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Will Stutely ([info]sly_stutely) wrote in [info]nevermore_logs,
@ 2021-01-22 16:43:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:friar tuck, will scarlet, will stutely

WHO Will Stutely, open to Merry Men
WHEN Friday 22 January, evening
WHERE The Sly Fox
WHAT Guys, I know this will come as a shock, but it turns out it's actually not fine
WARNINGS TBA, prolly lots of yelling

Afterwards, Will couldn’t bring himself to go back home to Clio’s. Not covered in bruises, not again, his battered state more damning evidence of the thug he was.

He couldn’t bring himself to go back home to Tuck’s, either, where the bruises were like to provoke a different kind of horror, and questions he didn’t trust himself to answer. Where, if any one of them were to look him in the face, right now, he didn’t know what he might be tempted to say.

That left only the Sly Fox, and since the Sly Fox was full of hard liquor, it seemed like a reasonable enough compromise.

And, thank Christ for small mercies, the pub was in darkness when he arrived. Lights switched off, not a soul in sight. Will slouched over to the bar, snatched up the first couple of bottles in reach. Vodka, why not. Whiskey, absolutely. He found a glass, piled in some ice, unscrewed the cap on the whiskey, then changed his mind and took a long draw straight from the bottle. It burned a raw path down his throat, but it wasn’t enough to scour away the afternoon.

He pulled up a stool and slumped over the bar. The right side of his face ached with a sharp pain where it had struck the subway pole. He pressed the glass of ice to his forehead, only to jerk it back with a hiss when it elicited a sting. The glass came away with the condensation stained a watery red. He hadn’t realised he’d been cut. Split lip, too. And god knows how badly he’d fucked up his back.

Fuck. Fuck. Deal with it all later. He took another swig from the bottle, to forestall himself from thinking. It didn’t work.

When he’d returned, none of the others had asked him where he’d been, and he’d been grateful, because it made it easier to hide his shame.

When he’d returned, none of the others had apologised, and he’d been grateful, because they would only have been words of pity, and pity was not a thing he could bear. After all, they had nothing to apologise for: he was the one who’d failed. Who could blame them for going on living their lives after he’d gone and blown his up?

Later, he had learned about the welcome Scarlet had gotten when he’d been let out of the clink in May. Scarlet had fucked up on a job, too, served two and a bit years for it, and they’d been ready to celebrate his homecoming with ale and song.

But that was different.

And it was different when Much had stopped answering his calls and they’d all gone straight to panic stations. And it was different when Tuck hadn’t replied to a couple of measly texts and Scarlet had broken a window trying to find him. And he was a low piece of shit for so much as thinking otherwise, even in he quiet of his own head.

(Eddie’s voice, hard as the edge of a gravedigger’s shovel: Stewart, you piece of shit!)

Would they have come running as fast if he hadn’t made it through those doors?

Another traitor thought, and he took another drink to silence it.

Weak. Stupid. Coward.

He was nothing. What the fuck right did he have to think he was deserving of a rescue?

(When had they decided he wasn’t?)


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[info]friartuck
2021-01-22 11:01 am UTC (link)
"No I didn't FUCKING LEAVE YOU!" Tuck screamed at Stutely now. "Not by CHOICE! I was looking for my goddamn kids, you fucking arsehole!" His hand went to ball up into a fist over his heart. "You don't get to say 'how dare you ignore my pain' which we didn't even fucking know about, and then ignore mine!"

It wasn't really an argument. No one had known about his kids either. But Tuck was angry now, and sense didn't matter. He still hadn't noticed Scarlet by the door. "Anyway, you never fucking TELL us anything! How are we supposed to have an idea if you won't give us one!?"

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-22 11:27 am UTC (link)
The guilt gave a sharp twist, because he knew Tuck was right. Because he had a memory, bright with pain, of Little John emerging through the trees to the clearing where he'd been chopping wood with ferocity enough to do himself an injury, till the campsite had started to look more like the site of a tree massacre. Little John laying a hand on his arm and calmly drawing the axe from his grip. Johnny, who'd come looking for him when he hadn't come back from Crimea, who'd searched the forest for a week after getting the whole, cruel story from Lucy. They should've been there for Tuck's grief, like Johnny had been there for his.

But Tuck was wrong, too. You don't talk to us, Stutely. You need to tell us things, Stutely. Always with that shit, everybody needling at him to spew his feelings, as if talking was the goddamn problem. "What the fuck good's talking about it do me now?! I needed you then, you bastard! Fifteen years, I needed you, and it took Gisborne – fuckin' Gisborne's the one who came to my rescue and he don't even know it!"

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-22 11:34 am UTC (link)
"Well what the fuck do you want me to do about that?!" Tuck bellowed. "I don't have a fucking time machine, Will! I can't fix that now! We all go out separate ways and I thought you'd fucked off. How many more times you want me to apologise for that? You want me to rip my still beating heart from my fucking chest, goddammit? It kills me knowing- You know what, fuck this-" Tuck spun around to leave, and his eyes fell on Will Scarlet.

"Holy FUCK!" he screamed, though that time it was in shock, not anger. "Will! How long have you been there?!" Oh god, how much had he heard...?

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-22 11:40 am UTC (link)
Scarlet's gaze flicked between the two of them, then back to Tuck. "Long enough," he said quietly, to use the old cliche. "We all have some pretty fucked up issues, don't we."

He stepped away from the doorway and walked towards the bar to pour out a couple of glasses and top up Stutely's. "Getting drunk and angry without me, mate? I thought that was my thing."

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-22 12:09 pm UTC (link)
At the sight of Scarlet, stood silent in the door, Will felt an awful lurch, like the ground had shifted beneath him and he'd only just realised it.

How long?! demanded the paranoid voice of panic, and fuck, fuck, what's he heard?! But the anger was louder, still roiling over I can't fix that now (then why the fuck are you in my face?!) and how many more times do you want me to apologise (you're the only one who has mate). He took the glass from Scarlet, but his eyes were still on Tuck.

"So that's it, is it," he said, his voice hard and brittle. "You all just thought I fucked off." He knew that wasn't true. Maybe Tuck— but Will hadn't been the only one on that break-and-enter job. He was just the only one who'd been caught. Some of 'em had known, they had to have known. "Or'm I just not worth the rescue anymore?" He felt his voice waver in his throat, just a fraction but audible enough, and he hated himself the more for how pathetic it sounded.

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-22 12:15 pm UTC (link)
Tuck shot Scarlet an imploring 'talk about this later?' look, and then he faced Stutely again, but the anger had gone out of him now.

At least for the moment.

"Stutely-" he dared a step forward. "You're my brother. I would die for you. And you know it. Worth the rescue? You're worth my life. I didn't mean- We go our separate ways, we just assumed you had done that. I wish we hadn't. But of course you're worth the rescue."

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-22 12:46 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, they'd be talking about this later.

"We've been in America for... 137 years? give or take?" Scarlet picked up his glass and took a sip- ah heck, a whole damn swallow. "Can you honestly account for every minute? There are whole decades I don't remember what I was doing."

One hundred and thirty seven years was a bloody long time when he thought of it like that. But so was fifteen years in the wilderness. "I'm sorry, Stutely. I didn't know this was eating you. It wasn't good enough. Things are different now than they were then."

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-22 01:55 pm UTC (link)
His gut twisted with Tuck's words. They were heartfelt words – no shouting now, just pure earnestness. He could tell Tuck believed it. He wanted to believe it as well. But the words hit the white-painted walls of a six-by-nine prison cell, sharp and terrible in his memory, and made it no further.

Reason told him Scarlet was right. They'd come here scattered and piecemeal, their paths diverging for decades at a time. They'd all failed to be there for each other like they ought. Things were different now.

His back ached with the memory of being slammed against a metal grille, of a heavy fist pounding him in the kidney. His cut lip tasted bitter and coppery. No; things were different now.

Eddie's hand had dug claw-like into his arm as the doors had started to close—

But things were different now.

Stop feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself.

Will took a gulp from the glass Scarlet had handed him, barely even tasting it. "Fine," he said, his voice leaden. "Fine."

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-22 02:01 pm UTC (link)
Tuck glanced warily between the two of them, and then he went to sit at the bar, closer to Scarlet that Stutely. "Fine," he said, taking a glass too, and downing it all at once. "Did someone attack, you, Stutely?" Someone had hurt him. And why on earth had that caused Stutely to lash out like he had? He put his glass back on the bar and pushed it towards Scarlet, asking for more.

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-22 11:48 pm UTC (link)
Will sat heavily back onto the barstool, staring at the woodgrain of the bar, mostly so he didn't have to look at anybody else. "What's it matter," he said, and the words felt thick and heavy, sour with bile. "Things're different. You wouldna left me to hang if he got me. 'M just feelin' sorry for meself."

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-23 05:41 am UTC (link)
"Are you actually going to accept him saying fine like that??" Scarlet said to Tuck as he refilled the glass. "The chip on his shoulder can be seen from space."

He tossed back his drink and made a face, then poured himself out some more too. "Don't be a miserable bitch, Stutely. I'm sorry you felt you were abandoned. It sucks to feel abandoned. Can't say as I got that many visitors while I was cooling my heels behind bars. Once Rob was out, that was kind of it for me. Well, I saw Little John a bit, Tuck once a month... anyway. Holding onto all that resentment is only gonna make you feel worse. Have you been silently hating us all since Rob rescued you, then?"

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-23 05:48 am UTC (link)
"Last time I didn't accept 'fine' he screamed at me," Tuck said back. He looked at Stutely as Scarlet laid things out for him. Tuck was more concerned about the bruises he could see, but Stutely's sudden attitude worried him too.

"Of course we wouldn't have let you hang. I'm curious too. Has everything we- Have you been resenting us this whole time?" If so, Tuck felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. Here he had thought Stutely was becoming his best friend, but was it built on lies?

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-23 06:25 am UTC (link)
"No! Fuck off, no! You don't know shit, Scarlet!"

The anger that for a few brief, black moments had felt so righteous was unspooling out of his control. He was getting tangled and snared in the coarse strands of it, and the words were coming out muddled and wrong, and they weren't understanding—

Or maybe they understood all too well.

Maybe he did resent them sometimes, when he thought of how they'd all just gone on living their lives, when he thought of how little a ripple he'd made when he'd gone under.

Forgetting himself had been torment. But the thought that they'd all forgotten him, too—

Will clawed his hands through his hair, as though he could dig the thought out of his brain, but the hurt was sharp and bright.

"I don't... fuckin' hate you, fuck. You're not the ones went and fucked everything. Not your fault I'm dead fuckin' weight, I shouldn't need my bloody hand held."

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-23 09:06 am UTC (link)
Scarlet watched Stutely, and felt partly annoyed and partly touched with pity. The man was caught in a shame spiral so deep he couldn't see daylight. "Christ on a cracker," he said. "I don't know if I have the qualifications for this one. Can I interest you in a slap across the chops and a "snap out of it", sir?" He looked at Tuck, hoping the friar had some better words of wisdom, because he was finding a helpful response difficult.

Stutely both resented being abandoned, and believed he deserved it. How did he get around that?

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-23 09:12 am UTC (link)
Tuck glanced at Scarlet and gave him a tiny, affectionate smile. God, he loved that man.

"Stutely," Tuck began quietly, "you are not dead weight. I do know, right? What you're talking about? It's not your fault. And you're not dead weight, nor do you need your hand held. Or at least- We all hold each other's hands, right? Should- Should I call Clio? Get her to come give you a ride home? You should- Maybe don't go to the parsonage tonight? Aphrodite and Athena are there having dinner."

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-23 09:30 am UTC (link)
"Don't you dare call Clio." A bolt of panic lanced through him at the suggestion, and it made his words harsh and urgent. "She don't need this shit. Fuck, din' I tell you to leave off?!"

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-23 10:37 am UTC (link)
Scarlet pursed his lips thoughtfully and looked around. "Could tuck him into the spare room, since Lance is gone," he suggested. "Sleep it off." He didn't think sleeping off the alcohol would help with Stutley's real problem, though. He had no idea what to do about that.

"I dunno why you think you're not important to the team, Stutely, but you fuckin' are, okay? So, just... get over yourself. Okay?" Yeah, he was sure that helped. Yup.

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-23 10:41 am UTC (link)
"We can do that," Tuck nodded. "And we will if that's what you choose, Stutely. But - look at me - If Clio was attacked and you found out days later she hadn't told you because she didn't want to burden you, how would you feel? You're not a burden, man."

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-23 10:58 am UTC (link)
Will hunched lower over his drink, his expression mulish. "I'll tell 'er tomorrow." Not a fuckin' chance was he inflicting himself on Clio tonight. She'd think he'd been punching on again. Tracking blood and violence into her house, and what if Ella were to see?! No. No, fuck no to that.

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-23 11:14 am UTC (link)
Scarlet shrugged at Tuck. "You don't want to send him to Clio like this," he said. "Let him be." He filled a glass with water and set it next to Stutely's glass. "Drink this next, yeah? Now I'm just gonna put it out there, buuut, have you considered doing something productive with these feelings? I'm loving the drink yourself into the ground approach too, though. Big fan."

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-23 11:17 am UTC (link)
Tuck was fairly sure Clio wouldn't agree, but he wasn't going to fight with them. "I can give you the number of my therapist," Tuck suggested. "She's really nice. It's more productive than drinking."

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[info]sly_stutely
2021-01-23 11:45 am UTC (link)
"Nowt productive in talking," Will muttered. Talking only made a bloody mess of everything. He wouldn't be in this godawful conversation right now if people didn't insist on telling him to talk about shit. "An' I don't need a bloody shrink, Christ. I know my head might be fuckin' broke, but I'm not mad."

It was the kind of thing he'd never have said sober, certainly not to Tuck, and certainly not in the face of a genuinely caring suggestion. Sober, he'd had said thanks and he'd think about it, because of course Tuck was right and a man couldn't go around bottling everything up, and then he'd have lost the number because just watch him. With a stomach sloshing with whiskey, all he heard was, that's right, Stutely, you're a proper headcase.

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[info]friartuck
2021-01-23 11:52 am UTC (link)
Stutely wasn't mad, but he was? Tuck breathed in raggedly and he nodded, his jaw clenched tightly shut. He held up his hands then, sick to the back teeth of this. "Alright. You sleep it off, Stutely. I'll go take my madness somewhere else." Stutely's words were crushing, but he had already been screamed at by the man, and he refused to break down over it.

To Scarlet, he said, "you want to go back to yours, Sweetheart?"

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[info]rouge_rogue
2021-01-23 12:04 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah." Scarlet nodded to Tuck. "One sec."

He leaned on the bar, folding his arms and bending his head close to Stutely's. "We're all mad here," he said into his ear, and slapped him on the shoulder. "Whatever triggered this today, you're being a bit of a cock, and I know, it takes one to know one. Come talk to me when you're sober. I want to make a wager that I can draw a longbow again before you can. Drink water, yeah? Don't forget to turn the lights off before you go to sleep." He moved away to collect Tuck and call the Uber.

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