Even though Kaden had brought it up, this conversation was suddenly too much for him. He wrapped his arms round his knees, curling into a tighter ball of limbs and barely repressed tears. If Tragos was here, Kaden wouldn't be asking him to explain himself.
If Tragos was here -
All his thoughts dissolved into white noise and hell. Just hell. Kaden struggled to remind himself Tragos was dead and thinking about what he'd do if he was alive was pointless, thoughts like that didn't matter. He tried to beat the screaming hell inside him back into numbness.
It didn't matter that Marcie was mad. Or hurt. Didn't matter that Kaden missed him. Needed him. Didn't matter that they didn't say a word for his birthday. Didn't matter, any thing they did. Cos Tragos was dead and nothing they felt about it mattered cos nothing they felt would ever change it. He just had to keep repeating that in his head, over and over and over, till it numbed him out so he didn't hurt anymore.