InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I've gone red eye!"

Isaiah Michael Delacroix (walkabrokenline) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2016-12-10 05:43:00

Entry tags:

adrian delacroix, isaiah delacroix

Who: Isaiah and Adrian Delacroix
What: Bro talks
When: Saturday night
Where: Their house
Warnings: Possibly discussion of their fucked up past

School was out for winter break after next week, and Isaiah was really looking forward to it. He really loved his coursework, but he knew he really needed a break. After all, the holidays were fast approaching, and they were finally all going to celebrate as a family. So he was pretty excited.

He pushed himself away from his desk and left his bedroom, wandering down the hall until he reached Adrian's room. "Aaaaaade," he called through the door, tapping out a staccato beat with his knuckles. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

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stormandshadow
2016-12-10 07:01 am UTC (link)

Adrian had been watching porn on his laptop, more as an educational means than anything else. He still snapped the laptop closed the second he heard someone outside his door, feeling embarrassed and horrified. When he heard Isaiah's voice, however, he relaxed slightly. Isaiah would understand, not that Adrian was about to tell him! But if he knew, he would understand. Adrian had been on two dates with Aoife now and they'd been okay. He'd managed not to puke, or to have a panic attack, and he'd even made conversation. If things were to continue moving forward, there might eventually be some kind of sexual relations.

Hence the educational porn. Which Adrian found rather disgusting, if anything.

Quickly, he jumped up from his bed and pulled the door open. "Heh. Hi. Hey there. Hi. What- What is it that you are doing?"

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	walkabrokenline 2016-12-10 07:08 am UTC (link)
	Isaiah smiled at him. "Not a lot. But I'm trying to go out and interact with humans, instead of hiding in my room all the time. And I'm hungry. Did you eat yet? We could raid the fridge for something." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

stormandshadow
2016-12-10 07:11 am UTC (link)

Adrian made a face at the thought of food, but when Isaiah mentioned he was hungry, there was no way Adrian wasn't going to go to the kitchen with him. Not after what they had seen Nicholas and Jesse go through. "Let's go find you something," he said, leaving his room and the incriminating laptop behind.

Adrian led the way to the kitchen, making a beeline for the fridge to search out some leftovers to make for his little brother. "You doing okay?"

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	walkabrokenline 2016-12-10 07:19 am UTC (link)
	"Ugh, yes, please feed me," Isaiah agreed, following him to the kitchen. He plunked himself down on one of the stools as Adrian rooted through the fridge. "And to answer your question, I'm doing OK. There's only one week of school left before break, so I just have to hang on until then. But I'll manage. What about you, how are things?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stormandshadow 2016-12-10 07:25 am UTC (link)
	Adrian found a container with a huge amount of jambalaya in it and grinned. Jackpot. Filling and delicious. He pulled it out of the fridge and headed to heat it up. "I'm alright," he murmured as he worked. "Hand another date with Aoife and didn't choke on my own vomit, so there's that." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	walkabrokenline 2016-12-10 07:32 am UTC (link)
	Isaiah felt his mouth start to water as he saw the jambalaya go into the microwave. His stomach growled in response. "I am quite pleased you didn't choke on your own vomit," he agreed. "So things are going good with her?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stormandshadow 2016-12-10 07:39 am UTC (link)
	Adrian heard Isaiah's stomach growl and he raised his eyebrows at his brother. "Yeah, 'sfine. How long have you been hermitting in your room anyway?" Even before Isaiah answered, Adrian went to grab some bread rolls as well. He was going to feed his brother up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	walkabrokenline 2016-12-10 07:47 am UTC (link)
	"Just since lunch," Isaish laughed. "Which, admittedly, was a while ago. Told you, I'm used to being on my own and hiding away from the world. Like Sherlock said, 'Alone is what I have. Alone protects me'." Worked for most of college, minus Matt, of course." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

stormandshadow
2016-12-10 07:58 am UTC (link)

Knowing it had only been since lunch made Adrian feel better, at least until Isaiah started talking about being alone.

The microwave dinged and Adrian pulled out the plate, plopping some bread into it before carrying it over to Isaiah. He said down across from his brother and sighed. "Yeah. Same. I was alone for years, in other countries. Sometimes I went without talking to another human for days. Others I threw myself into the work so hard I forgot to eat until I passed out. I told myself it was okay. I was okay. It was safer. But...fuck I was lonely." That, unfortunately, was something all four Delacroix brothers had in common; desperate loneliness.

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walkabrokenline
2016-12-10 08:25 am UTC (link)

Isaiah smiled sadly. If anyone knew what he was going through, it would be Adrian.

He tore off a chunk of bread, then quickly finished the rest of the roll. "I just...I couldn't let that happen to me again," he said softly, once he'd swallowed. "I made a couple friends that I felt like I could trust, but I didn't see them every day. I talked to Matt, but we were both busy, and he wasn't a hugger. So I was alone a lot."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stormandshadow 2016-12-10 08:55 am UTC (link)
	Adrian nodded, understanding perfectly. "We shouldn't have to be alone," he hissed. "We shouldn't! Don't- Have you ever thought of finding someone?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	walkabrokenline 2016-12-10 11:25 pm UTC (link)
	"We shouldn't, but we didn't exactly get trauma counseling once we left," Isaiah sighed. He thought about the question, scrunching up his face and shrugging. "Once or twice," he said. "But it never got past the 'getting coffee as friends stage'. Which I was pretty OK with." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

stormandshadow
2016-12-11 04:06 am UTC (link)

Adrian wrinkled his face up at his next question, but if he couldn't talk to Isaiah about this, who could he talk to? Who else would understand?

"I- Do you every just- What about uhm...sex? God, I- I hate talking about this, but no one else will get it. I feel like... I feel like something so important was stolen from me. From us. I am so...frustrated and there's no outlet. I wish I was asexual, but I'm not."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

walkabrokenline
2016-12-11 04:22 am UTC (link)

"Because it was," Isaiah agreed. "We didn't get to give consent, and so now we just don't become intimate with anyone. Because what if it happens again? My trust that strangers would behave like decent people was thoroughly shattered for those first few years afterward. And it's such slow going, putting it back together. So I haven't really gotten to that point of thinking about sex yet. I only left Louisiana about four years ago, and it's not something you just get past. I'm more OK with people now, and groups that include people I don't know. But if that's an idea you're entertaining, man, you know I'll always be here for you to talk to."

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stormandshadow
2016-12-11 04:29 am UTC (link)

Adrian stared at his hands as Isaiah made every bit of perfect sense. "I never planned to entertain the idea," he admitted. "I was just going to be alone forever. But it's- Fuck, it's hard. I just don't want to be so afraid. I want to be able to- I mean, how is it fair that I'm incredibly sexually frustrated, but also every time I think about sex, I feel sick? And- This is so- I spent at least half the dates with Aoife freaking out about sex. And we were just having coffee. Coffee. I fucking hate this," at that he just sort of bashed his head hard against the table and left it there.

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walkabrokenline
2016-12-11 04:49 am UTC (link)

"Because you equate what's normally a perfectly enjoyable activity with the worst time in your life," Isaiah said sadly. "I'm still mostly at the 'not with a ten foot pole' stage." He patted Adrian's back in what he hoped was a soothing fashion.

"This could actually be a good thing," he said, thinking a bit. "You're still mixed up, but it's not totally knee-jerk 'nope' anymore."

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	stormandshadow 2016-12-11 04:59 am UTC (link)
	"You think so?" he raised his face slightly. "Do you think you might ever want... I mean not necessarily sex, but someone?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	walkabrokenline 2016-12-11 05:01 am UTC (link)
	"I think it might be, yeah," he agreed. "Both of your reactions are totally normal, especially given what we went through. And I don't know. Maybe? If they didn't mind going at my glacial pace, I mean." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stormandshadow 2016-12-11 05:05 am UTC (link)
	"If they want to go any faster than whatever pace you want, I am going to punch them in the cock or vagina," he said, since he wasn't going to assume he knew Isaiah's sexuality. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	walkabrokenline 2016-12-11 05:12 am UTC (link)
	Isaiah chuckled. "And while I do appreciate that, let's hold off on the vagina-punching as a last resort, hmm?" he said, smiling down at his brother. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stormandshadow 2016-12-11 05:23 am UTC (link)
	"Hey, that's up to her," Adrian finally smiled and then he sighed. "Thanks. For listening to my ridiculous- Just thank you. I still have no idea what I'm going to do, but...we'll see. You feel better? Good jambalaya?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	walkabrokenline 2016-12-11 05:36 am UTC (link)
	"Any time, bro," Isaiah replied, his smile widening slightly. "And yeah, I'm doing pretty good. Full of food now, and my headache is gone. How are you, you doing OK?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	stormandshadow 2016-12-11 05:43 am UTC (link)
	"I'm okay," Adrian nodded. "Still worried about you hermitting in your room though. I'm going to start knocking every few hours. Or just..bring you snack after snack." (Reply to this) (Parent)