at her weakness, before she brought them back. "I couldn't concentrate, I was nauseous - Tony actually came to check on me; he made me tea," she shook her head. "And as I sat here on the couch staring at him in my kitchen, I realized why I was having such a hard time; it was because of him."
The words were out of her mouth before she'd thought them through, and they twisted nervously in her stomach, partly true - as she'd also come to admit that day - but not the main reason. "It was because of the three months he was lost in Afghanistan, when I had no information, I couldn't do anything, just sit and wait, and hope he didn't die, because I wouldn't even know -"
Pepper's eyes welled up again and she angrily wiped them, beyond ready to stop crying. "I felt helpless," she told him. "Ever since my brother died and I had to sit and watch him for two long years, just waste away, I hate that. I need communication, to establish security, trust, control...
"Which is why this isn't going to work for me," she said.