Who: Wade Wilson and OTA NPCs: Blind Al Where: Streets of Metropolis When: August 2nd What: Wade has a pet! And his roomie is making him walk the damn thing. Rating: TBD.
"And just who the hell do you think you are? My mother? Cause listen lady, I didn't even like my mother all that much. And I sure as hell didn't mind throwing her out that window when I was 18." Deadpool said as he moved from one room in his apartment to the other. And then he tacked on "Honestly, how hard is it to poach a damn egg?" The merc was dressed casually in a pair of slippers, his mask and nothing else.
Despite the fact an elderly woman stumbled along in his wake, he did nothing about his nudity. The woman was above average height and had bone white hair that stuck out at odd angles. She wore a pair of sunglasses with holograms in the lenses and a fluffy pink robe. When she spoke it was with the same tone a mother used on a child throwing a tantrum. "This is ludicrous Wade! I know you're acting pissy cause your friend isn't around to.. to.. d-bag people on your game or what ever."
"It's called Teabagging people Al. And knowing how you supported the troops in the big war, I find it hard to believe you aren't familiar with the term." Wade moved down the hall to the living room. A large tv dominated one side of the room and hundreds of pounds of ordnance littered the floors. "And I'm not acting pissy! Harley is off.. doing her thing with what's his face.." The merc snapped his fingers trying to recall the man's name. "Heath Ledger! She's a mature, adult woman and not my gaming buddy. Big deal!"
"Clearly it is a big deal. You've spent all your money on trivial shit! How do you expect to pay rent when all your money went into the ocelot you bought and paying that Russian doctor to sodomize One Direction! Not to mention that ridiculous Furby collection you asked me to alphabetize. Which can't be done." Al nearly tripped over a discarded assault rifle but caught her balance against the wall.
"First of all, I wanted an ocelot my whole life. And you show some love for Revolver okay! He's the best pet a guy could ask for! And he's really warmed up to you!"
"Wade, he's made his lair in my bed and attacks me any time I--" Al tried to interject but Wade kept right on talking.
"And Secondly, I'm pretty sure I said Sterilize." Wade said as he snagged a pair of pants and pulled them on two legs at a time. "Suck it, everyone else."
"No, Wade. You said Sodomize."
"Oh.. no wonder he didn't charge me as much as he normally does." Wade pulled a shirt from a pile and tugged it on over his torso. The next item was a small electronic device that, when activated, produced an image similar to his normal form. "But that doesn't matter. Alright? Cause look.." He shook a leather strap that counted as Wade's Ocelot leash so she could hear, "If it'll get your blind, wrinkling, bengay chugging, matlock loving ass off my case, I'll walk the ocelot. Revolver! Come on!" It took Wade several minutes of yelling before he had to enter the ocelot's lair and drag it out of his apartment.
Once on the street Wade and Revolver roamed the block looking for the best porch to mark as their territory. There had to be a good one around here somewhere.