WHO: Kaden, Apollo, and the little dude WHEN: Monday afternoon WHERE: Jersey City WHAT: A missed rendezvous, a missed call WARNINGS: None yet
Kaden’s mom had taught him how to steal, and every time he used one of her tricks, he thought about her.
Case the joint, that was important. He'd been to the apartment before, but he’d been freaking out about Hecate and being sent into foster care then, not so focused on learning all the exits. Tragos had been there heaps more, and with his descriptions and Kaden’s memory, they had enough to work with.
Play innocent, act like you belong there. Kaden had lingered in the hall, ready to walk the opposite direction if any neighbour stepped out of their door, but the only door that opened was Melpomene’s, when Tragos passed the baby out, and Kaden took him carefully into his arms, meeting Tragos' eyes. His brother had given him a nod, a short nod that said so much, and had left him alone in the hall as he ducked back into Melpomene's.
The baby was so little! Kaden knew how important it was that he looked like he knew what he was doing when he was carrying this baby. He had to pretend like this was his kid. Like they were just heading down to the park for some air or a walk. Not kidnapping! Oh no, of course not. It helped that the baby was asleep. Kaden thought he might have gone into a full blown panic if the baby started crying in these first few essential minutes.
It helped to talk a bit. Kaden pushed an earbud into his ear and pretended he was on the phone to his girlfriend and they were talking out a grocery list. That’s all he was doing, taking the baby down to the shops with him while she had a nice nap. Easy peasy. “Course I’ll remember bananas,” he said fondly.
His mom would have been proud of the acting. Maybe. Or maybe she would have angry that they were sticking their necks out for someone who wasn't family.
His mom had been pretty rabid in the every-man-for-himself department. But she loved her boys, she loved him, Kaden remembered that.
Still, she probably wouldn't have indulged this. Kaden knew he'd got so lucky that Tragos had. That he listened.
Maybe Kaden should stop thinking about what his mom would have thought. The dead couldn't really help him now. No mom shaped ghost was hanging around, doing anything to ease his absolute terror that he was going to buckle the baby into the carseat wrong and cut a leg off.
They’d bought the seat yesterday and Kaden had watched video after video while lying on the couch at Marcie’s. He whispered to himself as he quoted the instructions, and when everything had clicked in place he straightened up, gently closed the door, and got into the driver's seat. His hands were shaking as he closed them around the wheel, and he readjusted the mirror so he could see the baby, and a wave of panic roared up from the depths
Oh shit oh shit oh shit, just go.
Always know your escape route, that was another tip. Not just your exit but the whole route. Kaden started the car and pulled into traffic, but he kept looking over his shoulder, half hoping to see Tragos appear on the street behind him. He wouldn’t, or shouldn’t – the plan was to split up and meet up over the river. Tragos had made him swear to leave without him, just in case.
Just in case what he’d been too scared to ask.
Just in case what?
Tragos was buying him time. Time to get away. Kaden should have argued, maybe. We leave together or not at all! But what if Melpomene woke up and called for help before they were barely out of Manhattan? There were War Dogs on the other side of the Hudson, someone could be waiting for them at the end of the tunnel if word spread too early.
Or maybe real police would get involved. And road blocks and amber alerts. So. Tragos had to stay, to make sure she stayed asleep, for long enough for the car to be far away from the scene of the crime before anyone started looking. To slip out silently while she was sleeping and catch the train.
So Kaden left without him and hated every second.
He knew the baby was going to start crying at some point and that it was going to be awful. That it was going to be a test of all the videos he’d watched last night, a test of how much he could convince the baby he could be trusted. A test of the tiny microwave in the trunk that plugged into the lighter socket. A test of so many things!
And less than a minute into the twenty or thirty minute drive through the Holland tunnel, the baby started crying, and it was so much worse than Kaden had feared. “I’m sorry, I know it’s scary!” he said, not turning his head around because he’d never driven through an underground tunnel before either, and everything seemed very close and claustrophobic and the fear of crashing the car was extra bad.
Extra extra bad with a high pitched wail of a stolen baby. Maybe he’d already worn through that lucky charm.
Maybe it didn’t work for kidnappers.
“I’m sorry I’m sorry! I was going to pull over as soon as you started crying but I can’t, I can’t stop here. I’m sorry-”
The brake lights in front of him blared a sudden red and Kaden clutched his hands around the wheel and remembered everything Tragos had ever taught him about controlling a car. He slowed down firm and gentle, squeezing the brake beneath his foot. Disaster did not occur. He still felt like crying though. His whole body was alive in nasty tingles.
“We just gotta get through the next few minutes,” Kaden said, knowing full well how excruciating twenty minutes could be. “Hear me, Thomas? Thomas… do you like that name? That’s the name we got on your passport so I guess we better get used to it, huh? It’s my middle name too. I know you’re supposed to hate your middle name but I always kinda liked it. I like that we have that in common. My new name’s going to be James, which isn’t so great but my brother’s new name is gonna be Kevin! Kev! Hahaha, such a shit name. Shit – should I be swearing in front of you? You can’t understand me yet, right?” He paused, looking at the baby in the mirror, but he gave no indication of taking any of this in, or of quietening down. His face was so red he looked like he was going to explode.
If Kaden hadn’t read ‘10 things your newborn does that will give you a heart attack’ last night he would have pulled over right then, tunnel or no tunnel, because he looked like he was in so much pain. But baby faces did that. The internet said! They just got really red when they were crying and it was ok and didn't mean they were dying.
Kaden still had to take a long breath or three to stop his voice edging into hysteria. He had to keep talking, he couldn’t let the only sound in the car be crying. “Okay – Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, yeah? Up above the world so high, uh…” His memory flailed for what came next and came up blank, so he finished the last lines weakly and tried something else, starting out with full confidence “Hush little baby don’t say a word, Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingjay... bird?” It didn’t sound right, but her persevered. “And if that mockingjay bird don’t sing… Papa’s gonna buy you… a golden ring? And if that golden ring… falls off…”
Kaden made an internal screaming face at himself. Why didn’t he know any kids songs!? He clicked his tongue and thought of his mother, but only fragments and snippets of memories offered themselves, the rest too shy to fight through all that crying.
The ‘how to steal shit’ advice apparently stuck a lot harder than things like lullabies.
Oh but there were songs he’d memorised recently. “There once was a ship that put to sea and the name of the ship was a billy of tea-” Yes! Who didn’t love a sea shanty?
Well, Thomas didn’t. They didn’t seem to make any impact on him whatsoever, but Kaden kept going because they were holding his own mind together. He sang “Waay haaay, blow the man down” and the end of the tunnel was just that much closer. He sang “My mother told me someday I would buy galley with good oars and it was closer still. And he veered towards one of Robin Hood’s ballads, because they were catchy.
And because Marcie knew them in real life.
And because Kaden was a thief too.
Breathe, breathe, breathe-
It was sohorrible in the tunnel! Kaden felt like he'd be squashed any second, and every brake light looked like angry red eyes, and horns baying beasts chasing him down.
After an eternity the walls opened up, and they saw the sky again, and Kaden made a long deep sound of relief that ended in a tearless sob, and started hunting for a way to get off the motorway and pull over.
He wasn’t supposed to stop yet but he needed to. He could barely think after the ordeal of the tunnel.
The baby’s crying had made him so hot! Kaden unbuckled him and dug his fingers underneath him, lifting him into his arms. His skin was scorching, shit! “See I gotcha, I gotcha,” he said, and the crying stopped for a moment, but only a moment, as the baby readjusted to the new reality of arms. "I know I know I know," Kaden said, holding him close and swaying a little, side to side. A truck raced past them on the road and shook the car, and Kaden's voice broke as he said, like a promise "I know, I know-"
You can do this. It's easy. Those mommy blogs all said babies this little only have a few needs…
It’s easy. It’s easy.
You kept a puppy alive.
(Until you didn’t.)
"Okay, little dude, we're gonna change you a nappy,” Kaden said, refusing to think about Sniper. “Then it's lunchtime, then you'll be all sorted for a sleep? Yeaaah gonna be good stuff. Gonna get you so comfy. Gonna be alright, you're gonna be alright, imma take care of you yeah? If you'll let me, here's what I'll do, I'll take care of you," he started singing some Drake.
He changed the nappy so slowly, singing the same couple of verses over and over as his mind concentrated hard on not doing anything that'd hurt the little dude.
It was kinda gross, but okay. Not as gross as cleaning the bathroom at home. Especially after Barak had gone into hospital and Cy had deliberately made it as messy as possible. At least baby shit wasn't aggressive. And Kaden lived in the Hole, he'd smelled worse things.
And the satisfaction of getting a clean nappy on - even through the crying - was pretty great. A real achievement, you know? Kaden's smile was shaky, but it was genuine.
And miracle on miracle - the tiny microwave worked! Kaden sat there, smiling spreading across his face, grinning and watching the formula rotate slowly. Amazing! A microwave in a car! "Look at it go, little dude," Kaden said proudly. "Warm, chalky yum." He'd made up some of the formula last night, as a practice, sometime well after Marcie and Tragos had gone to bed. It tasted pretty bad, but Kaden hoped things like taste buds didn't kick in till later.
Taste didn't seem to be an issue - as soon as Kaden offered the baby the bottle he clamped down and started feeling, and the blissful silence and utter relief overwhelmed Kaden with gratitude. He'd seen some things about babies not knowing how to feed, and… didn't know what he would have done if Little T (he was still trying to figure out what to call him) didn't want to eat.
But he did. And ate and ate and ate, till Kaden started getting really scared again - they'd been parked on the side of the road too long. Was this normal?? And how was he supposed to Google how long do two week olds eat for and find out when he had a baby in one arm and a bottle in the other??
Kaden kept looking at the clock - he was supposed to meet Tragos in an hour. Then he was supposed to meet Tragos in forty minutes. Then twenty five... But he couldn't just pull the bottle away, that was so mean??
Kaden didn’t want to let fear make him mean. But oh god, he was so scared.
They had to keep moving, they had to keep moving. He had to be there on time so Tragos could get straight in the car and they could go!
He couldn't even message Tragos right now, he didn't have enough hands. "C'mon, Lil T, aren't you done?" Kaden couldn't stop his leg jiggling anxiously, though the baby didn't seem to mind. "You can have some more after we meet Tragos. He can drive and we'll hang out in the back, yeah? Zoom through Penn while we're snackin', that's the plan. Oh you’re done? You’re dooone! Yeah, Lil T! You’re - throwing up on me, okay cool, that’s cool, let’s do some burps.”
He didn’t have time. He didn’t have time anymore to walk a baby back and forth by the side of the road till he burped all he needed to, but if Lil T was more comfortable, he might sleep some more, and sleeping was good. Sleeping was healthy and also inconspicuous.
Ten minutes to get to the train station and pick up Tragos. A station that Google maps said was sixteen minutes away.
That was only six minutes Tragos would have to wait for him though. Just six minutes behind schedule. Kaden lay the suddenly very floppy baby back into the seat and shook all the adrenaline and all of the ache out of his arms (and flicked a little of the milky sick on to the side of the road - he'd change in the back later, when Tragos was driving) and then got back in the car and tried not to speed back onto the street.
I’ll be on the train that arrives at one forty Tragos had said.
It was one forty five as Kaden looped the block around the station. He’d made up a minute somewhere - lucky with the lights. There was nowhere to park, but that shouldn’t have mattered - both Tragos and Kaden were used to getting into moving cars. But he couldn’t see his brother.
One fifty as he did another loop, Lil T looking really creepy in the back, sleeping with his eyes partially open.
Two o’clock and one of the 5 minute parks near the station opened up, and Kaden slid into it, stopping a little too suddenly.
He really wanted to go in and look for Tragos, like he’d be in the station instead of waiting outside. Kaden checked his phone, a cheap phone Tragos had bought with cash yesterday.. There was no message.
Leg jiggling so much it jiggled the whole car, Kaden watched the people coming in and out of the station, every guy in a black hoodie making his stomach leap. Over and over again till his leaping stomach felt more like it was curb-stomping his heart.
Maybe Tragos had forgotten his number. They’d only had last night to memorise each others numbers, and a lot had been going on… The more Kaden thought about it, the more he realised this had to be what happened. Tragos had got off the train on time and Kaden’s hadn’t been here so he’d moved somewhere nearby to hide and wait, and he couldn’t tell him because he’d gotten his sixes and sevens mixed up.
Going absolutely giddy with relief, Kaden dialled Tragos’ new number into his phone. He’d memorised it perfectly. It was all going to be okay - Kaden let his head fall forward onto the top of the steering wheel as the phone was answered. “I’m here,” Kaden said, half laughing in relief.
“Ah, brilliant,” said a voice on the other end of the phone that was definitely not Tragos. “Hello Kaden Murphy.”
Kaden dropped the phone into the footwell like it was on fire. That voice had haunted the hours of sleep he’d managed to get.
Might as well make the most of a voice box while you have it.
He dropped his heel onto the phone in a panic, but could still hear Apollo’s voice and had to reach down between his knees and swipe the call closed, and then stay there, hunched over, breathing with his mouth open like a dog who’d run too hard too long.
Why did Apollo have Tragos’ phone??
Maybe he dropped it - maybe he…
Just in case what, Tragos?
Okay no, this wasn’t happening. He was just freaking out because he hadn’t calmed down properly from that tunnel and all that crying. Kaden shook himself out again, from the top of his head to his hands and feet - smacking one hand against the steering wheel, because there wasn’t much room in the car. He breathed and breathed and and dropped his fist onto his leg a couple of times to make sure his brain didn’t do its thing where it started to switch off, because he had to be clever.
He had to get rid of that phone, first. If Apollo had its number, it had to die.
But… Tragos memorised this number, and even if Apollo had his phone, it didn’t mean he couldn’t get a new burner, remember Kaden’s number properly, and ring him!
Kaden picked up the doomed phone off the floor of the car, and turned it over.
There was a voicemail from Tragos’ number waiting.
Kaden felt like slimy hands were creeping over his body, invasive, forceful hands. He gagged in horror at the things that voice mail might contain.
But like a scab, he wanted to pick at it. Pop it like a zit. Disgust and horrify and wound himself by listening to it.
Squeezing his eyes shut so he didn’t even look at the phone screen, Kaden opened his door, leaned out, and put the phone under the wheel of the car. The crack of it as he reversed send a bolt of relief through him, though the high darkened quickly into a growing despair.
In the carseat in the back, Lil’ T was moving his mouth, his eyes remaining half open. Kaden reached back through the seats, and lay his hand on the baby’s stomach. He was warm through the shark patterned blanket, the one Kaden had chosen at Walmart yesterday, and under Kaden’s touch he properly closed one eye. Kaden swallowed hard, the horror from Apollo’s voice fading just a tiny, tiny bit.
“So here’s what we’re gonna do,” Kaden said, because he needed someone to tell him what to do, and since he was the only person in the car who could talk right now… looked like he was it. “We’re gonna make like these sharks, and keep moving, yeah? Though I think that’s a myth, I don’t know, but it’s a good idea. Gotta keep going, don’t we? Can’t stay here. Definitely can’t.”
Kaden pulled his hand away from the baby, and placed both hands steadily on the wheel, and set his eyes forward. Pulling back out onto the street, he couldn’t help but look in his rear view mirror for more than just approaching traffic.
Back there, that way, was Manhattan. Back there on the other side of that horrible tunnel was Apollo with Tragos’ phone, was Melpomene, was Ares. In his mind, they rose up like a mountain, rose up to the heights of Mt Olympus where they once resided, so high above the world they could see everything, everyone.
Kaden really, really hoped that image was his overactive imagination as well.