InsaneJournal

WHO: Patrick and George
WHAT: Just brotherly talking
WHEN: Friday evening
WHERE: George and Sebastian's house
WARNINGS: Unlikely



Patrick had left Nicholas and John together in the apartment with the explanation that he needed to get rid of some excess energy. It was absolutely true, of course. Patrick had more energy than he knew what to do with and the best of times and occasionally he had to get rid of it somehow or risk wiggling so much he made the apartment shake.

As he walked, Patrick thought about what John had said. John had told Patrick that he didn't need John any more. Patrick hadn't even realised he had come to the point where he could function on his own without John's intervention. He had missed where John had become just his partner and not his partner as well as his caretaker. It made him feel both pleased and a little confused.

As Patrick walked, he barely noticed that the sun had set and the air had grown even cooler. Eventually he looked up and when he took notice of the black sky, he also noticed he was near his brothers' home. With a smile, Patrick headed in the direction of George and Sebastian's and when he reached it, his skin long gone cold even under his coat, he knocked loudly with a smile stretched across his face.

George poked his head out the door curiously, surprised to see Patrick out there on the step. The Corgis and Lupa were at his heels, where they'd been pretty much since George started his regimine of moping.

"Get in here!" George said, pulling Patrick inside with a hug. "It's freezing. You're freezing. Is everything okay?"

"Yes!" Patrick said cheerfully as George hugged him. "Oh my goodness you're so warm!" Patrick snuggled against George's chest for a while because his brother provided warmth he hadn't even realised he needed. "I'll just stay here, about about that?!"

It was impossible not to smile when Patrick was snuggled against his chest and grinning like a loon. George snorted and scooped him up, carrying him across the living room and plopping him down onto the couch.

"Have you just been walking around outside? Here, cuddle with the dogs and I'll make you some tea."

"I had too much energy. I was going to make a Patrick-quake in the apartment if I didn't get out," Patrick admitted, reaching his hands down for the dogs to lick. "I didn't feel cold. Excess energy warmth. You know. Hey boys! Uncle Patrick's going to have tea! Yum yum tea! Yes! You can't have tea because you're dogs and that's strange!"

George laughed, setting the tea mugs in the microwave. He could hear the dogs' paws scrabbling against the floor as they hopped up onto the couch to mob Patrick. Once the microwave beeped, he carried the steaming tea over to Patrick.

"Bruce, no, Patrick's hair doesn't need licked. Here you go, Patty. So everything's okay?"

Patrick was giggling as the dogs mobbed him. Still he reached out for the tea and he grinned at George again. "My hair might need to be licked, you never know! And yes, everything's fine. I was just thinking. But not about bad things! John and I had an interesting conversation the other day."

George reached over and tugged Lupa into his lap. She was getting big enough to start taking up considerable space on the couch.

"Oh yeah? What was it about? Is he feeling better?"

"I am pretty sure he's still wary, but I see him smile and know everything's fine," Patrick said happily. "And Nicholas is being amazing. He'll be okay, he's strong. And...considering what we talked about maybe I am too! He said I didn't need him. I don't know when that happened."

George smiled, small and soft, and reached out to ruffle Patrick's hair.

"I don't think you ever needed anyone, Patty. I think you just needed a reminder that you didn't."

Patrick closed his eyes with glee when George ruffled his hair and then he gave George a dubious look. "A year ago I tried to sell my soul. Do you really think I didn't need anyone to bring me back from that?" If George said he didn't think so, Patrick would believe him.

"I think you'd have done the right thing," George said. He had faith in his brother, and he always would. "But I know you needed some help too."

Impulsively, he pulled his brother into a hug. Lupa took the opportunity to lick at Patrick's fingers.

Patrick didn't believe he would have, but maybe it didn't matter. Because maybe George's belief that he wouldn't was enough. Patrick hugged George back, wiggling his fingers for Lupa.

When he pulled away, Patrick tried uselessly to straighten his hair. "I did need help. And John helped me. I guess I don't know when that changed. I wish I could pinpoint the moment I became able to handle things on my own. When did you notice things? I mean, if you did."

"It's not really something you notice," George said with shrug, stroking Lupa's fur. "It's like stepping into water and just slowly adjusting to the temperature. One day you're walking around and you realize, holy crap, I can do this. I can live out in the world with the people again."

Patrick knew George was all too used to that, so he absolutely believed George's words. "That's what it was like. I didn't even believe John at first. I mean...I still feel like I need him there. But John told me that's just being in a relationship."

George laughed. "Yeah, being with someone means that they're so much a part of your life that you don't even know how you'd get them out. Like, I can't imagine what I'd be doing without Sebastian."

Patrick smiled sweetly at that. He loved George and Sebastian. "I guess I just never thought about it. Do you think that about me, Georgie? Do you think I'm a whole person again?" Patrick had accepted that he would always have issues with alcohol, but he was controlling them. He dealt with his memories more easily now. He just hadn't noticed.

"Of course I do," George said. "It's been so...God, I don't even know how to describe it. Reassuring, I guess, to watch you get your self-confidence back. Because you should never doubt that you're awesome and wonderful."

Even if he was more self-confident, Patrick still needed to hear things like that from John and his big brother. Patrick grinned and he leaned against George's shoulder. "I was working so hard I guess I didn't notice when it stopped being hard and started being...normal, I guess. It's nice not to hate myself. Goodness, George, I hated myself so much. And now I just...I don't feel that. I don't even remember how it felt to feel that."

George squeezed Patrick against him, leaning his head on his brother's. "Good. Hating yourself is a dead end. You can't ever fix anything or make anything better while you're busy hating yourself." God knew George had been in the same situation enough times to know that. "And you always deserved to have things get better."

Patrick liked cuddling up against George's side. "I remembered things too. I have been a lot lately. I remembered some of what Mary did to you." Patrick squeezed George right back. "I think you're so brave. How are you? Feeling any better?"

"I don't know," George said, sipping at his tea. "I don't feel quite as panicky at random moments? It's weird, I guess. The hardest part hasn't even been my memories of getting tortured all coming a lot clearer. That's something I've dealt with before. But all the emotions from back then are coming back too, and that's really hard."

Patrick didn't exactly like that it was something George had dealt with before, but if it made it easier for him, he was glad for that. "Do you want to talk about it?" Patrick asked quietly. He didn't need to just babble on about how he was all whole while ignoring George. "What kind of emotions?"

George shrugged, curling a little closer to Patrick. If there was anyone he could feel safe talking to, it was his brother.

"I feel betrayed," George murmured. "Which is stupid, because I knew what was going to happen when it came to Mary and Diocletian. I mean, I watched Sebastian die, it wasn't exactly a big surprise."

Patrick held George tightly as George spoke.

"It's not stupid. They betrayed you, whether you knew it was coming or not. You have every right to feel hurt about it. I wish...argh, I wish I could slap their faces, but it wouldn't help."

"Seeing you slap Mary would be kind of awesome," George said, a giggle escaping him before he could stop it. Slapping women wasn't supposed to be funny, even if they were semi-crazy murderous women. "Is it weird that some part of me wants to apologize to Diocletian? He kept his poker face on the whole time I was talking to him, except when he was talking about how I was a traitor. I think he's still upset, in his own way."

Patrick was sure that if he tried to slap Mary, he would only end up falling over or hurting his own hand.

"Nothing you feel is weird, George," Patrick said carefully. "I doubt he would extend you the same courtesy, but it doesn't mean feeling that way is weird. Does it bother you that you upset him? And how is Sebastian doing about all this?"

"I promised that I'd serve him," George said. "I promised I'd be loyal and faithful, and...I wasn't. And I know there are extenuating circumstances. Like, a million different ones. But he trusted me, and I think he actually liked me, and everything just went to Hell. With Mary, I vowed to keep England and the monarchy safe, and I did that. It just wasn't in a way she liked. With him, though-" George just shrugged and shook his head. "And is it completely stupid to be kind of angry at someone because they're handling a situation better than you?"

"It's all in God's plan," Patrick said, though he had been infuriated by that very sentiment many a time. "Whatever you promised, you stood by your faith. You made a hard decision. It makes sense that you would feel regret over it, but you very much made the right choice. They don't make just everyone a saint," Patrick grinned.

"I don't know if stupid is the right word for that, George. Maybe...using energy you could be using elsewhere in order to harbour angry feelings? Why are you upset about?"

George looked down, feeling a little ashamed. "Sebastian is being all Zen Master about everything. And he's always had a weird relationship with death, ever since I've known him. But I'm upset, and I just kind of wish he'd be upset along with me, because it makes me feel like I'm overreacting. And when I'm feeling really bitchy, I start wondering if he'd be this calm if he'd had to watch me die and then go on pretending everything was okay for another decade."

Patrick hadn't meant to shame George at all. He listened as George poured his heart out and when George finished speaking, Patrick leaned in and planted a kiss on his brother's forehead.

"I understand how that must make you feel," he said, sympathy in his voice. "But would you really wish for Sebastian to feel like you do? I know misery loves company, so if you need to get something out about this, you can always talk to me. You're not overreacting just because Sebastian isn't upset about this. Everyone feels things differently. Heck, sometimes the same person feels differently." Patrick even had proof of that.

"When I was feeling so traumatised by the memories of my time as a slave, I used to get so angry that Padraig was so...calm about them. I just kept thinking...six years. It was six years of heart-break and pain and how does he get off joking about it. How didn't he wake up every night soaking wet with sweat from nightmares of it happening all over again. I used to waste so much time being angry at him for not feeling that, that I forgot to try to help myself not feel that way. It's easier to focus on how someone else feels, I think. But it's unhelpful."

"No," George mumbled, wrapping himself around his brother. "No, I never want Sebastian to be upset about anything, not really. I just wish I didn't feel this way." He sniffled a little (Good God, he thought. Get a hold of yourself.), but smiled at Patrick. "When did you get so wise?"

Patrick snorted lightly as he kept protective hold of his brother. "Maybe it was always there," he said softly. "Covered up by other things. And confetti. I wish you didn't feel this way too, my Georgie. But I will do anything in my power to make you feel better. You can go on and on about it, if that's what you need. Keeping it in can't be good for you."

"Confetti is one of your most basic elements and is amazing," George said, grinning up at him. "I dunno what I'd do without you, you know that? I can't imagine life without Sebastian, but I can't imagine it with my brothers either."

"Nothing could tear me away," Patrick said, the corner of his lips lifting into a slow smile. "I was walking out there for hours just thinking, not paying attention to where I was going. My feet brought me here."